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Some Writing Notes for your Sex Scenes

Foreplay - any sexual activity that comes before intercourse.

The purpose of foreplay is typically to pave the way for sex, but good foreplay can be enjoyable enough to be the main event.

Everyone has different preferences when it comes to foreplay—the possibilities for sexual stimulation are nearly endless.

With full consent from all participants, foreplay is an exciting way to explore your own desires, and it can often lead to a pleasurable orgasm.

Tips for Better Foreplay

There are many ways to improve your foreplay. Consider incorporating these foreplay ideas into your sex life.

Be mindful of your environment. Light some scented candles to set the mood, share a bottle of wine, or put on some sexy music and ask your partner to dance. A sensual environment makes you and your partner more comfortable to explore other forms of foreplay.

Take your time. Remain present with your partner, and savor every moment of anticipation. There’s no rush. Enjoy a long makeout session; kissing triggers the release of chemicals in your brain like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin, giving you a sense of euphoria. If your clothes are still on, try dry humping. If you decide to remove your clothes, try performing a striptease or allowing your partner to help you slowly undress.

Consider roleplaying. Roleplaying can add an erotic element to your foreplay. If you’re comfortable with it, share your sexual fantasies with your partner and plan a roleplaying session. Use your imagination to build out the scenario in your mind, and perhaps pretend that you are strangers meeting for the first time. Alter your behavior to fit the role you’re playing, and enjoy experiencing a new kind of sexual encounter with your partner.

Perform a sensual massage. Find the erogenous zones on your partner’s body, then use massage oil to rub your partner with whatever intensity they prefer. You can also use feathers to tease your partner’s sensitive body parts, like their thighs, breasts, or back. As long as there is clear consent, consider running your hands down to your partner’s genitals to give their vulva or penis manual stimulation. Stroke and rub your partner with different motions and speeds. Using your lips and tongue on your partner’s erogenous zones is another great foreplay technique.

Try using sex toys. If you’re trying to shake up your foreplay routine, sex toys might do the trick. Consider using a blindfold or handcuffs to focus your partner’s awareness on every physical sensation. Vibrators are an excellent option to enhance foreplay. Move your vibrator across your partner’s body, searching for erogenous zones and focusing on areas like the nipples, scrotum, labia, and clitoris. The right sex toy can lead to exciting new foreplay techniques between you and your partner.

Communicate clearly. The key to long-term sexual satisfaction with your partner is good communication. Becoming more comfortable talking about your sexual desires will lower your inhibitions and generate more intimacy in your relationship. Consider sexting your partner when they are away or using dirty talk as a foreplay technique. Encourage your partner by telling them about the things they do that you enjoy, and ask them what they want out of foreplay. If your conversations about sex and foreplay are difficult, consider talking with a sex therapist to discuss ways of enhancing communication.

There are both psychological and physiological benefits of engaging in foreplay.

It can strengthen emotional intimacy within your long-term relationship, build your self-confidence with new sexual partners, and even reduce stress.

Foreplay also helps with sexual arousal, increasing blood flow to your genitals and preparing your body for sexual intercourse.

Oral Sex - involves stimulating your partner's genitals with your mouth.

You can perform oral stimulation using your tongue, lips, and/or throat.

Oral sex can be a form of foreplay before sexual intercourse or as the main event of a sexual experience.

There are 3 subcategories of oral sex: cunnilingus, fellatio, and analingus.

Types of Oral Sex

If you want to engage in oral sex, here are three oral sex acts to try with a partner:

Cunnilingus: Cunnilingus is an oral sex act perfomred on the vulva or vagina. During cunnilingus, the giving partner typically focuses on stimulating their partner’s clitoris, the most sensitive erogenous zone for vulva owners.

Fellatio: Fellatio, more commonly called a blow job, is an oral sex act that involves stimulating your partner’s penis with your mouth. Despite its name, a blow job doesn't actually involve blowing on the penis; rather, you perform a blow job by licking and sucking the penis.

Analingus: More commonly called a rim job or rimming, analingus is the act of orally stimulating a partner’s anus. Licking, kissing, and sucking can stimulate the sensitive nerve endings in and around the anus and rectum. With thoughtful safer sex practices and clear communication, rimming can be a pleasurable sexual activity for persons of all genders and sexual orientations.

