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Owner of Bob's Burgers
Conveniently located on Ocean Avenue. Open Monday through Fry-day. Also Saturday and Sunday.
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i am a loser in ways you can’t even wrap your head around
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MILF (man I love frank castle)
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ready for summer ☀️
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A Man with a Plan.7
prologue // p1 // p2 // p3 // p4 // p5 // p6 // p7
Remus Lupin x whimsical!reader - Hogwarts Era (no Voldemort) - Soulmate AU
CW: angst, discussion of Black and Crouch shitty parenting, accidental attempted drowning/belief of drowning -> please note: there are always happy endings here on ellecdc
Amelia Bones didn’t like to think of herself as a particularly stupid girl, but she couldn’t deny she probably looked pretty foolish right now.
She was just about as pathetic as any school-aged girl got over their first crush – which was to say was very pathetic. The worst part of all of it was that she really sort of did this to herself.
She couldn’t deny that Remus had always been very clear that he was interested in nothing more than casual sex; he never invited her to breakfast, he never asked her out on dates, he never even invited her to parties. But that never stopped her from wanting those things.
And for a while, she was able to pretend it was fine.
She was able to pretend that when he didn’t kick her out of bed right away and allowed her to stay the night, that it meant he actually wanted her there. She was able to pretend that when he approached her at a party, it was because she had always been his first choice. She was able to pretend that when he grabbed her and rushed into a broom closet, it was because he just couldn’t stop thinking about her and needed her just as desperately as she needed him.
But she was only fooling herself.
And to add insult to injury, it appeared that Remus wasn’t completely averse to feelings, relationships, or dating; he just didn’t want that with her.
“And have you noticed how sweet he’s been on that freak L/N?” Shirley sneered from Amelia’s left as they all watched Remus smile sweetly at you and pass you a cup of something at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall.
“You should start offering palm readings, Amelia. Maybe then he’ll find you odd enough to keep around.” Added Silas, earning snickers from the entire friend group.
“Ha ha.” Amelia deadpanned, tossing her half-eaten toast onto the plate in front of her.
The bitter taste followed her around all day after that. She swore she could hear the sounds of Remus and his friends snickering all day, and if she happened to hear your serene voice echoing in the hallways, she knew that chances were that Remus wasn’t too far behind.
Remus was everywhere; and wherever she was able to avoid him – you seemed to show up. As you walked into the library in which Amelia was currently holed up in, she swore she was a thestrals hair away from using her quill to put herself out of her misery.
Amelia was able to see her friends from her current table but had opted to sit on her own in order to focus on the difficult Care of Magical Creatures essay, knowing that sitting with Silas would result in a rowdy game of gobstones in no time – library or not.
“Oi! L/N! What kind of voodoo spell did you cast on Lupin, huh?” Shirley called to the girl, earning her a round of snickers from the friend group. Amelia cringed, noting that you were currently alone and very clearly minding your own business.
“Hello Shirley.” You offered, albeit much less jovially than your usual sunny disposition.
“She asked you a question, freak.” Silas barked aggressively.
“Oh, leave her be.” Coraline chided in faux sympathy. “We all know she doesn’t have the attention span for voodoo practices; she’d need a brain larger than a goldfish for that.”
You looked away from the group who were now all belly laughing at your expense when your eyes met Amelia’s; her gaze already trained on you.
“Hello Amelia.” You said softly with a gentle smile gracing your lips as you approached her table. Amelia regarded you cautiously, though she hated to admit that she found it extremely difficult to feel defensive in your presence.
“Hi Y/N.” Amelia sighed, looking back down to her textbook.
“Have you gotten far on the essay?” You asked kindly, peering over Amelia’s textbook. She really wanted to be vexed at your intrusion in her studies, at her table, in her life, but she found she really couldn’t muster the effort.
“No... I, uhm. I’m finding this quite difficult, honestly. I’ve still got a foot of parchment to go.” She admitted begrudgingly. You hummed in agreement.
“It likely doesn’t help that it requires an understanding of the mating habits of the frost snails, which we haven’t covered in class.”
Amelia’s head snapped up to consider you. “Really?”
You nodded.
