there-are-two-sides-to-a-door

[there-are-two-sides-to-a-door]

First Ride Back

You can’t ride an animal like a bull without finding your center and to find your center, you must go through your own. You must go to where both centers are one.  The moment they become two, you’re in orbit.

“Hey JP, how you doing, bud?” JP’s coach, Ricky, asks.

JP’s eyes are glossed over and staring right through Ricky…  

It’s been two years since JP’s horrific accident took place and the first time he’s been back on a competition bull.  For 8 years, JP was the arguably the best bull rider in the history of the sport.  He was on his way to break every record imaginable until the unthinkable happened.  A horrific ride during the World Championships in Austin, Texas broke 2 bones in his spine and dislocated his hip.  JP was hospitalized for 6 months and was told by the doctors that it would be a miracle if he could walk again properly let alone ride a bull.  His body was split in two.  

But that’s all public knew during this time.  He went MIA… off the grid… but then 3 weeks ago, he randomly reappeared on the contestants list for the Summer Invitational here in Dallas.  

And that bring us to the present, bearing witness to JP Johnny in the flesh about to get back on the beast that almost ended his life.  For the past 5 minutes, the sellout crowd has been roaring deafening cheers, providing as warm a welcome as a war hero coming back home.

JP hears none of it though.  Just like he’s always done, he’s blocked it out completely.  

And then suddenly, an unfamiliar emotion overwhelms him. Nervousness.  His hands become clammy, his mouth dries up, and the clothes that used to make him feel invincible now bear the weight of the entire world’s expectations within them.

“JP! Hey man, you ready to go?!” Ricky asks demandingly.

[Snapping out of his gaze] “Ricky, I don’t know if I can do this…” JP says nervously.

“JP, I promise you.  Once you get on that bull, you’ll feel 100% right at home again.  Don’t think about anything but having fun out there.” Ricky says reassuringly but nervous as well.

And just like that, without JP replying, Ricky lowers him onto the bull.  And Ricky was right, JP did feel right back at home.  He quickly wiped the anxiousness off his right hand and wrapped the rope around it.  He then centered himself on the bull’s back and spat a big ball of flehm in the right corner of the pen.

Now, waiting for the doors to open to the arena, JP quietly whispers to himself. “You got this man, easy as pie.”

For the next 5 seconds, JP blacks out and [WHAM] all of a sudden he’s on the bull fighting for his life.  The bulls center moves left, so JP’s moves right, it bucks backwards, and he does the same.  He’s one with the bull, matching it’s every move…

Then a violent buck forwards sends him two body lengths into the air and straight into the cold metal fence.

[GASPS] The crowd gasps…

A rush of disappointment suddenly envelopes JP.  He hangs his head in shame…  But slowly he hears the roars of the crowd creep in from the background.  Startled, he looks up at the scoreboard:

45.5.  A new tournament record.

A small smirk finds its way onto JP’s face as he proclaims to himself, “I’m back, baby”.

Source: https://random-fandom-whump.tumblr.com/post/157219675433/the-longest-ride-2015-for-the-lovely-anon-who

[there-are-two-sides-to-a-door]

@boyswhocancook

Once upon a time, there was a man named David.  David lived his life extremely calculated, making sure not to make any decision without a pros and cons table and always thinking too much into every emotion he felt.

The last time he wanted to buy a phone, he took a 5 page questionnaire and a amperage meter to the Apple store.  The questionnaire was for the employees to fill out so that he could determine the best iPhone (or Android…) for his needs and the amperage meter was to test the actual battery life of one of the phones because he didn’t trust big corporations.

But there was a catch, one small anomaly in his life that contradicted all of his central morals…

David had one of the worst diets imaginable.  He simply just never put any thought into the nutritional value of the food he ate.  His meals usually consisted of something with ketchup on it, or a combination of snack foods and processed meats.  During his post-graduate studies at Harvard, he ate only chicken fingers for 4 months and got scurvy.  Yes, you heard that right, SCURVY.

Ultimately, this would be the crutch of David’s life as at the age of 38, he would pass away of a rare heart condition called Blood Labrum Thymosin, a.k.a. BLT.

That brings us to the present where David is currently waiting for the doors to open to heaven… or hell…

Due to technical difficulties with the gate (it broke), David has been waiting for a couple weeks.  Due to his belief he can’t die a second time, he’s spent these 2 weeks testing the limits of his ethereal body.  His craziest inventions, chicken sashimi and the forbidden tea… silica bags.  But today is the day his afterlife destiny is to be unveiled…

“Okay, door should be fixed.  Sorry for the delay, man”  the mechanic says.  

