tiliamericana

[tiliamericana]

"umm I hope you guys know orcs would kill you if you tried to fuck them" whaaat holy shit man orcs are typically depicted as chaotic evil savages? no waaay dude, this whole time I've been eroticizing the monstrous as a deliberate critique of the racist and ableist undertones in the classical orc archetype, when I should have simply realized that elements of popular fiction are objective absolutes that can't be reexamined or remixed through the cultural lens of the ever-shifting presentttttt

[tiliamericana]

Happy May

I’m 30! Finally out of the hellscape that was my twenties, hooray! Speaking of hellscapes: I’m trying something new with the Everyday Anxieties in the form of content warnings. I was hoping to get some straightforward spoiler tagging going on where you could just click on it, but my lacklustre searching skills couldn’t find a version of this that worked with WordPress’s HTML limitations. For now…

[tiliamericana]

Highway to Hell

Read early and get exclusive shorts on my Patreon! This Everyday Anxiety contains The bus rounds the corner at the same time he does. He swears, hiking his satchel up by his waist and lengthening his strides into a full-paced run. The tight leather of his work shoes pinches uncomfortably at the increased pace and pressure compared to his leisurely stroll, but he’d known this was a risk when…

[tiliamericana]

return of the dipshits this week as i try to finish drafting bjj for honey tree once again

linden remains allergic to awkward situations

[tiliamericana]

Patreon shorts are starting up again--the first in a new collection of urban legend rewrites is live now. Read "The Phantom Hitchhiker" here and look out for the next two Fridays for "The Dog Lick" and "The Man with the Hook Hand"!

https://www.patreon.com/posts/56264385

[tiliamericana]

Read From Start | Home Site | Patreon

Book Two TBA

Muay Thai: 1.17

Lind A: bring me lunch!

It was after eleven. She should be getting up and opening the dojo. This argument wasn’t quite enough to compel her legs to move from the bed, however, so Nairi lifted her phone and answered the text instead.

What do you want?

Lind A: idk get something you like and we can share Lind A: im at my studio!!

k

The ‘a’ button on her keyboard was sticking something fierce, and the black coating was worn away on the space bar and surrounding keys. Maybe she should get a new phone. She let the blackberry slip back down to rest on her chest as she went back to staring at the ceiling of her bedroom. The blanket was too hot where it was wrapped around her legs, and her shoulder was starting to ache where it had been pressed into her pillow and mattress for too long.

What did she like to eat? What did she like to eat that Linden also liked? Or, well, what was between here and Linden’s studio that had vegetarian options and food Linden liked, was probably the better question.

It was another ten minutes before she could make herself stand up and find a pair of jeans.

Almost an hour after that she’d made it to Linden’s studio, coffee and pastries in hand. Loud music was pumping out the propped-open door, grungier rock floating past the concrete paint can in sharp opposition to the cheerful pop from the last time she’d been here. Nairi stepped inside with her offerings, looking around for Linden.

“Oh hey, I thought you’d abandoned me,” said Linden cheerfully, and Nairi tracked her gaze down to see her sprawled on the floor. She was grinning up at her, hips twisted with one knee folded over her thigh, back pressed to the ground.

Nairi held up the paper bag by way of explanation. “Never. There was just a queue. Are you okay?”

Linden nodded sagely and shut her eyes, rolling her hips back down and shaking out her leg. “I had to pick up a box of glue off the craft shop floor this morning and I foolishly bent with my back instead of my knees, so now I must pay for my hubris.” She groaned as she sat up, taking a coffee from the proffered tray and grinning at Nairi. “Twenty-seven is way too young to even be having these issues, I swear to god.”

“Maybe your back’s just advanced for its age,” said Nairi, setting her tea and the pastries down on an unoccupied stretch of counter space.

Linden got to her feet and laughed brightly as she leaned over to her beat up ipod where it was sitting in a dock on the sill, spinning the volume almost all the way down. She straightened to grin at her head on as she reached out for Nairi’s hand. “Dad always said I was precocious. Come on, I made something for you!”

“Oh, what?” said Nairi, feeling the corner of her mouth twitch up as she let Linden tug her across the studio. “I only just figured out how to hang the last thing you painted me.”

Linden laughed again, letting go of her hand to reach up and pull down one of the two jackets from a hook on the back of the far door. “Well, this one hangs in a wardrobe, so I’m sure you’ll figure that out on your own.”

Nairi looked at the leather being offered to her, then back up at Linden, who jiggled the coat hanger at her.

She took it. It was a heavy, white motorcycle jacket, with two crisp stripes running the full length of the sleeves in red and green. The cuffs were zipped with sturdy silver tabs, and the pockets looked to fall just under the ribs with the same zips as closures. It was high-necked and padded in a way she instinctively approved of, with extra buckles at the neck and waist over the front zip. On the back Linden had painted an ourobouros of a dragon in green and black, its eye the same bright red as the stripe on the sleeves.

“Try it on,” said Linden eagerly, nodding at her. “I snooped in your drawers before I bought the jacket, so it should be the right size.”

Nairi felt her mouth twitch again, and she slipped the jacket on over her shoulders. It was comfortably snug around her arms, and heavy in a way that made it feel like it belonged there. The leather was a little stiff, not yet worn in, and the zip sufficiently toothy so that it took a second try to tug it down again. “It’s great,” she said, looking up and smiling back at Linden. “Thank you, you didn’t have to get me this.”

Linden was reaching up bring down its twin, and she glanced back over her shoulder at Nairi as she pulled it on. “Look, I saw them as I was walking past and I wanted one for me, and then I saw the white and I just hadto.” Hers was dark, crimson like her favourite wine-red lipstick, with thick, soft, elasticated fabric around the cuffs and waist hem. The painted embellishments were little lines of matchstick fires around the wide pockets, and a cherry tree in full blossom on the back, with a vintage style painting of a pair of cherries over one shoulder like a fake patch. “It gave me an excuse to break out the good paints too, the ones I haven’t used since I was a student. I had a lot of friends who did costume shit for theatre, the hardcore kind, it was nice to use them again! And like, I know it’s totally the wrong time of year for warm jackets and I should’ve held out for your birthday ‘cause it would’ve been perfect, but I got excited when I finished them and it’s been hard enough keeping my trap shut while I waited for them to dry.”

“It’s totally fine,” said Nairi, watching Linden give a little spin to show off her jacket before she shrugged it off again. “It’s just an early birthday present. Very early—preparatory, so I don’t have to wait for my birthday once it starts getting cold, and now you don’t have to worry about getting something for the day as well.”

Linden laughed again, ushering her back across the studio towards the pastries. “Oh, nice try, but you’re not escaping the birthday fun that easy,” she teased, picking up her coffee and nudging her broken chair towards Nairi with one foot. “Come on, sit, eat, give me the good goss, tell me how you and Aggy are going.”

“There’s not a lot happening, really,” said Nairi blandly, taking her tea back from Linden and sitting gingerly. The chair held, thankfully, if with a little more bounce than she’d been expecting. “You know, everything’s just kind of… fine.”

Linden pouted over her coffee before proceeding to loot the pastry bag. “Oh, that’s boring though! You two never do anything exciting, and you’ve been dating for like, months now. Seriously, nothing new?”

The impulse to laugh bubbled high in Nairi’s throat, and she swallowed it, wondering briefly where it had come from. “I think I’m okay with boring, honestly. Is your dating life not exciting enough?”

That got a snort as Linden resettled herself to lean back against the counter, raspberry crown in hand. “It’s a little cooled down at the moment, I won’t lie. Like, Simon and I are technically still ‘on’,you know, we’re just not, doing as much.”

