theuniversebeyondyourlens-blog

[theuniversebeyondyourlens-blog]

Life as I know it, for now.

Hi All,

I’m back, and I wanted to explain my absence in writing recently, why I’m back and what I’ve been doing.

After searching for months after I graduated Uni, I got myself a full-time job (Waheyyy!) A job that is full on, but each day is different and has allowed me to develop. So in some aspects of life, I am keeping my mind and wallet full.

This is also the reason for me writing less and less- well it’s not the job’s fault, it’s mine really. I had well and truly joined the cycle of millions of people around the world. Getting home of an evening, sitting down and watching some mind-numbing reality T.V, rather than get off the couch and do something to broaden my mind. And believe me, I am still actively trying to change this.

Like a lot of us, I have also promised myself I would get fit, and go to the gym, forcing myself to do some (if any) exercise. Like many people, my form of exercise was walking to and from the fridge (until I fell ill- but that’s a different story) or from the loo to the tele. Whilst I was in Vegas I decided I will push myself to go.

I also haven’t blogged in a long time due to fear. What would I write? Who would be interested? Would I get laughed at or offend someone? But at the end of the day, I am doing this for me more than anyone. This is MY online diary, dang it. I’m the one inviting you in and I am happy to discuss my writing with those who are open and willing to listen as well as speak. All those keyboard warriors beware- I have a degree in International Relations and I’m not afraid to use it. J

If I’m also honest, during this time I have suffered a lot of anxiety. Which is difficult to explain and talk about. I know I have had it for a long time and I think for the most part I am good at hiding it, however I am not sure I am there enough to discuss it yet. I will do my best to explain in another blog at some point soon.

For now, I can only assume most my triggers for anxiety have been my own fault, from bury my head in the sand.  It is difficult to overcome ; the triggers change each day. But since last year I have taken the time to face these issues heard on.

I have, for the first time in a long time grown a back bone and let go of things that made me unhappy. I sorted out things that, despite imagining them going away, weren’t. I started with sacrificing things- a big apology to my family for this, as I decided it was time to sort out my looming university overdraft over Christmas, not a good move, but well worth it for the long term. I promise you all that ‘this time next year we’ll be billionaires’ and I will buy you the presents you all deserve.

I lost people along the way, I stopped becoming a door mat for ‘friends’ who had no regard for my feelings or others, unless it was to use me as a scapegoat or for when they wanted help. Friendship goes both ways. And believe me this was hard, especially living in a small town with only a few limited people I could socialise with. But I realised that only being friends with people in the same geographical location as you, or you’ve grown up with doesn’t always work out. The small town dynamics seem to breed an atmosphere that unless you’re engaged, have kids or have moved in with your other half by the age of 24 you are less of a person, immature and need to sort your life out.

I do absolutely believe it takes courage to have kids and become someone’s wife. I’m not for a second suggesting it is ever the easy option. But it is very hard to explain to others why these are just not for me, not yet anyway. I suppose my frustration comes out when others don’t understand why I would rather develop myself, work hard and travel rather than settle for the ‘picket fence.’

Not there is anything wrong with it, but for me it’s not on the top of my list. I want to travel, meet new and interesting people and ‘find myself’ (it’s a cliché I know.)

I now have very few, but precious friends to me (they know who they are and I love them for it) who despite our family and life differences support me and are always a phone call away. So, a massive thank you to them, I love you guys. And when/if I ever get married or have kids, or whether I’m half the globe away, I know you will be right by my side, as always. <3

What have I been doing other than work and writing?

I have been blessed with being able to travel.

In the last 4 years I have been to Portugal, Holland, Egypt, Turkey and the U.S. Each was an amazing and lifechanging experience. I’ll explain more below.

I made my first trip outside of Europe and travelled with James to Egypt and it was unforgettable. We went in 2014 and 2015, which probably weren’t the best times to go, due to the political and social unrest in the country. And it would be true to admit that travelling to Sharm El Sheikh wasn’t exactly getting into the deepest, darkest parts of the country that would spark a lifechanging story, but truthfully it was.

Whilst we were there I went Scuba diving and learnt about the importance of conserving marine wildlife (mainly from James, who is actually a genius and knows something about everything!) I loved every second, and I came back from the excursion convinced my life dream was now to be a marine wildlife photographer. Yes, I know. I am a flighty and indecisive individual, but I will, will, will get my PADI Licence and go diving in as many places as I can.

I tend to remember the stories of those I meet whilst I travel, and it was no different than when we had a conversation with one of the bar staff. It turns out he was 19, the same age as James, to which he got very angry when he found out. If I remember correctly he was told by his manager to go and take a break during one of our conversations.

