thomasdawsonn

[thomasdawsonn]

Memories and emotions and sensations mix, guided by the touch of careful hands to scars and pain and loss. Lux seems to find every piece of Thomas visible and soothes it as his palms creeps his hands under Lux’s shirt, looking for hidden hurts.  He brings his mouth to the side of  Lux’s head and he feels her lips on his deaf ear. “You must have been blind cause I was just a stupid pogue, you were the real eye candy. Whats not to like?” He breathes, lips grazing her ear as he holds her close. Thomas thinks he’s dreaming at this point, that maybe he’s finally fallen asleep. It’s like as soon as he gets too comfortable, the girl he loves will fade into dust and he’ll be alone again. So, he abruptly pulls away and opens his eyes to get a look at the blonde in front of him, checking if she’s still there, if she’s still real. And she is, Lux Collins is looking at him funny, but she’s still there. She hadn’t left like everyone else in his life, she still sat there waiting for his lips on hers again, wondering what’s going on, while Thomas Dawson waits for the pin to drop, for her to finally realize that he isn’t worth all her love.Thirty-seven days.That’s how long it’s been since Thomas’s last text. Twenty-three days.That’s how long it’s been since Thomas lost cell service, since the Barns lost power. That’s how many days Thomas has been turning his phone on for less than a minute to pull up his text thread with his dad to see the haunting messaged marked not delivered.

Eighteen days.That’s how long it’s been since Thomas, even Liam, his children,wandering up the driveway on foot waiting for something. That’s how many days Thomas has been trying to hold it together. But standing in front of the sitting room’s bay window had pushed  him over the edge. He wants to hate his father, to begrudge him for being able to leave and not put his arms around his son and comfort him when  sometimes even Thomas can’t do the same for  Liam and Liam can’t do the same for him. But  he can’t hold it against his father or Liam, which is why when he  leaves the house, not unhurriedly and not soundlessly, and stalks across the grounds. Its the late nights trying to make anything more than a dollar, the double shifts he takes on to make ends meet and keep the water going. It started with a small gesture, a hand out to help up, sharing of a meal made for one, fit for two. Just close enough to friendly.And then it changed. Thomas doesn’t know when, he doesn’t remember if it happened fast or slow, or how long it had taken. The gestures weren’t friendly anymore, there was something about Lux that kept his attention on her, to make sure he knew that he was worthy of her love but sometimes he couldn’t let her fully in. It was a recurring glance at her lips, a more than frequent “I love you.” that managed to slip out when she was laughing about something the other boy said. It was more than friendly, it was tender love, something Thomas was never familiar with before Lux, and that scared him.

He didn’t believe the fond moments between them were real. “Why are you so perfect, hm?” he murmurs now toying with her hair as he places a chaste kiss against the corner of her mouth, “I'll do whatever you want Lux,” Thomas had never felt those gentle touches across his skin, soft lips to her knuckles when she bruised them. But, he thinks he would hurt himself a million times, if it meant  Lux would kiss the forming scars and battered bruises better.It was the sparkle in her eye when she talked about how much she loved the  four of them,how she felt as if they were her lifeline. The small smile given only to  Lux when he feels nervous, “Nah, how about we just sit here a little longer, just us”  all the tension in him washing away when Lux’s mouth turns upwards and he elbows her softly in a mute way of asking “Everything okay?”. And it was, just as long as  Lux looked at him like that, everything was more than fine.He  felt ecstatic. He felt safe, loved, even. For once, he felt like anything was possible, including having Lux in his life forever. “So, you and Cami get into any Ivy leagues yet? heard her bragging about us being left in the dust” he chuckles now.

Sugar Burn // @luxcollins​

The beach was packed and littered with so many Pogues and Kooks, nursing solo cups and laughing under the sun. Thomas had a love-hate relationship when it came to beach parties. It might be because the music is always so loud that the only thing he can hear is the heavy bass that makes him lose track of his own heartbeat and train of thought. Or it might be because the crowd of other teenagers drinks so much that there’s puke where he least expects it, and hands wandering where he doesn’t want them. Thomas chews on his lower lip now, feeling his fingertips tingle from too much alcohol.It hadn’t even been an hour and he was already out on some cliff, cigarette firmly between his lips and his eyes staring down unseeing out onto the water as some carried out their surfboards. He was stationed at the top of the hill, wanting some quiet time with Lux, away from pondering eyes. Their twin jumbo slurpees are half way finished and melting in their spots in the sand and Thomas is already feeling the warm buzz of stepping into the precipice of being moderately tipsy. They make sure to find a spot not too crowded with people and take turns in pitching and catching. “Thought I was gonna have to send a search party to find you, I’ve aged since you’ve come back.” He teased now, mocha orbs met her emeralds as Thomas inhaled smoke deeply. That feeling that had been persisting in his gut grew with every single second that passed when he looked at her, she smiled for the first time, and he almost had to look away, as if something that nice didn’t belong in a world like this. Didn’t belong in his world.

