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thrillcr · 3 years

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h0rizcn 𓂃࣪ ⊹

hyeon stayed awfully quiet on the ride to his apartment, unsure as to why he even invited sejoo back in the first place. well, that was a half lie. the surgeon knew what he wanted out of the younger man, however he knew it was deemed rather unattainable at the moment, as they had more adult things to work out then what could easily lousy sex. god hyeon really hoped it wouldn’t be. while approaching the door, sejoo’s sudden voice peaked interest. small grin graced his face, eyes rolling as he opened the door for the two, allowing the intern to enter the apartment before him, “ i-it’s nothing bad, i just have some things i should probably mention before we continue whatever the hell is going on in the pretty mind of yours, ” hyeon’s word choice was slick for a reason, steady hands reaching up into the white cabinet grabbing one of his more expensive bottles of whiskey, pouring a small drink for each of them.

drink in hand hyeon made his way over to the couch, fingers tracing the back as he leaned his back against it, that same smile never once falling from his pale face, “ okay, so, as you know, i’ve done a few tours in the middle east as a navy medic, and by few tours, i really mean i was stationed in iran with some u.s soldiers from the pyeongtaek base, and the first three years there, were a-a mess,” hyeon’s voice was quite soft, eyes glossy as he began to think back on those horrid memories. the amount of useless bloodshed &. loss of brothers who laid their lives for something so large it was entirely beyond any of them, “ i never really came home, that probably added onto the issues i have now now that i think about it,” the surgeon couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought taking another sip of his drink, this one not-so small, “ anyways, it was doable until my last tour, t-that one really took a toll , ”

he remembered that fateful night vividly. the mixed smell of burnt flesh &. gunpowder, his brain attempting to block out the screams heard around him. hyeon was equipped for death, he was mentally prepared to lose anyone the war took, but he was never mentally prepared to black tag the amount of people he had tonight. the night was quiet for the most part, he and his fellow medics doing some inventory in the hospital, all talking about their families back home &. their favorite memories. this was the only part of the night that hyeon couldn’t remember clearly. there he stood, in front of the medicine room, clipboard in hand when he began to smell something burning with the ever so faint noise of ringing. then, there was the BOOM.

“ they bombed part of the hospital, something to do with the united states &. some oil truck out of saudi arabia, i’m still not too sure to be honest. ” hyeon then shifted his position, walking closer to the intern who stood by the kitchen island as hyeon avoided any sort of eye contact, “ i passed out for a few hours, i think, and when i woke up i was laying down in the middle of an active war zone. it was far too dangerous for anyone to move in &. i was surrounded by so much debris i would of thought i was dead as well. ”

taking a step backward, hyeon positioned his drink at the identical island, shaky fingers trying to unbutton the long-sleeve flannel he wore. it was the first time tonight he managed to look his lover in the eye, but still hyeon wore the same impassive expression — at the least he attempted to that is. as he pulled the sleeves off his shoulders, the damage was clearly visible. discolored skin scarred over in various patches, a fish scale-like texture felt under one’s touch. ( thank you skin grafts ). not only did the scars leave a physical mark, one that hyeon couldn’t bare to live with for the year following the bombing, but they also limited the surgeon’s range of motion. after about eight months of strenuous physical therapy, he was cleared for work, where he then applied to seoul university hospital as their chief surgical attending, never disclosing his situation — aside from being naval reserves medic of course !

hyeon never mentioned that night never mind show the aftermath to many people, as there was always that constant visible reminder of what he had to go through completely on his own. after his return home, that’s when the nightmares began. for a while he had written them off as simple, as returning home fully healed allowed the first night’s rest for longer than two or three hours, as well pointing it as a strange detox of various painkillers. never-ending dreams reliving that night over and over again like a tape on loop. no matter what he did, he couldn’t make them go away. the only place he began to feel safe was in the comfort of his own home, using whatever he could to stay awake, resulting in his body crashing after that last twenty-four hour shift.

it wasn’t long before they progressed into mid-day panics &. triggers, the doctor even being arrested for various bar fights started from an episode. however, having ties into the local police department really helped in keeping all of those off-record, “ i, um, that last tour really, REALLY, messed me up. between the two of us i’ve been doing therapy for the last few months and i think i-it’s been working ? i know it’s crazy i even q-question that, but i still have episodes, they’re just not as often, a-and i still have the dreams .. “ he trailed off as a small tear fell down his cheek, “ fuck i told you i wouldn’t cry, sorry about that .. ” a small chuckle left his lips as he swirled around his drink, yet another serious expression to his face.

“ before this goes anywhere, i need you to promise me something. just-just promise me you’ll never leave, because i-i don’t think i could physically take that pain again … ”

he takes glass from other, nodding graciously, though he has no time to enjoy it before hyeon begins to explain everything. all he can do is listen, hear the way his resolve diminishes with each admission, each memory retched up from a repressed past. sejoo knew he’d been in active duty, he’d assumed that there were mental scars that linger beneath the surface. they were subtle ticks, things others wouldn’t notice, but much of his time was spent by the attending’s side ; how could he not ? pieces begin to fall into place, the aloofness, the steely expression and persona that follows him closely, the compartmentalisation that seems to come so naturally. heart sinks lower and lower until it sits in the pit of his stomach, chest aching in its absence. what can he say ? what words could possibly take even a fraction of his pain away ? speechless, he lets out broken sigh, gaze falling to the drink held loosely against the counter.

movement catches his eye, head tipping upwards to watch hyeon move closer, recollection spilling from lips. he watches him spiral into the depths of his own emotions, overcome by the macabre memories that so clearly rush to the front of his mind. sejoo can only begin to imagine what he’d been subjected to, stationed in an active war zone, watching as his friends and closest confidants fall around him. how could he even begin to understand that pain ? suddenly he feels so small, weak and helpless to the situation — he had nothing to offer but tears of sympathy. what good would that do ?