“Helga...I thought I had lost the plot! I was certain I had missed something in class to feel this lost.” Amelia admitted looking back down at her parchment feeling slightly elated to know that she at least wasn’t a complete fool in this area of her life.
“You can find everything you need to know on page 246; the rest of your paper should come along nicely.” You offered, smiling kindly at her. Amelia was sort of annoyed at the pleasant feeling that you elicited from her, but again she couldn’t muster up the energy to be particularly vexed.
“Thank you, Y/N. I would have been quite lost without your help.” She relented.
Your smile grew at that as you stood taller, preparing to walk away. “Oh, I’m sure you would have managed just fine Amelia. You’re quite the witch, you know.”
And with that, you floated away.
Amelia supposed that if there was anyone in this school who would be able to convince Remus Lupin to break all of his rules, you’d be a shoo-in.
Amelia decided then that it was actually quite an honour to have ‘lost’ to a witch like you.
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Remus felt silly wandering the grounds in search of you. If he was a man of more restraint, he would try harder to control himself; but he decided there was no use in denying Moony, or himself, of you.
Thankfully for your part, you didn’t seem to mind all that much.
Remus’ life had been flipped upside down twice recently: once when he found out about his soulmate bond, and again when he came clean to you about his lycanthropy. He found he felt... freer, safer, grounded if that made any sense at all.
And though his regular anxiety surrounding the full moons seemed to lessen, his anxiety surrounding you seemed to grow each day the closer he got to the full. It was almost as if Moony was convinced he could feel every beat of your heart – it sped up momentarily, something upset you, you’re catching your breath, you’ve fallen asleep – and though Remus felt incredibly disturbed and admittedly creepy to be capable of assessing all of these things from Merlin knows how far away, it brought Moony immense comfort to be able to sense you safe.
He tried not to overwhelm you with his constant presence as Moony (and begrudgingly, himself) would much prefer, but with the full moon approaching, Remus decided it was better for everyone not to fight the urge to be close.
Remus had (quite embarrassingly) searched the entire castle for you to no avail and had even resorted to asking Regulus (who was accompanied by Barty) if he knew where you were.
Barty had scoffed at him. “Figures you wouldn’t be privy to her schedule yet, Lupin.” He sneered, emphasising his last name as if it were a dirty word.
Regulus rolled his eyes at his friend and let out a sigh. “She goes down to the Black Lake every afternoon to bring a gift to the mermaids, Lupin. Now if you don’t mind, I find Barty to be far more pleasant company when he’s not whining about people dressed in red and gold.”
Well, Remus didn’t have to be told twice. Moony was very excited to leave his present company to find ‘MINE!’.
Remus was admittedly not a huge fan of the moniker Moony had chosen for you, but he was very tired of arguing with The Wolf.
As Regulus had promised, Remus finally found you crouched down at the edge of the dock on the Black Lake, tracing shapes into the water’s surface with your hands.
Perfect. Good. Mine. Mine. Mine.
Remus couldn’t exactly disagree with the sentiment.
You were alerted to Remus’ presence by the wooden planks shifting below his feet.
“Hello Remus!” You cheered in that gentle and serene way of yours; Remus couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face.
“Hello Y/N, what are you up to?” He asked as he stood above you. You began to squint up at him and Remus quickly shifted over in order to shield your eyes from the sun.
“I’ve been trying to befriend the mermaids.” You explained, returning your gaze down to the water. “Each day I try to bring them trinkets.”
Remus hummed in acknowledgement and crouched down beside you ignoring the burning sensation in his knees. “What kind of trinkets?”
You hummed in thought before you answered. “I think anything shiny works well. Sometimes if I’ve lost the pair to an earring, I’ll bring it to them. Or crystals and gems are nice too.”
“And what do you get for your efforts?”
You turned to consider Remus bemusedly; your brows were furrowed but you were still smiling, nonetheless. “Do you only ever do things for the sake of a potential outcome, Remus?”
Remus figured he ought to feel properly chastised, but he was just too happy to be talking to you in order to do much about it. “I guess so.”
You hummed and assessed his face before turning back to the water. “Do you often feel disappointed?”
“I feel like we’ve already determined that my planning skills are not conducive to success, no?”
