thestartofabeautifulride - Tumblr blog

[thestartofabeautifulride]

I feel so, so weird with the stage of parenting I’m in. Like Bo is becoming such a kid? Both my other two are in elementary school. We are done having babies, and we don’t even have a baby anymore. Thinking about the fact that my youngest will be 4 this summer is full on offensive to me. This upcoming school year Bo will hopefully get to do a part time preschool program and I’ll have no kids at home for a couple hours, but even if not we’re just one more school year away from him going to kindergarten? It’s just so crazy to me. And then I read all the posts on here from you guys who have babies and toddlers and I feel like that’s the stage I’m used to being in, but it’s totally not where I am now and my brain has trouble reconciling that for some reason.

Also, I feel like there’s this weird situation I hit once all three are in school all day where there’s an expectation that I should possibly be getting a job since I have the free time. But also it’s so important to me to be there for my kids 100%. Any time the school has events and things I want to be there for them. Which I’m not saying isn’t possible with a job, it just means being selective in find a job that would meet those needs. Then on top of that, we are only a few more years away from middle school (which what why is that even on my radar) and at that point I’m going to have to drive the kids to school, because the school we are zoned for is NOT good. And the middle school I would transfer them to gets out at 2 something. So I would need to be free every day at 2? I know that so many moms are working moms and make it work, I know and I understand that it’s possible. But just all of it stresses me out and it just makes the transition to the next stage of parenting even harder for me to wrap my head around.

Idk. I feel comfortable being done with the baby stage, I feel like our family is complete. But I’m also not ready for my kids to keep growing and not needing me so much. And just being a kid mom.

[thestartofabeautifulride]

My absolute favorite, getting a phone call from the school to let me know Clara had thrown up and I needed to get her. But y’all, this child is just as happy as can be. Running out of the school, balancing on the curb, spinning around on a sign pole. 😂 Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want her to be sick. I would much rather have her feeling great. But it was not the state of Clara I was expecting to find at the school.

[thestartofabeautifulride]

Random, but has anyone been to Sesame Place and can tell me if it’s a worthwhile thing to do? I’ve started brainstorming ideas for things to do for Bo’s birthday and I am thinking more experience than party type of celebration. So this idea popped into my head because back in the fall there was an Oktoberfest here with a bunch of the fair rides and Bo LOVED all the little kid rides so much. So I thought maybe some amusement park, and then I remembered the existence of Sesame Place. He is aware of Elmo and Cookie Monster, but isn’t really a Sesame Street kid. But I feel like an amusement park targeted towards small children would probably be appropriate even if he isn’t big into the characters? Maybe? Idk, I know basically nothing about it other than having seen some pictures from a friend who went. 😅

[thestartofabeautifulride]

I saw a lot of people recommending All the Ugly and Wonderful Things, and I just finished reading it. And y’all. I see a book mentioned a couple times and I just go ahead and add it to my holds and then whenever it comes available, cool. By that point I usually don’t even remember what the book is about, so I definitely went in blind. I’m not sure if it would’ve made a difference either way. But oh my gosh, so uncomfortable. I’m not necessarily saying I disliked the book, I’m undecided on my overall feelings beyond just so, so uncomfortable. From first encounter I was like, “oh no, please tell me it’s not going in that direction” and spent the whole book like “please stop this trainwreck, it cannot go this way.” And I’m not going to go into detail because idk if anyone else is planning on reading it and I don’t want to spoil anything. But ugh. Uncomfortable.

[thestartofabeautifulride]

Today I took all 3 kids to the grocery store, which I try to avoid when I can, because chaos. But man, it was just one of those times where I just felt, “wow, I just really love these kids!” I let go of control a lot, and the joy the kids had was astounding. They, on their own, took turns finding and picking each item on the list. The produce section was the greatest joy for them since the items aren’t uniform. So picking out the best cabbage made them so proud of themselves. Were all of the choices the ones I would have made? No. But they were all still good! And the kids were so happy and it made me so happy.

And also made me wonder why I can’t just let things be fun more often. It’s 100% a me problem where I just really want to get the errands or whatever done, so I try and force control to zoom through it. But I recognize that that doesn’t create a great mood for everyone.