“ hyeon, ” his name comes out in strained whisper, reaching out to tug at his wrist, pulling quivering hands from the buttons he works to undo, “ you don’t – ” words catch in his throat as gaze falls on marred skin put on display ; scars stretch along every inch of skin exposed from slight tug of shirt, disappearing yet beneath the rest of fabric clinging to his form. his first thought is to apologise — for what ? for a conflict he has no stake in ? the ill intention of man ? with slow shake of his head, he takes a hand into both of his, drawing knuckles to his lips in chaste kiss ; lets him unpack his baggage, shifting a fraction of his burden onto sejoo. the implications of his words were heavy, but a weight the younger willingly shoulders.

he offers smile through tears, squeezing hand gently in his, “ i’m so proud of you, hyeon ... i – no, no, hey – ” elder’s tears brim, spilling over as he sways beneath throws of emotion ; this time he doesn’t choke on his own words, swallow back incoherent reassurances, “ don’t ... don’t apologise, please. what you’re feeling right now ? it’s nothing to apologise for. ” the attending is vulnerable, scared, putting himself in a place he surely hasn’t been in a long time, if ever. hyeon had always been the level - headed one, sejoo’s voice of reason when the job became too much, overwhelming. he’s always cared, perhaps more than he should, but he’d always put sejoo’s best intentions first — this wouldn’t be any different, right ?

hands, petite compared to hyeon’s, shift to cup tear stained cheeks, gazes locking for the first time as lips smooth into reassuring smile, despite tears that line lower lashes. “ i’m not going anywhere. i’ll wait ... i’ll be here when you get back, ” he shifts just enough to offer his pinky, gently pressed against his chest to punctuate his point, “ i promise. ” he waits for other to seal his words with childish sentiment. as smallest digit links with his other’s, sejoo pushes onto his toes, leaning up just enough to catch his lips in brief kiss

———— seal it with a kiss, right ?

#F*ck u with a CAPITAL f #𝘧𝘵 . h0rizcn

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thrillcr · 3 years

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h0rizcn 𓂃࣪ ⊹

the wide-eyed doctor wasn’t one to usually step into life-changing situations with potential outcomes that blew up in his face ( even more ones that had his career at the center ) , yet he found himself wanting to get to know him on a different level , not solely for sex or his own pleasure , but rather to know sejoo. any sensible thought soon left his mind as he watched the little one’s fingers lace between his own, the cigarette he just finished smoking now flicked away into the street by manicured fingers as the two walked away. his eyes then turned towards sejoo, who wore a rather odd expression on his face. the soon-to-be resident didn’t seem to be angry, nor did he seem to be dreary. he looked rather ——- desperate ? everything these last few years has been a game for hyeon, &. he wasn’t one to be a good sport about losing . hyeon couldn’t seem to escape sejoo’s glance, the egotistical man admiring the way this glance would soon distract him from his unfamiliar bruised ego.

there was a few ways hyeon could take this, one being the scenario his heart longed for. a life filled with nothing but soft smiles, chaste kisses, &. a man by his side he could worship. THAT’S what the attending’s heart was hopeful for, the situation he would dream at night to lull himself into a soundless sleep. one where there were no nightmares of those he couldn’t save. just, security. however, as a surgeon — hyeon tended to be a more realistic man; afraid of the situation his brain told him to take; which to save you the long-winded story ended up with hyeon sitting in his lonesome apartment, making the company of young women found at sleazy bars &. secret grindR boy-toys his forte.

the surgeon was used to seeing the world in black &. white, things that were morally right or morally wrong — a torturous mentality stemming from his days as an active naval doctor. he needed someone like sejoo, to show him the gray areas ; to color in his world as those mix of blues & pinks never existed before. despite his rather strong exterior, he needed to be treated soft, treated tenderly so his heart wouldn’t build up those walls that kept sejoo out of it all these months. holding the younger one in his arms, he felt safe. a feeling that he knew he’s never felt before, and one he wanted to keep a strong grip on for as long as possible. hyeon just couldn’t allow himself to get involved with sejoo without him knowing the full story. truly what he was signing up for after tonight. however, hyeon was ready for the rejection.

two hands rested gently on the smaller one’s shoulders, a light push shoving him off of his own chest. truthfully hyeon was unsure on what to say, any plausible thought or coherent sentence getting lost as he looked down at his glossy eyes, a look of pure wonder &. hope filling them. hyeon could feel the tension rising in the air, an empty palm cupping the young one’s cheek, a cheesy, yet faint grin plastered across his pale features, “ i didn’t mean to make you upset, okay ? so please stop crying before i’m heartbroken for another reason, ” hyeon’s tone was soft, a half-ass attempt to be reassuring. his thumb wiping away the lingering tears falling down sejoo’s cheeks.

if there was one thing hyeon was known for when it came to relationships, it was the way he carried himself. despite his long list of achievements &. various awards plastered across his office at the hospital, he was still incredibly insecure &. defensive. the navy man had a long list of baggage, ones that not even his own FATHER would deal with. hyeon grasped sejoo’s hands in his own, a chaste kiss pressed upon his knuckles, a soft smile still lingering on his face.

