therealrekel

[therealrekel]

In most Nigerian families, the first thing everyone always points out after a long while is how much you've gained or lost weight, which is quite hilarious, and I honestly don't understand why our culture is so obsessed with weight and other physical traits.

To begin with, I don't get why people think it's okay to comment on other people's bodies or why they believe it's any of their business if someone gains or loses weight or if someone has acne or not. I genuinely don't understand how it affects their lives in any way.

Full lips or small lips

Short/ Tall.

Fat/slim.

Acne or no acne

It's actually none of your business.

There was a time when small lips were a thing, and people would literally insult someone with bigger lips. Someone once told me she used to get bullied a lot in school because of the size of her lips.

Now people are getting surgeries to get fuller lips; small lips are no longer the trend, but fuller lips are. There was even a time when people insulted fat people often and skinny girls with a thin waist were the deal. Now people are going back to getting thicker bodies because being thick is the new trend.

Do you sometimes sit down and wonder how trends change or who starts it in the first place? Is there somebody who dictates how our bodies should be? Or is there a secret organization controlling everything behind the scenes?

This is what I think: nobody dictates trends, but trends change due to somebody's confidence in themselves; a celebrity flaunting her new surgery lips becomes what other people want to emulate; a celebrity flaunting her large thighs becomes what somebody emulates. Somebody rocking the '80s trousers despite the fact that we are in a different era becomes what fashion trends start working on.

It all starts with an influential person's confidence in themselves, which sets the pace for others to follow. So why can't you have confidence in yourself, why are you basing your confidence off someone else's confidence?

Does it make sense?

I can only tell you not to worry about it because people will still talk about it whether you like it or not. People aren't "people" if they don't talk, and standards of beauty change often. No matter how your body looks, people who want to say something will say something. No matter what you do, you can't please everyone, and I think it's important that we stop basing our self-image and self-worth on what other people think of us.

People walk around with hidden insecurities, even the most confident people, so not everything should be a joke. Learn to draw the line between humor and seriousness and If you know you can't think of something nice to say, just don't say anything. It's not that hard.

Leave people to themselves.

And yes, just because you see a person gyming doesn't mean they don't have confidence in their body. If someone who's fat decides to lose weight, that's their decision; if someone who's thin decides to gain weight, that's their decision.

If you feel you need to work on your body or yourself, let that be solely based on your decision, and do whatever makes you happy.

And lastly,

Everybody has a spec, you know what you want or what you're looking for in a person, if you want somebody that is tall, don't date someone that is short and be telling him "how i wish you were tall" or if you want someone that is thick, don't date a slim person and be telling her to use weight gain because you prefer thick girls.

You were not blind when you chose to date them neither were you forced.

[therealrekel]

You can keep on scrolling, but if you're between the ages of 18-30, you should see this!

(Warning: do not swipe if you're below 18)

For somebody like me that likes having control of her emotions, I've been having lots of mood swings lately so before we proceed, I'd like to ask my fellow adults, how has it been for you?🥺and on behalf of us that are just joining the adulthood, I'd like to salute you.

Disclaimer:

You don't become an adult the moment you turn 18, yes maybe you are legally, and that's why i included you but realistically you're actually still someone who's been sent to school with weekly/monthly pocket money being sent to your account (except for few cases). Turning 18 simply means you should start preparing yourself mentally for the real world that is about to hit you while still enjoying the benefits you get.

Anyways if you're below 18 and you're seeing this, despite my warning, then i guess i should drop something for you too,

Don't be quick to rush into adulting, the freedom you want is actually not freedom, just freedom from your parents and probably freedom from wearing school uniform, somebody once said the worst part about being a child is being told what to do and the worst part of being an adult is not being told what to do and learning to trust your decisions and taking responsibility for them.

Let that sink in.

There's a stage between Childhood and adulthood, that point is called the transitioning stage, which is the most difficult part about adulting, because at this stage, you start adjusting to the way your life is going to be for the rest of your life.

It suddenly dawns on you that your life is in your hands and the choices you make, would have a long effect in your life, your brain starts reminding you of the need to be independent, the pressure starts getting wesser.

Many people talk about how hard it is to be in your 20s or an adult, coming from the debit alert angle, not many people talk about the confusion that comes with it, the constant mood swings, the frustration, the need to do better because you feel what you're doing is not enough, you just feel like breaking down for no reason.