Health Risks of Oral Sex

It is possible to contract STIs (sexually transmitted infections) through oral sex, but the risk is much lower than vaginal and anal sex. Use barrier methods and take precautions to practice safe sex:

Communicate with your partner. Talk to your partner about each other's sexual health history and STI status before engaging in oral sex.

Know the potential risks. STIs you can transmit through oral sex include Human papillomavirus (HPV), which causes genital warts; Hepatitis A, B, and C; oral herpes and genital herpes, gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Syphilis, and HIV. STIs can be asymptomatic, but possible symptoms include a sore throat and sores in or around the mouth or throat.

Use protection. For maximum STI prevention, use a condom during fellatio and a dental dam during cunnilingus and analingus.

Take precaution. The risk of STI transmission is typically higher for those giving oral sex than those receiving it. To decrease the risk while giving oral sex, avoid brushing your teeth or using dental floss right beforehand, since bleeding gums will increase exposure to any viruses.

Tips for Performing Cunnilingus

Direct clitoral stimulation can increase pleasure and lead to climax. Start performing cunniligus slowly, and keep these considerations in mind:

Know that every vulva is different. Be mindful that all vulvas (the external female genitalia including the clitoris, labia, and vaginal opening) are different. This means the smell, look, or taste of your partner's vulva may not be what you expect, and that's completely normal.

Focus on the clitoris. Direct and consistent clitoral stimulation is the key to making your partner orgasm. To locate the clitoris, look for where the two inner labia (the vaginal lips) connect at the top and form a small hood. Use your fingers to spread the labia apart. Underneath the hood is the clitoris, which looks like a tiny nub, typically slightly larger than a pea in size.

Start slow. A general rule for all sexual activities is to start slow and gradually increase the pace so that your partner has time to build up their level of arousal. Begin with slow, sensual licking. Before you target the clitoris, tease your partner and build suspense by lightly circling your tongue around the entire vulva area.

Pay attention to body language. One of the best ways to tell if you're pleasing your partner is to tune into their body language. Heavy breathing and tilting their hips closer to your mouth are good signs. If your partner isn't showing signs of pleasure, switch up your technique with a slight variation in tongue pressure, pacing, or location.

Encourage communication. Even easier than reading your partner's body language is listening to their own words. Let your partner know that you’re open to feedback, and be sure to ask questions mid-performance. Asking your partner about the pressure and speed is a great way to zero in on their pleasure.

Use your fingers or a sex toy. For enhanced stimulation, insert your fingers or a sex toy (like a vibrator or dildo) into your partner's vagina while simultaneously licking their clitoris. To massage your partner's g-spot, gently insert one or more fingers about two-inches inside the vagina and move your fingers towards you as though you're making a "come here" motion. Know that not everyone enjoys fingering during cunnilingus, so it's a good idea to discuss your partner's preferences before you give it a try.

When your partner is approaching orgasm, keep doing what you're doing. If your partner signals that they're close to climaxing, either verbally or through body language, don’t switch up your technique. Keep targeting the same spot until your partner orgasms or instructs you otherwise. (It may be okay to increase your tongue pressure or speed as your partner is approaching orgasm, but you should typically continue focusing on the same location.)

Blow Job Techniques

Experiment with these blow job techniques to find what feels best for your partner.

Use your lips to shield your teeth. If your teeth touch your partner’s penis, the sensation for them will likely be unpleasant. Wrap your lips over your teeth as a cushion as you go down on your partner.

Use your hands. For the best blow job, mix in some hand job work. Place your dominant hand around your partner's shaft, then simultaneously move your hand and mouth up and down the penis. To enhance this motion, twist your wrist back and forth as you move up and down. Make sure to use lube to prevent painful friction. Once you have the motion down, use your other hand to gently massage your partner's testicles.

Have an ejaculation plan. If you intend to bring your partner to orgasm, plan ahead so you're both prepared for ejaculation. If you prefer that your partner doesn't ejaculate in your mouth, let them know beforehand. That way, your partner can give you a verbal warning right before they orgasm, and you can switch to hand job-only mode as they climax. If you are okay with your partner climaxing in your mouth, decide whether you would rather spit or swallow. If you do choose to swallow, know that semen is perfectly safe to ingest.