[thestartofabeautifulride]

Okay, so I am completely not a girl. Clara’s dance studio has a very thorough list of makeup requirements for recital (which isn’t until June, but I’m a real big planner) and it is just a whole lot. I’m sure most of it is stuff that the average female is likely to already have at home so it’s not a big deal to use a little on their daughter. But if I were to buy everything to complete the list, buying the cheaper options I can find, it’d still be in the triple digits pricing range. Which feels insane for one day. And truth be told I have no clue what I should or shouldn’t buy, since I don’t wear makeup really, so I don’t know what brands are decent at a decent price. Or what form of different items I should get. It’s all just a lot for my non girl brain to process

But, my number one question, because Clara loves wearing lipstick so I let her wear it from time to time just for fun on the weekends, so I’ve noticed some troubles with wearing it where some wear off really quick. Or a liquid one we tried today stayed pretty well, but smudged super bad. So, if anyone has a good suggestion for a smudge proof, long lasting lipstick, let me know. Because she is not cautious with it, and I don’t want her to end up looking like the joker or with regular lips by showtime 😂

[thestartofabeautifulride]

So, I’m putting away Bo’s clothes I pulled out yesterday and he does NOT have enough hangers. And we are in that in between weather where some days it’s still cold, some it’s warm. So my initial thought to just stick the long sleeves up doesn’t feel like the best option. So now I’m like, let me just buy some more hangers for him. But it also comes with a question, at what point do you switch your kids clothes from children’s sized hangers to regular hangers? Because if it’s around Waylon sized maybe I just buy Waylon new hangers and move his kid sized ones to Bo’s closet? Because that seems the less wasteful route. I mean, I could just grab some adult hangers from our closet and try Waylon’s clothes and see how they fit on them, but if anyone has insight on when they made the transition

[thestartofabeautifulride]

I just pulled out the 4t hand me down box and have started them in the wash to add to Bo’s closet because some of his 3t shirts are getting close to being too small. But it is just so weird and wild for me, because how is he moving into 4t when Waylon literally still has some 5t shirts he wears?! Granted I’m about to go through his closet, too, and pull out the remaining 5t clothes. But still. These boys are almost 5 years apart. But Bo is much more average sized and Waylon has just always been tiny.

[thestartofabeautifulride]

Okay, last post about Clara’s bounce house situation, I swear. I know it probably doesn’t seem as big of a thing when you weren’t there, I know my husband seems to think I’m overreacting to it. But man, it was SO bad. My anxiety has been so bad since. I have been having the most trouble falling asleep, every time I’m not actively doing anything that is entertaining my mind I just keep replaying it in my mind. Just ugh.

But! This morning she says her mouth finally feels almost completely better. Her face/head bruises and scrape are still bothering her a little bit, but not bad. So things are looking up, my tough cookie is on the mend. And so excited to show her teacher at school today that she lost her teeth.

But now I feel so scared to ever go to another kids class party, because I swear every single one has a bounce house. And they always set it up on concrete. Which made me nervous before, but now I just can’t. But if I bring my kids and they see a bounce house, they will 100% want to be part of it. Which I get, of course. I just don’t know if my nerves will be able to handle it. 😩

[thestartofabeautifulride]

Oh, the bounce house situation just gets better as Clara has told me more. Apparently she wasn’t even on the bounce house. It was one of those ones with the slide to the side, so there’s a landing spot at the end of the side, a little gap, and then the step spot where you climb in. Clara was next to the spot you climb in, taking of her shoes to get in, when the boy decided to jump from the end of the slide to the other spot, and I guess missed? His knee hit her in the mouth and she went down. Her head hit the concrete. I only found out because in the bath I noticed a mark on her forehead by her hairline and questioned her on it. I knew she’d gotten hurt on her nose and cheek, because those were more visible, but she didn’t seem too bothered by those. But had I known head met concrete? Ugh. I hate my kids getting hurt, and I’m just feeling extra irritated because it was not her fault at all, it was another child’s reckless behavior. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. 🥺

