theredheadconfessions

[theredheadconfessions]

Someone once said “loosing someone feels like wanting to go home but you can’t”. One whole year no contact with what were my two best friends and bridesmaids at my wedding. Life is wild.

[theredheadconfessions]

Heard something the other day about forgiveness that id like to keep with me… you aren’t forgiving the adult that wronged you, you are forgiving the child that lost its innocence in such a way that forced the adult to act the way they do now. And if you think about it that way, it’s actually very sad.

[theredheadconfessions]

WE ARE GOING TO TRY FOR A BABY IN 2025 WE ARE HERE THE TIME IS APPROACHING AND MY HEART IS SOARING

[theredheadconfessions]

Here I am feeling like a 15 year old, with the same guy, but we’re 11 years older and babies are now a realistic conversation… life is WILD. I’m some ways life hasn’t worked out the way I thought, but here I am getting closer to my ultimate dream of being a mother to Anthony’s children. Like, super close. I can feel it. Being this close almost makes me want to wait longer and soak up this time in our lives of it just being us. Life is just too funny.

[theredheadconfessions]

Life has been so amazing lately yet so difficult. I feel like my old life is crumbling, trying so hard to drag me down with it. The life of my parents crumbled long ago and now they both individually crumble. I can’t understand how you loose so much control of who you are but maybe that’s just life. I can’t wrap my head around being the person I am now, going through some of the most amazing things life has to offer (children, building a home) and just let it all go to shit before you get to experience yet another amazing milestone, grandkids. I am so desperate to create the life when I have kids. It’s a life I am craving, yet my parents are starting to cause me to fear it. I find myself hoping they won’t be around to inflict the fears they did on me, to my children. They weren’t able to pull it together and I am still being torn apart by them. Piece by piece. I find myself dreaming of moving far away like my sister did, but then the other sides of me struggle to want to have close and loving grandparents to help raise my little ones. It’s very very scary realizing you couldn’t trust grandparents to watch your children. Will they also end up in the car with a drunk driver behind the wheel? Will they also be subjected to horrid words and fears instilled in them at such an early stage of life? Over my dead body. I can feel the old life pulling me down away from the happiness I have yet to experience. With every milestone, I feel a tug from below. It’s been this way since I was 14. Learning to drive and coming home to a screaming match, no longer a good day. Getting my license, automatic fight because mom didn’t go and dad did. The day I bought my car, same thing. My engagement night and my wedding day was the only day I felt like I could enjoy my own happiness. Constantly on my toes waiting for the pin to drop and the fight to break out. It causing life to become so exhausting. They make life too exhausting.

[theredheadconfessions]

Is this a diary for all my depressing feelings or a foodie blog? Both perhaps.

[theredheadconfessions]

Creamy garlic chicken breasts with crispy bacon

[theredheadconfessions]

The PA Ren Fair food.. oh my! 🧚‍♂️ 🐉 ⚔️

Let’s just say, I came for the food and food only.

Starting off with the pickle bar… 10/10 idea, 8/10 execution. Baked potato bar was an even better idea and even better execution, wonderful idea thank you so much. The lobster Mac and cheese? 9/10 idea, 3/10 execution ; not worth the hype.

Tried Mead for the first time.. not bad 🍯

[theredheadconfessions]

Krispy Kreme.. another nostalgic stop! 🍩

These donuts were everywhere growing up and I have not had them from the actual store in YEARS. Getting to take my husband and brother in law on an hangover filled Sunday morning was a memory I will never forget. Yes we just got donuts, but the child inside me was watching how they were made.. the adult inside of me was glad to have grown up money to order all the donuts I wanted this time 👑

[theredheadconfessions]

The love I have for local farmers markets will never, ever die… 🍄 🍏 🍑 🍅

[theredheadconfessions]

The biggest burger I have ever had..

📍 Wildwood NJ

Five Girls Sandwich shop, the 10oz house blend burger. Juicy, full of flavor burger with all the right toppings IMO. Couldn’t even finish it! Wildwood brings a lot of new memories for me. A lot of memories I am happy to be able to look back on later in life. I hope wildwood continues to be a family staple in our life, visiting regularly with the family for decades to come.

[theredheadconfessions]

A very nostalgic place and meal. SOS on white toast at Uncle Bills Pancake House OCNJ. This use to be a staple breakfast visiting my grandparents. To this day, it’s very hard to beat the famous family SOS. However, when it comes to a close second (which I have to settle for now that my mom mom passed and grandfather can’t cook) is Uncle Bills. Uncle Bills Pancake House gives that home away from home feeling within the restaurant and the food. Even down to the thick plates and mugs with mom and pop logo printed on it all. Finished eating your meal? If you can’t see mom and pop on that plate then you aren’t finished! I hope this place never changes. The closest I will ever feel to my grandparents is when I’m in classic Uncle Bills.

