thewonderousworldwelivein-blog

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This was a beautiful day we had at the park on Valentine's day, it was sunny and nice and the kids had tons of fun running, climbing, sliding, playing and chasing each other around. I did some studying and then watched as they played with each other and admired the relationship they have. My kids are so close, best friends and have so much love for one another it warms my heart, and makes me feel like even though I sometimes feel like I am not doing a good job at being their mom, but seeing them together lets me know that I am doing something right for them to be how they are, of course I can't take all the credit they have many great examples in their life, that influence them deeply.

I looked so happy and clueless that in just a couple of weeks my world was going to be turned upside down. I am so sad today, yesterday marked 7 weeks since my dad's passing. And some days it takes all I have to get out of bed it probably sounds pretty silly because I'm 4o years old and I've been on my own since 18 but I feel so lost without my dad being here. The pain im feeling now is not like any pain I've ever felt before and it brings me great sorrow. I am sure that I won’t feel like this forever, at least I hope not but for now I hurt and it stings it hurts so bad. I can’t imagine thinking that I would never see him again.  How do people that don’t believe in something more go on when something happens to rock their world. 

I am so blessed to know that this in not the end, that one day I will be able to return and be with all my family that has passed before and all my family that will pass in the future.  I believe that the time we spend here on earth is nothing really compared to what our lives really are, maybe just a short period of the time. When I think about that it feels quite silly that I am complaining like this because it’s not the end and we will all be reunited sometimes it just does not seem like soon enough I guess. How do people not believe in something more, the whole idea of that just blows me away.

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YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

I love this so much, everyone is beautiful in their own special way, whether it be in how they act or what they show, what is beauty and who decides that? Everything is beautiful. Since being on lock down we have been going on many walks, we were on one a couple of weeks ago and came across this "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL" at the corner of a street. My kids were all so excited about this to be honest I think it made their day, maybe even mine too. My daughter said oh that was nice, I wonder who wrote that, I wish I knew who wrote that so that I could tell them thanks! It inspired her when we got home she pulled out our sidewalk chalk and she began drawing nice positive sayings to make other people's days as they were on walls.

So we need to look everywhere for there is beauty everywhere. Now more than ever in these strange times we need to see the beauty in everything and try to be positive and try to appreciate what we do have and know that better times are coming and reach out to others even from a far and try to brightens someone else's day. Helping others helps us!

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A Rhetorical Analysis by Brittani Guile

Make your life a

masterpiece; imagine no

limitations on what you

can be, have or do.

-Brian Tracy

             To me this inspirational quote is quite powerful and has so much meaning to it, it means there are no limits you can be whatever you want, have whatever you want and do whatever your hear desires. Everything is possible if you just believe and are determined to get whatever it may be that you want. YOU have the power to make of your life whatever it is that you want. It is all up to you, you can change everything, and you determine who you become, what you have, and what your life ends up like. Whether you want to live life as a bum on the street, going thru trash cans to get food, if you want to live a normal mediocre life, work a middle class job live in a nice little house in a neighborhood, or if you want to run your own business, be a lawyer, be a doctor, be the president of the United States it is all up to you. You just have to do what it takes to get there, and in some cases, it might mean that you work hard for years to get you where you want to be.

           People are stubborn and resilient, some have been through things that others cannot even imagine going through, but I really believe that we all choose our destiny in this thing called life. Of course, you can’t expect that you will own a big house and travel the world if you are not willing to put the time, effort and work into making that dream become a reality. If we do nothing, then in our life nothing is going to happen, and we will just be at a standstill. I truly believe we just need to stay positive and believe that we can accomplish all that we dream of and we will continue moving upwards to our goal of where we want to end up in this life. We have the ability deep down in us to manifest all our dreams we just have to be willing to do the foot work to get us there.

           This reminds me of something I was always told while I was growing up, if I were to say that I can’t do something, my mom or dad would tell me that I could do anything I set my mind to, while I was growing I didn’t pay too much attention to them or their words.  I know that what they told me has always been true, I tell my children all the time that if they say they can’t do something then they are not going to be able to do it, but if they really want to do something they need to sit down and figure out a plan to be able to do what they want and that if they truly want it, work hard to get there and follow through, that they will succeed and be able to do what it is they want to. I tell them it’s all in their attitude, whether they are optimistic, pessimistic that they need to believe in their selves because I know that they can do whatever they want they just need to keep their eye on the goal of where they want to be and go. Just like sometimes I wake up and am not very happy and my day goes on regardless but I have noticed that when I say no, today is going to be a good day and no matter what happens I will continue on with a smile on my face and make the best of today, and just try to stay positive and upbeat no matter what.

