throwingbutterflies

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Guess who joined OK Cupid?

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I get a lot of comments saying how I'm a really positive person and I usually don't really know what to say. But I've been thinking about it and have come up with a few reasons why I am how I am. I feel like I have a lot of autonomy in my own life. Most of the things I do I have a huge amount of say in them.

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I baked for the first time in months and it felt so nice ^_^ I made the brownies I used to sell at the coffee stall in Camden and it was heavenly. I also treated myself to a hand cranked mixer so I can make cakes easier since hand mixing with a spoon was the thing putting me off for so long. You can't mix frosting together with a spoon.

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Been trying to slim down/get fitter and have decided that I want to get swole as hell. Starting tonight I'm going to work out a basic lifting routine 💪💪💪 I want to get intimidatingly strong

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Guess whose period is making her cry while watching women power lift? God I'm a gay mess.

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Bit of a rant. Maybe?

Recently my amazing coworkers have been talking about celebrity crushes. And I’ve been finding it really tricky to think of famous women (from tv/movies/famous bands etc) that I have a “crush on”

All my coworkers are solely attracted to men and I am pan with a strong preference to women and people who are gender nonconforming/non-binary.

My difficulty in thinking up celebrities that I'm attracted to has lead them to joke that I’m fussy.

It’s taken me a few weeks to realise that I’m not fussy at all!

- I find real women that I interact with in actual real ways attractive every day. I can't get on the train, or walk to work, or do my weekly food shop without seeing heart stoppingly beautiful women.

The problem I have thinking up famous women that make me weak at the knees is that the type of media that produce that house-hold-name kind of famous doesn’t really cater to me and my gay needs. The things that attract me to particular women are very broad and very flexible yet still aren't easy to find outside of "self made" celebrities who have a name for themselves on the Internet by producing their own content.

So things that make me (a clueless idiot who's head is in the clouds most of the time) sit up and take notice of someone include but are in no way exclusive are:

- I like people who are fat - around my size and larger. Even if their body is very different to mine. This isn't to say that women who weigh less than me or are smaller than me don't make me get those gay feelings, it's just something I've noticed about the people I think are cute.

- I like people who are friendly - kindness is the Most Important thing to me. Ever. If you’re polite and sweet even when you’re in a rush I’ll be thinking about you for the rest of the day.

- I like physically strong women. Women who look like they could overpower me are amazing. They could probably carry so many dogs to safety in an emergency!

- I like people who are obviously queer. Not to say girly-girls aren't cute as heck. They are. All girls are cute. Write that down.

- I like people who wear cute clothes/have a fun fashion sense. Even if you’re dressed for work if you have a cute bracelet/a cute bag etc I’ll notice it and think you look lovely.

The things I don't like in women is a shorter but more rigid list.

I don't like people who are mean. Even in a joking way. The odd cheeky joke is fine, especially if it's aimed at me or yourself but if you try to make me laugh at another persons expense I will always think poorly of you. I don't think that kind of sassy/brutally honest/telling it like it is humour is funny at all. You don't need to fake being sweet. But don't be a dick for laughs.

I thought this list would be longer. But honestly that's it. If I feel like I have a good connection with someone. I honestly don't care about anything else.

Basically media has very few fat women in roles that aren't joke roles where they're mean and abrasive. And they certainly have very few fat queer women who are sweet and bubbly.

Yet I can think of so so SO many women I meet on a daily basis who are just those things and more.

And THATS why I can think of very few mainstream female celebrities I'm attracted to.

Or maybe I just don't consume the right type of media content?

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Finally filling out my tax return 💪 hells yea

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So I know this is ridiculously early (since it isn’t even August yet…) but I’m starting to buy Xmas presents. Work is having a huge sale so I can afford to buy actually nice gifts for my family and Hubby (aka The Boy). I have a really lovely surprise for Hubby for Xmas and I know he won’t read this here so I’ll post it in the tags.

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Gah! I almost ALMOST gave my number to the cutest girl on the train today.

So we both got on the overground at the same stop. We got on the same carriage and after one stop we changed lines. She seemed interested (hard to explain but just a vibe) so when I got onto the platform I stood in a kind of awkward place that no one in their right mind wants to board the train on. She stood about 6 feet away from me. The train pulled up and there was a door in front her her and one in front of me. She moved to “my door” so we were stood in the same section of train together.

She got a seat after a few stops and I was basically stood directly in front of her. Then I got a seat opposite with lots of people between us.

I tore a page from my journal and wrote a note about how her space buns were out of this world. That the note is from the girl randomly dresses like Snow White. And would she like a coffee sometime. I signed it with my name and my mobile number. I planned to act like she had dropped it and hand it to her.

At Tottenham Court Road she stood up. The note was clutched in my hands. But before I could give it to her loads of other people stood up and I would have had to burst through them all to hand it to her.

I’m full of regret.

But also she clearly lives near me. So maybe I’ll see her again?

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Really nice moment today when my manager told me that I'm the nicest, least judgmental person she's ever met. Genuinely didn't know what to say. She's a real cutie :)

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A butterfly just landed on me as I walked to the train station 🌸🌸🌸

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These photos are only 4 months apart. She's such a giraffe!

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Thought I would make a personal blog so my beautiful mutuals wouldn’t have to put up with the tonnes of "funny" crap I reblog on my main tumblr. I won’t be posting on here super frequently but the things I post will be stuff like selfies, writing, and all manner of TMI things. So basically if you want to see me talking about cute dogs I see on my commute, stories and plots I'm currently workings on, adorable girls I'm crushing on, lipstick swatches, periods, and maybe porn - feel free to follow.