“Tapering off, or just laying low from Nicholas?” asked Nairi with a small grin, catching the pastry bag as Linden tossed it to her.

Linden rolled her eyes, taking a drink from her coffee. “Si’s a big boy, he doesn’t need Nick barging in to tell him how to live his life. He’s still fun, it’s just, you know, reaching the point where people start making comments about taking him home to meet Dad and it’s definitelynot that kind of relationship.”

“Because you’re not expecting a ring or because he’s not up to scratch?” asked Nairi, tearing at a croissant.

“Yes,” said Linden, laughing. “Fuck, jesus, I’m nowhere near thinking about that, much less with Si’! That and Dad would eat him alive, he’s got an English degree—the only thing worse would be fine art.”

She hadn’t said it with any malice, so it was probably a normal sort of joke to make? “High expectations to meet?”

Linden grinned wolfishly. “Any partner I nail down better be ready to jump,” she joked with a darkly amused tone to it. “Dad’s good at what he does so he has high standards—typical lawyer shit, you know?”

Nairi shrugged. “Most of the lawyers I’ve met have just been dicks, but I think it’s different when you’re working with them as opposed to like, being raised by one. Is he defence or attack?”

Linden laughed loudly at that, hiding her grin behind her coffee cup again before answering. “Prosecutor, he’s a DA,” she said, sounding a little lighter. “Highest conviction rate in the state, only the best efforts for his job.”

“Damn, alright,” said Nairi, raising an eyebrow. “Kind of a bigshot?”

Linden nodded, setting her cup down. “Yeah, he gets kinda high profile sometimes—I don’t know if you remember a couple of years back, uh, Maxim Bailey? That guy?”

Oh yeah, she’d heard he’d been arrested. Nairi nodded, making a general noise of affirmation, and Linden nodded along with her.

“Yeah, he’s still salty he didn’t manage to get him on the murder charge, despite getting the other convictions,” said Linden, still nodding like a bobble-head. “Caught a little bit of media at the time, too.”

“Hell of a job,” said Nairi. Her thigh vibrated and she set her tea down to tug her phone out of her pocket.

“Stressful, he’s been talking about changing up careers for a couple months now,” said Linden, finally stopping the motion of her head.

Aga D: How’s your day? Any students for the first couple of classes?

She hesitated, chewing the inside of her cheek as her thumbs hovered over the buttons.

“Is that your giiirl-friend?” asked Linden, her drawl long and amused, and she lifted a leg to prod Nairi’s knee with her toe, making the chair spin a little.

Nairi glanced back at her phone, tapping out a response quickly. “Yeah, she’s just checking in.”

A couple yeah. Just having a quiet day.

Aga D: I’m glad! I’ll let you get back to teaching and stop distracting you :)

She tucked her phone away and picked up her tea again, suddenly not feeling much like eating anything.

Linden’s eyes were unreadable over her coffee, but she was smiling when Nairi looked at her. “That’s nice of her,” she said with a funny note in her voice. “I’m really happy for you two, you know that right?”

“Thanks,” said Nairi, shuffling her unappetising croissant back into its bag to avoid Linden’s piercing eyes. “I’m, um. I’m glad you both, sort of, uh, adopted me? Even if it’s in different ways. It’s been good. Really good.”

She covered her expression with her tea, not really tasting it as she drank. Why had that been hard to say?

Linden’s mouth twitched at the corner, just a hint of her normal dimples. “I’m glad you let us,” she said warmly, and suddenly her eyes were back to normal. “You looked like you could use a couple of friends when we met, and god only knows Agatha needed a relationship that actually worked out after her streak.”

“Yeah?” said Nairi, leaning to set the pastry bag back on the counter.

Linden nodded, giving her a rueful look. “Yeah, I mean, she told you how we met, right? Her boyfriend of like, ten years or some shit was one of my regulars, and when she found that out she showed up on my doorstep in tears, it was kind of fucking rough.”

“Oh, damn,” said Nairi, for lack of anything better. Ten years?Agatha had left that out.

“Yeah,” said Linden with an exaggerated grimace. “I mean, fuck, I’m pretty mercenary when it comes to cheating and the job, but even I felt bad. I helped her do some vandalism on him, and then I introduced her to Flo and some nice single people who helped her figure out she was into women, so like, it all worked out eventually, but it was kind of a rough time for her, you know?”

“Yeah,” echoed Nairi, feeling the pastry sink to the bottom of her stomach. “I’m glad it worked out, in the end.”

“Like I said,” said Linden, nudging her again with a wink and a smile, “she just needed someone like you to swoop in and be the good, stable girlfriend for her.”

Her tone was light and teasing, and Nairi made herself swallow more tea before she answered. “Right, yeah. I don’t know how ‘good’ I am at the whole, Prince Charming thing.”

She’d been trying for a joke, but it fell flat between them.

“You’re doing fine,” said Linden, her tone softening a little, and she looked at Nairi with earnestness in her eyes. “Seriously, Princess. You’re doing fine.”

End of book 1.

[tiliamericana]

Muay Thai: 1.17

Lind A: bring me lunch!

It was after eleven. She should be getting up and opening the dojo. This argument wasn’t quite enough to compel her legs to move from the bed, however, so Nairi lifted her phone and answered the text instead.

What do you want?

Lind A: idk get something you like and we can share Lind A: im at my studio!!

k

The ‘a’ button on her keyboard was sticking something fierce, and the black coating was worn away on the space bar and surrounding keys. Maybe she should get a new phone. She let the blackberry slip back down to rest on her chest as she went back to staring at the ceiling of her bedroom. The blanket was too hot where it was wrapped around her legs, and her shoulder was starting to ache where it had been pressed into her pillow and mattress for too long.

What did she like to eat? What did she like to eat that Linden also liked? Or, well, what was between here and Linden’s studio that had vegetarian options and food Linden liked, was probably the better question.

It was another ten minutes before she could make herself stand up and find a pair of jeans.

Almost an hour after that she’d made it to Linden’s studio, coffee and pastries in hand. Loud music was pumping out the propped-open door, grungier rock floating past the concrete paint can in sharp opposition to the cheerful pop from the last time she’d been here. Nairi stepped inside with her offerings, looking around for Linden.

“Oh hey, I thought you’d abandoned me,” said Linden cheerfully, and Nairi tracked her gaze down to see her sprawled on the floor. She was grinning up at her, hips twisted with one knee folded over her thigh, back pressed to the ground.

Nairi held up the paper bag by way of explanation. “Never. There was just a queue. Are you okay?”

Linden nodded sagely and shut her eyes, rolling her hips back down and shaking out her leg. “I had to pick up a box of glue off the craft shop floor this morning and I foolishly bent with my back instead of my knees, so now I must pay for my hubris.” She groaned as she sat up, taking a coffee from the proffered tray and grinning at Nairi. “Twenty-seven is way too young to even be having these issues, I swear to god.”

“Maybe your back’s just advanced for its age,” said Nairi, setting her tea and the pastries down on an unoccupied stretch of counter space.

Linden got to her feet and laughed brightly as she leaned over to her beat up ipod where it was sitting in a dock on the sill, spinning the volume almost all the way down. She straightened to grin at her head on as she reached out for Nairi’s hand. “Dad always said I was precocious. Come on, I made something for you!”

“Oh, what?” said Nairi, feeling the corner of her mouth twitch up as she let Linden tug her across the studio. “I only just figured out how to hang the last thing you painted me.”

Linden laughed again, letting go of her hand to reach up and pull down one of the two jackets from a hook on the back of the far door. “Well, this one hangs in a wardrobe, so I’m sure you’ll figure that out on your own.”