           I am not sure if Brian Tracy wrote this for a specific person, if he wrote it for himself or if he just wrote it for whoever might need it, I am not sure if he knew how much it might impact ones being. I do know that when I read this and say it outloud to myself, I am always reminded that there are no limits in this life and where I want to go and what I want to do. I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT! Yes, this is exactly it, I can do anything I want and I can be anything I want I just have to follow the path to get me there and in life if you decide that is not what you want to be or do anymore, just change it, it’s never too late to try something else, or start all over, your life is truly what you make of it and if your life is not what you wanted then you are the one to blame for it.

           In life, there will be many situations where things happen that were not necessarily planned, expected or what we thought would happen and that is all part of it. We cannot control what other people think, do or say, all that we have control over is how we think, say, do and react to people, things, and situations and if we just do our best to stay our course we will be amazed at all we might do. We all react and feel differently to things and that is what is expected, and no one ever said life will be easy because there is going to be trying and difficult times and there might even be times when we feel we cannot go on any longer like this but I believe if we just take a minute to pause and reflect on life and ourselves we can see the big picture and know that it is definitely worth it to keep on keeping on. We have to experience the downs to appreciate the ups and vice-versa it is all part of life.

           I have a dear friend who I have known as long as I can remember and she has not always had the best life, some of it is due to circumstances but mostly her life is the result of the not so good choices that she has made, and she has always blamed others for her life being the way it is for her not having all she thinks she should and for her not being happy in her life, it has always been someone else’s false, and I am not quite sure what happened but I believe she had a life changing experience because as of the last few years she has stepped up and started to realize that she only had herself to blame and her life is a result of the choices she has made and she is now living a much happier life, making better choices, and truly thinking of how it will affect her and her life. I am glad that she now knows that she has the tools that are needed to make her life what she wants of it and is not afraid to start over.

           Life is beautiful, although it is sometimes ugly, sometimes it’s easy and sometimes hard but, it is what makes life like a rollercoaster full of ups and downs, and unexpected turns. If we have the desire to make our life a masterpiece we most certainly can do that, it might take some changing, trying, and thinking differently but it is always there and we can make of it as we chose, we don’t need to rely on anyone for we have the ability to make ourselves happy and if we do that, then no one else has the power to make you unhappy.

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Happy 420

Legalizing Marijuana for Recreational Use

In life there are many choices and what I chose to do may not be something that you want to do and that is just great, but we still should be able to choose for ourselves. Marijuana should be legal for medical and recreational use and I believe it should be legal nationwide. People are allowed to drink themselves to literal death and they are allowed to purchase and smoke cigarettes and people die daily from cancer caused by smoking cigarettes. So why shouldn’t I be able to go buy some marijuana and partake of it in any way I chose from my home?

In fact, one of our forefathers and our first president of the United States George Washington, grew hemp in an abundance on a plot of land he called Muddy Hole, rumor has it that he grew a different strain for smoking but there is no actual evidence to prove this. Hemp was one of the biggest farm product plant being grown, they used hemp to make a variety of commercial and industrial products, including rope, textiles, clothing, shoes, food, paper, bioplastics, insulation, and biofuel. Hemp that was used for industrial purposes barely contained any THC, usually less than 0.3%. The strains of cannabis that produce the euphoric effects are much higher in THC content. Marijuana contains some other psychoactive substances such as CBD, we need more research to see if and what kind of medicinal benefits would come from those.  

In all honesty I think they should legalize all drugs but for right now I am just talking about marijuana. Marijuana has been around for as long as man has, I am sure and regardless of laws people are always going to smoke on some “wacky tobacy” In fact it was legal until the early 20th century. Then everyone started to look down on marijuana and laws against it were made. Marijuana has been around since ancient China back to around 2700 B.C. there are many uses for it including: chronic pain, peripheral neuropathy, spinal cord injury, HIV and cancer patients, muscle and joint problems, rheumatoid arthritis, multiple sclerosis, insomnia, depression, anxiety and PTSD among many others.

