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WORST RIDE HOME EVER

On Friday evening, after two post-work pints, I cycled home from Manchester to my home in Salford, as I do most evenings. The weather, like most evenings, was shit; cold and wet - neither of which I was particularly dressed for, but it's a relatively short ride and dry clothes and a curry awaited me.

It was less than 1/2 a mile from my home, one left turn away from my road, that my 'ordeal' happened. Cycling down the hill, out of the door zone or away from the slippery mulch in the gutters. The first cause for alarm was a car that had sped up dangerously close behind me, and was now aggressively beeping it's horn at me. At this point, we're going downhill on a residential street and I'm probably doing 15-20mph in the wet. I had nowhere to go to avoid the car (a nervous lifesaver glance identified a new white Audi A3) so I carried on until there was space to pass.

As I pulled in, the car pulled alongside me, dangerously close, in what would be termed a 'punishment pass' and in an adrenaline fuelled reaction, I gave the finger as the window came down and the driver, a young white (more on why this is relevant later) male yelled "WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOING?" across the girl in the passenger seat.

He then sped off in front of me before braking sharply and veering into the curb, boxing me in. I had no option to mount the kerb (fortunately there was a dropped kerb to a driveway saving the risk of having to jump it) and rapidly slowed down.

Same thing happens again, but this time, his car is now pretty much on the kerb. I'm almost at the corner of my road now and I'm now also worried that I'm going to get followed to my front door.

As I rounded the corner, still not far from the car, I heard the driver's door open and the driver yell "COME HERE YOU FUCKING PAKI BASTARD". I'm now pretty much in panic mode and get round the corner as quick as possible, not looking back.

At the top of my road there's a little alleyway which leads to cobbled ginnel between the two streets, which the gardens back onto. Not wanting to attract this lunatic to my front door where I would have to fumble with keys, I take the alleyway - turning my bike lights off as quickly as possible. Slipping over wet cobbles like a Belgian classic. When I do get to the back of my house, I can't see or hear anything, but I'm not looking to hang about and wait. I threw my bike over the 6ft gate and climbed over after it.

It wasn't until I got inside that the scale of what happened hit me. I sketchily mumbled some details to my girlfriend and lodger who let me in, then went upstairs and had a shower. When I got out, I'll be honest, I had a cry. I was shaking with rage that someone would try and do that to me, completely unproked, that I would feel so threatened practically on my own doorstep, that someone would still use the word 'Paki'...

My mumbled details were cause for concern enough for my girlfriend to report the incident to the police, I learned when I got back downstairs after attempting to compose myself. Publicly and privately, I'm not the police's biggest fan, and having no registration number or any details about the driver, I didn't anticipate any further action to be possible; but as a result of her conversation with 101 – I was informed I should go to the station in the morning and report it.

I had also tweeted a stream of anger and shock, some of which I deleted soon after; when my sweet and often naive, but more often sensible, girlfriend suggested some of it could have had me in hot water… but most remained. I was genuinely touched by the response from people I do and don't know in real life who sent me tweets, DMs and texts.

The following morning, I phoned the police station as I wasn't spoiling a Saturday morning by going there. The policeman I spoke to insisted that they needed to speak to me, to get my signature to say I didn't want to follow it up. I said there was little point as I had no details of the car, no CCTV footage etc, but he ignored this twice and referred to it as a racist/hate crime, and that "they had to be seen to be doing something against it."

Not doing something, but to 'be seen to be doing it'. A subtle but important distinction.

I said I wasn’t going to come to the station, although this meant they would have to send someone to my house, which was still shit. They said they’d be round in one hour.

Hoover, shower, get dressed.

I didn’t ask the cop’s name, but he got his notebook out and confirmed a few things that my girlfriend had reported the previous evening. He, like the officer on the phone, was focused on the racial aspect of it.

What I repeatedly had to explain to him was that;

The catalyst for the attack was me as a cyclist, not as an ethnic minority.

I was reporting a driving incident, regardless of words that came out of his mouth.

I would not phone the police if someone shouted the words ‘paki’ to me.

 The police patronisingly explained to me that the racial abuse added extra weight in the courts and therefore longer sentencing. I understand this, it’s an area of the law relevant to my work; however the more serious thing is that someone tried to kill me with their car, not that someone called me a paki.

This went round and round for a while, my prickly attitude was noted. I said whilst I don’t speak for all cyclists, I don’t have any faith in the police or the courts when it comes to looking for cyclists safety. In fact, barring the racial abuse, a police car which had breached an ASL did exactly the same thing to me, but at least that time I didn’t think I was going to get my head kicked in.

For what it’s worth, I am an experienced cyclist, I always have my lights, I sometimes wear a helmet, sometimes don’t. I’m trained to ride leader level with Bikeability, and a member of different cycling communities. I also drive a car, and sometimes, ugh, have to take the bus.

I asked the officer if someone had driven alongside me at a safe distance, wound their window down and called me a paki, before driving off safely, would it be considered more serious than last night’s actions but without the racial abuse.