‘ just go with your gut goddammit ’

“ there is something i’d like to talk to you about though, before you make a real decision, alright ? ” once again his tone was reassuring, hyeon tightening the grip on their entwined hands, afraid to let go as tonight could once again take a wrong turn, ruining the moment between the two of them, “ are you comfortable coming to my place right now ? i don’t want your boyfriend to come looking for you tonight, ” a light chuckle soon escaped his lips, thin fingers cupping the intern’s cheek once again, a soft kiss placed on his forehead. great time to deflect with comedy CHAMP !

he leans into gentle touch, faint smile tugging at the edges of lips. hint of blush scatters across cheeks, embarrassed by the tears he wipes away. head turns slightly to press chaste kiss against rough palm, hand extending to rest atop his. in a flash, all of the heartache, the anger that raged like a storm behind dark eyes, disappeared. the storm had cleared, passing quickly with the emergence of hyeon’s smile, however subdued. “ ... and i – i’m sorry that i yelled at you .. and upset you. i just – i was scared. ”

scared you’d find out how hopelessly in love i am with you.

tear brimmed eyes cast upwards to meet with his, soft frown forming. what more could there be ? he begins to dread what may follow, but he nods slowly. heel of his palm rubs tears from puffy eyes, defeated hum escaping, “ mmm, i want to get as far from this place as possible. ” sejoo knows he probably shouldn’t ——— slightly heady with liquor that lingers on his tongue, less inhibited than an hour before. he agrees nonetheless, not yet willing to let tonight end. there was too much on the line.

“ third time : he’s not my boyfriend ... ” frown melds to indignant pout, huff punctuating his words — now he’s just doing it to get under his skin. and it was working, he’d get the rise out of him ; he always did. “ and let him find us together. what can he say when he left me tonight to hook up with someone else ? ” but that didn’t matter, not in hyeon’s arms. lids fall shut for brief moment as lips press reconciliatory kiss to forehead, hand splaying across broad chest, “ let’s go, before one of us does something stupid. ” his knees are weak, but he finds the strength to pull hyeon further away from the bar. streets away, he nudges other to order a car ; cheek resting against his arm as they wait.

traffic is light ; the road back to hyeon’s place is quick, filled with quiet conversation and smiles woven with adoration. filing out of the car, thanking the driver with gracious smile before he pulls away, sejoo takes in upscale apartment building with wonder. quiet giggle escapes, amused as he turns to older with curious gaze and quirked brow. “ don’t think that i can be so easily swayed by your fancy apartment, doctor, ” tone is facetious as he teases him, prodding playfully at his side. hand reaches for his, fingers slotting together before elder can lead them in. timidly he peers around, suddenly feeling out of place as they stand in silence, riding the elevator up beside woman with scrutinising gaze set on them both. he can’t step out of the lift fast enough, glancing over his shoulder to catch a final glimpse of her before doors slide shut.

they approach his front door, hyeon’s fishing out his keys as younger stands anxiously at his side. “ why do we really have to talk about this right now ? hasn’t tonight been hard enough .. ? ” it’s almost comes out as a whine, blurted out as the nerves in his stomach retch up his insecurities. regardless of his hesitations, he shuffles into the apartment, body instantly turning to face him as door closes behind them. “ i mean, i - i want to know everything you want to tell me ... but i can’t see you hurt like that, not again. ”

#𝘧𝘵 . h0rizcn #afk ◞ queued

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thrillcr · 3 years

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h0rizcn 𓂃࣪ ⊹

⎡ starter for ♡ / @thrillcr 𝐛𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐬 # 𝟏 “ what the princess wants, he gets, ” chai spoke sweetly, a large hand grasped onto his boyfriend’s thigh, fingertips drawing mindless shapes &. images into the expensive denim. his other hand rested against the steering wheel, bright eyes glancing from the road and back to his small one beside him. the two were with each other constantly, yet tonight felt different. there were no cameras watching their every move, there were no artists or stylists fixing something upon their face &. body. chai wouldn’t have traded his job and his life for anything, however, privacy was something he thrived upon. “ so, ” chai began, a smile plastered across his features, “ is the plan to feed you and then we just go back to my place ? that’s totally cool, besides, i’m sure teddy would love to see you, ” chai felt lonely around his apartment, so adopting an adorable black cat named teddy just seemed to fulfill that space in his heart that he needed. that said, chai was willing to bet teddy was more interested in his boyfriend than his own owner.

chai then pulled up to the diner, the fairy lights decorating the outside eating area, the staff seeming to be in a little bit of a dinner rush right now. putting the car into park, chai turned off the car and undid his own seatbelt, before turning &. doing the same for indigo. leaning in close, chai placed a few light kisses to the counterpart’s cheeks and neck, ringed fingers holding onto indie’s jaw as he did so. chai then pulled back from the man, a smile on his face as cheeks glow red, “ sorry, you just look really pretty right now and i wanted to appreciate you . ”

in a moment of alcohol - induced weakness, he called him, fragile, alone, teetering on the edge of taking all the blame for their fall out — if that’s what brought him home. instead of clarity, that phone call only blurred the lines even more. he’d kept their physical distance for a time, sweet texts shared between breaks in his schedule, late nights spent over the phone until whispers fade to silence as sleep takes one of them. ——— now here they sat, indigo’s heart in his throat as hand comes down to rest possessively against the top of thigh. he should tell him not to, to gently push his hand away, ask him to respect his wishes — the catch ? he didn’t want to stop this, the affections, sweet words. distracted by his own excitement, indigo hadn’t thought that far, to lay out a set of rules before it was too late.