In 2012 Colorado and Washington legalized marijuana and since then have made millions of dollars from the profit of it, many states have legalized it for medical and many states have de-criminalized it. Colorado used the revenue from Marijuana for roads and the school systems. Right now, it is legal for medical use in 33 states and legal for recreational use in adults older than 21 in 11 states, so we are progressing and hopefully in the future it will be legal in every city, county, state, country, everywhere.

Could you imagine a place where everyone could just smoke a little pot? I can’t help but to think of what a happier place this world would be if we could all just smoke a little pot.  That sounds wonderful to me, people are too uptight and need to relax a little bit. If instead of going to the bar and having a few drinks or maybe additionally you could smoke a couple of joints and enhance your enjoyment. One should be able to do that if you would like. I think this would help our society because I think for many years people have associated marijuana with drugs such as cocaine and heroin (that’s what marijuana is scheduled with) when it’s just not true. Marijuana is not a harmful drug and you do not go crazy or lose your mind because of smoking weed or grass and some call it. People smoke marijuana and don’t want to do anything but sit on the couch and eat because they have the “munchies” but it really all depends on the strain and type of marijuana and the person because some it affects differently.

There is this whole stigma with smoking marijuana and it has for years because the Mexicans brought it with them when they would come here and work and they would smoke it and that was associated with being dirty, and they kind of changed it into this whole cultural class and society frowned upon it; so I think if we could just get rid of the whole stigma around marijuana and how it actually is, people would have a different perception of it all and we might be able to see that a lot of good comes with this plant. I have seen that there is research being done about marijuana and cancer and imagine what might happen if we could go above and beyond and explore possible treatments.

With it being legal you have guidelines that people would have to follow to make sure their product is up to par and anyone who lacks that would be dealt with accordingly. I think the benefits outweigh the cons when it comes to this subject and I really believe if we could just do our research and stand up for what we believe in we might have a fighting chance of getting this somewhere.  Should we be able to grow our own marijuana? I for one think this would be great of course they will have to put some restrictions on it since everyone cannot be growing all the plants they want. I can almost see it now and oh it sounds like an opportunity to learn, grow, teach and experience so much from it and to be part of an evolution in something so great would be wonderful.

This would also help our country to eliminate all the side businesses of drugs like the drug cartel in Mexico, if it was legal here and we did not have to rely on other countries we could limit our involvement with big gangs and corrupt drug lords of marijuana, we would be less likely to be involved with questionable acts this way, the cartel is very dangerous and numerous amounts of lives have been lost because of these people. I think the legalizing of marijuana will help to keep our borders safe.

There will be many people that do not agree with legalizing marijuana, thinking that people will be just walking around stoned out of their minds and I believe that many doctors will be opposed to this because if marijuana was legal they might not be able to prescribe as many narcotic pills and will therefore lack the kickbacks that the pharmaceutical companies give to the doctors. Which also means there would be less people addicted to opiates and other narcotics and therefore probably less deaths because of it and so essentially we would be saving lives by legalizing marijuana. There has only been one person that died from too much THC and they think that maybe she was vaping it too hot and she died and there not any other factors that could have possibly caused death. Doctors are arguing about this though because there has never been any cases of that with all the billions of people that use marijuana.

Think of all the room in our jails and prisons it would free up for people not being in there due to a marijuana offense, growing, selling, or just possessing marijuana or paraphernalia. Between 2001 and 2010 there were 8.2 million arrests for marijuana and of those 88% were for simple possession. More that half of drug convictions in the United States are marijuana convictions. 67% of all Americans believe that marijuana should be legalized, people born between 1928-1945 continue to be the least supportive of legalization. We could better use the taxpayer’s money than feeding and housing inmates from marijuana convictions.

I am no business major or anything like that, but it seems to me that if we were to grow marijuana and legalize it, this would produce a number of jobs across the nation and therefore getting more Americans to work and helping our economy boost, as I look at this there seems to be a lot more pros to this topic than cons and I truly believe that this would help many out in many ways.  

