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[thoughtsimscaredtoshare]

Right, I’m finally doing this for real. Anyway, aesthetics.

It’s taken some time and courage to actually get back on here and type, but I’m here so I’ll count that as a win. I’ve decided to start with an easy topic to get my toe wet, so to speak. 

Aesthetics are interesting, but they expose certain situations we may have and that’s interesting too. Some examples:

1. We limit ourselves unnecessarily and ironically.

Unnecessarily because we’re perfectly capable of blending aesthetics, although it may take some planning and confidence. Ironic in particular because for all we preach to each other about being whoever we want to be and forgetting about labels and boxes, we’re prone to labelling and boxing ourselves into certain aesthetics. 

Ultimately, we are real people, not fictional characters. We have many interests, and multifaceted identities which can change over the years. These things inform our style, so it’s natural to like multiple aesthetics and move on to different ones. 

And even then, our aesthetics will never convey our identities more than our words and actions will. It’s important to remember that.

3. We may be reluctant to grow up? Or not adjusting well as teens or adults? Let me explain. 

Kidcore is a great example of this. It’s my understanding that this aesthetic is based on reliving childhood or extending your childhood. That seems like a sign of someone struggling with some trauma or just accepting change through escapism and clinging to the past, or a romanticized past. 

I’m not saying we shouldn’t enjoy things from our childhood or bright colors. I myself sometimes play my childhood Pokémon game when I’m stressed or bored (Soul Silver, for the sake of clarification). I like children’s fiction and cartoons (Tuck Everlasting, Inkheart, Over the Garden Wall, for example.). 

I’m saying that we should be careful how much and often we indulge in these things, and why. The why matters a lot and probably the most. If we live out our daily lives with aesthetics like this, then we might have problems we’re not truly addressing which can seriously affect us in the long run. 

4. We may be reluctant to live in the real world at all. Again, I’ll explain. 

Some of us are so invested in fantasy aesthetics, that I end up wondering if we’re so unsatisfied in the real world that we pretend we’re somewhere else. I say this while thinking of aesthetics revolving around goblins, mermaids, royalty, etc. 

Again, the risk is not in the enjoyment itself. It’s the how much, how often and why that truly matter and are indicative of our situations. 

Fantasy is great; it’s a testament to the creativity of the human mind. But to live healthy lives, we also need to acknowledge and appreciate the real world we live in. We need to participate in it somehow, albeit in small ways. 

I think escapism can be a serious problem and can hurt us more than we think (a topic for another entry, I think).

To conclude, I’ll add a list of the aesthetics I like, because why not? I like academia (light, dark, chaotic, romantic, art), christcore, vintage, cottagecore, fairycore, fairy grungecore, goblincore and naturecore (especially the tropical variety). 

I think that’s all of it. I feel kind of good and that’s a start. 

[thoughtsimscaredtoshare]

I wish I would just stop talking. Maybe I can train myself to stop talking unless absolutely necessary. Like, only answering questions or something.

And silent the rest of the time. I hope that can work. I’ll have to try it.

[thoughtsimscaredtoshare]

First entry, here it goes.

I open my mouth and say something. I think it’s the right thing.

Then I stop talking and think it was all a mistake and I should never have done it and I know I don’t say the right things why did I say that and when will I learn to stop talking?

Then I tell myself I’ll never say anything ever again. Especially not about anything serious. Better not.

I’m better off silent unless absolutely necessary.

[thoughtsimscaredtoshare]

me: "nature is so pretty, i miss it :("

random person: "how would you know? you hardly go outside"

have you been outside karen? have you? this is what your so called "outside" looks like.

[thoughtsimscaredtoshare]

‘you okay?’ nah dude i want to be mysterious and enigmatic but instead i'm weird and grotesque and i never shut up.

[thoughtsimscaredtoshare]

hi, hello

If you’re here then you might read thoughts you don’t understand or agree with. You might even find them crazy, ignorant or disturbing and that’s alright. Honestly, it is. 

I made this blog so I could be open and honest without any real fear of others. I think that over time, it could help boost my confidence or at the very least, help me manage my stress and anxiety. 

I’m scared of anyone actually seeing this and verbally attacking or mocking me. Yet, I don’t feel comfortable silencing, controlling or alienating you. So..

If you decide to comment or message me, please do so kindly and in good faith.  

Anyone who doesn’t is probably getting blocked. I’m not here to start fights, make waves or trash anyone. I’m just trying to help myself.

[thoughtsimscaredtoshare]

this blog exists because:

1. I don’t think my family can handle and/or are interested in my thoughts. 

2. I don’t have people in my life that I would consider friends (people you’re supposed to feel comfy opening up to? supposedly).

3. I’m terrible at keeping quiet, but I know that I can overwhelm or bore people, so I’ve stopped trying to socialize for a while. 

4. I need to get these things off my chest. At least on here, I can be anonymous and honest, without any worry about people hurting, ostracizing, mocking or verbally attacking me in person.

5. I’ve tried keeping journals and for a while, it worked out. But ultimately, I feel like I’m wasting paper and I don’t know what to do with journals once I’m done with them. My current clutter stresses me out and I can’t imagine adding to it. 

I’ve considered writing in my sketchbooks but people often look at them and I don’t want anyone reading entries without my permission; especially family members. 

I may reconsider sketchbook journaling in the future because with the pandemic, no one has an opportunity to peek and once I graduate I won’t have people constantly looking at my sketchbooks. For now though, I’m here. 

6. And finally, I’m wondering if doing this will help me build confidence, or at least release stress and anxiety.