thestarfishghost - Tumblr blog

thestarfishghost · 14 days ago

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I'M ABANDONING THIS ACCOUNT (AN OPEN LETTER)

Hello, everyone.

Im not sure how to start this off correctly, so I've chosen to speak my mind freely.

This blog has been my safe space since the beginning.

I've always felt safe to express my interests after ending a huge chapter of my life in 2023.

I had to constantly hide who I am and what I liked because I felt judged by the people closest to me.

After cutting ties with several of them, I felt far more free to be myself.

Others in my life either wound up supporting me or not being close enough to me anymore for these things to matter.

However...Back in October, I lived through a very traumatic time involving a natural disaster.

This disaster knocked the power out for over a week.

It was reported all over the news.

After the power came back, I let everyone know immediately I was okay, for the most part.

My FRIENDS first, not my tumblr.

I did make a post on tumblr that I later deleted addressing it, but it was in no way my top priority.

So for a long time I was left in confusion about a certain incident that happened during that time that I intend to finally speak out against in this post.

I took the incident as kindness at first but remained upset about it, and as things often happen for me, after thinking for a LONG TIME on the matter, I simply became more upset.

It takes me a long time to think about things. To make decisions. I dislike that about myself, but it always helps to take more time on things for me personally.

And after thinking on it for so long, I have decided I really need to address this and also leave behind all of my socials pretty much forever.

The incident in question is evading blocking to invade my privacy.

So allow me to cut this here—if you have NO IDEA what in God's name I'm talking about:

I'm sorry.

Just know this blog is over as of today.

I am genuinely deeply wounded by this, even if nobody else really ever cares, notices, or reads this document. But I will ALWAYS remember how INCREDIBLY upset it made me to have my hand basically be forced to pull the plug on all of my online activity.

I will let this blog remain up as it is right now. I've already edited everything as much as I wanted to.

You can enjoy my blog as a relic of an otaku who was here.

I was here, and I had fun, and I loved it, and I loved my moots, and I loved making friends, and I loved all of you for the positive experiences you helped me have.

Thank you for bringing this lonely, bedridden loser a little bit of joy.

I hope we can meet again someday by chance. Perhaps fate works out that way; maybe it doesn't.

But I do request those not involved stop reading here. It will all read as nonsense. I'm simply lecturing ghosts, aha;

I hope.

Thank you again.

Byeonara, everynyan!~

And then. To anyone who may actually have a slight inkling what the fuck I'm talking about...

IF YOU AREN'T BLOCK EVADING, WHY IN THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE READING THIS?

I feel like I genuinely have the right to revoke anyone else's right to get angry at me for addressing this. Because if you aren't invading my privacy, you'll never see this. You'll never have the ability to be angry at me, right?

Exactly. And if someone is leaking this info to you as a loop around... Well, that's going to be addressed as well.

But to that person specifically:

First of all.

You don't deserve a reply. Not back then. And not now.

You said something that hurt me so deeply I was depressed for months.

I had to sit with it while I was working days that were sometimes 12 hours long because nobody would relieve me from my shift at work.

That and my home life situation growing worse and worse and worse and worse.

You knew both of these things and remained selfish about it the entire time.

I thought over everything you had said to me—both the last time we saw each other and in the past few years we had been speaking—and came to a huge realization.

You're bloody fucking mean.

You were always mean!

You always made me feel judged.

You silenced me multiple times.

You made ME FEEL BAD for SUFFERING!

You made me feel like I was too much and should just shut the fuck up FOREVER!

Our entire friend group was a goddamn clique.

I just realized I didn't want to be INVOLVED with people like you or your friends anymore!

I'm nearly thirty now; I shouldn't still be so bloody involved in this! I thought I put an end to this and started a new life finally!

I don't want to drag too much dirty laundry out into the open.

I don't want to reopen any old bullshit.

But if it reopens, it's because someone I DO NOT WANT ON THIS BLOG and have NEVER EVER EVER WANTED ON MY BLOG AFTER 2024 is on this blog.

Either you yourself, your friends, or people who once called themselves my friends.

You can recognize yourself as one of these people by the lack of me giving you my new discord username.

To any people who may have been talking about me to this person:

I did not trust you anymore, and therefore I left.

It's shitty to do, but I don't want to live my life feeling like people are watching me and gossiping about my every move like absolute assholes.

Plus if you were one of those people, you stopped acting like you even cared about me for over a year now.

Thats also why I didnt want you on my blog. Even if nothing was ever said. "You never told me I couldn't be here!" andddd you never asked if you could, either.

It goes both ways.

I have no hard feelings removing you for those reasons, but I really hope the truth is that we just grew apart or you started disliking me for unrelated reasons. I really hope it isn't related to this person because if it is;

That's not normal to do. Grow up, please.

Back to addressing the situation, however, to that specific person:

I told you multiple times.