You smiled to yourself at that as you continued playing with the water. “It’s true that I’ve set out with a goal to befriend the mermaids. But whether or not they return that friendship, I will have succeeded.”
“Wouldn’t you think that you’d have better luck from in the water?” He queried, causing your lips to purse as you let out a disappointed sound.
“Perhaps; if I knew how to swim, I’d certainly try.”
Moony reared his big old head again at that, and Remus quickly stood and gently helped you stand and pulled you closer to the middle of the dock, away from the edge you’d been inhabiting.
You giggled at him; the first real spontaneous emotion he thinks he had ever heard from you, and it caused Remus’ heart rate to speed up double time.
“You needn’t worry, Remus.” You expressed solemnly. “I’m very careful.”
And for that, he and Moony were glad.
“Where are you headed now?” He asked instead, hoping to begin steering you away from the Lakes edge and towards solid ground.
He could tell by the subtle lift at the corners of your lips that you had caught onto him, but were gracious enough not to call him on it.
“I believe I’m to meet Bartemus and Regulus in the Slytherin dungeons for a bit.” You admitted, causing Remus to wrinkle his nose and Moony to growl in protest.
So many of the words you had used in that sentence were displeasing to Remus, but you were willingly stepping off the dock and walking towards the castle with him, so he didn’t feel he had any right to complain. 
“What are you headed to now?” You asked in turn, catching Remus off guard.
What was he going to do now? The only thing he’d planned on doing was finding you, and he’d done that.
“You know; I’m not sure.” He admitted.
You chuckled at him and began telling him about Barty and Regulus’ plans for the afternoon; and although he was displeased at the content, he was very pleased listening to the sound of your voice.
He hadn’t realised he’d been subconsciously leaning into you or brushing your hand with his until you confidently yet gently took his hand in yours and continued to lament about Barty’s poor study habits without missing a beat.
Remus found himself feeling very lucky to have you as his soulmate.
Remus’ feeling of luck ran out quickly when he found himself stepping down the last stair into the Slytherin dungeon to figuratively hand you off to your friends. 
You must have noticed Remus’ hesitation to let you go when you gave his hand a gentle squeeze and smiled kindly at him. “Perhaps we can meet in the library after supper? I have a Care of Magical Creatures essay to edit.”
And Remus was certain that was a lie; he was quite sure you were long done that essay, but he wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth.
“That’d be very nice.” He agreed.
“Alright, alright, Lupin. Move along, would you?” Barty grumbled as he made his way over; Regulus rolled his eyes at his friend and actually offered Remus a somewhat apologetic expression.
“Barty.” You chided lightly with a smile. “Be nice, yeah?”
Barty grumbled petulantly, muttering “that was me being nice.” But he acquiesced to your request in the form of keeping his mouth shut until Remus had ascended the stairs.
True to your word, you approached the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall when you were finished eating with a kind smile on your face.
Unfortunately for poor Moony (Remus), your presence led to questions from James, who, upon hearing you were working on edits for the essay in Care of Magical Creatures, insisted he join (seeing as he hadn’t even started it yet). Of course, not one to ever be left out, Sirius was quick to offer to join.
And since Remus, James, and Sirius were all going to be in the library, Peter figured he may as well tag along. 
Though Remus was feeling rather petulant about the final attendance of your study date, Moony was feeling very chuffed about his whole pack being together.
He forced Moony to lie down and be quiet as he listened to you try to help James with his essay (read: pretty much write it for him). 
Remus was surprised how well you seemed to settle into his group of friends, and in turn, how his friends seemed to settle around you. 
James seemed to be able to sit still for a longer period of time if it was you he was conversing with, Sirius seemed less inclined to argue with everyone about everything, and Peter seemed far more comfortable in asking you follow up questions than he was with anyone else the group had spoken with before.
Unfortunately, things didn’t seem to want to go smoothly for Remus today. 
The sound of your name being called over and over and over again in a hushed tone interrupted your sentence on why the mating cycle of frost snails was dependent on the growth pattern of shrivelfig fruit as Barty came rushing over.
“I’m sorry,” he started breathlessly, surprising the absolute fuck out of Remus. “I forgot to tell you earlier; I got a letter.”
Remus watched as your face turned grave; your expression far more severe than he’d ever seen it before.