Life becomes blurry all of a sudden, people dissapoint, people leave, "soldier go, soldier come" but you don't want your loved ones to go, you want them to always be around you, death starts hitting harder because you know the impact of losing someone, even on days when you don't feel your best, you have to show up, maybe you could skip school when you were much younger but you can't skip work now, no matter what happens, no matter how hard you cry, you still have to pick yourself up because everybody has their own things they are dealing with, so you don't want to bother them with yours.

Despite all of this.

I hope you find the strength to be able to transition properly, life is not a bed of roses but I hope life gives you a bed of lilies, a soft life you wouldn't have to stress about, i hope you find the courage to be able to battle thoughts of failure, i hope you wake up every morning with a renewed zeal to do you, i hope the pressure doesn't push you to do things you're not meant to❤️

If you're already a full grown adult and you're seeing this, drop an advice for those transitioning, let's learn and if you're just transitioning, what is an adult problem that you were not prepared for?

[therealrekel]

Along the line, we all started entering Uni one after the other, and 7 times a week dropped to 5, 5 times dropped to 2 times a week, 2 dropped to never in 3 months. I met a new group of people, had classes to go to, and by the time I got back, would check status and assume I was still in touch with them as long as I knew they were okay. Checking their status was a source of comfort for me. We still talk, but not as frequently as we used to.

[therealrekel]

When I was in college, there was one particular friend I was very close to; we were best friends. I was also quite familiar with people in my class, and I thought I would always be close to these people; I thought nothing would separate us. I also thought that because they were the only people I knew besides church members, we would always organize get-togethers and visit each other's homes after Waec. A few weeks after Waec, it happened exactly as I had predicted; we were still in touch.

[therealrekel]

Let people celebrate their wins in peace, i would have said "small wins" because that is what most people can relate to but no win is small, you achieved something and you have every right to celebrate it as long as it means so much to you.

Don't dictate to people what and what not to celebrate, it's a big deal to them and if you don't see the "big" in what they are happy about then just mind your business instead of making them feel less of what they've achieved, you don't know what they went through to get that.

I think Society has given us a picture of the kind of achievements to be happy about or the kind of achievements to celebrate others for, a multi dollar business, a new house, an expensive venza, i was about to type motorcycle popularly known as Okada in Nigeria but who would say Congratulations to someone who posts his new okada, it wouldn't even make it to instablog, even if it does, the front slide would be "Man gets excited over newly purchased okada" and the comments section would be full of motivational speakers, "Be happy in any situation you find yourself" "celebrate your small wins" "happiness is real" and so on.

First of all, who told you it is small to the person celebrating it? It is probably small to you because you're looking at it from your perspective and not their perspective. If you make people feel 1% less happy than they were before they shared something they are excited about with you, then you're not a nice person.

A group of girls were shouting upon finishing their 100 level exams and someone said, "den dey shout, dey never know wetin den dey enter, they are just starting the real work now"

(pov: When you were in 100l, you also rejoiced like them because you didn't know the work you were meeting in the next level till you got there)

So now, that you know, why spoil it for people because you know the outcome already? Why don't you just allow them celebrate passing a milestone without bringing your well experienced stories to them?

You know how children can be when they know their birthday is in the next few months, they start telling you ahead of time reminding you to get gifts for them, they start saying the age they are turning even without being asked and they let you know ahead of time the type of cake they want, PJ mask, Lego city or Sofia the first. Now as the well experienced person that you are, you start telling these kids not to get excited over getting older because adulthood is scam or because you know how stressful it is?

Now i just have one question, who are you?

[therealrekel]

When i was in college, i had a particular friend i was very close to, we were best friends, i was also quite acquainted with people in my class and i thought i would always be close to these people, i thought nothing would split us, i thought we would always organize get together, visit each other houses after Waec because they were the only people i knew, apart from church members, few weeks after Waec, it was exactly the way i predicted, we were still linking up, i and my best friend would chat for hours.

Along the line, we all started entering Uni one after the other, and 7 times a week dropped to 5, five times dropped to 2 times a week, 2 dropped to never in 3 months, the secondary school group chat became dead, i met new set of people, i had classes to attend and by the time i got back, would view status and assume i was still in touch with them as long as i knew they were fine, viewing their status was a sense of assurance for me, we still talk but not as frequently as before.