I find it a little ironic that I sit here on 4/20/2020 and write a paper on legalizing marijuana, I wish I could say it was 4:20 pm but it is now 5:15 pm so of all days today is the day that everyone should just take a break and smoke a little pot, many different ways so choose whatever fits you best, rather it be a pipe, an apple, a classical joint, a bong, these days it can go so much further than that but I will just stick to what I know, and enjoy, relax, let loose a little if you will and have some fun but not too much, because this is not legal yet and I do not want to be a criminal because I choose my medicine in my home that suits me best, this is all just make belief of course. My husband wrote a song called Green Buds and it a couple of lines in it says why I am is such a mother lovin’ criminal all I do is sit around and smoke some weed, a beautiful song about a beautiful plant.  

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Mormonism to me

Mormonism to Me

I grew up as a latter-day saint and have not gone to church in many years, though most of my family is Mormon. I have many friends who are practicing in this religion and I do agree with a lot that they preach but I do not believe in all of it. My husband and I are not religious, but we are spiritual people, we have two kids and we talk of God and Jesus in our home often. Our oldest is our daughter who will be 9 in July and has so many questions about going to church and why we do not go to church. I have told her many times, I have no problem taking her to church but I am not going to just take her to one church, I want to take her to many churches where she will learn and grow and understand others and their beliefs.  The majority of her friends are Mormon, and so she has heard of a lot of them getting baptized as has asked me before if she can get baptized, I always answer, she can when she is old enough to understand and commit to what they are wanting of her, she does not quite get it and feels very left out because many of her peers are doing something that she is not able to do.  

I am not against God, in fact I love God and believe in him so much but I do have a problem with my daughter wanting to be baptized and go to church so she feels like she fits in.  I want my daughter to be loved and accepted for who she is not what she believes. I understand that maybe I live in the wrong place for that to happen where as more than half of this state is practicing Mormons.  I do not feel my daughter should lack friends because she is not the same religion as them. I am hoping that as she gets older she will understand that I was not letting her get baptized because I do have her best interest at heart and want her to not just follow what others do but I want her to think for herself and know that she wants to do something because she believes in it, not just so she can gain the acceptance of others.  I did not realize what an impact it would have on my children. I was raised Mormon, but I also spent many years growing up in California and the Mormons there are different, more understanding and accepting that not all people agree with them and share their views. I sometimes want to move so my children are better accepted for who they are and not where they go to church or not. I wish that Mormons were more about treating others how they want to be treated, of course I am not speaking of all Mormons because they are not all this way and some are very loving to others and accepting.  

It makes me wonder what other cultures are similar in this way where people who think and act differently are treated like less than or outcasts because they are different. I am sure that we can not be the only culture that is like this, I have not lived other places to experience it but I would confidently bet that we are not alone.  If people could go beyond their normal or what they are familiar with and expand their variety of people how open minded one might become and how they might grow as an individual so much more from just opening up to some people they would not normally have. I think the idea of this is frightening to many.

My daughter was 4 years old and in preschool when I first saw her being treated differently because we did not go to church. She watched as invitations were handed out to all her other classmates while she did not get invited to the birthday party. I did nothing that day but another day while my daughter was in her class, I asked this mom if there was a reason my daughter was not invited to her child’s birthday party and she said “well you don’t go to our church, and it was just easier like this.” I cannot recall exactly what I said to her but I remember thinking how sad I was for her kids because of the example she was setting for them because now her child might look differently at my child because of what the mom has done by not inviting my child and I am pretty sure every other child in the class was invited. My heart hurt for her child and it hurt for my child because she thought this was her friend and could not understand why she was not invited to their birthday party. I hope my daughter and son do not have to experience this much in their lives.

I try to always remind them that we do not have any control over what other people do or say all we have control over is how we react to what is going on and that we can only control what we do or say. That we should just not worry and be ourselves and if someone has a problem with it, that’s exactly what it is, is “their” problem, it is not our problem. I just try to teach my kids that is why America is so great because people can believe whatever they want and we can believe whatever it is that we want. We are all people and deserve common respect regardless of what we believe, I hope that people are more open minded in generations to come that this is not such an issue and people can be themselves and be accepted for who they are without them having to worry about being treated differently.

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Wow! This has been the longest year of my life and we are only half way through April. Crazy the days have been so long but I still usually feel like I should have gotten a lot more done than I actually did. I am so done with being stuck at home with my thoughts and my kids are going crazy because they just wanna play with their friends and I too am feeling like people would be good for me right about now. To focus on something other than my world would be great because this is all a little much in my world and trying to breath and deal the best I can. The TV is driving me nuts I can't stand Sofia the first. My son only wants to watch that right now. I was really hoping that my kids would get to go back to school before summer even if just for a week or two because I need a break. Im tried, exhausted, emotionally worn and just want to sleep for a long while without being interrupted but the chances of that actually happening are slim to none. It's okay once I finish this semester I will get a little bit of a break and what should I do. Paint, make a craft or perhaps I should try something new like what though im really not sure.