he can’t think straight, not with the way fingertips trace familiar shapes against fabric, but he won’t stop it. instead, he can’t help but encourage it ; a single digit traces the grooves between knuckles, thumbing over rings and soft skin along the back of hand. voice fractures the whirlwind of thoughts that leaves him uncharacteristically quiet, head tilting away from the flicker of city lights to the other. he nods slowly, as if he’d been tuned in the entire ride, smiling softly to hide the panic as he grasps for the last word he’d picked up. “ teddy – ? ” quiet laugh escapes as conversation shifts to beloved feline, subdued in contrast to effervescent nature, “ i miss him. ”

i miss you.

words catch in his throat, something about the diner, unimportant as chai hovers close now. a hand reaches up to rest atop his for brief moment, poised to gently pull it away. he can’t, doesn’t want to ; the warmth of other’s breath draws closer until lips meet with flushed skin, featherlight kisses trailing heat in their wake. doe - like eyes peer over at him from across dimly lit front seat, brows knitted together — confused, frustrated. “ chai ... ” petite form shifts in front seat, head tilting as he weighs his next words. “ i really appreciate this and .. i’m really happy that we’re here right now, but ” eyes flicker away from his, cast down to the space between them, unable to meet his gaze as he continues, “ but please ... you – you shouldn’t .. ” quiet sigh escapes as shoulders fall, dejected, “ i’m sorry, ” muttered softly with brief glance upwards, “ i just – i’m sorry, chai. i’m just ... overwhelmed ? c - confused ? i .. never mind. ”

#𝘧𝘵 . h0rizcn #:{{ { {{ {#always gotta make it sad :}} }} }#afk ◞ queued

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thrillcr · 3 years

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#i'm alive #just so ya'll Know #tbd.txt

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thrillcr · 3 years

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Snow Globe; Waterparks

#╰ ｓｈｉｐ ⑊ saint + sungchul #╰ ｓｈｉｐ ⑊ willow + daeho

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thrillcr · 3 years

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#tag urself : i'm the bad theme #but fr fr if long posts make u feel some sort of way ? ??#pls unfollow !!! ii'll annoy the fuCk out of u #bc i Refuse to cut :: }} }}#𓍯 .　˚ 　⊹ ⋮ honey speaks .

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thrillcr · 3 years

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h0rizcn 𓂃࣪ ⊹

hyeon was caught off guard by the other’s sudden rush of anger. eyebrows furrowed, heartbeat reaching a rather high rate — tender hands balling as they clenched into tight fists. not to be used to defuse the situation, but rather to dig into the tough skin of his own palms at an attempt to ground himself from the triggering tone of the young one’s voice. hyeon’s eyes then shut closed tightly for a moment, a mix of emotions radiating throughout his body. between the loud noise of the nightlife that surrounded the two &. the way the cars seemed to be viciously driving, hyeon was bound to snap.

“ i understand outside of work you’re allowed to speak freely, with me .. ” hyeon began, slender eyes zeroing in on hothead, the almost six-foot man taking a few steps closer to him, foreheads practically pressed together, “ .. but you’re really pushing your fuckin’ luck kid . ” hyeon then stepped through the man, making it a point to shove into him as he strolled down the sidewalk. hyeon only took a few steps before turning around again, a saddened look to his face. what the fck. hyeon had certainly not come down all this way just to battle it out on the sidewalk with sejoo &. he surely wasn’t leaving without speaking his truth.

the truth of these last few months, how he really felt about sejoo, the truth about everything. hyeon didn’t know where to begin, as one can’t turn around and poor their heart out to a mean who doesn’t seem to be in the mood to hear it. hyeon then leaned up against the side of the bar, thin fingers reaching into his sweatshirt pocket &. pulling out a cigarette; the flame illuminating the expression across hyeon’s face — utter despair.

“ ya know, i’m not even going to give you a chance to speak over me again so i’m just going to say it .. ” his voice was raspy, tears flooding his eyes as his pale cheeks began to turn a light shade of red. god he hated his face when he cried, “ do you know how much my heart physically hurts when i look you in the eye ? h-how many times i’ve laid awake at night looking for some fuckin’ pathetic excuse to call you ? the way my entire being is on the brink of shattering every time i see you with your god damn boyfriend ? ” hyeon was completely vulnerable, tears staining his cheeks as he spoke, tone raising in volume as he spoke to sejoo. hyeon forgot about the onlookers, some of them being nurses and doctors that they two worked with, “ you’re literally all i want sejoo ! and living my life without you is absolutely breaking me apart ! ”

“ i-i got pulled off the reserves joo, i’m going to be stationed in jinhae &. bounced around for about six weeks, &. i-i’m terrified you’re not going to be there for me when i get back .. ” truly spekaing, hyeon wasn’t expecting a response to his sudden confession, as his anger &. emotions seemed to be getting the best of him at the moment. too afraid of the idea of being rejected, hyeon continued to ramble. he began to explain how he began to develop true feelings for sejoo, how he was too afraid of risking his job &. image to do anything about it, how he needed to take these last few months for himself, figuring himself out. he had a lot to work on before he allowed sejoo to step in — the navy man’s ptsd being the main one.

