thingsiwroteforhim

[thingsiwroteforhim]

[thingsiwroteforhim]

im finally fed up with him, i think

and maybe soon, i'll delete this tumblr

[thingsiwroteforhim]

[thingsiwroteforhim]

why is it so difficult to let u go

yet to be with u also seems impossible

[thingsiwroteforhim]

you, being kind to her

texted her first

called her first

was a wake up call to me

goodbye, i'll try my best to not love you anymore

[thingsiwroteforhim]

these days, ive been observing things

thanks for showing me, how good i was in perceiving you,

how beautiful, how kind, i portrait you

and how wrong all those perceptions were

[thingsiwroteforhim]

Soal hati gabisa dipaksa, cha

Just let the man do it

There's nothing that can hold any man unless its by his own will

[thingsiwroteforhim]

Written on 25th oct

Happy birthday (okay this is the last)

Honestly several weeks ago, it crossed my mind to ask him out if till today he's still not doing anything

Today we dont even talk, ask him out my foot, haha what a turn

[thingsiwroteforhim]

idk if u see this tbh, im also not sure if u check on this, but i'll just try to write, this prob the last bcs i dont wanna make mistakes like this anymore

i realize that my words may hv been too emotional and direct

and im truly sorry if it caused u to feel uncomfortable and hurt u

honestly, i wrote bcs i need to release the feelings that felt too heavy to keep inside

i tend to overthink a lot, and sometimes my thoughts spiral too much especially with things that happened lately

the words and thoughts may cause me to hurt ppl and im still trying to better myself

i also want to apologize for bringing up personal matters like the ppl around us and the past, those r sensitive topics, and it wasnt my intention to make u uncomfortable

ive also been hesitant and so afraid to reach out first bcs i dont wanna disturb u, and it feels like u dont wanna be disturbed

im also not sure if uve been distant bcs of that or maybe u're just busy

either way, i respect ur space and time

i hope one day, we can talk casually again, or at least not ignoring each other

[thingsiwroteforhim]

i didnt intend to disturb him in any sort of way

its just that, he actually hv bcm a significant person to me

he helped me alot

when i was really at the verge of giving up (now i think i started to feel this way again) on my role here

tbh i lost my passion for this role, unlike in uni days

i havent been developed much and i felt that whatever i learned has gone with time

i actually hv thought i might try find job somewhere else even other role would also be fine

thats how much i hv given up on this

idk whats his opinion about me, he def knows im far from good

but he still taught me

i really appreciate and respect him

despite everything that has happened

i just hope that i can still hv good relation with him, at least at work

its really a waste to lose this good relation bcs of whatever silly thing i did

[thingsiwroteforhim]

i dont understand how ppl r rooted to always lies

u told ppl u despise certain things, yet u come to grab it back when somebody else sees the values and wants it

u dont actually hv feelings towards a person, but u give them hope through ur actions

u dont want to hurt a person, yet u stay silent about crucial things and did not let the person know until they found out by themselves

u told a person u r over them already but u keep coming back

why do ppl r like this, why r they not honest with themselves?

and they blame me for being too sensitive while im just observing their actions

it makes things much more complicated than its supposed to be, why dont they see it this way?

is it really that fun, playing with ppl emotions?

[thingsiwroteforhim]

The Garden of Words; 言の葉の庭; 2013 ♡

[thingsiwroteforhim]

tbh until now i still dont know my fault, idk if u see this as well or not

and writing here probably will make things more complicated, but let me just write here, at last, maybe haha

to me it feels like u r always trying to find a reason to push me away, and now u finally found them

and i get it, u can never love someone into loving u back

i hope my absence give you peace that my feelings couldnt

so many people actually wants to be with u

but u keep pushing them away

maybe u hv ur own issues, i also dk

i also hv my own issues too, maybe thats why

but know that, u r so magnetic, and lovable, and if u really meant whatever reasons u keep giving to ppl when they ask u rather than just a template answer u provide, just know that u r so worthy of it, but u need to make peace with whatever issues u hv

this is all so embarassing, i dont wanna be preaching as tho i know everything, and being seen as stupid, but ive done too many stupid things in front of u already so yeah might as well let it be

[thingsiwroteforhim]

tbh until now i still dont know my fault, idk if u see this as well or not

but to me it feels like u r always trying to find a reason to push me away, and u finally found them

and i think i get it, u can never love someone into loving u back

i hope my absence give you peace that my feelings couldnt

so many people actually wants to love you

but u keep pushing them away

maybe u hv ur own issue, i also dk

u r so magnetic, and lovable, and if u were honest with whatever reasons u keep giving to ppl when they ask u rather than just a template anwer u provide. just know that u r so worthy of it, but u need to make peace with whatever issue u have

tbh this is all so embarassing, i dont wanna be preaching as tho i know everything, and being seen as stupid, but ive done too many stupid things in front of u already so yeah might as well let it be anyway

