thesongswithinus

[thesongswithinus]

Nothing in life will ever be as iconic as

“Good morning, im a lizard woman from the dawn of time. And this is my wife.”

[thesongswithinus]

[thesongswithinus]

kissing you on the forehead

[thesongswithinus]

Me entering any museum: man I’m so excited to learn all the things

Also me: GIFT SHOP GIFT SHOP GIFT SHOP

[thesongswithinus]

Maybe he’s ordering a decaf because he has a heart condition, and you’re about to give him a heart attack and send him to the hospital.

Or maybe he’s just ordering a decaf.

Maybe she’s ordering sugar free because she’s diabetic, and you’re about to put her six feet under.

Or maybe she’s just ordering sugar free,

Maybe they’re ordering non-dairy because they’re intolerant, and you’re about to ruin their day. Maybe they’re allergic, and you’re about to sponsor an all black event in an open field.

Or maybe they’re just ordering non-dairy.

Maybe they ordered gluten free because they can’t process it, and you’re about to destroy their digestive tract.

Or maybe they’re just ordering gluten free.

Maybe they’re ordering this way just because they don’t want the food, for whatever reason.

But are you willing to bet their life on it?

[thesongswithinus]

the most important thing is to be snuggly in bed

[thesongswithinus]

Hot take, but if you see your baby struggle through five hours of homework and then you get pissy because they drag their feet about doing chores? You need to reevaluate.

[thesongswithinus]

what was this movie even 

[thesongswithinus]

my kitty cat was wandering around going ‘mrrph?” so i was like “in here!” he goes “mrrph!” shoves open my bedroom door with his big round head and FLOPS on me. as in hard enough that he made a little “oof” noise when he did it. followed by a category five purring event. there’s good in this world mr frodo etc

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[thesongswithinus]

(flight intercom) this is the pilot speaking. yeah we expect todays flight to be normal. um if you look out your window you shouldnt see the skull

[thesongswithinus]

Fave new twitter thread

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[thesongswithinus]

You know what this means...heterosexual marriage hit the fucking towers. Disgraceful

[thesongswithinus]

Love is beautiful …