“ a-a part of me has been sitting and waiting for you to run back to me on your own, and i have this weird feeling that even if you don’t i’ll always be waiting for you .. i just refuse to live my life without knowing what my life could be if we gave this a h-honest chance .. ”

it’s all a blur, his words, his movements, until large frame knocks into his own. with several steps taken to steady himself, sejoo bores holes into other’s back, body set aflame — fingertips quivering with the surge of emotions that swells in him, tears glossing over gaze. he wants to scream, to stomp over to him like a child in the throws of a tantrum and pound on his chest, shove him like he’d just done. but all he can do is stare in disbelief, lips set in tight frown and brows knitted in frustration. venom is poised on the tip of his tongue, ready when retort finally surfaces between profanities — until hyeon turns to him with long face, eyes despondent as they settle on one another. mouth parts to speak, but suddenly he has nothing to say, no time to say it. he’s speaking again. all he can do is listen, hear how he stumbles over morose confession, how his heart bleeds as he does. feet carry him closer, hand outstretched in natural response to his pain ; he can’t bear to see him like this, manic, vulnerable.

his assumptive nature stood between them, making this more difficult than it should have been. sejoo had been grasping at every reason to steer clear of steely attending while at work, afraid of what spontaneous admission will fill their first deafening silence, what he might do if they’d found themselves alone — especially like this, alcohol lingering on lips, grief and regret heavy on their tongues. ‘ you caused this, ’ movements stutter to a halt, thoughts forcing body to react, ‘ you’re the reason he’s like this right now. ’ chest tightens at this realisation, as hyeon continues to shatter his resolve with each plea for him to hear the sincerity of his words.

“ he’s .. not my boyfriend, hyeon. i – i don’t want him to be my boyfriend. it’s always been you. ” what a fucking cliche ; the way he casts longing gaze towards the object of his childish affections, too timid to show him what he means .. to tell him all the times he’d drifted to sleep wishing he’d wake up beside him, how he dreams of a single night spent at the center of his world. no distractions, no one to whisper of the taboo, soft conversations about a future where all of this was easy.

other’s body has relaxed enough for sejoo’s hesitations to fade, allowing him to shuffle a few steps closer. “ you .. you’re gonna be so ... far .. j- jinhae ? hyeon, i ... i don’t get it. why – why you ? can’t they see that you have enough to balance .. i – ” he’s drawn towards him once more, close enough now to reach out and touch him, but he refrains. instead, fingers curl into the edges of his sweater to occupy fidgeting hands, itching to take hold of tear stained cheeks and give words to the adoration that fills him with even the briefest glance.

“ i don’t want you to go ... ”

he can’t go, not after this, after spilling the words sejoo so badly wished to hear — before he’d made such a fool of himself out on street’s corner, desperate and defeated. “ i .. didn’t know y – you .. felt that way. but you – at the bar, before all of this ... you made me feel like i was crazy — like it was all in my head. ” hazel hues fade, irises brightening with the stress, the anguish that overflows, tears brimming over, clinging to lower lashes and flushed skin of his cheeks. “ i’m ... i – i don’t understand where this ... why now ? you’re .. ” thought trails off as a softened voice cuts through moment of stunned silence, pulling him from the chaos that rattles in his brain.

finally aware of the life that buzzes around him, scent of cigarette drifts, fills his senses, drifts closer, clouding the air between them. yet, this time he does not speak to his distaste to see him smoke ; perhaps engrossed too deeply in conjuring his defense. “ i thought you lost interest ... in me – this ” teeth sink into soft flesh along the inside of his lip to prompt the rest of his feeble excuse for his own part in their distance, “ that this wasn’t fun for you anymore. so i ... i thought that if ... you saw that i was seeing someone, you wouldn’t think that i – ... ” eyes cast downwards, fixation falling to the loose strand of yarn lining cuff of time - worn sweater, “ i hadn’t been stupid enough to think you’d ever think of me as anything more than your intern .. but – i .. i was wrong about that, too. ” with only a single step, he closes the space between them, gently taking hold of his hand to pull hyeon further away from prying eyes, ears tuned into their fervent conversation.

he starts again, to breech the subject of their estrangement, atoning for role he’d played, “ i’ve ... been wrong a lot lately. ” fingers intertwine loosely with his as they walk, feeble attempt at keeping him close, easily broken if hyeon’s gait so much as drifted apart from his own. look of disconsolation casts downwards, too embarrassed, too guilty to meet with older’s, “ where else could i go ? i – i don’t want someone else ; i’d only compare them to you. hyeon, i – i can’t stop thinking about you, even when i’m with that idiot. i p – i picture you, every time. ” exasperated, he comes to sudden stop, neck craning and body turning to look at him — eyes still glossy, bright under glint of streetlight. lower lip quivers as gazes meet, hand releasing its hold as arms wrap tightly around his waist. face buries against other’s shoulder, subtle sob rattling upwards from his chest, bringing him closer yet to muffle the sound,

“ please, i can’t lose you. ”

#if i have to use anoTHER fuckin ellipses i stg i'll flip #timid ass mfer just sp- spit it out !!!! w. ur chest !!!#𝘧𝘵 . h0rizcn #tw long post

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thrillcr · 3 years

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❪ insert h0rizcn! ❫ ⌗ boys will be bugs ⌗ muses ♡ guidelines

#boys eat boogers idk what to tell u #but she doesn't so that's p cool #𓍯 .　˚ 　⊹ ⋮ etc .