Nairi looked at the leather being offered to her, then back up at Linden, who jiggled the coat hanger at her.

She took it. It was a heavy, white motorcycle jacket, with two crisp stripes running the full length of the sleeves in red and green. The cuffs were zipped with sturdy silver tabs, and the pockets looked to fall just under the ribs with the same zips as closures. It was high-necked and padded in a way she instinctively approved of, with extra buckles at the neck and waist over the front zip. On the back Linden had painted an ourobouros of a dragon in green and black, its eye the same bright red as the stripe on the sleeves.

“Try it on,” said Linden eagerly, nodding at her. “I snooped in your drawers before I bought the jacket, so it should be the right size.”

Nairi felt her mouth twitch again, and she slipped the jacket on over her shoulders. It was comfortably snug around her arms, and heavy in a way that made it feel like it belonged there. The leather was a little stiff, not yet worn in, and the zip sufficiently toothy so that it took a second try to tug it down again. “It’s great,” she said, looking up and smiling back at Linden. “Thank you, you didn’t have to get me this.”

Linden was reaching up bring down its twin, and she glanced back over her shoulder at Nairi as she pulled it on. “Look, I saw them as I was walking past and I wanted one for me, and then I saw the white and I just hadto.” Hers was dark, crimson like her favourite wine-red lipstick, with thick, soft, elasticated fabric around the cuffs and waist hem. The painted embellishments were little lines of matchstick fires around the wide pockets, and a cherry tree in full blossom on the back, with a vintage style painting of a pair of cherries over one shoulder like a fake patch. “It gave me an excuse to break out the good paints too, the ones I haven’t used since I was a student. I had a lot of friends who did costume shit for theatre, the hardcore kind, it was nice to use them again! And like, I know it’s totally the wrong time of year for warm jackets and I should’ve held out for your birthday ‘cause it would’ve been perfect, but I got excited when I finished them and it’s been hard enough keeping my trap shut while I waited for them to dry.”

“It’s totally fine,” said Nairi, watching Linden give a little spin to show off her jacket before she shrugged it off again. “It’s just an early birthday present. Very early—preparatory, so I don’t have to wait for my birthday once it starts getting cold, and now you don’t have to worry about getting something for the day as well.”

Linden laughed again, ushering her back across the studio towards the pastries. “Oh, nice try, but you’re not escaping the birthday fun that easy,” she teased, picking up her coffee and nudging her broken chair towards Nairi with one foot. “Come on, sit, eat, give me the good goss, tell me how you and Aggy are going.”

“There’s not a lot happening, really,” said Nairi blandly, taking her tea back from Linden and sitting gingerly. The chair held, thankfully, if with a little more bounce than she’d been expecting. “You know, everything’s just kind of… fine.”

Linden pouted over her coffee before proceeding to loot the pastry bag. “Oh, that’s boring though! You two never do anything exciting, and you’ve been dating for like, months now. Seriously, nothing new?”

The impulse to laugh bubbled high in Nairi’s throat, and she swallowed it, wondering briefly where it had come from. “I think I’m okay with boring, honestly. Is your dating life not exciting enough?”

That got a snort as Linden resettled herself to lean back against the counter, raspberry crown in hand. “It’s a little cooled down at the moment, I won’t lie. Like, Simon and I are technically still ‘on’,you know, we’re just not, doing as much.”

“Tapering off, or just laying low from Nicholas?” asked Nairi with a small grin, catching the pastry bag as Linden tossed it to her.

Linden rolled her eyes, taking a drink from her coffee. “Si’s a big boy, he doesn’t need Nick barging in to tell him how to live his life. He’s still fun, it’s just, you know, reaching the point where people start making comments about taking him home to meet Dad and it’s definitelynot that kind of relationship.”

“Because you’re not expecting a ring or because he’s not up to scratch?” asked Nairi, tearing at a croissant.

“Yes,” said Linden, laughing. “Fuck, jesus, I’m nowhere near thinking about that, much less with Si’! That and Dad would eat him alive, he’s got an English degree—the only thing worse would be fine art.”

She hadn’t said it with any malice, so it was probably a normal sort of joke to make? “High expectations to meet?”

Linden grinned wolfishly. “Any partner I nail down better be ready to jump,” she joked with a darkly amused tone to it. “Dad’s good at what he does so he has high standards—typical lawyer shit, you know?”

Nairi shrugged. “Most of the lawyers I’ve met have just been dicks, but I think it’s different when you’re working with them as opposed to like, being raised by one. Is he defence or attack?”

Linden laughed loudly at that, hiding her grin behind her coffee cup again before answering. “Prosecutor, he’s a DA,” she said, sounding a little lighter. “Highest conviction rate in the state, only the best efforts for his job.”

“Damn, alright,” said Nairi, raising an eyebrow. “Kind of a bigshot?”

Linden nodded, setting her cup down. “Yeah, he gets kinda high profile sometimes—I don’t know if you remember a couple of years back, uh, Maxim Bailey? That guy?”

Oh yeah, she’d heard he’d been arrested. Nairi nodded, making a general noise of affirmation, and Linden nodded along with her.

“Yeah, he’s still salty he didn’t manage to get him on the murder charge, despite getting the other convictions,” said Linden, still nodding like a bobble-head. “Caught a little bit of media at the time, too.”

“Hell of a job,” said Nairi. Her thigh vibrated and she set her tea down to tug her phone out of her pocket.

“Stressful, he’s been talking about changing up careers for a couple months now,” said Linden, finally stopping the motion of her head.

Aga D: How’s your day? Any students for the first couple of classes?

She hesitated, chewing the inside of her cheek as her thumbs hovered over the buttons.

“Is that your giiirl-friend?” asked Linden, her drawl long and amused, and she lifted a leg to prod Nairi’s knee with her toe, making the chair spin a little.

Nairi glanced back at her phone, tapping out a response quickly. “Yeah, she’s just checking in.”

A couple yeah. Just having a quiet day.

Aga D: I’m glad! I’ll let you get back to teaching and stop distracting you :)

She tucked her phone away and picked up her tea again, suddenly not feeling much like eating anything.

Linden’s eyes were unreadable over her coffee, but she was smiling when Nairi looked at her. “That’s nice of her,” she said with a funny note in her voice. “I’m really happy for you two, you know that right?”

“Thanks,” said Nairi, shuffling her unappetising croissant back into its bag to avoid Linden’s piercing eyes. “I’m, um. I’m glad you both, sort of, uh, adopted me? Even if it’s in different ways. It’s been good. Really good.”

She covered her expression with her tea, not really tasting it as she drank. Why had that been hard to say?

Linden’s mouth twitched at the corner, just a hint of her normal dimples. “I’m glad you let us,” she said warmly, and suddenly her eyes were back to normal. “You looked like you could use a couple of friends when we met, and god only knows Agatha needed a relationship that actually worked out after her streak.”

“Yeah?” said Nairi, leaning to set the pastry bag back on the counter.

Linden nodded, giving her a rueful look. “Yeah, I mean, she told you how we met, right? Her boyfriend of like, ten years or some shit was one of my regulars, and when she found that out she showed up on my doorstep in tears, it was kind of fucking rough.”

“Oh, damn,” said Nairi, for lack of anything better. Ten years?Agatha had left that out.

“Yeah,” said Linden with an exaggerated grimace. “I mean, fuck, I’m pretty mercenary when it comes to cheating and the job, but even I felt bad. I helped her do some vandalism on him, and then I introduced her to Flo and some nice single people who helped her figure out she was into women, so like, it all worked out eventually, but it was kind of a rough time for her, you know?”