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The movie, The Family Stone, takes place out east in a small town in Connecticut. It was released in 2005 and is a family-drama type movie. It is written and directed by: Thomas Bezucha, Everett (played by Dermot Mulroney) brings his girlfriend Meredith (Sarah Jessica Parker) home to meet his family for Christmas.  Meredith has only ever met Everett’s younger sister Amy (Rachel McAdams) and to say that Amy doesn’t really care for Meredith would be putting it lightly.  I think the writer wants us to think about how important it is for us as humans feel the need to connect in one way or another and why we feel such a great need to be accepted and loved for who we are, there are many times this movie has me thinking about life in general about family and taking things for granted. They continue on through their holidays with all of his family there and at some point Meredith feels so much like an outsider that she calls her sister and asks her to come there for Christmas so she is not just alone with Everett and his family.  Her sister Julie (Claire Danes) leaves and comes there for Christmas and you can instantly see a spark when Everett and his brother Thad (Tyrone Giordano) pick up Julie from the bus station.  They take Julie home to Meredith and to meet the rest of the family, Julie makes a comment about she’s not sure what she is doing there that Meredith seems fine on her own. Later during dinner they get into a conversation with Everett’s mom Sybil (Diane Keaton) she comments about how she wished all of her sons would be gay so that she would be the only woman in their lives and Meredith kind of flips out about how could you wish that on your child.   I believe the author wants us to think about many things here, how often life is taken just too seriously and how we need to loosen up and have some more fun and unwind a bit, we all are intitled to our opinions and how we react to others but in the end we only have control over ourselves and how react or relate to someone or something.  You can see that there is something with Everett’s brother Ben and Meredith from the first time they meet, after the blow up at the dinner table Meredith runs out and Ben is the one to go after her and to try to comfort her, they end up in a bar having some drinks and when Meredith wakes up in Ben’s bed she automatically assumes that she slept with him.  Meanwhile  Everett who has already asked his mom for his grandma’s ring that was promised to him and Sybil was not sure about him using it to purpose to Meredith but in the end decides that it his choice if he wants to marry her and she is not going to stop this, Everett insists that Julie tries on the ring and it gets stuck.  Thank goodness that life doesn’t always turn out as planned because way too often I think we have it made up in our mind how things should go and certain expectations of people and circumstances to turn out one way when life has it’s own way of throwing some curve balls and see how things really go. I think he wants people to be themselves and not worry so much about what others feel and say than just being true to ourselves and what we need and what we feel when we do something a certain way. The movie shows a lot about people, life and that things don’t always go as planned and that that’s okay too, there doesn’t always have to be a plan in everything that it really is more of making the best out of what comes your way and to learn to be happy with what you have and to know that life is constantly changing and full of surprises. To enjoy life and to live it to our fullest because tomorrow is never promised and everyone deserves a chance to be happy, really and truly happy. Everyone should be able to be so comfortable in their own skin that they can be themselves with anyone and to be loved for all of their faults and imperfections and just for them to really be who they are.  The Family Stone ends with them reuniting the following year for Christmas but not everyone is there and the people who were originally there with some now may be there with others and it’s not at all how it once seemed to be.  But they are family and are there for each other and will continue to do so. This is a heartfelt movie that makes me cry, when I watch it, also makes me appreciate life and all it has to offer.  

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This thing called life does not feel real at all right now. I mean I am still living but it doesn't feel real at all, it feels as if I am watching a movie sometimes I can see myself in the movie and doing things and other times I am nowhere to be found for long periods of time. Never in my life have i ever experienced anything like this. Businesses have been locked down, schools are all being done from home or online. We're not supposed to be in groups more than 10, we are to stay 6 feet away from other people. We are only supposed to go out in emergency or to get supplies. We are now on our 3rd week of homeschooling and we are all about going crazy. They expect it to be like this till the beginning of may at least but many places have said that school will not return this school year. My kids don't really understand why we can't play with our friends or go to parks or the movies or anywhere really. How do you explain it to them without making them worry more I mean they are already do confused and worried as it is, so I try to just do my best to keep them happy and calm and to help them believe that everything will be okay even though I myself need some convincing of this sometimes.

