thoughtsofnaoru

[thoughtsofnaoru]

An open dedication letter to my instant big brother and a future gift from God. In His time indeed. 🌸

TRIGGER WARNING: Bipolar Disorder related content

This is my open thoughts and I was inspired by the song Kanako by Felip.

I have been read the lyrics (the English translation since I don't understand Bisaya that much) and there is so many absorptions on my mind everytime that this is an open prayer for myself dealing with a mental illness since 2017 by falling in love with someone that I really want to become a bestfriend with but it failed. I am so devastated that no one show some love and support on my decisions until I decided to cut off my connections to some of the toxic people and left them. I don't want anyone to be get chase on me for me to be get bullied again.

One day, I need to find true friends and I will be more careful who I can trust for this time. I will meet all of them and no one will reach out to me even there is a 50% chances of being remain as a true friend or a fake friend. I pray and hope that there is a special gift from God whatever religious view it is, who can change my life forever for me to be get healed for my mental illness that I am fighting right now. A gift from God will be a "he/him" pronouns, an instant big brother, a gamer-inclined, have plans to achieve his dreams or goals how to earn financially in the future and an expert on deeptalk discussions who can change my life forever and I hope he is the one who can calm me from raging seas inside of my mind.

If ever I may find a stable job and start anew, I will achieve my purpose to seek God respectfully. My purpose aside of being cutting off my connections with alot of toxic people, I want to look for a true miracle for my mental health and also I really want to draw close to the Lord God in a true way on how to serve Him in truth.

To the special gift from God, I am beyond grateful to have you in my life as one of the Lord's instrument. Thank you for redeeming my broken heart and praying for me every night in order to be recover from my dark thoughts. I know there is a new life that you have prepared for me in the future. I hope you'll embrace and heal my depressed heart for me to be saved in His perfect timing.

This is just a beginning. Someday, we will meet fully.

Happy 1st monthsary of our brotherly friendship or "philia" era. 💙

~ Naorupedia 🌸

[thoughtsofnaoru]

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE RIGHT GUY OF MY DREAMS.

Heavy TW: Open prayer + mood swings related content

To my spiritual instant big brother,

Please bear with me that I have mood swings and I've been battling it for almost six years and a lot of some guys are trying to trick me instead of saving me from my dark thoughts in days, months and years.

Every sleepless nights in despite of taking my medications, my heart and my mind are about to be get fragile into pieces everytime I hear your voice and you are crying out for God's help and I know you can feel me about my condition right now. I deeply heard you in my mind saying that "My heart goes to someone who have been suffered from anxiety, mood swings and depression. Please give us hope, dear Father and heal her fragile heart and her mind as You do. Embrace her." while your voice is cracking out and you cried until you can't continue to open up because I know you will be there for me. I can't wait to hug you if you feel the same way but I just really can't. It affects me too much.

If I am there to meet you one day, I am sorry. I cannot comfort you when I see you in pain. If a big brother from another mother cries thru prayer in God's presence, it affects me of course and never gonna lie. If ever I can meet you, someday we can play some games together. We can coop if you like. You can also invite me in your Church activities even tho we are in different beliefs and I hope you will be the best instrument coming from the one true God just for me. The reason why I decided to join one day it is not about my personal choice but I do have a purpose. To avoid toxicity to those people that can kills me in my mind to make me feel irritative.

Once I'll meet you and came into my life, and also a gamer who likes Genshin Impact the most, we can coop everyday. If you play Starrail, I'll choose you as my support. We can chat 24/7 whenever I am still wide awake or I cannot at the end of the day. In Genshin, I can be a Baizhu main then you will be a Neuvillette main so that we can be a bloom team reaction buddies. In Starrail, I can be an Imbibitor Lunae or Jingliu main, you will be a Luocha or Huohuo support then vice versa.

I pray and I hope that you will invite me in various activities in the Church as long as my family finally accepted it wholeheartedly and they will loved you the most. I hope you are the right person and my main reason why I can fight my anxiety. One day, I wish you will be my spiritual instant big brother to the man of my dreams and I need you for me to save me from all of my negative and dark thoughts that affects me in the past and you will give me hope to shine a light through.

Please appreciate this open letter and I hope you will accept it. If my whole fam finally accepts you in 100% way, we are beyond grateful. Our house is always open for you. Thank you for guiding me.

P.S: I am not an INC member but once we meet in the future, I am willing to share you my whole story. Thank you for reading this letter, my spiritual instant big brother and Neuvillette main. I hope I can trust you. 💙

Sincerely,

The future C6 Baizhu main who continuously researching in progress...

~ Naorupedia 🌸

LIFE UPDATE (as of May 2024): He is the right person and he is now my instant big brother right now. He is a Cookie Run: Kingdom player (he is older than me in four years proper) and manifesting Genshin Impact or Honkai Starrail in God's will. Philia forever since 01/26/2024. 🌸🧸🙏🏻