“Did you burn it?” You asked darkly.
“Not yet.” Barty admitted.
“Bartemus.” You chided quietly, looking like your heart was breaking a little bit.
“Merlin; do you really need Y/N to check your mail for you, Junior? Couldn’t this wait until later?” Sirius grumbled, never looking up from his own Runes translations he was currently working on.
Remus was surprised he didn’t hear your neck snap with the speed at which you turned your attention away from Barty and back to the table where you glared severely at Sirius.
“Sorry Treasure.” Barty commented quietly, patting your shoulder. “I’ll catch up with you later.” Before he left the library.
Remus felt his heart drop…no…he felt your heart drop as you turned to watch Barty disappear behind the stacks in the library. 
“Sirius Black.” You began quietly, causing all the boys to cringe at the use of his full name. “Tell me; how do you usually feel after receiving a letter from your father?”
You had once again returned your attention back to the black-haired boy, but any of the softness and serenity that the boys were used to seeing when it came to you was nowhere to be found. 
Sirius didn’t seem to have an answer for you as his eyes darted nervously between his friends. 
“Is your father kind? Loving? Understanding? Does he tell you he’s proud of you? That he’s glad to have you as his son? That it’s an honour to share his name with you?”
“No.” Sirius finally said quietly. 
“And who helps you with that?” You asked. “When you had nowhere to go, and no one to turn to; who helped you with that?”
Remus heard Sirius swallow around what was likely a growing lump in his throat. “James.”
“Then call me James, Sirius.” You said emphatically, standing and beginning to pack your things.
“Wait, dove. Where are you going?” Remus started reaching out a tentative hand to rest on your wrist.
You slowed your movements but didn’t stop. “I have a Sirius to comfort, and a fire ritual to perform.” You explained simply. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
And with that, you turned and disappeared into the rows of books.
“Way to go, Pads.” James grumbled as he began organising his half-written parchment. “You managed to upset a perpetually happy person, and now I’ll never finish this essay.” 
“Well how am I supposed to know everything about that crazy bastard?” Sirius finally blurted out defensively. 
“Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage, brother?” The voice of Regulus Black drawled as he stepped out from behind the stacks. 
“Make it a habit of spying, brother?” Sirius sneered back. “Tell me; was it my conversations you were concerned with, or Juniors?”
Remus watched as Regulus’ jaw tightened minutely as he seemed to consider his next words.
“I’m not telling you this for your own sake, nor for Barty’s. But, if Y/N is important to any of you, there are some things you ought to know.” He started.
Yes. Important. Mine. Important. Moony chanted, sitting at attention.
“You know the fire that was caused by a magical experiment that went wrong a few years ago in Ottery St. Catchpole? That was Y/N’s house. Both her parents died in that fire.”
James’ head reared back as Sirius sucked in an uncomfortable breath. 
“She lives there with an elderly house elf as her only family. The house elf and Barty.”
“Junior lives with Y/N?” Remus asked quickly; too quickly. He was immediately embarrassed.
“Junior lives with Y/N.” Regulus parrotted. “You know, Sirius, the Black’s aren’t the only family who practice Unforgiveables on their children.”
Regulus seemed to allow that to sit in the air for a moment before he continued.
“And you aren’t the only one who needed a friend to run to.”
“I’m sorry, alright?” Sirius admitted, though he couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact with his brother.
“I don’t think you are, Sirius. I think you’re feeling properly chastised, and have no qualms painting Barty as the villain in every story all because of the school colours he happens to wear. You were so upset when our family accused you of being sorted into the wrong house, but you are the one who continues to view houses as wrong.”
Sirius looked up at his brother at that. “I am sorry, Reg. I didn’t know.” He admitted earnestly. 
“I’d thought that maybe…maybe out of everyone, you’d understand him the best… he reminds me a lot of you, you know. Stop - don’t look at me like that.”
“Reggie, I am trying, but you’re pushing your luck here.” Sirius groaned.
“I just wanted to let you know.” Regulus continued, though he seemed to be saying that to Remus. “Y/N is wonderful. And accepting, and understanding, and wholesome, and open minded. But she will protect her own. If Evans has to learn to put up with the lot of you for the sake of Potter, you’re going to have to figure out how to put up with me and Barty, because I can assure you that Barty isn’t going anywhere.”