Show enthusiasm. To give a good blow job, first express to your partner that you want to give them head. Try showing your enthusiasm through a little dirty talk. You can also ask your partner, "Do you like how this feels?" to show that you're invested in their pleasure and open to feedback. As you go down on your partner, look up every so often to make eye contact and indicate that you're enjoying yourself. If you’re not into giving blow jobs, be honest about that with your partner, and never feel pressured to do something you dislike. Only engage in sexual acts that you're comfortable with; if that doesn’t include blow jobs, try exploring alternate ways to please your partner.

Use your tongue to stimulate the penis head. During most of the blow job, you'll want to apply soft pressure with your tongue against the penis as you move your mouth up and down the shaft. For a pleasurable change of pace, try focusing your tongue attention on the head of the penis and the frenulum, the sensitive band of skin on the underside of the penis head. Grip the lower shaft with your hand, and use the tip of your tongue to lightly lick the top of the penis head in a slow circular motion.

Practice before trying to deep throat. Deep throating—the act of putting your partner's penis far enough into your mouth that it reaches your throat—is a turn-on for some blow job recipients, but you should only go as deep as is comfortable for you. If you want to attempt deep throating, first train your gag reflex by practicing without a partner. Start by slowly moving a toothbrush toward the back of your throat, and try to hold it there for 10 seconds. When you gag, relax, and overcome your gag reflex by taking deep breaths. Once you make it 10 seconds without gagging, move to a larger object like a dildo. Repeat the same process you’re comfortable moving the dildo back and forth in your mouth.

Stimulate your partner's other erogenous zones. The key to a great blow job is to make it a full-body experience. While your mouth pleasures the penis, simultaneously stimulate other erogenous zones on your partner's body. Try massaging their balls, licking their inner thighs, stroking their perineum, or engaging in some anal play.

Add a sex toy to the mix. Try enhancing your blow jobs with a vibrator; simply press it against your cheek or chin so the vibration passes indirectly to your partner’s penis.

How to Give Analingus

If you and your partner decide to explore rimming as a type of anal stimulation, follow this step-by-step guide to safely engage in analingus.

Talk to your partner first. If you want to try rimming, start by telling your partner why you find it sexy and why it’s something you’d like to incorporate into your sex life. Be prepared for your partner to say no. You need consent before trying any form of sexual activity with a partner, including analingus. Remember that performing or receiving a rim job does not mean that other forms of anal sex are on the table.

Clean up first. The key to safe rimming is maintaining good hygiene practices. Use the bathroom at least an hour before engaging in anal play. Before receiving a rim job, take a shower with your partner and wash your anus with warm water and mild soap. If you are still worried about cleanliness, consider using an anal douche or enema. Be careful, though—overusing douches or enemas can result in the disruption of healthy gut bacteria. If you are experiencing gas, constipation, or diarrhea, avoid receiving a rim job until your digestive system is back to normal.

Go slow. When giving a rim job, take your time with various foreplay techniques, allowing your partner to become fully aroused. Light some candles, put on sexy music, and undress slowly. When you’re turned on, your muscles relax, making it easier to enjoy anal stimulation. Try a long make-out session, then slowly kiss your way down your partner’s body.

Find the right position. There are several positions you and your partner can try for pleasurable analingus. If you are the receiving partner, consider lying on your back with your hips propped up under a pillow and your partner on their knees in front of you. You can also stand with your partner kneeling behind you. Another good rimming position to try is doggy style.

Experiment with different techniques. When performing a rim job, explore different ways to stimulate your partner’s anus. Kiss your partner’s perineum, the area between their genitals and anus. Consider using your warm breath to tease your partner. Then, relax your tongue and start with long, slow licks. Try moving your tongue in a circular motion around your partner’s anus. Be sure to communicate clearly with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t. Remember that if you or your partner becomes uncomfortable at any time, you can stop rimming immediately.

Use your hands. While it is possible to experience an anal orgasm in response to anal stimulation alone, stimulating other erogenous zones on your partner’s body can create an even more powerful sensation. During analingus, consider squeezing your partner’s nipples, rubbing their clit, fingering their vagina, or stroking their penis. With the right stimulation, a rim job can add a whole new pleasurable element to you and your partner’s orgasms.