[thestartofabeautifulride]

Clara has had her two front teeth loose for a while, but they weren’t getting SUPER loose or anything. She has the adult teeth coming in a little bit, which I think kind of wedged them in. Well. We were at a classmate’s birthday party with a bounce house, which was set up right beside a little play structure. I was watching Bo on the play structure when I heard Clara scream. I ran over to the bounce house and parents were surrounding her, her screaming her head off, her mouth a complete bloody mess. A mom handed me one of her teeth, the other front one was hanging on by a thread. She was in an absolute panic, everyone rushed around to get her some paper towels for her mouth, which freaked her out even more because she could see just how much blood was coming from her mouth. Someone rigged up a bag of ice out of a random glove and a trash bag. The other parents were super sweet. But Clara was sooo freaked out. She didn’t want the ice or the paper towels, she was just screaming and shaking and ugh. It was so so so bad. At some point in there she got the second tooth out, because it was just barely in there. A dad that lived nearby offered to run and get some Tylenol for her and he came back with Tylenol and a popsicle. Which did get her calmed down a bit, but she was just so freaked out and in quite a bit of pain. It’s been almost two hours now and she’s still periodically crying because it hurts. Like, they were loose, but not bump them and they fall out loose. Also, when she took the knee to the face it also hit her nose. She didn’t realize right away that it was hurting, too, but after the adrenaline wore off her nose is hurting her, too. It’s just been so, so traumatic of a day. And, maybe this is just petty, but I wasn’t mad when I heard that she had gotten hit in the face with someone’s knee, kids are kids, it happens. But when we left I asked her if she knew who’s knee it was, and she told me, and this kid is an older brother of one of the kids in Clara’s class, and those boys were being super wild in the bounce house, their dad was encouraging it, and this kid is significantly bigger than the kindergarteners at the party. So once I knew it was him I actually am a bit mad, because it doesn’t feel as much like an innocent accident and more like a completely avoidable situation. Ugh, it was just a lot. My heart hurts and I hate that it happened to her.

[thestartofabeautifulride]

Yesterday I took Clara in for her 6 year well visit and I brought up my concerns about her sudden overwhelming anxiety. Her PCM legitimately told me to google it and see what strategies might work for her. Just go ahead and google it. Cool.

It was the first time we actually saw this doctor, because last time we had another doctor that was filling in for him. I’ve done phone appointments with him for Waylon’s medication adjustment and refill and he always seemed real lost and confused and a whole mess. But I thought maybe it was just a phone thing, maybe he was trying to multitask during virtual appointments or something. Idk, I have heard great things about this doctor. And I will grant he was certainly friendly with the kids, but it seems like he is useless when it comes to anything other than textbook standard children.

[thestartofabeautifulride]

We are about to book our first ever family vacation. Because for once we are actually in a position for my husband to be able to guarantee that he’ll be able to be free for it. I’ve been wanting to do this for years and so I am just so ready to make some memories.

With that said, we are doing a beach vacation. To a location that is not extremely tourist trap-y. It’s obviously still a tourist location, but we aren’t talking like Myrtle beach or comparable where you’ve got all the big expensive attraction options. So it’ll be largely beach days, checking out little shops, etc. Our kids (barring Waylon who was born in Hawaii, but moved when he was 1), have never been to a real beach. So I can’t say with certainty what they will make of the beach. I hope they enjoy it, but you know, kids. 😅 So we’re planning on going for a week, but is a week too long? Like what if they end up just finding the beach hot and boring. My kids really don’t like to swim all that much, but they DO love being outside. I just worry that maybe they’ll enjoy playing in the sand until they’re hot and then just be over it. And then staying for a week will feel way too long and like a waste of money. But then if they do love it and we do a shorter trip out of fear of a week being too long then I’d feel bad we could’ve done more. Idk what the right choice here is. 😅

[thestartofabeautifulride]

And this morning he got up and told me, “it’s weird, my belly pain moved down here” rubbing his lower abdomen. Yesterday it was centered around his belly button. Which if you’re an avid medical googler like me, you know appendix pain starts around the belly button and moves to the lower right side. Which just makes me ✨nervous✨ But also the realistic side of me recognizes that he is acting totally fine. He doesn’t feel sick at all, he’s still eating and drinking, acting his normal self. Just occasionally mentioning the pain, and it isn’t an extreme pain or anything. So realistically I feel like he’s fine. Maybe some gas pain or he’s backed up or something. But there’s that nagging thing in the back of my mind like, “but what if?!”

