therealmillardfillmore

[therealmillardfillmore]

Fight me like a real man John

john tyler

⭐️⭐️⭐️ "approved by most doctors" -george frisbee hoar

⭐️ "fell off" -gregory berrycone

⭐️⭐️ "mid" -john tyler

i know that this blog may not seem like much, but in reality i'm the only blog on tumblr literally run by a former president of the united states and that automatically makes my blog more importance than others which is why i have many followers. please join me. i love you

[therealmillardfillmore]

Okay I beat the game yayyyy. RIP to my mom who I killed by mistake however I would kill that robot any day

I’m the only person on tumblr in 2025 who is just now playing undertale

[therealmillardfillmore]

I’m the only person on tumblr in 2025 who is just now playing undertale

[therealmillardfillmore]

“Now” as if I haven’t always been in your walls

They are quite literally now in your walls

[therealmillardfillmore]

All his homies know me

[therealmillardfillmore]

Bro I fucking love the DB Cooper case nothing about this whole situation sounds real. None of the passengers on the plane realized they were being hijacked until the plane landed two hours after it was supposed to and the fbi showed up with suitcases full of money. The note about the bomb almost went unnoticed because the flight attendant thought she was being sexually harassed so she didn't read it. One of the main suspects was the first trans woman in Washington to have a sex change operation. A reporter who was so dead set on his suspect that he brought him to court was so upset about being wrong that he went catatonic and was treated with electroshock therapy and it WORKED. There's been multiple "I'm DB Cooper" death confessions. He never even SAID his name was DB Cooper. Either he got away with a million bucks in today's money and the most iconic and harmless crime American history or he impaled himself on a pine tree while falling a zillion miles an hour in the dark while clutching duffel bags full of cash and either option is equally hilarious. He wore a clip on tie. He committed an act of sky piracy. What in the fucking looney toons

[therealmillardfillmore]

those coconut crabs shot amelia earhart’s plane down because they were misogynists.

[therealmillardfillmore]

Seen a lot of people talking about how Grover Cleveland is irrelevant now because of Recent Events but do you know who will never be irrelevant?

[therealmillardfillmore]

yo it’s literally november 3rd. what’s next the 4th? and then. no it can’t be.

[therealmillardfillmore]

My favourite kinds of museums:

"SCIENCE/HISTORY/ART IS AWESOME, KIDS!"

"Ummm.... so we spent the last two centuries stealing a bunch of shit. Here are some of the least offensive artifacts."

"We now have a bigger museum of whatever than our neighbouring city/municipality/country! Haha!"

"This is where this famous weirdo lived."

"Soooo.... there was this unfamous weirdo who was REALLY into collecting/building weird shit, so I guess we have a museum now."

"When we tore down the old to give way to the new we missed a spot, so I guess we have a museum now."

"Second biggest ball of twine of the municipality"

"Boy did grandpa's work lack OSHA regulations."

"THESE TRAINS HAVE RUN FOR A HUNDRED YEARS AND WILL RUN FOR A HUNDRED MORE!"

[therealmillardfillmore]

You: This sour patch kid would kill a victorian child!

The victorian child, who has been in the Peaky Blinders since the age of six and has already drunk more gin today than you have in a month:

[therealmillardfillmore]

“You should be at the club.” No, I should be at the scholastic book fair.

[therealmillardfillmore]

“I want to live in precedented times!”

As a professional History Nerd I regret to inform you that there is precedent for. So Much Insane Shit

A guy got beaten almost to death with a cane on the US senate floor in 1856 I shit you not

EDIT: he was an abolitionist it was not a good thing

[therealmillardfillmore]

I love libraries.

I'm browsing the WWI shelves (as you do) and notice a very old book about the war. I glance at the first pages that talk about how one day the war will be over and we'll look at this place and not see any signs of the battlefield.

Then it hits me. And I check the publishing date.

This book was printed before the war's end. Not written. Printed. The physical object was created in 1918, while the war in question was raging and the end was as yet uncertain.

Now I'm standing on the other side of the apocalypse, with this physical link to that era in my hands. I'm living proof that the war did end and life did go on and we can all look at the end of the world as a long-ago memory.

Reading old books is cool enough, connecting our minds and hearts through the ideas of people who lived long ago, but there's something extra profound about holding a copy of the book that comes from the time that it was written. It's a physical link between the past and the present connecting me to those long-ago people. A piece of the past come into the future that gives me the chance to almost take the hand of some long-ago reader, to hold something they could have held, connecting not just mentally but physically to their era, a moment of connection across more than a century.

Excuse me while I go weep.

[therealmillardfillmore]

“Best president” my ass you’re not even the best Vice President to assume the office after the president died. We all know who that is….

"I'm 10th President of the United States John Tyler and every day I brag about the fact that I was handed the presidency over after a single month of being VP. By the way: Roscoe Conkling is my babygirl, did you know that I squeal every time I see him mentioned in a book? It's true!"

-- my horrible impersonation of you <3 /p

yes i am john tyler yes i became president (best one ever) because the other president very kindly got himself out of my way so i could do my thang. that last part is solely the person in the walls, and if she does not cease her terrible ways she will be ground into a fine powder. me personally i love my third wife only

[therealmillardfillmore]

Happy Presidents’ Day to those who celebrate. On this day, it’s important to remember those who truly fought to hold their nation together, like me, who signed the Compromise of 1850, and uh. Uhmmmmm uhhhhh. Did other positive things for the nation. Uhmmmmmm uhhhh

[therealmillardfillmore]

Does watching the New Hampshire primary count as studying for my civics exam tomorrow???