tiki-lamps

[tiki-lamps]

grow big

[tiki-lamps]

[tiki-lamps]

therapist: how are you? me: fine how are you

[tiki-lamps]

[tiki-lamps]

every morning when i go in the kitchen she yells at me nonstop so i have to put the spoon on her head

[tiki-lamps]

You flirt and kiss and for what??? Sex?????! Love?????? Pathetic.

[tiki-lamps]

i should have acted out in school more none of the consequences mattered actually 

[tiki-lamps]

[tiki-lamps]

if im gonna be famous i want to be flo rida famous. this man has three billboard hot 100 #1 hits and no one can name a single thing about him except for the fact that he is from florida. no annoying stans, no controversy. just radio friendly bops. this is the type of cryptic celebrity status i wish to achieve. he just pops up once every few years makes a hit song then goes back to wrestling alligators or recounting elections…..or whatever it is that floridians even do. he allegedly has a net worth of $30 million dollars and i dont even know what he looks like. has anyone ever seen a picture of this man??? no. can anyone of you even tell me his real name without googling it first??? no. all we truly know is that he likes them apple bottom jeans and the boots with the fur that she had on but we dont even know what HE was wearing in that situation do we??? this man has the right idea i respect you flo rida i really do

[tiki-lamps]

You ever think about the kind of guy who makes a cursed amulet? Like, “ooh hoo hoo, whoever puts this on is gonna have a nasty surprise!” Get a real hobby.

[tiki-lamps]

someone: hey how are you

me: moderate to severe

[tiki-lamps]

remembering that you inhabit a body and that your physical appearance is inevitably tied into how people perceive you

[tiki-lamps]

literally nothing is worth arguing about anymore

[tiki-lamps]

[tiki-lamps]

in this essay I will thank you for coming to my ted talk

[tiki-lamps]

crazy how men can just exist and i am a carefully crafted performance piece

[tiki-lamps]