 He wraps an arm around her, mouths were slotted together as his fingers ran through her hair. Something exploded in his chest, burning away all his fears and worries and it felt like nothing ever mattered.  Right now, Lux’s throwing a good couple of feet away from Thomas who catches the ball perfectly every time. Thomas has always side-eyed her reflexes and frighteningly accurate precision.”I’m starting to think you were a pro baseball player in another life.” He shouts now, brilliant vibrant splashes of color surround those adorable pie-cut pupils that he loves so much, and he can’t help but become hypnotized by them. His lips part and he lets out a long, drawn out breath that he hadn’t been aware that he was holding. His eyes study each streak of color within them and he smiles softly. Thomas’s tanned skin was sticky with sweat as his feet pounded against the sun warmed sand as he tried to walk as fast as he could, scooping her up now as he threw her over his shoulder spinning her around. “ You know, maybe if you were less attractive it’d be less disturbing. But no, you’re gonna send this body into cardiac arrest. “ he teases now as he sets her down. Thomas loved watching Lux. The way her face would set, all serious lines and thoughtful expressions. The way her tongue would poke out from between those soft, pink lips. She looked intense, and the way she let her emotions shine through her art of a body was a stark contrast to their usual goofiness. 

“ If I recall correctly Madame, you still owe me a dance. “ He muses now holding his hand out to her. The night was filled with drinking games, chugging contests, and other events that led to just about everybody’s intoxicated state. Everyone was slumped over and slightly slurring their words. The songs blasting on the speakers  slow down and Thomas starts to place his palms her hips . He twirls her around now, a harmonic laughter falling from his lips,  “Oh and she’s got moves folks,  just keep on dancing ‘till the boys are gone. So I can keep you all to myself.”Lux was thoughtful and bright and nothing like anyone else Thomas has ever met before. She has a brilliant mind and a smile that rivals the sun, and  Thomas falls in love with her gradually, over long talks and soft moments like these with her. It helps him forget, for just a little bit as he presses a soft kiss against her forehead. Thomas moved his hand under her cheek and leaned back in, kissing her again, trying to keep the kiss as soft as possible. He slowly wrapped his hands in her hair, carefully pulling the scrunchy  that held her hair up. Her golden strands spilled out freely, and he  couldn’t help but move his hands through it. Her hair was always so soft.He pulled away after a minute, smiling like an idiot. “You know I love you, right?” Feeling warm breaths against his skin. It was such a soothing, innocent gesture, that he didn’t really know how to react. Thomas pulled away and gazed at her, a gentle look in his eyes. “ I guarantee you Cami and Liam are probably shitfaced  somewhere.”

[thomasdawsonn]

Sugar Burn // @luxcollins​

The beach was packed and littered with so many Pogues and Kooks, nursing solo cups and laughing under the sun. Thomas had a love-hate relationship when it came to beach parties. It might be because the music is always so loud that the only thing he can hear is the heavy bass that makes him lose track of his own heartbeat and train of thought. Or it might be because the crowd of other teenagers drinks so much that there’s puke where he least expects it, and hands wandering where he doesn’t want them. Thomas chews on his lower lip now, feeling his fingertips tingle from too much alcohol.It hadn’t even been an hour and he was already out on some cliff, cigarette firmly between his lips and his eyes staring down unseeing out onto the water as some carried out their surfboards. He was stationed at the top of the hill, wanting some quiet time with Lux, away from pondering eyes. Their twin jumbo slurpees are half way finished and melting in their spots in the sand and Thomas is already feeling the warm buzz of stepping into the precipice of being moderately tipsy. They make sure to find a spot not too crowded with people and take turns in pitching and catching. “Thought I was gonna have to send a search party to find you, I’ve aged since you’ve come back.” He teased now, mocha orbs met her emeralds as Thomas inhaled smoke deeply. That feeling that had been persisting in his gut grew with every single second that passed when he looked at her, she smiled for the first time, and he almost had to look away, as if something that nice didn’t belong in a world like this. Didn’t belong in his world.

