thoughts-in-brain

[thoughts-in-brain]

holy fuck

i need to eat more

at least im no longer only eating 10?

[thoughts-in-brain]

like when people call me kiddo

UHHRYHD

like

"yes i am your son love me"

[thoughts-in-brain]

god i need Guidance

i don't know how i went without guidance for so fucking long

i need Structure and Routine

I need a fucking adult thats not Horribly shitty

[thoughts-in-brain]

mom heard me crying and just laughed

thats normal right? That's how every mom acts?

[thoughts-in-brain]

god what the fuck is wrong with me

i fuck up everything

cant i just do what im told.

[thoughts-in-brain]

dads disappointed in me he said so im a fucking Terrible selfish son who doesn't deserve his time or energy

I haven't been able to keep anything down. I'm a fucking terrible son.

why the fuck Wouldn't I just listen. Is it so hard to just fucking Listen When someone sets boundaries. Apparently so because I don't think I can follow any boundaries that anyone has made Which is probably why so many people abandoned me. My worst fear. From him was abandonment. What if I gone on and done? Let him have every right to leave my life. Our relationship It's amazing And I fucked it. Because I'm a selfish asshole. Everything that he has done has been perfect. And everything I have done has made everything. Worse I don't think I can do anything right? id be better off dead he would be better off without me

[thoughts-in-brain]

I don't know man. I'm pretty sure I made everyone mad at me. I don't know, Maybe it's the autism. Maybe it's the depression. is dad disappointed in me? My ed has gotten so much worse then What it was. I've gotten to the point where 10 calories in a day is too much. That's 70 in a week. Yeah, I'm pretty sure Dad's disappointed in me with that. He said he was gonna start making me eat again and I really hope he doesn't because i need to loose. I can't lose if I'm eating every day.

[thoughts-in-brain]

yall don't starve yourself

[thoughts-in-brain]

ughhhhh, I have 3 monsters left:(

I might have enough to buy more

[thoughts-in-brain]

i’d be raking in STACKS 😩

[thoughts-in-brain]

Please please please just tell me no instead of ignoring me

Let me have an answer not overthink it

[thoughts-in-brain]

”so when are you starting your fast”

Thanks mom, it’s already started.

Im so lucky to have such a caring parent.

[thoughts-in-brain]

Tw ed

I learned how to successfully throw up food.

Which is great if I need to make someone happy by eating I can just throw it back up.

I also know that it will probably make my ed worse

Eh, that’s okay

[thoughts-in-brain]

My mother, is probably the worst person I’ve ever met. My mother hits me. Over anything i mess up on. My mother fat shames me. When i eat more then what she thinks is okay. My mother yells at me. For no reason My mother hates me. My mother got mad at me when i told her about my bad mental health. She mocked me when I showed her my scars from those nights where i cut myself. She hasn’t ever tried to show care or love to me. And honestly it makes me wonder, do i deserve this? I just want to understand why i am forced this treatment and my brother is not. Why i am forced to suffer and he does not. I hate myself my family.

[thoughts-in-brain]

I fucking fainted today

Like stood up and just *bloop* out.

[thoughts-in-brain]

I’m going to Kms. If she says one more thing to me

[thoughts-in-brain]

why does it never work