“Yeah,” echoed Nairi, feeling the pastry sink to the bottom of her stomach. “I’m glad it worked out, in the end.”

“Like I said,” said Linden, nudging her again with a wink and a smile, “she just needed someone like you to swoop in and be the good, stable girlfriend for her.”

Her tone was light and teasing, and Nairi made herself swallow more tea before she answered. “Right, yeah. I don’t know how ‘good’ I am at the whole, Prince Charming thing.”

She’d been trying for a joke, but it fell flat between them.

“You’re doing fine,” said Linden, her tone softening a little, and she looked at Nairi with earnestness in her eyes. “Seriously, Princess. You’re doing fine.”

End of book 1.

[tiliamericana]

Read From Start | Read Ahead | Home Site

Muay Thai: 1.16

“So, why jiu jitsu?” asked Agatha, handing Nairi the last of the flatware they’d used for dinner and leaning her hip against the counter. It felt like she was watching her clean the dishes, disconcerting.

Nairi hummed, giving the plate an extra scrub just in case before she finished. “I wasn’t very good at it before,” she said, trying to think how to phrase it. “Which was why my teacher tried me out on judo instead. BJJ is sort of on the same spectrum as judo, just the other side, if that makes sense.”

Agatha looked like it didn’t, actually, but she nodded anyway. “I see. So, you’re trying it again?”

“No, it’s a different style,” said Nairi, draining the sink.

The furrow in Agatha’s brow deepened momentarily, then smoothed over again as she schooled her face. She nodded and made her way over to the couch in front of Nairi’s TV, seemingly satisfied with Nairi’s work on the dishes. “Okay then. Are you going to look at this one with an eye for teaching or just for fun?”

“Mostly to learn it,” said Nairi, staring blankly at the kitchen sink. “I’m already teaching as much as I can, really.”

“Well, it’ll probably inform your teaching in your other classes anyway, it’s always good to see how other people in your field are doing things, and the variety is useful and interesting on its own,” said Agatha nodding and making herself comfortable. “All done in the kitchen?”

“Yeah,” said Nairi, giving up and walking over to settle next to her. “Thanks for cooking. I haven’t really eaten many mushrooms before.”

Agatha smiled at her, but didn’t scoot closer the way she normally did. That probably meant it was Nairi’s turn to be affectionate, right? “It was a tasty recipe; I might have to try it with chicken at home.”

“It’ll probably taste good. Chicken goes well with mushroom, right?” She shifted closer and wrapped an arm low around Agatha’s waist, leaning in against her.

Agatha relaxed against her and tucked her feet alongside Nairi’s, kissing her temple. “Usually, yes. When was the last time you ate meat?”

“When I was about, um, nineteen, I think,” said Nairi, not quite able to stop her fingers from twitching where they were resting on Agatha’s shirt. “I don’t really like the texture.”

Agatha laughed softly, bringing her hand up and running it through the hair of Nairi’s fringe, carefully separating it with her fingers. “Alright, that’s a new one—”

Nairi caught her hand and pushed it away, sitting up straight again. “Don’t.”

Agatha frowned, but let go of her hair. “Sorry, I forgot.”

“It’s fine,” said Nairi, tugging her elastic the rest of the way out of her hair and pulling it all up to tie it back again.

Agatha looked… well, troubled. “Actually, can I ask you about that?”

“About what?” said Nairi, glancing at her and trying to keep her face calm, or at least neutral. “The vegetarianism? There’s not much more to it, really.”

“No, I mean about your hair,” said Agatha, her eyes lingering on Nairi’s fingers as they dropped from her head.

“Oh.”

Agatha looked at her expectantly. Nairi let her own eyes slide away again and settled on the couch uncomfortably, tucking her foot behind her knee as the silence drew out. Eventually she leaned forward to pick up the remote for the TV and Agatha sighed. “Nairi.”

Nairi left the remote on its coffee table and turned to face her, tension settling in between her shoulders again. “I just don’t like having my hair touched, okay?”

“Does it hurt?” asked Agatha, looking at her with, with somethingin her expression that Nairi couldn’t read. “Are you worried about it being greasy or dirty? Do you think I’m going to pull on it?”

Nairi sighed, shaking her head. “I don’t know, I just don’t like when people touch it.”

“Is it like your tattoos?” asked Agatha, still pressing the damn point. “Would you be more comfortable if it was covered up? Or cut short?”

Nairi’s hand flew to her head and her frown deepened. “No. And my tattoos don’t have anything to do with it.”

“Well, what do they have to do with then?” said Agatha, her frustration visibly mounting.

“Nothing, they’re just tattoos,” said Nairi flatly. “I just—don’t like them anymore, okay? It’s fine, it doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter if they upset you,” said Agatha, reaching for Nairi’s hand. “You don’t have to keep them if you don’t like them, laser takes a while and is a bit pricey but—”

Nairi pulled her hand away. “I don’t want to get rid of them. It’s fine, they don’t upset me, it’s just, it’s complicated. That’s all.”

Agatha caught her hand again, just her hand, and looked Nairi dead in the eye. “Try me. I want to understand. You are upset, and I can handle complicated, I even have the PhD to prove it.”

Agatha’s hand was too hot where it was holding Nairi’s, and she scanned Agatha’s face carefully, searching for something to say. Her mind was blank, stalling, and she kept returning to Agatha’s eyes, over and over again. She couldn’t—she couldn’t tell. She wanted to leave it behind, that was the point, she wasn’t going to just sit here on this damn couch in this new place with this nice woman and tell her all of the fucked-up things that weren’t part of her anymore.

“Nairi, please,” said Agatha, the lines around her eyes tightening. “I care about you. I want to support you—I want to be a good girlfriend here, but you have to want that too.”

Nairi stared at her blankly, unsure how to even start responding to that, but judging by the way Agatha’s face started to shift, no response was the wrong response.

“Nairi, do you even want to be in this relationship?” she said, sounding both hurt and exasperated.

“Yes,” lied Nairi immediately, in case hesitating was the wrong response to that as well. She knew she didn’t want Agatha to go, and she knew that if Agatha left now then she probably wouldn’t come back and that was worse. She didn’t—she didn’t have any other options.

“Good!” said Agatha, gripping Nairi’s hand too tightly, anxiety writ in her brow. “I’m glad! But I’m not feeling it or seeing it or hearing from you! Every time I’m with you it feels like there’s only half of you with me—like you wish you were literally anywhere else.”

“That’s not, I don’t wish that,” said Nairi, stumbling over her own tongue. “If I did then I wouldn’t, I’d just leave, I’m sorry, Agatha, I’m not good at this stuff.”

“Neither am I, but I’m trying,” said Agatha, shuffling her knees on the couch to face Nairi straight on. “It’s only in the last two years or so that I’ve even started dating women, and I didn’t exactly have a lot of relationship experience before that, much less good ones, can you—can you please just tell me what I’m doing wrong here?”

“Um, nothing?” Nairi felt strangely static, like she should be hugging Agatha, or reassuring her, or doing something other than sitting there like a piece of wood. She didn’t know how to fix it. “You’re not doing anything wrong, I’m just—”

“You’re just what?” said Agatha, patience bleeding out of her tone into something more accusatory. “I know I’m doing something wrong because you’re fine with Linden.”

What?

“…What do you mean?” said Nairi, suddenly even less sure of her conversational footing than she had been.

“I mean that you spend more time with her than you do me so you’re clearly not having issues there,” snapped Agatha. “You’re more comfortable with her, hell, you’d rather spend time with her in a crowded club that’s filled with shitheads when you don’t even want to be there, over going home with your actual girlfriend and making sure she’s okay!”