 He wraps an arm around her, mouths were slotted together as his fingers ran through her hair. Something exploded in his chest, burning away all his fears and worries and it felt like nothing ever mattered.  Right now, Lux’s throwing a good couple of feet away from Thomas who catches the ball perfectly every time. Thomas has always side-eyed her reflexes and frighteningly accurate precision.”I’m starting to think you were a pro baseball player in another life.” He shouts now, brilliant vibrant splashes of color surround those adorable pie-cut pupils that he loves so much, and he can't help but become hypnotized by them. His lips part and he lets out a long, drawn out breath that he hadn't been aware that he was holding. His eyes study each streak of color within them and he smiles softly. Thomas’s tanned skin was sticky with sweat as his feet pounded against the sun warmed sand as he tried to walk as fast as he could, scooping her up now as he threw her over his shoulder spinning her around. “ You know, maybe if you were less attractive it’d be less disturbing. But no, you’re gonna send this body into cardiac arrest. “ he teases now as he sets her down. Thomas loved watching Lux. The way her face would set, all serious lines and thoughtful expressions. The way her tongue would poke out from between those soft, pink lips. She looked intense, and the way she let her emotions shine through her art of a body was a stark contrast to their usual goofiness. 

“ If I recall correctly Madame, you still owe me a dance. “ He muses now holding his hand out to her. The night was filled with drinking games, chugging contests, and other events that led to just about everybody’s intoxicated state. Everyone was slumped over and slightly slurring their words. The songs blasting on the speakers  slow down and Thomas starts to place his palms her hips . He twirls her around now, a harmonic laughter falling from his lips,  “Oh and she’s got moves folks,  just keep on dancing 'till the boys are gone. So I can keep you all to myself.”Lux was thoughtful and bright and nothing like anyone else Thomas has ever met before. She has a brilliant mind and a smile that rivals the sun, and  Thomas falls in love with her gradually, over long talks and soft moments like these with her. It helps him forget, for just a little bit as he presses a soft kiss against her forehead. Thomas moved his hand under her cheek and leaned back in, kissing her again, trying to keep the kiss as soft as possible. He slowly wrapped his hands in her hair, carefully pulling the scrunchy  that held her hair up. Her golden strands spilled out freely, and he  couldn’t help but move his hands through it. Her hair was always so soft.He pulled away after a minute, smiling like an idiot. “You know I love you, right?” Feeling warm breaths against his skin. It was such a soothing, innocent gesture, that he didn’t really know how to react. Thomas pulled away and gazed at her, a gentle look in his eyes. “ I guarantee you Cami and Liam are probably shitfaced  somewhere.”

[thomasdawsonn]

"lay your head in my lap and try to get some rest." // “hush, i’m trying to kiss you." // "you can’t punish people for who they are." // "take care of yourself, please. i don’t know what id do if anything happened to you." // "i don’t want to be overdramatic, but today felt like 100 years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life."

”Lay your head in my lap and try to get some rest."

Here he was with Lux. Lux of the steady hands and steady voice. If she wasn’t warm, at least she made him feel safe, in a way no one had for months. If she wasn’t his other half, she was special to him in her own way, in spite of-because of his coolness and unflappability and intense, obsessive focus on his interests to the exclusion of all else. Lux would always be his. “Alright princess, whatever you say.” He sighs contently as his palm makes rhythmic circles around her knee, and he rises to meet her lips. Once again, he remembers his past.This time though, he remembers an anecdote that his father once told him. When he was a boy, his father told him that some people were made of stars from the heavens, their beauty too celestial and ethereal for this world. Thomas then recalls how afterward, his father pointed to his mother, and said she was one of those people. He told Thomas that she was crafted by the Maker himself from star stuff, molded and shaped for him to love. He smiles as this memory makes itself known again, looking into the mocha orbs of his love. Lux is one of those people, fashioned from the stars by the Maker himself. Fashioned for him.She giggles as he lays his head down in her, pressing his body over hers. Fingers twirling in his hair, he supports her back as they kiss. Her kisses always taste different depending on the day and circumstance. Playful when they are stolen in the war room. Full of longing after returning home from so long. Tasting of love and comfort, “Hey Lux, promise me something?” he trails off now as he looks up at her. “When this all goes to shit, don’t forget about me, okay? no matter what they say.”

“Hush, i’m trying to kiss you."