[theredheadconfessions]

What a time to be alive, truly. In our mid twenties now. Market too high to buy a house but not comfortable enough to settle into our apartment. Parents thinking everything costs the same as when they did it all, totally blind to the way the world is right now. More friends having funerals. Some friends having babies, some getting married. Some friends died, some walked away willingly. Let them walk away. Thankful they walked away. I didn’t realize the stress the friendships were actually causing me. The stress of always putting in 100% and getting back 5%. Dealing with friends who talk badly about you behind your back, put you down, pretend you don’t exist yet you still put everything into it hoping it’ll change. Want to talk about a toxic relationship? There you have it. Thank you for walking out of my life and giving me back my peace. Such a weird time in life right now. Almost feels like a standstill but also a progression. I can see what’s up ahead but it feels so far to get there. All I know is that Anthony and I will be able to do it together and we will get there. Trying to enjoy the ride in the meantime. Xoxo.

[theredheadconfessions]

You know how fucking lonely it is having no friends while married at the age of 26? Real fucking lonely. I’m thankful I don’t have fake friends around me any longer but it seems like every single person in my life fell off except family. All I have left is family.. But of course I don’t have a good relationship with mine and my in-laws definitely won’t listen to my relationship rants when needed so I’m fucked. Dealing with shit I don’t wanna deal with alone. I use to lean so heavily on my friends when I was upset and can’t talk to my husband about it but now I have absolutely no one to call that can be a mutual neutral ground, yet I’ve never had that so idk who I’m kidding. Writing this realizing I never really had anyone that was willing to listen to my rants and just “listened” and judged me makes me feel lonelier than having no one now. No winning I guess.

[theredheadconfessions]

My favorite local winery has a hell of a chef in the kitchen. I swear I am obsessed with this place, give them all my money (or in this case, my husbands)…

Let’s just talk about the grilled cheese for a minute. I don’t know what kind of crack cheese they put in this but it’s not from this earth. There seem to be two different kinds of cheeses melted between sourdough slices. The sourdough is toasted and buttery. The meal comes complete with a side of delicious leafy green salad, and you have to add the tomato soup on the side (you’re crazy not to). And who leaves a winery without ordering a cheese board? This winery had the nicest presentation of cheese I have ever seen.

This winery has become my weekend gal pal time. Usually a Sunday stop after the farmers market. In the off season the winery will have tastings inside the manor house which is my favorite place to go and read while enjoying some of these snacks and a glass of wine. One of my favorite wineries and I hope to host an event here one day!

[theredheadconfessions]

Last summers cruise to the Bahamas with the ladies! Boy, did we eat good! Beyond delicious food on and off the boat. A few meals I tried that week as a total newbie, there’s nothing I love more than trying new foods. With my photo showing Carpaccio- delicious appetizer of thinly sliced meat (unknown) topped with greens, Parmesan and garlic aioli. Another photo shows escargot, which was absolutely stunning. The flavor in this was unmatched, I was sold on the snails! Off the boat we enjoyed lobsters by the water in our cabana. Sitting by the water eating fresh seafood was a dream.

Aside from the food, this trip is something I will never forget. A trip with some of my greatest friends making unforgettable memories before Lauren and I both got married within a couple months later. Looking back on these memories has me missing the few girls that aren’t in my life anymore. It’s really difficult looking back on fond memories with people you aren’t so fond of anymore. I had to mourn the loss of the people I knew, when they didn’t even pass away. The women I called family. All I can do now is look back and remember the times we had together full of laughter and fun. I’m thankful for the memories made with them even though they will no longer continue. Growing up stinks but growing up without the people you thought would be there is weird. A new chapter of life continues and this new chapter is really going to be a good one, especially now that I know the people still in my life are the ones who make a point to be there and be active in my world. All I want is for my friends to become my family, and to have my kids trust them as I do. Sometimes the universe just weeds out the ones that aren’t suppose to be there for that..

[theredheadconfessions]

There’s something so special to me about seafood because I grew up eating it with literally every family member of mine. My moms side of the family loves sushi, crab cakes, crabs.. so dinners were always somewhere seafood was an option. My dads side of the family was always about the oysters, lobsters, shrimp, and my dad loving sushi as well. Spent many years crabbing with my aunt and uncle, then cooking & ripping into them an hour or so later. So of course it’s in my dna to crave these foods at all hours of the day. 4am craving crab legs ? Totally normal. Yes I am going to buy the frozen crawfish bag from wegmans and yes I’m going to make them immediately, disregarding the mess.