Hearing Regulus’ message for what it truly was, Remus made a mental note:
Do not come between you and Barty.
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You found the weather to be quite refreshing today as you made your way to the edge of the Black Lake. 
You felt poorly for Bartemus; you didn’t understand what the point of Crouch Senior continuing to write to his estranged son was, or what  he sought to accomplish.
Perhaps it was just to upset Barty, which upset you even more.
But, you’d performed the “fire sacrifice” as Barty often called it, and burned some white sage to cleanse the energy after disposing of the horrid letter.
And today was a new day. 
There were hardly any clouds in the sky, the grounds were quiet as most students were still in class whilst you had a free period, and Barty had offered you a family heirloom to offer the mermaids today.
You had no sooner lost sight of the Crouch signet ring as it sank to the depths of the Black Lake when the sun in the sky was blocked from behind you. 
You turned to see the figures of Silas, Shirley, and Coraline from Hufflepuff standing over you.
“I know you said she had a brian the size of a goldfish, Coraline, but it seems she rather wants to be a goldfish.” Shirley commented with a malicious smile.
“Returning home to the Grindylow’s, L/N?” Silas jeered. 
Your mother always told you to ignore the mean words; to smile and stay kind when people got mean. 
“What?” Coraline cooed in faux sympathy. “Kneazle got your tongue?”
“You better start talking, witch, because the way I see it; you’ve hurt one of ours.” Silas barked.
“Hurt?” You asked as you stood up, trying to sift through memories of your recent interactions with Hufflepuffs only to come up empty.
“Don’t play dumb; you totally stole Lupin right out from under Amelia.” Coraline explained.
Your heart fell; you certainly hadn’t meant to do that, you hadn’t even realised they were together. You never meant to hurt Amelia, and you were sure Remus must just hate you for this if it was true. 
“Amelia is twice the witch you are; Lupin deserves better than some ditzy airhead.” Shirley spat at you.
Amelia certainly was a nice witch; she was competent, powerful, and quite pretty. She was normal too, not like you; you were odd, a freak. 
“Why do you think he was spending all that time with Amelia when you two first started talking? He didn’t want you, L/N.” Coraline stressed.
He didn’t want you.
That was perhaps true. He didn’t choose this soulmate bond; and he didn’t choose you.
He had seemed more than disturbed in the beginning.
Perhaps he was only being nice to you now because he was simply no longer resisting the bond.
No one should have to live like that; to live their life out of force and obligation. Not Sirius, not Regulus, not Barty, and certainly not Remus.
“I don’t think you heard me.” Silas said as he took a menacing step towards you, and he punctuated every word with a sharp jab of his finger into your shoulder. “Stay. Away. From Lupin.”
And then he used his whole body to shove you backwards, and you were plummeting into the cold dark water of the Black Lake.
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taglist: @hanniejji, @y0urm0m12, @c0nsc10usworld, @aphrcdites, @starsval, @thepunisherfrankcastle, @anuncalledbridge, @unstablereader, @klazina-couch-potato, @cancelledkaley, @ttulipwritezz, @boo8008, @imobsessedwitholiviarodrigo, @frostooo, @myriadmoons, @aremuslupinsimp, @simars3, @stargurl99, @dreamingofts18, @iwannabeinthesequalmrghostface, @agent-tempest, @xxrougefangxx, @serenadingtigers, @adhxmoony, @hufflepufffangirlqueen, @thebiggestnaturaldisaster, @urmomw4ntsme, @b4tm4nn, @jamieolivia27, @stqrgirlies-blog, @loving-and-dreaming
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Jon Bernthal | Rolling Stone Sopranos Special - Sept. 2021
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“i can’t do this anymore” says a girl who is not only going to do it but do it well
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i can fix him (no really i can)
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(images aren’t mine, credits to owners)
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Bob’s Burgers, Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl (S05E01)
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bernthal being cute as heck
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Charlie Cox as Daredevil
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not me getting to spend part of my 30th birthday with ben barnes and the cast of shadow and bone 😭😭😭
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Jon Bernthal playing basketball in Venice.
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