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thrillcr · 3 years

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h0rizcn 𓂃࣪ ⊹

hyeon stood up anxiously awaiting the response, nimble fingers typing furiously across his computer as some third party tech site tried to tell him he could unsend messages. to save you the time .. turns out you actually can’t. hyeon contemplated whether or not he was setting himself up to fail, wondering if this was the smartest thing to do before leaving for a minimum of six weeks. however, hyeon couldn’t help but allow his mind to float off to what his life could been when he returns. late nights hiding away in the hospital parking lot, nothing but the street light illuminating the car the two sat in as they spoke about their day. how, finally, for once in his life he’d have someone by his side — someone in his corner wanting the best for him. a person who he could turn to when the dark side of things began to take over again. someone to keep him grounded. hyeon was then brought back to reality as he heard the ding on his phone go off ; he actually said yes ?

he then rushed into his bedroom, quickly gathering things that he think he would need. what does one wear to confess to their direct subordinate how in love they are with them ? i guess he can’t really google that question, however hyeon soon settled from something simple ; his favorite pair of nike track shorts &. a simple plain black t-shirt.

the bar was awfully loud that night, filled to capacity with various men &. women who all seemed to wear the same cheap perfume in a similar, pathetic attempt in masking the smell of their own loneliness. the attending then sat up at the bar, steady fingers tracing the different rings left stained into the wood. he was too timid to look up, unsure on how his heart could handle seeing the two of them together outside of work. he could barely handle the stolen glances from the pair during their shifts.

‘ can i get you anything to drink ? ’ ‘ just a whiskey sour please .. ’

hyeon found himself looking away from the comfort of his cell phone screen, eyes dancing around the bar in hopes of spotting his boy, nothing but mindless smiles given to those few strangers he accidently made eye contact with. luckily, he got himself a few free drinks out of the those. soon after hyeon spotted sejoo on the other side of the bar, to which the liquid courage set in and helped him make his way towards the other, a newfound boldness in his strides.

hyeon didn’t know what he was going to say, as being entirely honest he expected his former flame to say no. or better yet; not answer at all. hyeon then stood before sejoo, the smell of alcohol evident on his own breath. hyeon was probably standing too close to the other, yet he stood confident in his stance as a small smile crept its way onto his lips. well .. here goes nothing i guess.

hyeon’s fingers traced the top of his glass, mouth agape as the words failed to form entirely in the moment, ‘ h-hey .. ’ the man began, swallowing anxiously before continuing, ‘ you ready to head out ? i haven’t seen your boyfriend for a while now so i assume you’re here alone ? ’

an hour he gets with him, legs pressed close beneath the table, giddy laughter floating from their booth, toothy grins to match. it’s been so long since he’s felt like this, carefree, truly present in that moment, content. until junyeol gets a call, one of his friends — it’s clear with the way he tries to hide his smile, keeping his end of the conversation vague. he offers sejoo sympathetic smile as he ends call, hand moving to clasp over his for but a brief moment, “ listen, it’s been fun tonight, ” euphemism for less interesting than his new plans, “ but i’ve gotta go. raincheck, yeah ? next time we’re both off. ” and he’s standing with purpose, wink thrown his way as a cheap flirtation meant to make it okay that he’s shrugging into his jacket to leave him behind. what a fucking joke ! and it’s entirely on sejoo, left alone in a crowded bar, embarrassed blush spreading across scowling features as the tab comes to mind — he’s left with that, too.

so much for tonight. dejected, he sits back in the booth, tugging out his phone ; second nature, look busy and this scene doesn’t look as sad as it really is, right? wrong, it was clear he’d been cast aside, pathetic parallel between himself and the abandoned beer dripping sweat against scarcely occupied table. he contemplates why he even came tonight ; he’d have been better off at home, curled up with a movie, dozing off half - way through. instead he’s angrily finishing his drink, seated in a stupid booth in a stupid bar, scrolling through a stupid social media site that he doesn’t even like to give the illusion that he was right where he wanted to be. it stays like that for some time, every so often taking small sips of his cocktail to quell the anxious feeling that nips at his thoughts.

it’s probably time to go ; he can feel eyes on him now. or was that the paranoia finally setting in ? twisting knots in his stomach until he thinks it just might make him sick. dark hues flicker upwards, to find who’s fixated on him for a moment too long. before he can find curious gaze in busy room, he’s standing there, nearly slotted between booth and table to press unusually close. hyeon. breath catches in dry throat, thin eyes widening as neck cranes to settle on flushed features. smell of whiskey drips from his lips as he speaks — fills his senses, mingling with the scent of sweet cologne. this is all too familiar, isn’t it ? the way his body’s reflex is to lean closer, to relax in his presence, becoming instantly malleable to his suggestions. this is how it was every time. hyeon has a little too much to drink, garners enough courage to play games with his intern, enough entertainment for the night. and sejoo can’t help but oblige, clinging to any reason for such proximity. lips part, floundering for response, flustered by the way he looms over him, hint of a smirk wrapped around pointed questions.

