thestarsthemoonandtheworld - Tumblr blog

[thestarsthemoonandtheworld]

The Convienent Friend

I haven’t blogged in a long time but it used to really help me through my episodes in high school to just get it all out there to a group of strangers who don’t know me and don’t know my story so here it goes....

I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault that I feel the way I do, I just feel it and I don’t think it can really be fixed and I just have to find ways to cope. I guess ever since I moved to St. Louis I’ve felt very transient. Like people are excited to hang out with me or that I’m there but I’m not someone’s first choice to pick up the phone and call. I mean like I said, I don’t think anyone is at fault I just think I get lost in the abyss of people’s friends list. It’s probably partially because I’m painfully average. There aren’t things that’s are particularly remarkable about me, I don’t really stand out. Which is fine, I see people out having fun and I feel happy for them whilst sitting alone in my one bedroom apartment wishing I were outside enjoying the nice weather. It’s fine, I want to stress that I really am okay, I’m just a little sad. But I mean don’t I get to be that way sometimes? Don’t I get to be sad that I’m not someone’s “go to” person. Don’t I get to be sad that everyone is out and about and enjoying their life and I’m stuck here with the whole world circling around me? I guess I just am really searching for someone in my life who makes me feel grounded. Who’s there for just me. I mean yeah I have a best friend and he’s WONDERFUL. But he has his life too. He has a boyfriend, a real job, and responsibilities and that’s okay. I guess I just wish I had that constant presence you know? I don’t know, I’m sure I’ll feel differently tomorrow but right now I am sad and I get to feel that way for a little while.

[thestarsthemoonandtheworld]

First rule of watching Thomas, no pants required.

[thestarsthemoonandtheworld]

Just trying to live my life unapologetically y’all

[thestarsthemoonandtheworld]

That time I did a three hour show every night and took mirror selfies in the quick change room. #vomleft4lyfe

[thestarsthemoonandtheworld]

Bye forever Hamlet #productionassistant #repstl

[thestarsthemoonandtheworld]

I've got some visitors peeking out my window ❤️ (at Tower Grove South, St. Louis)

[thestarsthemoonandtheworld]

Happy international stage managers day to all my favorite SM's! I spent my day today as the production assistant for Hamlet basking in the fake, water based snow. #repstl #rephamlet (at Repertory Theatre of St. Louis)

[thestarsthemoonandtheworld]

Welcome to Vom Left... this is now my home for the next month. #repstl #rephamlet Scenic Design: Michael Ganio Lighting Design: Lonnie Rafael Alcaraz (at Repertory Theatre of St. Louis)

[thestarsthemoonandtheworld]

Bye for now Big Sky Country, you truly did teach me things.

[thestarsthemoonandtheworld]

I just really love ice cream y'all (at Sweet Peaks Ice Cream)

[thestarsthemoonandtheworld]

We may not have experienced totality but we hiked our butts off today and it was well worth it. I'm really going to miss the mountains.... (at Glacier National Park)

[thestarsthemoonandtheworld]

Yesterday's adventure, Many Glacier in Glacier National Park. (at Grinnell Glacier)

[thestarsthemoonandtheworld]

Today's adventure: paddle boarding and kayaking on Flathead lake. We had an absolute blast! (at Flathead Lake)

[thestarsthemoonandtheworld]

So I haven't posted anything about the beautiful place I've been living in for over a month now.... but there's a lake and it's amazing. (at Flathead Lake)

[thestarsthemoonandtheworld]

Y'all, it's my best friends birthday! I'm so thankful every day that this human was brought into the world. My person, my photogenic soulmate, and my forever wedding date. I love you so much Dev, words just aren't enough. Have a blast today, I'll see you soon, love! ❤️ @devdj1

[thestarsthemoonandtheworld]

Made it to Bigfork this evening! I think I could get used to this, no filter necessary. (at Flathead Lake)

[thestarsthemoonandtheworld]

When you stop for a bathroom break and end up deep in the mountains near Missoula in a random ghost town.... (at Garnet Ghost Town)