So that had definitely been a mistake. Nairi shifted on the couch, feeling uncomfortably pinned by Agatha’s gaze. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t figure out which way you’d gone, and I didn’t want to lose both of you and ruin it more—”

“You didn’t want to ruin it for Linden,” corrected Agatha. “It’s two thousand and nine, Nairi, we both have cell phones. AndI waited outside for you.”

“Right,” said Nairi, finally glancing away from her. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“I know,” said Agatha, her tone tight, audibly reigning herself in. “It’s just—even a check-in text, or a phone call would have been good. I didn’t even hear from you until the next day. You were more concerned about Linden having fun than you were with seeing if I was okay, or even safe.”

Nairi’s hand was too hot in Agatha’s, and she shifted it, only for Agatha’s grip to tighten, lacing their fingers together. “I’m sorry,” she said again, feeling like everything else out of her mouth had been the wrong thing to say, just wanting the conversation to end.

“Please stop saying that,” said Agatha, and great, now that was the wrong thing to say as well. “Please. I just want to know what you want, just one indication of what you’re feeling, or thinking, or that you even want me to be here! Please! Just one sign that you even like me or want to be dating me and not Linden!”

“I don’t want to date Linden, I’m dating you,” said Nairi with a firmness she didn’t feel.

“Nairi, that’s not reassuring,” said Agatha, finally letting go of her hand.

“Well, what do you mean then?” said Nairi, starting to lose her grip on her patience along with the thread of the conversation. “I am sorry, I don’t want to date Linden, I don’t know what you want me to say here.”

“I believe you,” said Agatha, sounding entirely like she didn’t, actually. “I just want to know what you’re actually thinking or feeling. I don’t know how to read you, and when I ask, you keep deflecting, I just—please. What are you feeling? Right now.”

Honesty probably wouldn’t help her here, but fuck, she didn’t have much else. “Right now? Frustrated,” she said bluntly.

Agatha gestured, her expression expectant, like she wanted more.

Nairi puffed out a sigh. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know what to tell you, or how I would tell you if I knew, or what answers you’re looking for when you ask me. I’m trying to give you what you want, and I don’t want to upset you.”

“I’m already upset,” said Agatha, her voice rising. “I can’t read your mind, Nairi, you say you want to be here and to be with me, but you act like I’m pulling your teeth when I ask, I can’t even tell what’s different when you’re happy and you’re pissed off.”

“I’m not pissed off,” said Nairi. She was frustrated. And tired.

“And you’re not happy!”

“Not right now, no!” said Nairi, feeling her aforementioned frustration rise.

“Are you ever?” snapped Agatha. “Because the only time you even look like you are is when you’re with Linden!”

“She’s my friend!” said Nairi, not entirely sure why she felt so defensive about it. “And I don’t know why you’re bringing her into this!”

“Because you like her more than me!” said Agatha, her eyes tight and furious. “You’re my girlfriend, and you hate spending time with me, but you’ll drop everything to go run around with her, even when it hurts me!”

“I’m not doing that deliberately,” said Nairi, staring at her blankly. “I’m not choosing her over you, and I’m sure as shit not spending time with her to hurt you!”

“But you wouldn’t choose me over her,” said Agatha snidely, glaring back at her.

“No!” said Nairi hotly, and as soon as it left her mouth she knew it was the wrong damn thing.

Agatha recoiled, her mouth twisting, and too late Nairi realised the tightness around her eyes was because of tears. She looked away from Nairi, braid slipping back over her shoulder as she stared down at her hands.

“I don’t—that’s not—” Nairi stumbled over her words, feeling something cold and slimy swelling in the pit of her stomach.

“Don’t,” said Agatha quietly, a bitter note in her voice. “If you meant it, you should say it.”

“That’s not—I don’t mean—” Nairi took a deep breath and tried again. “She’s my friend. You’re my girlfriend.” She tried not to think about how much that word stuck in her throat as she said it. “I don’t want to—I’m not looking to pick between you, I want to be around both of you.”

“Right,” said Agatha thickly, dropping her glasses into her lap and pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes. “It’s not about picking.”

Nairi didn’t own any boxes of tissues, which seemed like an oversight right about now. She got up and pulled a fresh roll of toilet paper from her cupboard, pouring a glass of water before she went back over and sat down, a little closer to Agatha than before.

Agatha took the paper and swiped at her eyes viciously, still not looking directly at her, even as she drank the water.

Nairi waited for Agatha to set the glass down on the table, and then shifted closer, wrapping an arm around her back and shoulder. Agatha was stiff against her, her mouth in a mulish set as she looked up. She looked like she was going to say something else, but Nairi kissed her cheek and tugged her back against her, and she sniffled again, leaning back into Nairi as the muscles in her face finally loosened.

“I’m sorry,” said Nairi softly, running her fingers over the hair near the crown of Agatha’s head. “I’m a fuck up. I want this to work out, I don’t want to lose you, and I especially don’t want to hurt you.”

Agatha turned her head a little and kissed Nairi’s shoulder through the cotton of her shirt. “I don’t want to lose you either,” she said in a small voice.

“Good,” said Nairi, chewing on her lip as she stared at the ceiling, trying to relax at the feeling of Agatha pressed up against her. “You’re not going to, I promise.”

[tiliamericana]

Muay Thai: 1.16

“So, why jiu jitsu?” asked Agatha, handing Nairi the last of the flatware they’d used for dinner and leaning her hip against the counter. It felt like she was watching her clean the dishes, disconcerting.

Nairi hummed, giving the plate an extra scrub just in case before she finished. “I wasn’t very good at it before,” she said, trying to think how to phrase it. “Which was why my teacher tried me out on judo instead. BJJ is sort of on the same spectrum as judo, just the other side, if that makes sense.”

Agatha looked like it didn’t, actually, but she nodded anyway. “I see. So, you’re trying it again?”

“No, it’s a different style,” said Nairi, draining the sink.

The furrow in Agatha’s brow deepened momentarily, then smoothed over again as she schooled her face. She nodded and made her way over to the couch in front of Nairi’s TV, seemingly satisfied with Nairi’s work on the dishes. “Okay then. Are you going to look at this one with an eye for teaching or just for fun?”

“Mostly to learn it,” said Nairi, staring blankly at the kitchen sink. “I’m already teaching as much as I can, really.”

“Well, it’ll probably inform your teaching in your other classes anyway, it’s always good to see how other people in your field are doing things, and the variety is useful and interesting on its own,” said Agatha nodding and making herself comfortable. “All done in the kitchen?”

“Yeah,” said Nairi, giving up and walking over to settle next to her. “Thanks for cooking. I haven’t really eaten many mushrooms before.”

Agatha smiled at her, but didn’t scoot closer the way she normally did. That probably meant it was Nairi’s turn to be affectionate, right? “It was a tasty recipe; I might have to try it with chicken at home.”

“It’ll probably taste good. Chicken goes well with mushroom, right?” She shifted closer and wrapped an arm low around Agatha’s waist, leaning in against her.

Agatha relaxed against her and tucked her feet alongside Nairi’s, kissing her temple. “Usually, yes. When was the last time you ate meat?”

“When I was about, um, nineteen, I think,” said Nairi, not quite able to stop her fingers from twitching where they were resting on Agatha’s shirt. “I don’t really like the texture.”

Agatha laughed softly, bringing her hand up and running it through the hair of Nairi’s fringe, carefully separating it with her fingers. “Alright, that’s a new one—”

Nairi caught her hand and pushed it away, sitting up straight again. “Don’t.”

Agatha frowned, but let go of her hair. “Sorry, I forgot.”

