thisismybedtalk

[thisismybedtalk]

Unlike Gloria Gaynor, I'm aiming higher.

[thisismybedtalk]

Back in school, art class was all regimented still lifes. Colors like black were a strict no-no by my art teacher's rule book, and a very specific imitation style was rewarded. Probably why for the longest time I refused to make anything that wasn't an Original Rebelman Idea™, earlier me called it rebellion, in more recent history I've come to realise it was years of suppressed creativity waiting to be released. Lately though this very act of liberation feels ironically limiting - I've settled into my creative comfort zone in an era where a part of me also wants to experiment with medium, method, muse. So when Maalu introduced me to pages that release drawing challenges, and that led me to @thebotanica_collective, I knew I'd finally chanced upon art facilitators who encourage you to take a still life and make of it what you will. Finally had the time to join in on Week 87 of their weekly challenge. Experimentation & collaboration, come at meeee!

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Same words, different backdrop. Practicing Adobe Fresco, except idk how to just let it be practice work...and not make complete pieces from my scribbles, clearly.

[thisismybedtalk]

Text on image: When listening to music, is it a memory montage, or made up scenarios that play out in your head? Because I'm beginning to notice how very little sparks my imagination lately the way music does. It's my time to play my life like I'm on The Sims. I put on self-directed self-viewed shows where the possibilities are endless.

Like there's kickboxing and parkour and dance numbers and you do it all oozing confidence? Kinda like being a child again and having your thoughts run wild in ways adult me can't begin to fathom without external stimuli. I'd day and night dream and my dreams would have characters with complex arcs, plots, subplots, etc. Sometimes it'd be like lucid dreaming but without sleep.

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Took the scenic route, but we back on track. Text on image: It's nice to be in the driver's seat of my life again. Don't get me wrong, my insecurities and fears are still passengers..but I call the shots on how much they influence my direction and decisions. Turning up the volume on the good stuff helps.

[thisismybedtalk]

Forget pickleball, I submit 'playing fast and loose by pissing off the gods' as a sport.

[thisismybedtalk]

Only on a hike up a hill are the words "it's only downhill from here" a good thing.

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Side B: A case for revisiting trails (did Triund in 2016 and then again in 2024) -

• Last time, I had not the slightest clue that a place named Dharamkot existed, nor that I'd call it my home 8 years later, and its inhabitants my clan. Goes to show how little I know about this wild little life of mine and the places it'll take me if I just roll with it.

• Last time I did Triund cause I thought it would be a cool thing to do, a subtle flex to my digital audience, and an escape from the bubble that was my life in Hyderabad. This time I did it cause it'd be a cool thing to do (with mum and my hike homies Ishi & Layla, Shubha was a fun and important bonus), a subtle flex (to myself, that I'd finally shook off the weight of my early twenties and feel light on my feet again) and an escape (from the bubble that is my procrastinating brain). Same same but different.

• Last time there was a rush to my steps, perhaps some inane need to prove my capabilities? This time leisure trumped all.

• An extension to the previous point, last time I was so hyper focused on the destination and wanting to reach before sunset, that I paid very little attention to the journey and selfishly abandoned my pack. This time the journey trumped the destination, I'd like to believe it's cause my priorities and interests have shifted and I'm more mindful now. But the tiny humility gremlin in me knows it's more than due credit to the company.

[thisismybedtalk]

What would love look like if we hadn't been told what love should look like? (and I mean all love, not just "relationships")

[thisismybedtalk]

Smite me, almighty smiter.

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Who am I when I stop playing roles? When I stop existing relative to others?

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The monsters ahead and snakes behind,

can't hold a candle to the ones I've conquered in my mind.

[thisismybedtalk]

A very good morning to everyone, except the instant gratification monkey within me and her blatant disregard for money.

[thisismybedtalk]

Toops Coffeehouse '24 - for Maalu, Revu, Sooraj, Chandra, Bala, Chinmayee, Sudha, Kavitha Aunty, Mani, Sikander, Sai, Latte, Mocha, Flat white, and Biscotti.

[thisismybedtalk]

[thisismybedtalk]

All my life I've had fiduciary figures of authority (parents, college professors and deans, the government, etc) tell me what's been deemed as normal - a normal job, normal behaviour, the normal way of living, etc. Those in authority were also the ones meting out consequences for my actions and choices so I'd more often than not rebel and pay the price (or jugaad my way through). But being a self governing adult has me realising there don't have to be consequences (just lessons) coz there are no rules.'

So when mum asked me 2 years ago "(I'm glad you've been having a good time in Goa but) when does your life go back to normal?" - it led to a lengthy (albeit healthy, thanks maa) discussion on the illusion of normal and me quoting Sinatra's My Way.

[thisismybedtalk]

Feel like Julius Caesar during my period, stabbed a bajillion times - et tu uterus?

Once a month my system and the system screw me over.