Black, purple and yellow. Those were the colours that covered his body, his entire body ached, even breathing was a problem. Droplets of water started to fall from the sky announcing the storm that was going to hit the island. Thomas flinched in pain, yet that didn't stop him from wrapping his arms around the small body that was using him as support.He was accustomed with the pain, but the feeling that was burning inside his chest every time he thought about the  mochas orbs that seemed to come to life whenever he made a joke.The same eyes that were watching him with awe that very moment. “ This is hard for me, ya know. I feel like any second you’re going to figure out what a piece of shit I am and leave me. When you were dancing last night, I saw a dozen different guys watching you.”  Lux made her way towards the heart of the Pogues without even trying, her presence craved by both males and females. At every party, different people were gathered around her, yet she always tended to gravitate towards him.Small touches, hazy smiles that showed more than the sly smirk that she was usually wearing on her lips, they all drove him mad. “Yeah, I know what your thinking I sound like a fucking idiot but god you're just -“ he cuts himself short now as he shakes his head. Turning them around, Thomas pressed her against the cold wall. His hand slipped down on her tight, slowly making it way up under the oversized hoodie she was wearing. His lips crashed against her, her hands pressing on his shoulders, making her steady in her place. “I’m stealing you for myself this time, alright?” he breathes against her lips.

"You can’t punish people for who they are.”

There was nothing soft about his actions, they were harsh just as him. That was why he loved the sea. It could take all the anger that he had, but Lux was not taking his anger. She wanted him to be stronger, to work through that anger and to let it go. With her, everything had a price.The urgency in her tone made him drop his hands to his side, palm rubbing the back of his nape. He was expecting her to say that it was a mistake, that it would only be a one time thing, yet he looked down at his hands, which were covered in red. “I don't pity and I do no charity. Liam and Cami were right, with your fancy dresses and parties while the other half of the islands suffering. And your dad..” he trailed off whilst shaking his head. Thomas almost laughed at the insanity of it all, “we come from two different worlds and I don’t want to drag you through more shit, alright? Just go home Lux.” His heart lurched. He drew his phone before he was consciously aware of moving, or even deciding. His hands rattled, too badly to take the shot, he hates himself for it but he knows it has to be done. He grit his teeth, stilling himself, pushing away the panic and pain. Her hard expression softened into something he had never seen before." Am I? Punishing you, cause I don’t know what I’ll do when your dead and it’s on me. " Besides Thomas, he could not think of another person that looked at him without judgement or pity, when he was marked by his father's anger.

"take care of yourself, please. i don’t know what id do if anything happened to you."

With a bang and a screech, the lift lurched downward, and he threw his arms around Lux before he would drop. “Hold on to me,” he said, uselessly; they were already so close, near enough that he could feel her breath against his temple. Despite his pain and fading grasp on consciousness, his arm was solid around her, steady. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d really held someone like this, or been held. “I’ll be back and pissing you off before you know it.” He flushed; stupid to get bent out of shape over an unconnected thought, madness summoned by adrenaline. He never knew what shock would do to his brain. Light swelled, spilling over his gaunt features, before they slipped into darkness again. But he felt her stare, like heat on bare skin after a lifetime spent in the cold, and wondered distantly how he could touch her without his hands, only a look. “Hold onto this for me, alright?” he muses pressing his fathers compass into the palm of her hand now. Their breathing entwined, painfully loud in the close space, “gives me an excuse to see you again, I’ll be fine just get in the van with Cami alright? I love you.” Through his shirt, he felt the warmth of her, his narrow waist; lean-muscled from a lean life. She knew so little about it. Don’t look at me like that. He couldn’t form the words, as he pressed a soft kiss against her lips. “ See you on the other side baby.”

"i don’t want to be overdramatic, but today felt like 100 years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.”

The soft  moon light bathed her in an aura that was almost sinful in its beauty. The way it played with the wisps of hair that stuck up from the sloppy bun atop her head, or how it made her  porcelain skin glow with a radiance that he was sure only mythological goddess of old possessed. He couldn’t help but notice how when she leaned against the porch swing, with her arms folded beneath her bust, that her right leg came to rest on the point of her toe behind her left. The way her back curved upwards into the valley of her shoulder blades, which he could see with such striking detail thanks to the tight fitting jacket she wore while running. He couldn’t look away, no matter how hard he tried.  She was beautiful, so god damned beautiful that even in this moment he was bowled over by it. He couldn’t help but think that this was something he could get used to, like it had happened a thousand times before, and would happen a thousand times after this. Thomas sat beside her now, pulling her into his lap as he pressed soft kisses along her neck. “I know, but at least we’re all okay. Thats what matters most.” All the same, he feels something when he sees her. It can’t be love, because he doesn’t think he’s earned the pleasure of the word. It's something, all the same but he’ll claim her as his own. “Now, if you go to my room and open your little dresser I have something for you that’ll cheer you up.” He chuckles now as he plays with her hair before looking up at her softly. “What do ya say Lux? Come on.”

[thomasdawsonn]

Life of a pouty Hollywood Actor (x)