[Creaking of the 10 story high door starts]

David starts to get the grease sweats.  It’s the first time in his life he’s been genuinely nervous, what if they send him to hell and force him to eat broccoli and low-sodium Kraft Dinner for the rest of his life.

A beam light fills the opening to the other side, growing larger and larger until it becomes so blinding that it forces David to turn away.

The mechanism lowers his hand to David and hands him a pair of sunglasses.

“Congratulations, David.  You’ve made it to heaven.” The mechanic says, who is now magically dressed up in a McDonalds uniform.

David puts on the sunglasses, and beyond the doors is a depiction of a reoccurring dream he used to have when he was young.  For as far as he can see, fast food restaurants line the street.  You see, for all of David’s life, he had wanted to take an around the world trip to try all the different varieties of McDonalds but was sadly never able to do it due to his unrelenting work ethic.  But now, all a store away from each other: McDonalds USA, McDonalds China, McDonalds Australia, McDonalds Taiwan, McDonalds EVERYTHING.

Congratulations, David. You truly have made it.

- Inspired by the Instagram account: @boyswhocancook

[there-are-two-sides-to-a-door]

Black Friday at Best Buy

It’s freezing! Man, it must be the coldest day of the year so far.  I’ve been outside for…

I look down at wrist and pull down my mitten to expose my ghost white skin with the time and date reading on top of it: 5:55am November 24th, 2006.

I’ve been outside for 2 hours and I can feel myself reaching my breaking point.  I tell myself it’s okay though, only 5 more minutes until the golden gates of Best Buy open to me [heaven music plays]… and the other 300 people waiting in front and behind me.

In these last 5 minutes, I think to myself about how hard this year has been so far.  Just had my 4th child, wasn’t planning on it but here he is! My twin 6 year old’s started grade 1, we moved houses, and I lost a bunch of hair.  I need a break!

Just a couple weeks ago, the Nintendo Wii launched and has been acclaimed by the entire world, including my 3 older children, as “the greatest thing to grace the Earth”.  That’s all I’ve heard from them since it came out… “I WANT IT, MOM!”… “I’LL STOP BUGGING YOU IF YOU GET IT FOR ME!”… and I’m finally giving in.  I swear I’m not a bad parent, I just need something to occupy their time so I can get MY time back.  It’s been sold out since the release but just to my luck, Best Buy is releasing a limited amount of quantities today for Black Friday. So that’s why I’m here… In the freezing cold… Waiting for the doors to open…

5:56…5:57…5:58…5:59…6:00…

The line starts to move.  My heart is RACING. It must be going at least at 175 BPM.  I feel like I can literally hear it, the sound of hundreds of anxious units of energy rushing towards my heart.  It’s getting loud, like really loud.  Wait why is it getting so loud?

From the background someone yells, “It’s a free for all!”

I turn my head and see a herd of people running towards me.  The sound wasn’t my heart, it was the sound of hundreds of rabid people that have just as much on the line as me.  It’s fight or flight and I say to myself:

“Screw it, I’m getting that Nintendo Wii!”

I make a break towards the door, soon enough getting through it with the herd not far behind.  There are Best Buy employees yelling threats of not letting anyone pay or taking products off the floor but they’re all getting drowned out by the crowds.

I’m running through the trenches.  I see a women on the ground crying with a broken cell phone in her hands, a husband and wife two-manning a 65 inch TV, and feathers flying through the air from a ripped jacket.  

Sharp left 70 degrees…20 meters straight…

Finally, I make it to the video game section and spot the Nintendo Wii’s.  There’s only two left… I run towards it and see at least 5 others going to them.  My body goes into autopilot and soon enough I’m sliding on my ass towards the Wii.  I used to play college softball and I guess my body thought it would be a good time to slide into 2nd.  I’m now on the ground next to the Wii’s and frantically picking one up with a tight two handed grip.

It’s mine now.

I stand up like I hadn’t just acted like a complete maniac and walk proudly to the cashier.  I wait in line, pay, and walk back into civilization with the store doors waiting open for me.

Sources: https://tenor.com/view/black-friday-best-buy-christmas-shopping-holiday-shopping-packed-stores-gif-10285634 https://giphy.com/gifs/southparkgifs-26uffvEusmCVR66Tm https://giphy.com/gifs/abcnetwork-mom-proud-kG8t33Aeel9iyHdMpp