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What really sucks is watching your children hurting and not being able to fix it. It is terribly sad to see them in pain and to know that there is absolutely nothing you can do to make it better for them. To see it effect all parts of their life and to watch how they act because of all of it. It's one thing to be suffering yourself, but it is so intensely heart breaking to watch your babies suffer and feel such deep emotions. All the hugs and kisses in the world don't seem to make it better either. I try my best to comfort them but it's quite hard because I can't comprehend what they are going through. I love them and talk to them and tell them all I believe and hope that it somehow makes a difference or that it impacts them in a way that will help them to not be so sad but do I really know if it will work, no I just hope and pray that they will find peace and comfort in something to make this all a little more bearable. I am sure in time they won't be quite so sad and will understand a little better but that's not so helpful right now. I know that we will all be okay that time does help to heal our wounds. But will hearts be broken forever or can we find a way to mend those back together again.

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The beautiful super moon from the other night, I love the sun but I really, really love the moon and I don't think the moon gets all the credit it should or that it deserves. It is absolutely magnificent and it is constantly changing from day to day it goes thru all kinds of phases. For a long time now I have been pretty obsessed with the moon and all its beauty and glory. Most nights I walk outside just to look at the moon and sometimes I think it's hiding from me. The other night I saw it very briefly as I was taking my kids down to put them to sleep. After they were asleep I walked outside to look at the moon and I was super bummed when I couldn't see it because the clouds were covering it. I was telling my little brother this and he says check this out and pulled out his phone to show me this picture. I was so happy cause it is such an awesome picture of the moon shining thru the clouds. It really made my day no probably my week to see this wonderful picture so I had him send it to me so I could share it with everyone. What would this world be like if we didn't have the beautiful moon to look at at night, I don't know but I am really glad that I don't have to find out and that I can admire this beautiful moon so bright and awesome.

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I am overwhelmed with all the love and support coming from every which way. I cannot imagine how it would be to be going thru all of this and to not have all the love and support that we have not just for me but my siblings, my stepmom, my dad and all three rest of us. Life really is a blessing and we need to make the most of it even when times are bad and hard, find something to laugh about cause even amongst all the tears you need to find a way to laugh. We need to find the good in all the bad and try to stay optimistic because we need to believe and have hope. That is all that really matters, living life to the fullest even with all the shit that life throws at us we need to stay on the bright side. I will continue to stay strong and do what I can to keep there love going thru and to keep us surrounded by all the things that are good. And still the world goes round regardless of everything else, the world continues to spin and most will continue to live. Just doing what we can I think that is all we really can do. And so I will pray and hope that everything is on our side and that hopefully we all just continue to go up from here.

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Family is not about blood, I've heard this time and again and it's true. So true I mean don't get me wrong I love my family and family is everything to me but it is so much more, seeing what has been going on for the last few days makes me truly grateful for all the amazing people I have in my lives. I am truly blessed. And the love and support is so greatly appreciated. Life is so extremely precious you never know what is gonna happen and how it can change so quickly in an instant. I have been on a rollercoaster for the last few days and will probably continue to ride it for a few more days.

People I haven't seen or heard from for years have reached out to me and I do feel all the love and warmth and so love it all and it is so very appreciated. I truly believe in the power of prayer it truly works and God is great and is real and positive vibes and energy that is all so helpful and great. This world needs more good spreaded around and people just need to love more and just be more kind in general. You never know what someone is going thru please be kind and sprinkle and spread everywhere. Let's love each other and get along.

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Do you ever feel lost and confused? I've been feeling like that all day long actually maybe more than just today too, I'm bitter exactly sure know that I think about it even the last time I didn't feel lost was, i mean i guess it's not really as bad as it sounds, everything that needs to be done for the most part is, everyone is fed and had clean clothes and bills are paid and all appears to be good, but I still feel lost. Which makes me think am I just supposed to always be lost when it comes to life or will this feeling end or is it that's all this really is is a feeling and infact I'm not lost at all, I am exactly where I need to be and following the plan accordingly but what's the plan, standing? And who is Stan anyways and does he really know this plan and what is this plan and did I really agree to this at one point and do I really know what our intended outcome should be or do I just go on cruise control and just continue on as if I am actually intending for all of this to really happen. And what snot the sky being blue does that make you stop to think and wonder why and how the world goes round or does it even go round?

