thingsthatcannotsaveyou
things that cannot save you
a catalog of your doom
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HAVING ENOUGH MEAT FOR THE LONG WEEKEND CANNOT SAVE YOU
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" TWINKLE " CANNOT SAVE YOU
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REAL TIME INTEL FROM THE GAY SEX COMMAND CENTER CANNOT SAVE YOU
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DESKFONES CANNOT SAVE YOU
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YOUR BRUTALIST REBUKE OF CONSUMER CAPITALISM, THAT BOTH REJECTS AND EMBRACES THE INSINCERITY OF THE BRAND AT ITS ESSENCE BY IMPOSING A TEMPTING YET ULTIMATELY UNWELCOME EXPERIENCE OF "FAST FOOD," WHICH IS TO SAY FOOD THAT FLEES YOUR OWN MEMORY BEFORE YOU'VE HAD A CHANCE TO CONSUME IT (FOR NO INDIVIDUAL HAPPY MEAL CAN BE SO HAPPY AS TO DWELL UPON IT IN FUTURE DAYS, SHOULD YOU BE SO UNLUCKY AS TO EXPERIENCE SUCH A VANTAGE POINT), CANNOT SAVE YOU
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CANCELING BACK RUBS CANNOT SAVE YOU
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CLOWN FRIEND FROM WAHLTOYS CANNOT SAVE YOU
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FAITHFUL ADHERENCE TO THE HALLOWEEN LAW CANNOT SAVE YOU
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ENSURING THAT EVERY CHILD IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD CAN ENJOY A PLEASING HALLOWEEN PIEROGI CANNOT SAVE YOU
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THE WORLD-FAMOUS "LOO WITH A VIEW" CANNOT SAVE YOU
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APPROPRIATE DISPOSAL OF JOY CANNOT SAVE YOU
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CHEESE LOGS FOR CHARITY CANNOT SAVE YOU
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SURVEILLANCE GOAT CANNOT SAVE YOU
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WHOLE DUCK IN NATURAL JUICES (READY TO BE SERVED) CANNOT SAVE YOU
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