Consider sex toys. The use of vibrators or BDSM gear like handcuffs can enhance your rim job. Consider purchasing sex furniture like swings or wedge pillows to assist with difficult positions. If you are interested in solo anal play, some anal sex toys are specifically designed to stimulate the nerve endings around your anus by imitating the sensation of analingus.

Doggy Style - a sex position in which one partner is positioned on all fours.

With one partner on their hands and knees (or elbows), the other partner can stand on their knees and use their hands to hold onto their partner’s hips.

This position can be great for anal or vaginal penetration, whether with a penis, strap-on, finger, or other sex toy.

Tips for Doggy-Style Sex

Use these techniques to turn doggy style into your new favorite sex position.

Prepare for deep penetration. When it comes to penetrative vaginal or anal sex, doggy style allows for deeper penetration. For vaginal penetration, doggy style decreases the distance between the vaginal opening and the cervix, increasing the likelihood of your partner striking this often-sensitive part. If this is painful for you, try slowing the pace, reducing the depth of penetration, or adjusting the angle. You can also use a cock ring or similar toy to create a barrier, preventing the penis or toy from going too deep.

Use props. Pillows, cushions, or other props placed underneath your joints can help you relax, prevent injury, and discover the perfect position. Taking time to get set up will make the experience more enjoyable.

Add sex toys. Doggy style is a great position for using sex toys. Try penetration via strap-on, dildo, or vibrator, but don’t forget about other erogenous zones. The doggy-style position can sometimes make it harder to access your partner’s nipples or clitoris—nipple clamps and a wand-style vibrator can help.

Keep it clean. One of the advantages of doggy-style sex is that it makes the anus readily accessible. When engaging in anal play, cleanliness is especially important since bacteria from feces can pass to the genitals. To reduce the risk of infection, shower or use a bidet both before and after sex, and clean dildos and other toys after each time you use them. Condoms can also prevent sexually transmitted infections. Use a new condom each time you switch between partners or orifices—or if the condom breaks or falls off.

Try oral sex. Although doggy-style is often thought of as a penetrative sexual position, it’s actually a great position for cunnilingus and anal rimming. If you’re new to anal rimming, simply apply lube to your partner’s anus (ensure that they’ve washed first), then stimulate with your tongue.

Try downward doggy style. If you’re into yoga, try this variation on the doggy-style position. The receiving partner starts on all fours (traditional doggy style), then lifts their knees up off the ground to come into an inverted-V shape. (It’s okay to bend your knees). The giving partner can then stand to penetrate their partner with their penis, strap-on, fingers, or favorite toy.

Cowgirl Position - a sex position that consists of a penetrative partner lying flat on their back, with a receiving partner straddled atop facing them.

The receiving partner can control the pace, angle, and depth of penetration as they bounce, gyrate their hips, or otherwise customize the movement in this position.

The sex position is one of the best sex positions for those who require clitoral stimulation to climax because it allows the vulva owner to grind into their partner to stimulate their clitoris.

Couples can perform the highly customizable position in reverse, horizontally, and with sex toys.

While the term “cowgirl” is widely used to describe the position, it can also be called “cowboy,” “rider,” “cowperson,” or another variation for males or gender non-conforming individuals who ride atop their partner during intercourse.

Benefits of the Cowgirl Position

The receiving partner can be in control. Since the receiving partner is on top, they can control the speed, depth, and angle of penetration during intercourse. This control is beneficial if the receiving partner wants to tailor the stimulation to their particular desires to achieve orgasm—for instance, bouncing at a specific angle to hit an especially sensitive internal spot.

It offers more clitoral stimulation than other positions. If the receiving partner is a vulva owner, the cowgirl position can offer much more clitoral stimulation than other positions (and for many vulva owners, clitoral stimulation is the key to orgasm). To achieve this stimulation, vulva owners will grind their clitoris on their partner during cowgirl or use their fingers to stimulate their clitoris.