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I got some news tonight that is very upsetting, well actually I found out last night but I wasn't suppose to know so I had to act like I didn't know when I found out tonight. My dad told me he had a heart attack recently but he's not really sure when it happened it wasn't the big scary kind but that he did have a heart attack. He said but don't worry I told him it's just in my nature to worry he said well don't cause I'm not. But I do worry and I'm really scared. I've always been a daddy's girl he's always been my hero and who I have looked up to and gone to in times of need or just to be around if I didn't want to talk. I am only 40 and he's only 66 I feel like that is just too young, I need my dad around for a long time, my kids are pretty young only 8 and 6 and they need their grandpa around. I probably sound really selfish right now but it has only been a few years since I lost my last living grandparent and I'm not ready to have to say bye to my parents yet. I guess his lower part if his heart is not getting enough blood and his heart is only contracting 2/3 of what it should be. He goes in on Wednesday to have more tests done to find out more so I am going to try and start optimistic and keep him in my prayers and try not to cry too much

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We also sat down and watched the movie Wonder, this movie, I have watched this with my eight year old daughter before and she. truly enjoys it, stating it's one of her favorites. So we watched and I listened to my two children talk about how kids were not being very nice to Auggie and how that is so rude and they should just be kind always no matter what even if someone wasn't being kind to you, you should still be kind to them. I must admit I totally was having a proud mom moment, just watching my kids be so empathetic. They seemed to really care and feel for what Auggie was going through.

We reached the point in the movie where Jack Will sticks up for Auggie and punches Julian in the face and my daughter started clapping and hooting and hollering cheering on Jack. It was pretty cool to see how excited she got about this, I said Zyla, she said "what mom? He totally deserves that he's such a big jerk and she made a very good point he was being a jerk and she was so happy that Jack had stuck up for Auggie. She was explaining to her brother what had happened since his ability to sit and pay attention has since passed, he says well yeah it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside all that matters is how you treat others and what's on your inside and how your heart feels is what matters, another proud mom moment and I found it very profound to hear my six year old son speaking that way. I hope they always stay so sweet and have empathy for others.

[thewonderousworldwelivein-blog]

Today is the last day of my kid's four day weekend, we didn't do anything too exciting, mainly just hung out at home and watched some movies. On Sunday night they wanted to watch a movie and me being sick of watching their favorites on Netflix thought I would pick a movie to watch. My kids were not too thrilled about this but i told then this movie was one of my favorites when I was a little girl and my daughter got all excited, while my son took a little more persuading. I finally got him on board and told them we would be watching "Savanna smiles." They were like what I told them to just watch so I found it in our collection of movies and put it in the blu ray player.

Instantly I was taken back to the days when I was just a child and watching my old favorite movie, snuggling up with my kits in the couch watching it and seeing how they reacted to it, was so enjoyable to me, I watched that movie a lot growing up and it never failed to make me cry. Every. Time. I. Cried. Some things never change as the movie went on I could feel all these emotions coming on and knew I was about to cry and sure enough I did, my six year old was very attentive to me and kept saying "it's okay mom don't cry, don't be sad." I reassured him it was okay that this movie had always made me cry....

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I get so frustrated when people tell me they will do something and then they do not follow through with it. Seriously what is wrong with people? It is really not that hard if you are not sure you can do it, then don't say you can, especially if people are depending on you.

I don't say I can do something unless I am certain I can, I know that sometimes things come up that cannot be avoided and that's okay completely understandable. That's not what I'm talking about, I am talking about when people say they will do something and they just don't. I really don't understand it at all, do they just say things because they think that's what you want to hear or do they think it will buy them some time if they say they will do something. For whatever the reason it's just not right and really upsets me. It's really very inconsiderate and makes me believe that they really don't care.

I guess in this world there are all kinds of people, good, bad, ugly, beautiful, thoughtful thoughtless only to name a few. It all makes me think I should not believe anyone but that is sad I don't want to think that way and let some people screw it up for the rest. I want to trust in mankind and believe people when they say something. And how do you know who you can believe and who you cannot? I guess you just take it one case at a time.