thom-himself - Tumblr blog

[thom-himself]

I truly enjoy getting older and discovering more about who i am as a person, and that includes discovering how to deal with my sleeping problem whenever it comes, acknowledging the types of fabric that feel the greatest against my skin, the mineral water brand I prefer, or how I prefer to be handled.

I've been able to track my growth as an individual, like how I now relish a plate of capcay after abhorring it as a child, and understand why I became angry in that particular argument 13 years ago.

I still have a lot of mysteries inside of me to uncover, and there will always be more. Sometimes I wonder if it's all been worthwhile.

Banjarmasin, October 2, 2023.

—Thom

[thom-himself]

satu hal tentang laut dan problema kita; tak peduli seberapa surut atau seberapa pasang. andai kata tenggelam, pun kita tenggelam pada kedalaman yang senjang.

sepele bagimu, orang lain belum tentu. sukar yang kita sangka barangkali biasa saja bagi yang lain. tak mesti disamakan dan dipertanyakan, apalagi dilagakan. laut kita memang berbeda.

—thom, June 8, 2023

[thom-himself]

thoughts on love.

sometimes, love is not seen. love is not where you can feel it, sometimes.

sometimes, love is the shield defending you behind your back, or the sword that slashes through anything that stand in your way. sometimes, it praises you when you least expect it, or morphs into the bridge between you and the unexpected. sometimes, love is the only hand waving you goodbye, or your lamp where there is one lonely star in your sky. sometimes, love is not rushed. or heated. or exciting. sometimes, it hides in the background and becomes a painting that has been there all along, on an otherwise empty plaster wall. sometimes, it’s a warm muffle that covers your ears when the silence gets too loud. or sometimes the breeze that ruffles your hair when the air gets too tight.

sometimes, love is where your heart is, whether or not it is under chest, in your hand, or on your sleeve. sometimes, love is the warmth, the comfort, and the remedy–when you feel like the world has been too much.

love might not be able seen, or heard, or a touch away, yet love can sometimes be the only thing that keeps you going, when you truly hear how it lives in the silence.

[thom-himself]

Your life is a reflection of your views, habits, attitudes, beliefs, thoughts, fears, worries and perceptions.

[thom-himself]

Questioning.

We are stuck in such a messy lifestyle for generations and we learn to get used to it instead of trying to live a better life with better minds and attitudes.

Why?

There are always such questions inside my head, like almost all the time. Crazy kinds of stuff are going on a lot and it makes me question so many things such as,

“Why do we have to apologize to people for being ourselves?"

"Why do we have to be scared of being straightforward on what we actually feel?"

"Why do people have to be so cruel to each other and everyone else has to adapt to become one or just to live in pain with it another day?"

"Why do weakness always lose?".

Stresses, anger, boredom, and grieves from all these questions are bothering me a lot. OR maybe (just maybe) this is just some teenager crisis or I am losing my shit, I do not even know.

—thom, Palangka Raya, April 1st, 2020.

[thom-himself]

duhai diri, ingat ini:

yang baru akan selalu hadir dengan tampak yang 'seperti' lebih baik. tapi, besok akan ada yang hadir (lagi) dengan tampak yang 'seperti' lebih baik lagi.

problemanya adalah, sampai kapan kamu berlabuh pada titik tidak memilih?

dia yang datang dengan wajah barunya, dengan warna barunya dan dengan kenyamanannya, tidak lebih baik ketimbang kekasihmu yang barangkali (juga) memiliki pilihan lain tapi tetap memilihmu; merasa cukup dengan kamu dan mensyukuri kamu.

suatu hubungan itu dibangun terus menerus sampai akhir, bukan bongkar pasang.

–thom, 14 maret 2020.

[thom-himself]

full moon thoughts:

You might feel responsible for helping everyone, almost as if it is your job to prioritize their needs and sacrifice your own. Yet when you open up, people may be unkind; it is like you cannot express your vulnerabilities without feeling taken advantage of.

—thom, Banjarmasin, March 10th, 2020 10:35PM

[thom-himself]

𝘺𝘦𝘵 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘭𝘦𝘥.

Tau gak kenapa kebanyakan orang bilang "gak bisa" and doubt themselves before trying anything?

I think it is because lack of self-confidence and fear on many different levels. The one thing we have to purge from ourselves is fear — fear of bad results, fear of change, fear of denial, fear of loss, the fear that makes us worry and lose sleep. Worrying is the same as going outside with an umbrella, waiting for rain to hit it. Stop worrying and move on.

Confidence is fragile: It builds up slowly, but can shatter like glass. Project your confidence and energy into believing in yourself. Ini adalah langkah yang sangat penting — langkah yang biasanya paling sulit diambil. Start telling yourself that you can do something, anything, and you will do it the best to your ability. Singkirkan keraguan, ketakutan, and stick with positive energy.

–thom, March 8, 2020.