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[theskinnyninny]

Hi, I moved elsewhere

(Proceed here: https://twoweirdthoughts.blogspot.com)

[theskinnyninny]

Thoughts

Why do I feel like everything that I do for you, doesn't do good to you? Why do I feel like I'm a toxic person to you and that my existence only brought complications in to your life? Everything that I do, I do it for you, for us. But why does it feel like I haven't done anything right? I never meant to bring such bad things to your life. I just want to do what's good for you. Or maybe that's just what I thought. Maybe I really am the toxic one. Maybe I really am not meant to make your life easier. Maybe I am only a chapter of your life, like you do to mine. Maybe we're not meant to be each other's part. Maybe we met for a reason. And maybe the reason isn't because we're made for each other. Does this mean that I have to learn not to depend my happiness on you? Does this mean that I need to accept the fact, that this journey doesn't mean "us" anymore? Everyday, I feel like I'm broken into pieces and I can't do anything to fix myself. I want to cry, but I feel like I don't deserve to.. I feel so stupid.

[theskinnyninny]

Things my older self would like to tell me:

Dear self, it's okay to make mistakes sometimes, because through mistakes, you learn. Dear self, it's okay to fall down sometimes, so you learn how to get up on your own. Dear self, it's okay to get lost sometimes, so you learn to find yourself.

Find chances out of failures. Make motivations out of a denied career.

Please always know that.. you're not a wasted potential. There is still so much in you that you haven't shown the world yet. You're still so young, there's still so much rooms for you to learn. Failure is not the end. It is a stepping stone for you to success.

Know that in this cruel world, not everything is served out of silver plate; You should learn how to drive this crazy car of life. You, yourself know that there is so much in you! Don't be pressured... don't stress yourself out just because your folks have that job. Just because  they started earlier, doesn't mean you're all left behind.

Never stop learning. Never stop growing. Never stop hoping.

Just keep on taking those baby steps. You'll get there.

TRUST THE PROCESS.

...

Look at me. Here I am now.. 10 years later. I am reaching the dream. The dream that you started. The dream that you yearned for.

Know that it won't be easy, but it'll all be worth it.

And it was all worth it. Smile.

[theskinnyninny]

Writing this for the sake of killing time

Hey there. So I am currently at the first day of work right now. Well, it’s not really the “actual” work yet, but that’s that. I don’t know if this is the job that I will settle to tell you honestly. The career I wan’t to pursue is to become a Web Developer because I wanted to fully utilize my skills, but I ended up as a technical support specialist; still in-line with the course I graduated tho, since I’d be dealing with bugs and system downtime(s), but it is also more on customer service since I’d be providing resolutions to the clients sometimes. It got this call center vibe, and I don’t know, it kind of off- me. It’s very quiet in here though. The sound of my keyboard clacking makes me feel anxious. I’m only with about five strangers in this small-size room and no one has bothered to talk to me yet. Perhaps they’re just busy. But right now, I want the floor to eat me up for I can’t take the amount of awkwardness. The only job that I have to do today is to study the product that I am gonna be using so that I’d have the knowledge for tomorrow’s meeting with my “boss”. It’ll only be through Skype though since he’s based in New York, but the fact that I am gonna be talking to practically a “stranger” starting tomorrow kind of make me feel anxious. I haven’t talked to quite a few strangers lately since I’ve been all locking myself up inside my room for the past couple of months since our college graduation. Anyway, I have already finished my review and I’m done surfing the client’s sites. Gosh, I still got 5 hours though, and I also have not taken my lunch break yet. And and and... the clacking of my keyboard is really making quite attention so I guess I’m gonna end my rant now. I need to take my lunch break now, and by lunch break, I mean save my 1 hour break so I could sleep. Enough blabbing now self, okay. So it’s really goodbye for now. Be back soon, ciao.

[theskinnyninny]

Lost, in a thought of you.

[theskinnyninny]

A true gentleman is one that apologizes anyways, even though he has not offended a lady intentionally. He is in a class all of his own because he knows the value of a woman’s heart.

[theskinnyninny]

Trying to sort my life out

Couple of months has passed. So many things happened. I totally totally enjoyed my summer with my friends. Been to quite a few beaches, spent days and nights with them, just making the most out of the moment. Some days, I’d lay in bed and contemplate about life. Realizations. Regret. Midnight cries. Dramas and all that stuff. But hey! I’m used to it. We’re all used to it right? So that’s fine and shouldn’t be bothered. Days has passed quitely quick. It’s just like on a snap of the finger, we’re only left with a quarter for the year. A quarter to sort our life. A quarter to fix things out. A quarter to try and work things out to save the year. Well, I could say, I pretty much spent most of my year quite good enough. There were ofcourse, mental breakdown days, but I could say, it’s all worth it. Right now, I’m currently looking for a job. I’ve passed resumés to some companies. Done several interviews with this one company which offered a job I kinda like to get. Honestly tho, I’m not yet ready for adulting. I’m not yet ready for a job, but I feel like I need it because everyone from my batch is doing it and my family pressures me about it. So yeah, maybe that’s just how it goes. Can’t say if I’m doing good tho... I still need ample amount of time to refresh my learnings. Dang, I just feel so dumb now. Like everything’s been drained down because of my thesis & due to the amount of time I’ve taken a break. Maybe I can cope up with it, maybe not, let’s see. This monday, I’m going to have my tryout for the company I think. Hopefully, if I’m fit, I’d get the job as a web developer or maybe a designer. Don’t know still. Cross my fingers I’d do good with the tryout because I feel like if I’d get this job, I’d really grow as a human because I like their environment there. I want to learn new things and go beyond board as well. So yeah, that’s my life update. Told myself I’m done with anxieties, so no more anxieties for me. Would definitely come back for more! 🤗 wish me luck, tho.

[theskinnyninny]

“Fucking desperate. Fucking miserable”

[theskinnyninny]

And I hope that the flower that we’d grown together wouldn’t die of thirst.

[theskinnyninny]

Thank you, Fam! For making me feel special in one of the best days of my life. Thank you for supporting me through ups and downs. You may not know what’s going on with me internally, but I know you cared. We may not be the best family at all times, but I thank God still for your existence. If I ever have to choose a family, I’d still choose you guys. I am happy. I am holding on. I love you, my Family ❤️

[theskinnyninny]

My college undergraduate life had been one heck of a rollercoaster ride. Gallons of tears were shed, I had several mental breakdowns; anxieties kicked me in too hard to resist and I had to face it all ALONE. Let me tell you.. my college life may not be filled with just happiness and laughters but heck it was fun! This is maybe just the beginning as I face a wider world ahead, but it’s nice to know that I survived once. Hence, I am certain that I can surpass the rest of the circumstances that I will yet to stumble upon, too. So yes, that’s it. That’s how my college undergraduate life was wrapped! Cheers for the greater things that’s yet to come ❤️🎓

[theskinnyninny]

Love is not about feelings. It’s all about “commitment”

[theskinnyninny]

What did you say, ma’am?

[theskinnyninny]

I may have forgotten

a lot of things about you

but one thing

I will never forget

is the way you used to

make me feel

[theskinnyninny]

Social media has made us drew further from ourselves. It made us feel alone & useless and all that kind of shits. It has become a battle wherein the weaklings get to loose. I just wanna wanna go back in time when everything feels better :——-(

[theskinnyninny]

(Source)

[theskinnyninny]

I have...

‪I have spent enough afternoons setting with the sun, but finding lesser beauty in the way I hide behind the darkness I now consider home.‬