“It’s fine,” said Nairi, tugging her elastic the rest of the way out of her hair and pulling it all up to tie it back again.

Agatha looked… well, troubled. “Actually, can I ask you about that?”

“About what?” said Nairi, glancing at her and trying to keep her face calm, or at least neutral. “The vegetarianism? There’s not much more to it, really.”

“No, I mean about your hair,” said Agatha, her eyes lingering on Nairi’s fingers as they dropped from her head.

“Oh.”

Agatha looked at her expectantly. Nairi let her own eyes slide away again and settled on the couch uncomfortably, tucking her foot behind her knee as the silence drew out. Eventually she leaned forward to pick up the remote for the TV and Agatha sighed. “Nairi.”

Nairi left the remote on its coffee table and turned to face her, tension settling in between her shoulders again. “I just don’t like having my hair touched, okay?”

“Does it hurt?” asked Agatha, looking at her with, with somethingin her expression that Nairi couldn’t read. “Are you worried about it being greasy or dirty? Do you think I’m going to pull on it?”

Nairi sighed, shaking her head. “I don’t know, I just don’t like when people touch it.”

“Is it like your tattoos?” asked Agatha, still pressing the damn point. “Would you be more comfortable if it was covered up? Or cut short?”

Nairi’s hand flew to her head and her frown deepened. “No. And my tattoos don’t have anything to do with it.”

“Well, what do they have to do with then?” said Agatha, her frustration visibly mounting.

“Nothing, they’re just tattoos,” said Nairi flatly. “I just—don’t like them anymore, okay? It’s fine, it doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter if they upset you,” said Agatha, reaching for Nairi’s hand. “You don’t have to keep them if you don’t like them, laser takes a while and is a bit pricey but—”

Nairi pulled her hand away. “I don’t want to get rid of them. It’s fine, they don’t upset me, it’s just, it’s complicated. That’s all.”

Agatha caught her hand again, just her hand, and looked Nairi dead in the eye. “Try me. I want to understand. You are upset, and I can handle complicated, I even have the PhD to prove it.”

Agatha’s hand was too hot where it was holding Nairi’s, and she scanned Agatha’s face carefully, searching for something to say. Her mind was blank, stalling, and she kept returning to Agatha’s eyes, over and over again. She couldn’t—she couldn’t tell. She wanted to leave it behind, that was the point, she wasn’t going to just sit here on this damn couch in this new place with this nice woman and tell her all of the fucked-up things that weren’t part of her anymore.

“Nairi, please,” said Agatha, the lines around her eyes tightening. “I care about you. I want to support you—I want to be a good girlfriend here, but you have to want that too.”

Nairi stared at her blankly, unsure how to even start responding to that, but judging by the way Agatha’s face started to shift, no response was the wrong response.

“Nairi, do you even want to be in this relationship?” she said, sounding both hurt and exasperated.

“Yes,” lied Nairi immediately, in case hesitating was the wrong response to that as well. She knew she didn’t want Agatha to go, and she knew that if Agatha left now then she probably wouldn’t come back and that was worse. She didn’t—she didn’t have any other options.

“Good!” said Agatha, gripping Nairi’s hand too tightly, anxiety writ in her brow. “I’m glad! But I’m not feeling it or seeing it or hearing from you! Every time I’m with you it feels like there’s only half of you with me—like you wish you were literally anywhere else.”

“That’s not, I don’t wish that,” said Nairi, stumbling over her own tongue. “If I did then I wouldn’t, I’d just leave, I’m sorry, Agatha, I’m not good at this stuff.”

“Neither am I, but I’m trying,” said Agatha, shuffling her knees on the couch to face Nairi straight on. “It’s only in the last two years or so that I’ve even started dating women, and I didn’t exactly have a lot of relationship experience before that, much less good ones, can you—can you please just tell me what I’m doing wrong here?”

“Um, nothing?” Nairi felt strangely static, like she should be hugging Agatha, or reassuring her, or doing something other than sitting there like a piece of wood. She didn’t know how to fix it. “You’re not doing anything wrong, I’m just—”

“You’re just what?” said Agatha, patience bleeding out of her tone into something more accusatory. “I know I’m doing something wrong because you’re fine with Linden.”

What?

“…What do you mean?” said Nairi, suddenly even less sure of her conversational footing than she had been.

“I mean that you spend more time with her than you do me so you’re clearly not having issues there,” snapped Agatha. “You’re more comfortable with her, hell, you’d rather spend time with her in a crowded club that’s filled with shitheads when you don’t even want to be there, over going home with your actual girlfriend and making sure she’s okay!”

So that had definitely been a mistake. Nairi shifted on the couch, feeling uncomfortably pinned by Agatha’s gaze. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t figure out which way you’d gone, and I didn’t want to lose both of you and ruin it more—”

“You didn’t want to ruin it for Linden,” corrected Agatha. “It’s two thousand and nine, Nairi, we both have cell phones. AndI waited outside for you.”

“Right,” said Nairi, finally glancing away from her. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“I know,” said Agatha, her tone tight, audibly reigning herself in. “It’s just—even a check-in text, or a phone call would have been good. I didn’t even hear from you until the next day. You were more concerned about Linden having fun than you were with seeing if I was okay, or even safe.”

Nairi’s hand was too hot in Agatha’s, and she shifted it, only for Agatha’s grip to tighten, lacing their fingers together. “I’m sorry,” she said again, feeling like everything else out of her mouth had been the wrong thing to say, just wanting the conversation to end.

“Please stop saying that,” said Agatha, and great, now that was the wrong thing to say as well. “Please. I just want to know what you want, just one indication of what you’re feeling, or thinking, or that you even want me to be here! Please! Just one sign that you even like me or want to be dating me and not Linden!”

“I don’t want to date Linden, I’m dating you,” said Nairi with a firmness she didn’t feel.

“Nairi, that’s not reassuring,” said Agatha, finally letting go of her hand.

“Well, what do you mean then?” said Nairi, starting to lose her grip on her patience along with the thread of the conversation. “I am sorry, I don’t want to date Linden, I don’t know what you want me to say here.”

“I believe you,” said Agatha, sounding entirely like she didn’t, actually. “I just want to know what you’re actually thinking or feeling. I don’t know how to read you, and when I ask, you keep deflecting, I just—please. What are you feeling? Right now.”

Honesty probably wouldn’t help her here, but fuck, she didn’t have much else. “Right now? Frustrated,” she said bluntly.

Agatha gestured, her expression expectant, like she wanted more.

Nairi puffed out a sigh. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know what to tell you, or how I would tell you if I knew, or what answers you’re looking for when you ask me. I’m trying to give you what you want, and I don’t want to upset you.”

“I’m already upset,” said Agatha, her voice rising. “I can’t read your mind, Nairi, you say you want to be here and to be with me, but you act like I’m pulling your teeth when I ask, I can’t even tell what’s different when you’re happy and you’re pissed off.”

“I’m not pissed off,” said Nairi. She was frustrated. And tired.

“And you’re not happy!”

“Not right now, no!” said Nairi, feeling her aforementioned frustration rise.

“Are you ever?” snapped Agatha. “Because the only time you even look like you are is when you’re with Linden!”

“She’s my friend!” said Nairi, not entirely sure why she felt so defensive about it. “And I don’t know why you’re bringing her into this!”

“Because you like her more than me!” said Agatha, her eyes tight and furious. “You’re my girlfriend, and you hate spending time with me, but you’ll drop everything to go run around with her, even when it hurts me!”

“I’m not doing that deliberately,” said Nairi, staring at her blankly. “I’m not choosing her over you, and I’m sure as shit not spending time with her to hurt you!”