[thestartofabeautifulride]

Today Waylon has been complaining that when he bends, his belly “feels funny.” He says he doesn’t feel sick or anything, it just feels weird when he bends. When I tried to clarify what the feeling really is beyond weird or funny he says it “kind of” hurts, but mostly just feels weird. He’s just hanging out, avoiding anything that would cause him to bend his midsection and complaining about it anytime he coughs, too. It’s just one of those really weird things where he seems overall fine, but it also just seems so strange it makes my anxious brain uneasy. Like part of me thinks maybe just sore abdominal muscles, but he hasn’t really done anything that should’ve worn them out? I don’t know, everything medical just stresses me out with the kids. 😅

[thestartofabeautifulride]

It’s so interesting having various different children with differing interests and skills. Clara is just now starting to really latch onto the concept of letters and letter sounds and is figuring out how to read super simple words. However, she LOVES to write things, which involves her asking what letter is next on repeat until she gets whatever she wants to write written out. Which is totally fine, it gets her practicing and over time she’s picking up more and more. I have faith that she will get there in the relatively near future. But, it’s clear to me that the exposure to that is having an impact on Bo. I was just sitting there and he goes, “this your first letter?” And he had drawn the first M. I was shocked that he knew that. Then he asked what was next, I told him it was O, and I was unsurprised he knew that one, because it’s one of his 2 letters in his name, which he knows how to spell. And then he asked what was next and I said M and he wrote the other M. It’s just so wild how they each pick things up at their own pace. And also the impact siblings have on their learning. Like Waylon picked up letters and reading like a fish to water. There was never really a development phase, it was just like one day he was reading. So Clara never had that secondhand exposure to the learning to read process, and I wonder if she had if it would’ve made her reading process easier or if this is just how she was bound to pick it up, slow and steady. It’s just one of those weird things where you have to remind yourself not to compare your kids. Like Waylon was fluently reading chapter books by this point in kindergarten, and here’s my 3 year old spelling “Mom.” But Clara is 100% on her own educational journey and she has her own strengths where she’s ahead of where Waylon was. They’re each their own unique person.

[thestartofabeautifulride]

Am I being dramatic? Answer me this, please. 😅

So both Clara and Waylon got to do a 3 year old preschool program that was 3 hours 3 days a week, then a Pre-K that was half days (Waylon’s was 5 days a week, Clara’s was 4 days a week). Then to full day kindergarten. So they got an adjustment slowly stepping up to longer hours. We are now in a different location from when either of them were starting school, so the options available to us are completely different. And by that I mean they are basically nonexistent. So he’s three now and not in any sort of preschool other than this little mommy and me program we attend for an hour and a half once a week. But next year we do want to get him into something so he doesn’t just go into kindergarten with no school experience.

So, the program I want to put him in is 3 hour days, and it can be 2, 3, or 5 days a week depending on preferences and availability. But we are having trouble figuring out how to get the site to work to let us get him on the waitlist. It’s a paid program, but not stupid expensive. It would totally be something we could fit into the budget without it being a big thing.

The school the kids go to does have a free pre-k program but it’s not a guaranteed spot kind of thing, it’s an in depth application process, and most significant to me, it is full day 5 days a week. In my opinion sending him straight to full day school after never having been to school before ever sounds absolutely awful. Especially considering he’s an August birthday, so he will be just barely 4.

My husband asked me at what point if we can’t figure out what to do for my pick do we just go ahead and apply for the one through the kids school and I’m like… uh ideally at no point ever? I just hate the idea of him going to school ALL day long as a just barely 4 year old. It just does not sit right with me. But am I being over dramatic? Is it unreasonable to die on this hill?