We asked him what the matter was, worrying that we had offended him in some way, but he apologised and said that it was not the case at all. The fact we were around the same age as him and able to afford to go away to a 5* resort upset him. The Arab spring and aftermath of political and social unrest back in Cairo where his family lived, had left him in a very difficult position. He was working miles away from home, at the hotel we were staying at so he could provide and support his family. He also had a wife he was supporting, who was by coincidence studying at university back in the U.K, who he only saw 2-3 weeks a year.

Remembering this conversation, reminds me of how lucky I am and hating myself for taking the opportunity to go away for granted. It is easy for us in the western world to distract ourselves from other cultures, and states’ realities, so long as we have our smart phone and the latest IPad, what more could we want in life, right? Whilst other countries are in the middle of civil unrest, their objective and subjective security are at risk and we sit back and worry that having 1 more mouth to feed would mean we’d have one less cheeseburger we’re able to eat from Maccy D’s.

Millions of people back in 2014 and even more to this day are risking their lives in order to gain what we take for granted. And the problem has only become worse not better. So, share the luck and wealth people, and good karma will come your way!  Those who need help are not only thousands of miles away, but on your doorstep, so if you convince yourself that the middle East, Africa or other war torn starts are ‘too far away’ - go to the streets, and if you see someone who needs help, give them a handshake and a listening ear.

In 2016 I also went to Turkey- Yeah, yeah I know. It does seem like I often go looking for trouble.

But anyway, it was another country where I felt more welcome than places in Europe. Me and James, as always did a lot of excursions and had the most amazing time. I think this was the point where I decided that if I ever had a hen party, I would much rather go diving, do water sports or dirt biking than making cocktails. Take note girls!

As usual we didn’t tend to lay about on the beach for long and wanted to look around Icmeler, to which point we met Assad, a shop owner down one of the town’s side streets. He was a lovely chap, and was pushing for us to stay and speak to him and have tea, despite it being light out and them fasting for Ramadan. He was keen to play the host and find out more about us. We kindly declined the offer for tea, until we could come back and enjoy some with him in the evening. However we did stay for a short time and spoke to him about the persecution of Muslims and the ever present issue of extremism and the creeping social unrest Turkey.

He wanted peace as much as those from the western world did. He doesn’t support the cause of extremists, nor did he support the generalisation of his religion, where he had grown up with teachings of peace, respect, and love. It was an honour to speak to him and find out about his life, his family and share stories with him.

Last but not least of the amazing holidays I have been on is our recent trip to Las Vegas, where the family and myself went away so that my Mum and Neil could get married and we could have a family break. I learnt some amazing things from unexpected people, our helicopter pilot who took us around the Grand Canyon knew so much about the history, geology, and geography about the area, and allowed me to take some breath-taking pictures of the scenery.

I got the chance to see my cousin and his lovely wife and get to know them a little better. Growing up I was always seen as one of the younger ones, so it was great to chat to them and listen to how their lives had changed since Ryan moved to the States. I appreciated seeing Ryan, who understood how awkward and English I am compared to the American way of in depth conversations rather than a smile and nod, especially in elevators. Thank you for sharing Mum and Neil’s wedding with us, and sticking around, just so we could hang out. I will definitely be coming to Missouri once you’ve settled in and I’ll bring James with me. J

Whilst on a quick break so I could vape (I know it rhymes but I don’t have a better way of saying it) I met some unique characters. I wanted to say a big Thank you to Earnest, who is the person I least expected to be a 54-year-old Psychology Professor at Alabama University. Speaking to you and finding out your background of teaching, the military and travelling, as well as the reassurance that you don’t always have to belong in one ‘place,’ was unexpected, but needed.

As well as this it was great to meet Ellie from London, and have a conversation with her and David from Mississippi about the difference in Western cultures, Real Estate and Guns. It was actually refreshing to know that although the rest of the world might group us into one category there are major social, political and economic differences between the U.K and the U.S. Whether I agree with these is a different story all together.

 So, what’s new with me? Not a lot that I can show (other than the above) but mentally I feel in a great place and I feel motivated to allow myself the space to become a better and less closed off individual. My outlook on life has changed over the last year, and I hope with optimism and support from those who are close to me I can continue to tell my stories and look forward with anticipation to whatever comes next.

My Bucket list for the next year:

·         Get PADI Licence,

·         Join and adult language class

·         Go to the Gym

·         Write first Screenplay.

·         Capture more moments on my Camera

 Speak soon!

Meggsy

xxxxx