“ uh - . . . h - ? he’s not – ! ” pitch climbs three octaves, voice cracking as denial springs free from lips ; pink tinges the top of ears, warmth of blush spreading across cheeks, “ he’s not .. my boyfriend. besides, he – . . . ” words trail off, thinking better of admitting tonight’s rejection, “ h - how long have you .. been here exactly ? i - never mind. i just have to .. ” his tone drops, waving off muddled rambling, nose scrunching only slightly as he pulls away in the direction of the bar, “ i have to settle ou - my .. tab. ” fuck ! how embarrassing. how much more desperate could he look ? stamp a big ol’ welcome on his forehead and he’d be unmistakeable for a doormat.

he disappears long enough to settle his bill with their bartender, timid smile offered with the last of his cash before he turns away. quietly, he returns to a patient hyeon, head tilting slightly as gaze settles on him. he thinks to speak, to ponder his presence, but instead takes hold of his arm to tug him towards the door. as they’re met with cool, summer breeze, he returns attention to tipsy counterpart. frown tugs at the edges of plump lips, brows knitting together as he leads them further away from the noise drifting from the bar.

“ why ... why tonight ? what made you suddenly think about me after four months of radio silence ? were you just bored ? f- figured i’d be just desperate enough to text you back ? ” he wasn’t wrong, but he’d skip that fact, laying further his barrage of questions, “ that i’d just drop everything to see you ? when ... when you couldn’t even spare a glance in my direction ?! ” hurried feet have stopped now, planted in the center of sidewalk lining a now silent street, voice rising, accusatory finger pressing closer and closer until it rests firmly against broad chest. “ you can’t ... ” shoulders fall and deflated words come out in what can only be likened to a whimper, “ you can’t just ... come and go as you please, hyeon. it’s not fair. ”

#𝘧𝘵 . h0rizcn #they need to get the Fuck outta my brain #straight up Rotting with nothing but these two !!!!

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thrillcr · 3 years

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h0rizcn 𓂃࣪ ⊹

⎡ starter for ♡ / @thrillcr 𝚑𝚢𝚎𝚘𝚗 + 𝚜𝚎𝚓𝚘𝚘 彡 six weeks. six fckin’ weeks. hyeon was devastated when he opened that letter in his kitchen, a simple steady hand running down his face in defeat as he ripped &. tore that letter into tiny pieces. it didn’t make him feel any better, that burning feeling in his chest, the sudden blurry vision, &. those never-ending tears that stained his awfully pale cheeks. tearing that letter didn’t hide the fact that he was once going to be uprooted into the cause of all his troubles, the troubles that he’s somehow managed to keep stuffed down and hidden away these last few years. he didn’t care how nice he might of looked in those naval blues, his mind was still racing a mile a minute.the surgeon was unsure of himself, questioning whether or not he should expose his mental health status to his naval peers, in turn ruining the career he’s worked so hard for. could he handle just one more tour ? could he handle a single tour at all ? he couldn’t even handle the ferry fireworks at the former chief of surgery’s retirement party. of course he hadn’t told mina about the situation, she would only talk him out of it as she did everything else. he couldn’t speak to his parents as his mother had long passed and his father was never looking in his son’s best interest. the navy makes you a man son ! yeah, whatever you say pop. however, he soon found himself worried about something else. he wasn’t worried about his trauma, his mental health, or that goddamn letter. his mind couldn’t seem to leave the idea of him out of it. why did it matter so much ? the two hadn’t directly spoken in at least a few months, the third party conversations between mina and the peanut gallery the closest hyeon has gotten. of course he cared for sejoo, the image of chiseled cheeks, &. slim almond eyes engraved in hyeon’s mind. ( an intern ? seriously hyeon ? ) hell, hyeon didn’t even know if sejoo felt the same way. of course hyeon paid attention to him — reading his body language and analyzing the words sejoo spoke ever-so gracefully. did mina mean it when she told hyeon to go for it ? what if he made an utter fool of himself, those gossip-driven emergency nurses would never let him hear the end of it. however, the answers to his questions couldn’t wait another six more weeks — hyeon’s sure he’d lose sejoo completely by then. that is, if he hasn’t lost him already.

hyeon rested on the ideas of how to tell sejoo, and even contemplated if he should tell his one-sided lover at all. was hyeon overstepping ? more than likely. yet, he knew it was the only way to fully get over what he’s readily prepared himself for — complete heartbreak. it was the end of his shift, another stressful day of losing patients &. nothing but bad news. hyeon stood at the nurse’s station, signing the last of his paperwork before heading out for the night when he saw sejoo, standing on the side of the hospital’s exit, fingers mindlessly typing on his cell phone. all it took was a simple glance from mina before he knew what he had to do, and maybe work was the best place to do it. that was the key word here — maybe. the ice king took rather long strides, attempting to mask the nervousness radiating off of him with some high ego he managed to fabricate on his way over. soon hyeon was stopped in his tracks, as an all-too familiar face made it to sejoo before he did. the two seemed content with each other, sejoo’s smile wide across his face, eyes being swallowed by his cheeks. hyeon stood there for a moment, the ice king truly frozen unsure of what his next move should be. of course he couldn’t confess his love for sejoo in front of who the hospital seemed to believe was his boyfriend. so, as the two left, hyeon decided a simple text should suffice.