Now, this is my story, I'm sure many of you reading this, probably have friends you don't really talk to anymore but you really do still care about them.

It is important to know that we've gotten to the stage whereby we are not just growing but outgrowing habits, daily routine, things...I know it hurts to know that the friends you used to talk to everytime are suddenly distant but we've gotten to that stage where we are all trying to figure our lives out, priorities change, yes you are still a priority to me but I don't just think talking to you 8 hours in a day is necessary, i have other priorities i have to attend to.

Priorities don't just change but increase as you get older, so give people the space to face other priorities, just because you are a priority to them doesn't mean you should take up all of their time and just because they haven't talked to you in two days doesn't mean they've forgotten about you.

As a friend, it's your duty to check up on your friends and know how they are doing, it's also your duty to be there for them in any way you can in their time of need, that's what friends do right? but at the same time, I'm not oblivious of the fact that you could be caught up with this thing called life, just make sure that once in a while, you pick up your phone and say hello, you can also organize a suitable day for you and your friend/friends to hangout, so you can catch up with old times.

I repeat, just because I don't talk to you as often as i normally do, doesn't mean I've forgotten you and it doesn't also mean I'm forming busy.

It annoys me when i pick up my phone to call someone and the next thing i hear is, "You've forgotten me nw" forgotten you? how? Excuse me but are we also forgetting the fact that i was the one that called? You put me in an awkward situation where i have to start explaining and giving you reasons why i didn't forget you. (Some use it as just cruise tho)

Instead of "You've forgotten me" try "longest time, how are you doing?"

[therealrekel]

5. Smell nice or rather have a signature smell. ( let me gist you guys small, recently I've been walking with someone and I never knew hugging someone could be something to look forward to, this bobo smells very nice that I can predict the way he smells,that was when I knew I had something for people who smell nice)

[therealrekel]

Hey you❤️

This is a reminder, A relationship shouldn’t make you feel worse, and a relationship should add to your energy, not drain you; you shouldn’t feel confused; you deserve clarity; you deserve someone who would be scared of losing you. Someone who puts you in mind, someone who pays attention to your needs, someone who listens, someone who wouldn’t do anything to make you sad, someone who can’t go a day without finding out if you are okay or not, someone who would make you love yourself more, someone who loves you for you.

[therealrekel]

If you have this mindset then you're on your way to serious heart pain because some people would disappoint you.🤷

Read this before you start that thing you want to do, swipe>>>>>

[therealrekel]

Psychology says sharing your life dreams with people decreases your chances of achieving it.

(In regards to the post last week Wednesday)

swipe>>>>>

[therealrekel]

" To everyone with a dream, know that your dreams are valid and your path are never denied only directed"

These words by Catriona gray still lingers on my mind every time. I don’t know who needs to hear this but your dreams are neither too big nor too small to be achieved, don’t let anybody tell you otherwise, I know this sounds cliché or you’ve probably seen this somewhere but I’m saying this from a personal experience and I hope you gain one or two from it. Swipe>>>>>

[therealrekel]

In as much as there's a good side to social media, there's a very harmful side to social media, i mean mentally, social media is a virtual world where everybody only post what they want others to see. I'm sorry but I don't post ugly pictures of myself? Who does? Anybody in a right frame of mind would be unwilling to post a picture he/she tags as "not fine". "This picture is not fine but i would post it anyways"

Can you do that?

[therealrekel]

Do you know anybody that does not have a problem ? I don't think you do but yes I do "babies", they only eat,sleep and cry

Even babies have problems they can't express but cry, expecting their parents to understand the reason why they cry.

What am i trying to say??

Swipe>>>>

[therealrekel]

There's a guilt attached with having high expectations for yourself especially when those expectations aren't met, It could be academics expectations(first class or a 2.1 maybe) it could also be work related expectations (probably that promotion) it could even be your dreams or goals expectations.

As long as those things aren't met,you start blaming yourself or feeling bad, comparing yourself with other people's achievements.

[therealrekel]

Do you know?

According to psychologists, you can't be"just friends"with a guy.

[therealrekel]

Different types of people when they have money(part two)

+money management tips

[therealrekel]

This is 2022, the act of blaming bad attitude on zodiac sign should stop please! If you have a bad character, try as much as possible to work on it, don't expect people to always tolerate your bad habit, one day they will get tired and distance themselves.

we are humans.