He looked a bit embarrassed to say basically, yes, and ‘as a former motorcyclist’ he claimed he understood my frustration.

I said he didn’t. I told him that police have a long history of failing ethnic minorities, and seemingly have little regard for the rights of cyclists and that the meeting had come to an end. The incident would become a racist hate crime statistic. I morbidly joked that if I’m killed by the driver of a white Audi A3 that it should be racially aggravated murder, not an ‘accident’, although I’m sure a judge would find a way to let them off with a few points and fine.

If you’ve read this far, fair play. Nearly finished. This was probably the scariest incident I’ve had in thousands of road miles. The abuse is shit, but I’m less worried about it, I’m pretty sure if I was white he would driven the same, and yelled something else. Most people don’t drive like assholes, and everybody is just trying to get somewhere. Are you in so much of a rush that you’d willingly risk injuring or killing someone?

 The upside of the story is that I wasn’t physically harmed, and I felt the kindness and sympathy of friends and strangers. The moral, if there is one, is to not be an asshole on the roads, however you get about. You could even extend that to not being an asshole in general but let’s take it one step at a time.

  Travel safely.

General Deluxe

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GIRL ON A BIKE

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SOMETHING CHEEKY FOR MONDAY MORNING

No ifs, just butts.

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RIDE BIKES AGAIN - CHRIS PIASCIK

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PALMA MALLORCA

I've recently returned from a stay with a friend in Palma. I carefully and nervously packaged up my new road bike to fly with me, and the conditions were set for good riding, mountains like I've never climbed on a bike before. Stunning views, great road surfaces and a distinct lack of murderous maniacal drivers make it a little easier and I enjoyed smashing it around the city on a track bike almost as much as grinding up the steeper hills out in the country. I also had the opportunity to go wakeboarding, although shortly after mastering it, we returned to shore where I promptly fell off a jetty and dented my back, and bruised and grazed my legs, injuries to which I still bear the scars.

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NVA SPEED OF LIGHT

A couple of months ago, on a freezing March evening, I checked out NVA's human-powered interactive light show Speed of Light when it came to Salford Quays. I risked hypothermia, frostbite, as well as nearly smashing my camera when an overzealous viewer almost knocked over my tripod. I was able to get a few photos to justify my time in the cold, including a bit of bike porn whilst I was waiting for the runners.

Read more about NVA and Speed of Light here.

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MONDAY MORNING HOT GIRL PHOTO

Gone are the days when you could set your watch by The Upside's weekly postings of hot girls on bikes. But even though we might not be as regular now, we still know how to deliver the goods!

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ANGELS OVER BERLIN - MERCEDES SLS AMG

Directed by Daniel Michaelis

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CARGO BIKE

I often carry a fair bit on my back when cycling, but I've got nothing on this guy. And he'll probably have extra cushioning if (when) he crashes.

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BEYONCE

Mrs Carter looking pretty fly there.

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CYCLING IN THE PEAK DISTRICT

I swapped my fixed gear for a road bike last weekend and took to the hills of the Derbyshire Peak District, with a brief foray into Staffordshire. I'm glad to say that my legs held up ok against two more experienced road cyclists, but my ancient aluminium Cannondale R400 was lacking in the higher gears that the full-carbon Boardman/Felt bikes of my two friends.

We stayed at Rivendale Caravan Park, near Ashbourne, in a camping pod. It's a revelation; camping without the fuss of a tent, a heated, well insulated, wooden hut with plug sockets and lights. And at £50 per night for the pod, splitting it three ways meant it was very reasonable accommodation.

We didn't put huge miles on the clock, partly due to the often and intense climbs we undertook, 30 miles here was like 100 miles on the flat.

And now I want need a road bike.

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WOLFGANG

If two is enough to constitute a gang?

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MONDAY MORNING HOT GIRL

Hopefully she's not actually holding that building up.

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AMAR STEWART

If you pass by Upper Playground's store off Carnaby Street of a daytime, you might catch a glimpse of Amar Stewart - that's when he's wearing his fashion/retail hat - as you can see in the above photo, he's a man of many talents. He has recently put down the spraycans and picked up the oils - check his blog for some photos of recent commissions he's created!

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SUNNY DAYS

Another tenuous weather related post - it feels like tops off weather is a long way off still. Put a coat on it love, you'll catch your death!

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PARIS RATP ADVERTS - TADAHIRO UESUGI

Illustrations by Tadahiro Uesugi (Coraline designer) for french RATP campaign (Paris public transports).

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ED ORCUTT - TOTAL TOOL

“Representative Ed Orcutt (R – Kalama) does not think bicycling is environmentally friendly because the activity causes cyclists to have “an increased heart rate and respiration.”

…

“You would be giving off more CO2 if you are riding a bike than driving in a car,” he said. However, he said he had not “done any analysis” of the difference in CO2 from a person on a bike compared to the engine of a car (others have).”

Idiot.

Fuck this guy.