theseqceens - Tumblr blog

[theseqceens]

faeryeyedking:

I am leaving the rpc. ( skip to the last paragraph if you don’t wanna know the whole why of it lolol )

I wanted to just take a little hiatus and sort myself out and come back when I felt a bit better. But the fact is that I feel very violated right now. And that is a feeling I just can’t shake, and I realize that I’m sticking myself into this complete and utter paranoia because of it. Which is not healthy in the slightest.

This all started because on Sunday I made the choice not to talk to someone who had cut off our friendship. Quite frankly I wouldn’t have know this group of people were there if they hadn’t approached me. I did not try to cut them off from standing with their friends, I literally was standing where I’d been standing when they approached me. I’d been at the festival all day and had even said the fam and I were heading out. It was just a bit of small talk for maybe a minute. There were no bitchy smiles, that’s all in this persons head. If I happened to smile their way at all it was an accident. Yes, when I got home I suppose I did a mild vague, but honestly it was one throw away sentence and another that was just saying I was still kinda down. Which I was. This person made a multi paragraph vague about what a terrible person I am.

And I couldn’t even defend myself without sinking to their level. Without it being a thing. Honestly I’m not a huge fan of airing dirty laundry on the internet, unlike them. But what I could do was unfollow a couple of people they were close friends with because I barely talked to these people anyway. And because I was triggered when I saw this specific person on my dash. It is my right to unfollow whoever the hell I want. It is my right to keep my safe space safe. But that triggered another long vague from this person.

This person felt it was okay to share personal information about me. About my home life. They felt it was okay to insinuate that I need help, and that I don’t have a support system. But it’s not okay. And the simple fact is that yes, I’ve had it rough, but I never forget how lucky I am to have the loving family and friends that I do. The absolute support system that I need.

This person made claims that invitations were extended towards me “to get me out of the house and have a few laughs”. First of all, not a single invitation ever came forward. Secondly, I don’t want to hang out with someone who cut off our friendship and compared me to their abusive ex. That’s purposefully putting someone ( me ) into an uncomfortable situation to make yourself look good. And sure, maybe this persons intention were pure, but I’ve seen their behavior with other people so really it’s up in the air. 

I’m not perfect. I know that. I know have a lot going on with my mental health, and quite frankly I’m just human and I’m bound to mess up. We all are. But I’m always willing to grow and try to correct the behaviors that make someone uncomfortable. This person apparently was uncomfortable for a long time, and never once did they say anything. Supposedly they cared so much about me and talked about it all the time with a mutual friend of ours, but there are no signs that either of them apparently cared as deeply as they claim. And quite frankly it makes me uncomfortable that they would talk about me at all after cutting off our friendship.

I did not turn this person into some “devil” in my head. My hate for them did not grow in the months we stopped being friends. My disdain for them remained at about the same level. Sometimes I ranted a little, when a situation arose that reminded me of them or something like that. But beyond that I just didn’t care. I absolutely never talked to our mutual friends about them either because that’s a disgusting thing to do. I also have not become “increasingly depressed” in the time since we’ve stopped being friends. There are certain times that are way more difficult for me because things that have nothing to do with this person. 

If all of your friendships end like disaster zone garbage fires, maybe it’s time to really examine yourself.

At the end of the day, I now just don’t feel comfortable or safe here anymore. Maybe after a good long hunk of time I’ll come back to a new blog. But as of right now I simply can’t. It doesn’t feel good and the second something that’s meant to be a hobby stops being fun it means it’s time to call it quits. I’ll still be pursuing writing, just on a more secluded and personal avenue.I truly do wish you all the best, and I’m gonna miss a lot of you so much. If anyone wants to stay in touch with me I’m on discord ( vodkaforbambi#9994 ). So long and goodnight ❤

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i’m going to be taking a hiatus. i hope it’ll only be a few days, but i’m in a very dark place right now and i don’t know what i’m going to do. so i’m hoping taking some time and getting a little space will help. i wish you all the very best ❤

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tomorrow i’ll be adding piper shaw and two other muses into my test muses !!

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still healing from things I don’t speak about

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i had a wonderful day with the fam, unfortunately ran into someone super toxic from my past, but beyond that it was a lot of fun !! i’m exhausted so writing is just not gonna happen, tho i may work on a few small things if i can :3

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REBLOG IF YOU WANT ANONS ABOUT YOU AND YOUR MUSE. 

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The Final Girls

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psa ; brooke deserves kisses so give them to her kay thanks

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okay but real talk brooke wants to kiss audrey so much this is a fact

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once upon a time, the princess rose from the ashes her dragon lovers made of her & crowned herself the mother-fucking queen of herself.   - how’s that for a happily ever after?

Amanda Lovelace, The Princess Saves Herself in this One

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                                 ❝ don't worry mother, your daughter is a warrior ❞

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manichaeisms:

Kieran doesn’t believe her. If she hated him, really and truly, what he thinks of her wouldn’t matter. Whether he’d lied to her wouldn’t matter. Maybe, maybe if her bullshit friends have left her no other options (and that says plenty about them if they leave her no choice but to turn to her friend the serial killer for support), but somehow he thinks it’s more than that. He knows her better than that. He knows them all a hell of a lot better than they’ve ever known him, but she’s seen him, the real him. Piper’s Kieran. 