Quit asking about me.

My best friend, one of YOUR best friends, told you to knock it off twice.

I felt like my information was constantly being put under your judgmental microscope.

"Why are you posting instead of talking to me? Talk to me. Talk to me. This hurts. Talk to me. Quit buying whatever you like. Talk to me. It looks like you're having fun. Talk to me. Who cares what your problem is? Just talk to me."

Congrats on making YOUR hurtful behavior towards ME be about YOU.

Because that's all you DID.

You hurt me, and you thought you were EVER owed a conversation about it.

YOU hurt ME.

I thought about it, decided I wanted to cut ties with a person who violated my privacy multiple times, and you thought you could... what? Apologize? Defend yourself?

Why did you deserve that right?

You hurt me.

It was up to me to grant you a second chance to start with.

And I fucking didn't.

I didn't and still don't think you deserve it. Not from me.

Especially not after what happened in October.

After all of this had ended months prior.

After I cut you off for violating my privacy while I was trying to heal after something YOU did that hurt me.

You went and did it again?

You went on my blog... Found out who I was dating—which ISN'T any of your damn business. You were right about that.

All because you were "concerned" for me.

You didn't even bother asking people about me, to my knowledge that I HAVE recieved.

You just jumped right to my blog.

Likely because you had already pissed people off before this by invading my privacy through them multiple other times prior. Which honestly makes my opinion of your character just go way further down because who keeps doing that after being told to stop it multiple times?

But to cut to the point here.

You're dead to me. You've BEEN dead to me for a long time now.

So let me ask you, dearly departed.

Where's a dead person's right to care about some stranger who wants no involvement with your spirit?

I really DO hope you never read this.

I do hope I'm speaking to ghosts right now.

Because if I'm not, you are fucking embarrassing yourself to the fullest right now, old friend.

Outing yourself like this is incredibly telling of how little you ever respected me or cared about me at all.

Because you're invading my privacy again if you're reading this.

Acting like you have a right to know anything about me at all.

And I just.

I'll never believe you came here out of care for me.

Because why apologize for doing it? Why do it at all when it was a huge factor in why I started to completely want nothing to do with you?

Did you really learn nothing? I'm disappointed in you if not. Because to my KNOWLEDGE, you seemingly haven't. At all.

I'm begging you to quit acting entitled to MY existence.

Because you outright just... aren't.

Get... over it.

Like. Genuinely, I feel awful and awkward saying this, but.

Get over yourself.

I've been fully chased out of the sanctuary of my small corner of the internet by you.

Try looking at it from MY perspective.

I cut a person who was bad for me out of my life.

And once again, that person couldn't leave me alone.

They kept netstalking me, ban evading, snooping through other people, snooping through my other accounts, and snooping… and snooping… and snooping...

Something they know I've BEEN through before.

Something that gave me SEVERE paranoia.

Something you watched happen to me, and then you decided it would be FUN to do it yourself?!

WAKE UP. YOU ARE A B U L L Y!!!

YOU'RE BULLYING A THIRTY-YEAR-OLD BEDRIDDEN, CONSTANTLY SICK, SHUT-IN L O S E R, FOR GOD'S FUCKING SAKE. KNOCK IT OFF!!!

THE VERY EXISTENCE OF MY BLOG, KNOWING YOU BLOCK EVADED TO SEE IT OR MADE SOMEONE ELSE HELP YOU... THAT'S LEFT MY ENTIRE BLOG H A U N T E D. HAUNTED! THAT'S B U L L Y I N G GOD DAMN IT!!!

I grow so TIRED of restarting because people won't LET THINGS GO!!! I literally have decided to GIVE TF UP. I dont wanna keep making memories I have to delete just because people I've cut out of my life don't know how to let go. So I quit.

Plus you were always just.

So judgmental about how OTHER PEOPLE enjoy things!

I can never believe you aren't just here to "check up" on me!

I learned to be myself once I left the damn CLIQUE I was stuck in when you and I were friends.

So I'm supposed to just be comfy being more open about things you made me feel bad for talking about?! While you keep a watchful eye over me?!?

No!

I QUIT!!!

You of all people should've known better than to freak me out in the way you HAVE!

You can't just TAKE THAT BACK!

And once again, if you were sent this by ANYONE, it's absolutely by someone I now have ALSO cut out from my life who I didn't want around my socials anymore anyway.

So that's still an invasion of privacy and, overall, an incredibly gross and childish display of behavior from all parties involved.

There are no goddamn invasion of privacy LOOPHOLES.

So congrats.

Everything I once loved is gone.

Years of memories. Gone.

Taken away by someone with no right to do so.

You've affected my health as badly as the people we once mutually hated.

You don't get the right to that anymore.

So I'm begging you.

I'm pleading.

Stay in the fucking graveyard, you goddamn ghost.

I'm not gonna let you haunt me anymore.