thoughtsfromthetower

[thoughtsfromthetower]

I fucked up, real bad

23rd March 2021, 19:50

They love bombed the shit out of me and got me back this winter. I ended up in such a weird state of panic, unable to eat, discomfort, exhaustion. And it  messed something major in my life up. I need to actually not go back as much as I can, I hate it, I hate it I hate!

[thoughtsfromthetower]

follow this user if you like or reblog 💫

[thoughtsfromthetower]

maybe this summer i’ll be happy (TW: emotional abuse, NPD)

17th April 2020

I wanted to go back yesterday, like really bad. I felt homesick and I wanted change. It’s ridiculous. The drive is real.

I was also devastated that I realised I had replicated patterns I’d experienced on someone I love, and although they understand why I did it, I just feel like I have to make up for it now by doing the most to recover.

I will update my thoughts on here, to the void.

[thoughtsfromthetower]

it’s october 3rd so mean girls as a 90’s anime 💋💄💖✨

[thoughtsfromthetower]

i sometimes feel like this but mental and emotional abuse is just as valid.

I don’t feel traumatized enough, one part of me feels like if something happened to me physically then my pain would be valid

[thoughtsfromthetower]

some observations

She’s nice to me until I cross her lines. Like when she speaks low with me and I tell her not to she doesn’t care about my feelings. She’s always right apparently and she can’t do any wrong. It’s so annoying how she puts her hands on me and presses them into my flesh to assert her dominance. She uses money to dominate over me so I have to behave but I let her know I feel. She doesn’t treat me as an equal. it’s revolting.

[thoughtsfromthetower]

victims of abuse be like, this person has now made me cry myself to sleep about 30 times, i have flashbacks of things they’ve done and said to me, they know how to hit me right in my worst insecurity and guilt so i feel horrible for days and months, their comments make me feel worthless and like i shouldn’t even be alive, and being around them makes me feel small and meaningless and sometimes suicidal but maybe that’s just me, maybe they’re not abusive? i have to give them benefit of the doubt, what if i’m not justified to kick them out of my life?

[thoughtsfromthetower]

so i was told i could die …

unless i go to chemotherapy.

please help.

gofundme.com/helpkichona

[thoughtsfromthetower]

My coping mechanism is to go really long walks. And I mean long. (Like 2 hour ones maybe 3 if its nice out) Simple but very effective

very nice

[thoughtsfromthetower]

are you a “I’m never gonna have kids because I don’t trust myself not to fuck them up” child abuse survivor or a “I want kids so I can give them the childhood I never got to have” child abuse survivor

[thoughtsfromthetower]

who else just goes around like “well eventually my life will be worth living right”

[thoughtsfromthetower]

Abuser, while insulting you, threatening you, dehumanizing you and/or beating you: Stop making me look like the bad guy

[thoughtsfromthetower]

[thoughtsfromthetower]

[thoughtsfromthetower]

Me: hey you fucking abused me

My abuser:

[thoughtsfromthetower]

Do you ever just, gaslight yourself? Like you start thinking about something someone else did but for whatever reason you start telling yourself that you probably just imagined it, or you must be remembering it wrong, or you must be blowing it out of proportion...

[thoughtsfromthetower]

Hope all of you are safe during the holidays ♥️ spending extended time with family can be hard especially when they’re cruel or ignorant. But just know you’re not the only one out there feeling this way and that some day you’ll have the choice to stay with your chosen family over the holidays instead.