It’s very customizable. There are many cowgirl variations, from upright to horizontal to reverse, each offering their own targeted stimulation. Upright and reverse cowgirl stimulate the vaginal canal and g-spot, while horizontal stimulates the g-spot and clitoris. While in the cowgirl position, both partner’s hands are free to stimulate each other’s bodies. Additionally, couples can perform cowgirl variations using anal penetration for a different type of stimulation.

How to Do the Cowgirl Position

The penetrative partner lies on their back. Whether the penetrative partner is a penis owner or uses a strap-on dildo, they should begin by lying on their back with their legs straight.

The receiving partner mounts. The receiving partner then straddles the penetrative partner, upright and face-to-face with their partner.

Begin stimulation. Once in position, there are many ways to begin stimulation. The receiving partner may bounce or grind against the penetrative partner, or the receiving partner can remain still as the penetrative partner thrusts upward. Couples can perform the cowgirl position vaginally, anally, without penetration, or modify it to suit their individual needs. For example, having the top partner lean back or forward, or the bottom partner sit up or elevate their knees.

Ways to Try Cowgirl Position

Go horizontal. While the most traditional form of cowgirl has the person on top riding upright on their partner, asking the receiving partner to lean down so that they’re close to, or resting on, their partner’s chest can provide additional pleasure. If the receiving partner is a vulva owner, this is also a great way to increase g-spot stimulation during penetration.

Sit up. Instead of lying down, have the penetrative partner sit up during cowgirl, so both partners’ bodies are upright. This angle makes it easier for the penetrative partner to stimulate the receiving partner’s body with their mouth—from lips to neck to chest—and can feel especially intimate, like an embrace.

Try a squatting position. The most common cowgirl position is when the receiving partner is on their knees while straddling their partner, which is usually most comfortable for the receiving partner. However, if the receiving partner is flexible, they can squat over the penetrative partner with their feet on the bed, allowing for extra power and muscle control while bouncing.

Try reverse cowgirl. Reverse cowgirl is a variation in which the top partner faces the penetrative partner’s legs away while bouncing. Depending on the penis or toy’s curvature, they can stimulate different areas inside the top partner—for vulva owners, the g-spot, and for penis owners, the prostate. Reverse cowgirl can also offer a less-stressful position for partners who might feel slightly self-conscious or not interested in being face-to-face with the other during sex.

Introduce toys. Couples vibrators and cock rings are great hands-free ways to increase stimulation during cowgirl. It’s also easy to introduce some light bondage by tying the penetrative partner’s wrists or ankles to the bed, giving even more control to the person on top. Pillows are also a great tool: a pillow under the penetrative partner’s glutes will help elevate the penis or toy for deeper penetration, while pillows under the receiving partner’s knees will give them extra control of penetration depth.

Reverse Cowgirl - a sex position that involves one partner lying face-up as the other partner straddles them while facing away from them.

The person lying down can penetrate their partner’s vagina or anus with their penis or a strap-on or other sex toy, and the partner who is on top can grind on their partner or use their fingers or a toy to stimulate themselves and/or their partner.

The name “reverse cowgirl” refers to another popular sex position, cowgirl, which is basically the same thing, but with both partners facing each other.

How to Get Into Reverse Cowgirl Position

If you’re the one lying down, position yourself comfortably on the bed, propping your head up with pillows.

You can also sit up against a wall or headboard.

Since you won’t be able to move much in this position, make sure you have everything you need close at hand, such as lube, toys, or condoms.

You can use your hands to help your partner get into position.

If you’re the one sitting up, straddle your partner’s hips, with your knees on either side of their thighs.

Shift backward and forward until you and your partner feel comfortable, then lower yourself down onto your partner.

You can rest your bodyweight on your partner or hover above them using your knees for support.

Tips for Sex in Reverse Cowgirl Position

Begin slowly. As with any new position, it’s important to start slowly to avoid injury and ensure everyone is comfortable—especially if penetration is involved.

Have one partner set the rhythm. This position works best if one partner sets the pace. The partner on top is in a superior position to control the depth of penetration or the rhythm of grinding. Once you’re both feeling comfortable, the lying-down partner can take a more active role, placing their hands on their partner’s hips or using their fingers to stimulate their partner.

Try a seated variation. In this variation, instead of lying down, one partner sits on the edge of the bed, on a chair, or against a wall, and the other partner sits on their lap facing forward. You can also start out seated, then move into full reverse cowgirl.