“But you wouldn’t choose me over her,” said Agatha snidely, glaring back at her.

“No!” said Nairi hotly, and as soon as it left her mouth she knew it was the wrong damn thing.

Agatha recoiled, her mouth twisting, and too late Nairi realised the tightness around her eyes was because of tears. She looked away from Nairi, braid slipping back over her shoulder as she stared down at her hands.

“I don’t—that’s not—” Nairi stumbled over her words, feeling something cold and slimy swelling in the pit of her stomach.

“Don’t,” said Agatha quietly, a bitter note in her voice. “If you meant it, you should say it.”

“That’s not—I don’t mean—” Nairi took a deep breath and tried again. “She’s my friend. You’re my girlfriend.” She tried not to think about how much that word stuck in her throat as she said it. “I don’t want to—I’m not looking to pick between you, I want to be around both of you.”

“Right,” said Agatha thickly, dropping her glasses into her lap and pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes. “It’s not about picking.”

Nairi didn’t own any boxes of tissues, which seemed like an oversight right about now. She got up and pulled a fresh roll of toilet paper from her cupboard, pouring a glass of water before she went back over and sat down, a little closer to Agatha than before.

Agatha took the paper and swiped at her eyes viciously, still not looking directly at her, even as she drank the water.

Nairi waited for Agatha to set the glass down on the table, and then shifted closer, wrapping an arm around her back and shoulder. Agatha was stiff against her, her mouth in a mulish set as she looked up. She looked like she was going to say something else, but Nairi kissed her cheek and tugged her back against her, and she sniffled again, leaning back into Nairi as the muscles in her face finally loosened.

“I’m sorry,” said Nairi softly, running her fingers over the hair near the crown of Agatha’s head. “I’m a fuck up. I want this to work out, I don’t want to lose you, and I especially don’t want to hurt you.”

Agatha turned her head a little and kissed Nairi’s shoulder through the cotton of her shirt. “I don’t want to lose you either,” she said in a small voice.

“Good,” said Nairi, chewing on her lip as she stared at the ceiling, trying to relax at the feeling of Agatha pressed up against her. “You’re not going to, I promise.”

[tiliamericana]

Read From Start | Read Ahead | Home Site

Muay Thai: 1.15

At around two-thirty in the morning, Nairi’s phone rang. The caller ID said it was Linden and Nairi stared at it blankly, trying to think of a non-bad reason to be getting a call this late before answering.

“Linden?”

“Nairi!” said Linden, sounding relieved. “Oh thank god, you’re awake—I mean, that’s why I called you, you’re like the only person I know who wouldbe—”

“Linden, is everything okay?” said Nairi, toying with the cuff of her shirt. There was something in her voice that was setting off an urge in Nairi’s bones to go back upstairs and get her shoes.

“Uh, no,” said Linden, and an edge of panic broke through her tone. “It’s Simon, I think he’s uh, taken something? Like, I mean, too much of something.”

Nairi shut her eyes and counted to five. “Taken too much as in you think he’s overdosed?”

“Yeah, I mean, he’s out cold, I don’t know—”

“What did he take?” said Nairi, chewing on the inside of her cheek and staring at the wilting greens in the vase in front of her.

“I don’t know!” said Linden, her pitch shifting upwards and breath hitching. “He just, you know, went to the bathroom before bed only he was taking a really long time so I went to check on him and I know he injected something ‘cause he nicked some of the needles from my cabinet—”

“Have you called an ambulance?” asked Nairi, climbing to her feet and skipping the stepladder, dropping to the mats on the floor before making a beeline for the stairs to her apartment.

“No, he’s only a student, neither of us can afford that—”

“Hang up on me and call an ambulance,” said Nairi, locking the door behind her and casting about for where she’d left her shoes. “Text me when you know which hospital and I’ll meet you there, okay?”

Dial tone sounded in her ears, and Nairi found her shoes.

*

The good thing about Nicholas being close to seven feet tall was that he was an easy to find landmark in any given room.

Nairi had spent the entire drive over bracing herself for walking into the hospital; for the bright lights, and the noise, and the smell, the bustle, but the waiting room was mostly fine. She supposed that she’d never really spent much time in waiting rooms, and when she had she’d usually been unconscious, or too out of it to take anything in, so really, this was entirely different.

It helped that no one in scrubs was looking at her.

Nicholas was talking in a low voice at Linden, who was wrapped in a thick-knit cardigan and perched on the edge of her seat, ignoring him in favour of staring at the bay doors leading into the treatment section of the emergency department. She tensed every time they opened and the loud buzzer above them sounded as a result, sagging again as people went in and out without looking their way. Her leg was bouncing and her eyes were red-rimmed, Nairi realised as she approached, her mouth set in a way that indicated she wasn’t paying much attention to any of her other surroundings. And Nicholas was apparently trying to change that. “—Linden? Linden, are you listening?”

“Hey,” said Nairi as she drew to a halt in front of them, getting both of their attention at once. “Any news?”

Linden’s gaze snapped up to her immediately and her face collapsed into an expression of relief even as she shook her head. “No,” she said, climbing to her feet and stepping into Nairi, resting her forehead on Nairi’s shoulder. “Thanks for coming.”

Nairi awkwardly hugged her, patting the back of her head.

“They found a substance on him which they believe is what he took,” said Nicholas in the same, quiet tone. “They think it may be some kind of stimulant, but that’s all the information we were able to get before they took him in and neither of us are in a position to ask for his medical details.”

From the way he spoke Nairi got the distinct impression that this wasn’t his first rodeo. He was wearing what looked like pyjamas under his jacket, but he’d taken the time to change into jeans and find appropriate footwear. He had the overall look of someone who’d rolled out of bed and gotten ready on the way to the car, but he was calm and measured in spite of the situation.

Linden sniffled into Nairi’s shoulder then abruptly pulled away, arms wrapped around herself as she chewed on her lip, gaze returning back to the treatment bay doors. The lines around her eyes were back with a vengeance, and she stayed standing, her fingers tapping on the opposite elbow. “Fuck, I just—what am I even supposed to do here?” she said, tone miserable.

She was probably being rhetorical, but Nairi answered her anyway. “This,” she said, shrugging. “You called for help, and you got him medical attention, that’s pretty much exactly what you’re supposed to do.”

Nicholas reached out and rubbed Linden’s back gently, giving Nairi an appraising look. “You did the right thing. And in the future, if you do decide to stay with him, then there are other ways you can help him as well. There are a lot of resources out there for supporting partners through addictions.”

He looked rather desperately like he was hoping she wouldn’t do so, even as he said it. Nairi tried not to linger on that thought, or if it was something he might change his mind on. He already didn’t like her though, there was no point in worrying about it. “It’s hard work,” she said eventually. “Do you know if he’s thinking about stopping?”

Linden teased her tongue between her teeth and her lips, her eyes sliding towards Nicholas, though she snapped them back to Nairi’s face before he could notice. “We haven’t really talked about that,” she said, fidgeting with the wool of her cardigan, too stressed out and tense to lie very well.

“It’s a difficult conversation,” said Nicholas, his tone careful and reassuring. “I’m here if you need help figuring out how to have it, and if you know any of his friends who are aware or—”

“Linden Alix?” said a harried looking tech in scrubs, interrupting them.

“Yeah,” said Linden, turning on the spot, all her attention on him as she straightened. “Has Simon woken up? Is he okay?”

“He’d like to talk to you,” said the tech, nodding at her. “Can you come with me?”

Linden was already nodding, and she followed him across the room, through the bay doors, around a corner, and out of sight.