[thingsiwroteforhim]

Collecting memories ✨️

you wouldn't want to hurt the person you love

im sorry if i hurt you

idk how low i should go and how of a fool i should be to know whats my fault and if i could ask ur forgiveness

if it was bcs of what i wrote here, let me explain what i remember, i hope u dont just dismiss it

i did feel tired and confused bcs of ur action, i heard lots of things about u and somehow ur actions kinda confirm those

i cant read u easily like others, sometimes u make me feel like u reciprocate my feelings but at the same time u also push me away

i wrote bcs i felt sad and wish u'd be more clear towards me, but i didn't show how actually frustrated i am in front of u cause i wanna make it work despite everything ive heard

i did meet my ex, bcs i want to stop him from contacting me and i want to cut ties with him. it happen that he also got engaged so i feel relieved, i wish him happiness bcs he used to be there for me but things didnt work out, i dont even feel anything when i see him

i dont feel mad at u bcs i know i dont hv the right to be

but pls forgive me if i did sth wrong to u or hurt u in any way i didnt know

its really fine if u dont hv the same feelings toward me, maybe we r lesson learnt for each other

if i could say sth that u can learn from this, be clear and more assertive, make boundaries to ppl u dont want, know what u want and go for it, dont make the person u want ever doubt anything, dont dismiss ppl and be clear towards them

and it has been months, even almost a year, i think i tried my best, maybe my feelings dont get through u despite how it looks obvious to everyone, but its fine.. i genuinely like u and i dont resent u at all, i really wish u found the person u look for, and help u heal all the wounds that i think i saw in u

dasar jamet kudasi

[thingsiwroteforhim]

you wouldn't want to hurt the person you love

im sorry if i hurt you

idk how low i should go and how of a fool i should be to know whats my fault and if i could ask ur forgiveness

if it was bcs of what i wrote here, let me explain what i remember, i hope u dont just dismiss it

i did feel tired and confused bcs of ur action, i heard lots of things about u and somehow ur actions confirm those, i cant read u easily like others, sometimes u make me feel like u reciprocate my feelings but at the same time u also push me away, i wrote bcs i felt sad and wish u would be more clear towards me.

i did meet my ex, but it was for the last time, bcs i want to stop him from contacting me and i want to cut ties with him. it happen that he also got engaged so i feel relieved, i wish him happiness bcs i feel the need to let go of the grudge

i dont feel mad at u bcs i know i dont hv the right to be

but pls forgive me if i did sth wrong to u or hurt u in any way i didnt know

its really fine if u dont hv the same feelings toward me, maybe we r lesson learnt for each other

if i could say sth that u can learn from this, be clear and more assertive, make boundaries to ppl u dont want, know what u want and go for it, dont make the person u want ever doubt anything, dont dismiss ppl and be clear towards them

and it has been months, i think i tried my best, maybe my feelings dont get through u despite it looks obvious to everyone, but its fine, i really wish u found the person u look for, and heal all the wounds that i think i saw in u

[thingsiwroteforhim]

idk if u see this, not that confident too, but if u happen to see this, then yeah..

i kinda notice different vibe from u lately, idk maybe its bcs of work, or my work that may not be satisfying, i know how much im lack of and im sorry for that

i dont think im that significant for u but if its caused by whatever i wrote here, im sorry

its my habit to dump my emotion here

i really appreciate the relation between us, and im sorry if i could be honest, i somehow developed fond feelings towards u in the process, and this affects everything..

my stupid attitude towards u, those sad writings bcs u treat others the same, my hope that grows with ur wittiness, then feeling down knowing ur actions doesnt mean u feel the same, dissapointment that i always look clueless about u everytime ppl ask, even today i didnt know that ure taking days off but she knew.. it hurts tbh, but what can i do

im sure u must be familiar to this kinda confession and i dont ask for anything

tbh im not confident bcs im lack lots of things, and i really tried to stop and act as professional, but i just cant help it..

and with everything that happened to me lately it has been really overwhelming

i heard lots of things about u and others too, and it seems to be confirmed from u, things that i found out..

it sadden me, tho i know the most that i dont hv the right to get mad

but whatever it is that cause u to be different, if i happen to be one of the causes, im sorry, i dont want us to hv hard feelings toward each other, or if it ruins ur mood or make u hate me..

i also dont want to force u to reciprocate my feelings just bcs u pity me or feel bad bcs i wrote this, tbh i feel inferior to even write this to u

i really respect u and thankful for u, i learnt lots of things from u, i hope u dont resent me for my mistake..

enjoy ur holiday, hope it makes u feel better..

hahaha such a long writing, so embarassing