Look over your shoulder. Not being able to see your partner’s face during sex can feel sexy and mysterious, but sometimes you just want to look them in the eyes. Turn your head over your shoulder or lean back to take a peek at your partner.

Use sex toys. Reverse cowgirl is a great position for penetration, so it’s an good choice for strap-on sex. Since this position leaves your hands free, it also provides an opportunity to play with other toys, such as a bullet vibrator.

Sex Swing - (also called a love swing or sex sling) a harness that suspends one person in the air during sexual intercourse.

In addition to helping couples execute sex positions that would be otherwise challenging, a sex swing can make sex more exhilarating and effortless.

You can use a sex swing for oral, vaginal, and anal sex.

Sex swings reduce the strain on muscles and joints and can help those with certain physical impairments participate in a larger array of sexual activities.

For those interested in BDSM, sex swings can be used as bondage furniture.

Types of Sex Swings

Conventional sex swing: The standard sex swing typically features stirrups, a seat, and two main straps that support the swing. It may also have a headrest or handles. You can install a sex swing with hooks attached to the ceiling or on either side of a hallway, depending on the specific model. You can also hang most conventional sex swings from a sex swing stand.

Door sex swing: This type of swing attaches over a door frame and is simple to install. A door sex swing is a great option for your first sex swing becuase of its low price point and easy installation, but its location does limit the range of motion and available sex positions.

Sex slings: Similar to a hammock, sex slings have a large seat designed to support the entire body. They're available in a range of materials, including fabric, leather, and wood. Sex slings may have a limited range of positions compared to conventional sex swings.

Body sex swings: A body sex swing is a wearable harness that attaches to another person as opposed to a ceiling, wall, or a sex swing stand. The person wearing the body sex swing must be standing while their partner is strapped into the swing.

Spinning sex swing: This type of swing is capable of spinning 360 degrees in either direction.

Tips for Using a Sex Swing

Adding a sex swing to your sex life takes practice. When purchasing, installing, and using a sex swing, consider these tips.

Start with a basic door sex swing. If it's your first time using a sex swing, make sure it's an activity you enjoy before you invest in a full setup. Door sex swings are more accessible for beginners and relatively easy to install.

Follow the installation instructions carefully. It's crucial that you pay close attention to the assembly and installation instructions to ensure that your sex swing is safe to use. If you install a swing incorrectly, you risk injuring yourself and your partner. If mounting a swing to your wall or ceiling is outside of your abilities, consider using a door sex swing or a free-standing sex swing on a stand.

Communicate clearly when using a sex swing. It's essential that you and your partner have an open chain of communication to ensure the swinger is comfortable and enjoying themselves.

Use your momentum. Whether the standing partner is using their penis or a strap-on dildo, they can use the momentum of the partner on the swing to achieve deeper penetration and more intense sex.

Relax. If you're the swinger, release any tension in your body, and let your partner take control.

Sex Swing Positions

Adding a sex swing to your collection of sex toys will open up possibilities for new positions. You can use a sex swing for solo masturbation, but consider these positions to try with your partner:

Swinging missionary: The swinging partner rests on their back with both feet in the swing's leg straps as the penetrating partner stands between the swinger's legs.

Hanging doggy style: The swinging partner leans forward onto the swing so it supports them at their waist and places their hands into the straps for support. As with traditional doggy style, the other partner penetrates the swinger from behind, holding the swinger's hips up so their legs are suspended in the air.

Swinging cowgirl: This position is similar to the standard cowgirl position—but suspended in the air. This position requires the penetrating partner to sit back into the swing as their partner climbs on top and straddles them. The partner on top can either keep their feet on the ground or lift them up so both partners are suspended. For a slightly different position, the partner on top can face the other direction for swinging reverse cowgirl.

Supportive lap dance: This position requires both partners to keep their feet on the ground. One partner sits down with the swing's seat resting against their upper thighs, while the standing partner holds onto the swing's straps and penetrates the swinger from behind.

Floating oral sex: One partner lies back in the swing while the other kneels on the ground in front of them and performs oral sex. The kneeling partner can use their hands to caress and stimulate areas of the swinger's body that might be inaccessible without a swing.

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