💌 dr. hyeon lee is typing .. hey, you free for a quick ride tonight ? i’d like to show you something :)

he greets other with warm smile, chaste touch to his side, fingers curling momentarily into soft fabric before he’s forced to release ; he didn’t need the rumour mill turning out any more details of his personal life. what was his . . . what could be his didn’t need to be shared — this, whatever it was, was too new, a fledgling state of, what he’d only explain as, interest. they’d slept together ( once ! ) but gossip grows, becoming bigger, bigger, bigger, until what slips past nosy nurses’ lips was nothing but hyperbole passed from department to department.

who knew an intern could stir up such a storm of sex and secrets ?

as soon as they’re far enough away, past the threshold of the hospital, beyond the prying eyes of his coworkers, he takes a chance. gently he reaches out to tug at other’s sleeve, sweet smile and bright eyes asking his permission slip arm through his. with reluctance, resident allows him to take hold of offered arm. content, he walks alongside him with pleased grin. if sejoo were honest, these last four months had been . . . grueling — to say the least. he’d lost a friend, a mentor, and the object of his affection in one foul swoop. that alone had been enough to drain him, but the 65 hour work weeks did little help his exhaustion. physically and mentally, sejoo had reached his limit. what more could he add to his plate ? oh, he had no idea how much more complicated his world could get.

it all starts with a single text.

there’s a buzz in his pocket after he’s already stuffed away his phone — it’s rude to text when you’re with others . . . but he’s helpless to his curiosity. just a quick glance, jun won’t mind. face goes white, stomach churns as he reads the name that appears. hyeon ? steely doctor had lost interest in even speaking to him months ago ; what changed ? he’d made his apathy quite clear by the radio silence that fell between them after the conversation at the bar. after sejoo made an ass of himself, foolishly assuming hyeon hadn’t been simply lonely and drunk — silly to think he was anything more an easy way to pass, after all, his blind adoration for the steely doctor was too obvious��not to notice. muted sigh parts lips as he unlocks the phone, navigating to a message he could only conclude was meant for someone else. brows knit together as he types out message, an unwarranted jealousy bubbling at the center of his chest as the thought of someone else with him, someone else taking the place he’d found himself daydreaming of, surfaces. but he stuffs it down, finishing incredulous text — forcing himself to stay aloof.

✉ roh sejoo is typing .. ??? wrong person? i’m busy right now. can it wait? pick me up at the bar later? i mean, if you still want to see me.

out of the corner of keen eye, he catches glimpse of junyeol’s curiosity. lips purse, tips of ears tinged red with embarrassment as he locks his phone, quickly stuffing it away. “ my boss – sorry, ” technically, it was the truth, but that didn’t change the intentions behind his eagerness to reply. he offers timid smile, hand now free splays over bicep, body drawn closer as he all but literally clings to his side. overcompensating for the guilt that sits heavy on his chest ? definitely. despite being pressed so close to someone else, all sejoo can think about is that stupid surgeon who had turned his entire world upside - down.

#i literally Hate that i've already replied to this #i also hate U #bro just kiss like ?? is it rly That hard #𝘧𝘵 . h0rizcn

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thrillcr · 3 years

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‘ you’re talking in and out of the subject just call me when you’re finished, are you done yet ? you’re falling in &. out through a sunset &. i just wanna know if you’re in love yet girl ’ — MOONLIGHT by chase atlantic . ( ft. @thrillcr )

#╰ ｓｈｉｐ ⑊ scout + minchu #TT it's fine i'm Fine

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thrillcr · 3 years

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probably going to be switching over a lot of my interactions to disco ? chances are if we start smth new, it’ll be there. gonna give that a whirl ?

#hh hh hhh h #maybe i'll make a promo #maybe i'll Finally finish my muse pages #tbd.txt

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thrillcr · 3 years

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sugaredz 𓂃࣪ ⊹

yohan’s pout crumbles and he laughs, giggles in fact. just the thought alone, that he could pout and get away with it makes him giggle even more. the mood clearly has him feeling giggling, he can only hope jinseok can handle it. “oh no, why do you have to say it like that?” he asks, a rosy hue growing across his face. chewing on the inside of his lip to try and hold back a grin, he settles on getting his own back. “i can’t be that bad, i got you to like me didn’t i?” sufficiently pleased with himself, he plants feather-light kisses across jinseok’s face, from the center of his forehead down to the bridge of his nose, across his eyelids, and back down to the corners of his mouth.

chewing into his lip one more time, yohan peers down at jinseok’s hands on his thigh, then back up to meet his gaze. “y-yeah, i think so.” he answers a little lowly, gently… as if he’s unsure. a thought crosses his mind and yohan’s got a feeling he’s not the only one. the affection, sweet and gentle, has yohan flustered and it’s written all over his face — hot and red, fingers antsy at the back of his neck. a shaky breath escapes him much like a sentence is strung together. “does that… mean you want me?”

heart skips a beat as yohan peppers soft kisses against rose - hued skin, lingering just long enough at the edge of lazy smile to capture lips with his own. “ you’re a catch, baby. ” quiet chuckle punctuating fond words, lips hover over other’s, breath adding to the warmth radiating between them and for a brief moment hesitation no longer lingers at the back of his mind ; more daring now, he seizes his chance. fingers squeeze gently as gaze drops to catch a glimpse at insinuating touch, neck craning to press a slow trail of kisses away from parted lips. “ i think . . . boba can wait, ” whispered against the curve of his jaw as greedy hands inch their way along thighs until they rest decidedly at his waist — fingers curling into denim loops to urge him closer.

jinseok catches his gaze for but a moment, mouth poised to speak, to utter the need that stirs in the pit of stomach, an ache that radiates beneath hips — yohan’s voice breaks train of thought before it escapes. he swallows words, everything else trivial ; admission tumbles free without second regard, breathless, “ god yes. ” a hand lifts to splay inked fingers along the side of his neck, thumb pressed against jaw to smooth slowly over soft skin. “ i need you, ” plea is wrapped in low tone, jinseok guiding him closer, leaning in to bring lips together in heady kiss.

#𝘧𝘵 . sugaredz #:] ]]

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