thevirginiafiles

[thevirginiafiles]

Facts are facts

"How did you know to ask Eric?" "Because I don't trust you! You're bad at reading!"

[thevirginiafiles]

Married but Separated

VA: So Medtronic gives birth mother 6 months of leave with the healthy pregnancy program and stuff Jeff: 6 months??? What?? What is this, Europe? No way! Where did you hear that? VA: Yes way! I asked Eric Trotter. He's better at reading than you. Jeff: No way, I'm going to look into this. [3 hours later] Jeff: I am wrong. It is 6 months of leave for the birth mother with combination of stuff. I am bad at reading. VA: You are the worst at reading. Jeff: Did Eric use that with his wife? VA: They don't have any kids. Jeff: So how did he know the policy? VA: I asked him to look it up and he did. BECAUSE HE IS MY ACTUAL MEDTRONIC HUSBAND. HE DOES WHAT I ASK HIM TO DO. EVEN WHEN WE ARE SEPARATED. Jeff: [laughs] Yeah, accurate

[thevirginiafiles]

VA: So Medtronic gives birth mother 6 months of leave with the healthy pregnancy program and stuff Jeff: 6 months??? What?? What is this, Europe? No way! Where did you hear that? VA: Yes way! I asked Eric Trotter. He's better at reading than you. Jeff: No way, I'm going to look into this. [3 hours later] Jeff: I am wrong. It is 6 months of leave for the birth mother with combination of stuff. I am bad at reading. VA: You are the worst at reading. Jeff: Did Eric use that with his wife? VA: They don't have any kids. Jeff: So how did he know the policy? VA: I asked him to look it up and he did. BECAUSE HE IS MY ACTUAL MEDTRONIC HUSBAND. HE DOES WHAT I ASK HIM TO DO. EVEN WHEN WE ARE SEPARATED. Jeff: [laughs] Yeah, accurate

[thevirginiafiles]

MR: ...using a regression instead...

VA: I am honestly impressed you know what a regression analysis is

MR: yeah, I pull these things out of my hat sometimes - r squared and stuff

VA: you know what a correlation factor is????

MR: t- tests and stuff

VA: you know what a t-test is???? 🤯

[thevirginiafiles]

(at winetasting)

VA: Cheers, everyone!

Jeff: Happy Sunday!

VA: it's Saturday

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Mike: How are you doing back there?

Geoff: I'm having a horizontal problem. Some of us have large hips.

VA: Wow, rude!

Geoff: Not you! You're the smallest person here!

(VA and Francesca laugh)

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VA: How are you feeling today, 小星星?

小星星: Happy

VA: What makes you happy?

小星星: I just happy

[thevirginiafiles]

The Coke guy...

Steve: Yeah, I remember the whole gamification thing... I'm throwing shade at the Coke guy VA: I worked for the Coke guy! Steve: OH yeah! I forgot about that! VA: Coca Cola guy. To be clear to everyone else, the Coca Cola guy. Steve: HAHA Crowd: LOL!!!

[thevirginiafiles]

Chubby little unicorns

[on call] VA: They're hard to find, they're kind of like little unicorns in the diabetes world. [on Teams] Steve: chubby little unicorns VA: those are called rhinos, steve Steve: LOL

[thevirginiafiles]

Jeff: I'm one of a kind!

VA: You have a twin

[thevirginiafiles]

Yolanda picks up VA at the airport

---

Yolanda: so apparently it's the mid autumn festival today

VA: I brought moon cakes

Yolanda: oh!!!! I was gonna suggest getting them tomorrow or something, maybe they would be on sale!

[thevirginiafiles]

You don't have to be that good to just release the stuff Virginia came up with 4 years ago

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Look, we are not all book-readers okay. If you want us to like Conrad, you need to show that. Instead you cast Jeremiah as the son of a Greek God and he's so good to her. -Jeff, 7/30

[thevirginiafiles]

Jacob: could I have a coke please?

Server: we only have Pepsi, is that okay?

Jacob: no, I will have water

[thevirginiafiles]

VA: could I have a ginger beer?

Amrith: could I have a ginger beer with vodka?

VA: so that's called a Moscow Mule

Amrith: I'm an idiot, I couldn't remember the drink name

[thevirginiafiles]

"Seriously the outfit is giving me rich girl, mysterious author, ceo of an extremely successful startup" -Shandra, July 2023

[thevirginiafiles]

There are schools everywhere

GK: Paul's thinking about moving up here [Mammoth]

VA: What! Is he going to homeschool his kids or something?

GK: There's schools up here, what are you - stupid?