He sees the tears and he starts to reach for her, but his hands are bound and the chains rattle and clank when he reaches their limits. He can’t, but it’s still his instinct to try. She wants the most dangerous and elusive thing he has to give. She wants the truth. And against all sense of self-preservation, he thinks he wants to give it to her. His eyes drop for just a second, to look over her, to make sure she’s not wearing a wire, but she’s not. He knew before he looked she wouldn’t be. Brooke wouldn’t do that. Not to him. Not right now. Not when the only person he has the power to hurt from his position is her, and he doesn’t need a knife, only a few choice words for that. He has the power to, and he knows he should– he can’t even look her in the eyes at the thought of it. Well. He could. He just doesn’t want to.

“It wasn’t–” He hesitate, he almost lies, almost says it wasn’t real, but when it comes down to it, he can’t. Brooke matters to him. He can’t explain it, anymore than he can explain why he killed Seth or even to some extent her father. He can excuse it, but it’s bullshit. Just like his wanting to lie to her is bullshit. “It wasn’t a lie,” he tells her, his hesitation lasting only a fraction of a second - he stuttered. That was all. “But it….wasn’t too. You were my only friend… And I didn’t… didn’t lie. About anything but my dad and about Emma. But the other stuff I told you. It was true.” He looks up, though he doesn’t really want to see the look on her face. “Is that what you came here for? To hear I didn’t want to kill you? I didn’t.” Another fraction of a second. “I don’t.” 

The rattling of the chains as his hands try to come forward should make her flinch. But she wants him to be able to reach forward, she wants comfort from him and she just has to keep telling herself she shouldn’t. He’s just a killer. For added measure she runs through the list of names, she runs through his body count in her head and wipes her tears. She runs through it again and hates herself more for being here and for still wanting it to be him who’d wiped them away.

His words only add to her own internal hurricane of confusion. And there’s her answer really, it would have been easier to know it had just been a lie. If he’d hated her she could hate him right back. She could cut him out of her heart and never look back. Part of her wants to tell him that must be bullshit because he couldn’t torture her like that if they were really friends. But part of her wants to know what drove him to it. Emma and Audrey refuse to talk about what happened. Brooke still doesn’t even really understand how he was arrested when there was no evidence. That’s what stops her from asking him to explain it. Because a small part of her knows he’ll probably be let off and she doesn’t want to get in the way of that. She wants to talk to him again when he’s not in chains...another thing she shouldn’t want but oh fucking well. 

“I think...before I knew it was you...I never thought the person behind the mask wanted to kill me.” Brooke speaks in a whisper, not wanting to be overheard. “I mean I wasn’t always the hardest target, and you got close enough.” Wiping her eyes again, Brooke’s shoulders drop in exhaustion. “I don’t know what I came here for, Kieran. All I know is that I was supposed to just hate you. Everyone else does. They did it so easily and I can’t really blame them... But I cared- I guess I still care about you.” Maybe the real truth was that she understood a little better than the others just how easy it was to stand on the darkest edge, and how even the best person could go over. She’d almost cut Seth’s dick off, she can’t even say she might not have killed him that night if he’d confessed. As it was she’d left him tied up even knowing that there was a killer who somehow knew their every move. “Do you want me to go?”

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I cannot apologize while I still have cuts bleeding. No one has apologized for all I have lost,

or all that I have become // L.H.Z (via lhzthepoet)

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i’ve got like ten starters to do and should be able to get them done tomorrow !! i just have to make icons for a couple of muses but i’m getting to a point where i at least have enough to get some things started lmao

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manichaeisms:

He hadn’t exactly been expecting visitors. At least, none he actually wants to see. He’s surprised, to say the least, when he’s told who’s waiting for him, and he wonders how many strings had to be pulled to make it happen. More than that, he wonders why she cares. They had been friends, of course, and she’s perhaps the only person among the Lakewood Six he can say with certainty deserved the title, but now? He assumes she hates him the same as the others. He wouldn’t blame her, exactly, but that doesn’t explain why she’s here.

He’s led in and walked to the chair on the opposite side of the table from her, cuffs and chains still all in place. He hasn’t even been convicted yet (and he won’t be, of course, they have no physical evidence in the least the point to him) but that hasn’t changed the way they’ve treated him. It doesn’t matter. His eyes never leave her face once he’s in sight of her.

“What do you want?” he asks, his voice as calm and level as ever. He’s curious and resigned to whatever wrath she deems him worthy of, and he wants to just get it over with as much as anything else. Still, he can’t quite dare to hope that she came for another reason, any other reason, than to tell him she hates him. She came alone, after all, and she looks too nervous for him to believe she came here out of anger. 

She barely glances up when he sits. The sight of him all cuffed up is a harsh reminder of what he’s done. Even with all the press she’s seen, pictures and videos of him in orange, seeing it in person makes it all too real. Brooke hates the small corner of her heart that worries if he’s uncomfortable in them. Maybe she’s just as fucked up as him. Sympathy for a serial killer can’t be healthy.

“I want to hate you,” she admits softly as she finally looks up, keeping her eyes on his. “I mean I do, I hate what you’ve done. I hate what I’ve lost and what my friends have gone through because of you. But that doesn’t stop me from missing you. You were my friend...I guess I just...” Brooke hesitates. The answer shouldn’t matter, but it does in some small way, it matters to her.

Biting her lip, Brooke tries to find the will to just leave. To forget this whole stupid endeavor and pretend this day never happened. Her small frame remains glued to her seat though and finally she just asks. “I want to know if it was real at all, if I was your friend, too.” She pretends her eyes aren’t watering and keeps her gaze steady as she can. Trying to remind herself that the answer can’t matter. Which would be a lot easier to do if she could figure out which answer would be easier to stomach.