It took Nairi about fifteen seconds to realise that this left her alone with Nicholas, and from the looks of things, he noticed about the same time she did. He was watching her, with a certain alertness to his eyes, that same degree of ‘used to this shit’ she’d noticed about him earlier. “Found it rough to get up at this hour?” he asked her wryly.

Nairi paused, then abruptly realised that she’d been pinching the inside of her elbow every time the buzzer over the door sounded. She forced her hand away from her arm, trying to make the movement casual, and shook her head, taking the seat next to him. “I hadn’t made it to bed yet, kind of a night owl. You?”

“Dead to the world until my phone rang,” said Nicholas, nodding as she sat. “It’s been a while since my last three o’clock wake up—I got more of them when Linden was a teenager. Though thankfully not quite so many for emergency room visits.”

“Mhmm.” Nairi’s gaze kept dragging back to the doors where Linden had disappeared. “I’m not really used to waiting rooms.”

“More familiar with the other side of things?” asked Nicholas, his tone carefully neutral.

There were a thousand ways she could respond to that. She glanced back at him but couldn’t read anything in his expression. “Yeah,” she said eventually, leaning back in her seat and trying to get comfortable.

That…worked. Nicholas watched her for a moment but didn’t push the issue. “Would you like some water?” he asked, climbing to his feet.

“Yeah, please,” said Nairi, blinking up at him, and he nodded, crossing the room and giving her a moment to herself.

When he sat down again Nairi realised that even with the cramped, hard plastic chairs he was doing his best to maintain her personal space. The plastic cup was cool in her fingers, an anchor point she hadn’t quite realised she needed, and she murmured a thanks.

“How goes the teaching?” asked Nicholas, and Nairi let the cup dangle loosely in her fingers as she talked to him about the lessons she’d taught that week.

She wasn’t sure if he could tell how uncomfortable she was and was trying to ground her in the mundane small talk of daily life, or if he was simply trying to keep both of them awake. She supposed there was no reason it couldn’t be both. There was a kind of static ebb and flow to a waiting room at four in the morning, and she wasn’t entirely certain she’d have processed much without him engaging her.

The general noise of the room was grating, but Nairi did her best to put that out of her mind, paying the barest attention to the volume of the people talking and flat out ignoring the buzzer over the bay doors. Nicholas noticed when Linden’s voice spoke up first; although, given the brightness, he might actually have noticed her hair.

Either way he stood first, Nairi not far behind him as they crossed to the desk she was standing at. Simon was leaning against the counter as Linden hovered by him looking anxious. He seemed extremely lopsided as they approached, signing the forms for his own release.

Judging by the highly sceptical expressions on the nurse and administrator behind the counter even as they explained to Linden that they couldn’t make him stay in their care, Nairi wasn’t the only one to notice this.

“For Chrissakes Lindy, it’s not like I can afford this anyway,” he was saying.

Linden’s arms were crossed again, hands clenched tight, her expression mulish. “Jesus fuck, Si, what was I supposed to do? Notpanic? You were passed out—”

“That happens sometimes, honestly, I was fine,” said Simon, digging in his wallet and passing several cards through the plexiglass to the administrator on the other side. Her face was carefully neutral, though the nurse’s eyebrows flew all the way to her hairline. “We didn’t need to have all this fuss, dragging people out of bed.”

“We’re just glad to see you’re okay,” said Nicholas, standing a little closer to Linden.

Simon glanced up at them and flashed a wide, false smile, forcing good cheer through gritted teeth. “All correct and accounted for. Sorry to waste your time.”

He took his cards back with a copy of the papers from the counter and the nurse’s cheeks puffed slightly before she stepped away. Simon leaned in and kissed Linden’s cheek, clapping her on the back roughly. “Look, I’m sorry I worried you honey,” he said, stepping back. “We can figure out the money later, okay? I’m gonna go home and get some sleep.”

He walked away from them with a wave, not looking back as he made for the exit. Linden moved to go after him automatically, but Nicholas caught her shoulder with a gentle touch and she stopped, looking up at him. “It might be easier to talk to him after you’ve both rested,” he said, not quite able to hide the disapproval.

Linden slumped, rubbing at her face with both hands. “Yeah. Christ, I’m sorry guys.”

“It’s okay,” said Nairi.

“You did the right thing,” said Nicholas firmly. Then, after a moment: “Please do not take responsibility for his medical bills.”

Nairi swallowed the uncharitable snort swelling in the back of her throat and stepped forward as Linden straightened. “Do you want a ride back?”

Linden nodded, rubbing at her face again. “Yeah, please,” she said, glancing between the two of them. “I’m sorry for making you both come out.”

“It’s okay,” said Nicholas, hugging her around the shoulders. “Get some rest.”

Linden nodded. “I will. Night, Nick.”

“Goodnight,” said Nicholas to the both of them.

In the parking lot as Nairi unlocked her car she hesitated, then carefully hugged Linden herself. Linden leant into it eagerly, pressing her face into Nairi’s neck and clinging tight. “Do you want to stay at mine tonight?” asked Nairi quietly.

Linden took a few breaths before she answered, her voice small. “Yeah. Please.”

[tiliamericana]

Muay Thai: 1.15

At around two-thirty in the morning, Nairi’s phone rang. The caller ID said it was Linden and Nairi stared at it blankly, trying to think of a non-bad reason to be getting a call this late before answering.

“Linden?”

“Nairi!” said Linden, sounding relieved. “Oh thank god, you’re awake—I mean, that’s why I called you, you’re like the only person I know who wouldbe—”

“Linden, is everything okay?” said Nairi, toying with the cuff of her shirt. There was something in her voice that was setting off an urge in Nairi’s bones to go back upstairs and get her shoes.

“Uh, no,” said Linden, and an edge of panic broke through her tone. “It’s Simon, I think he’s uh, taken something? Like, I mean, too much of something.”

Nairi shut her eyes and counted to five. “Taken too much as in you think he’s overdosed?”

“Yeah, I mean, he’s out cold, I don’t know—”

“What did he take?” said Nairi, chewing on the inside of her cheek and staring at the wilting greens in the vase in front of her.

“I don’t know!” said Linden, her pitch shifting upwards and breath hitching. “He just, you know, went to the bathroom before bed only he was taking a really long time so I went to check on him and I know he injected something ‘cause he nicked some of the needles from my cabinet—”

“Have you called an ambulance?” asked Nairi, climbing to her feet and skipping the stepladder, dropping to the mats on the floor before making a beeline for the stairs to her apartment.

“No, he’s only a student, neither of us can afford that—”

“Hang up on me and call an ambulance,” said Nairi, locking the door behind her and casting about for where she’d left her shoes. “Text me when you know which hospital and I’ll meet you there, okay?”

Dial tone sounded in her ears, and Nairi found her shoes.

*

The good thing about Nicholas being close to seven feet tall was that he was an easy to find landmark in any given room.

Nairi had spent the entire drive over bracing herself for walking into the hospital; for the bright lights, and the noise, and the smell, the bustle, but the waiting room was mostly fine. She supposed that she’d never really spent much time in waiting rooms, and when she had she’d usually been unconscious, or too out of it to take anything in, so really, this was entirely different.

It helped that no one in scrubs was looking at her.

Nicholas was talking in a low voice at Linden, who was wrapped in a thick-knit cardigan and perched on the edge of her seat, ignoring him in favour of staring at the bay doors leading into the treatment section of the emergency department. She tensed every time they opened and the loud buzzer above them sounded as a result, sagging again as people went in and out without looking their way. Her leg was bouncing and her eyes were red-rimmed, Nairi realised as she approached, her mouth set in a way that indicated she wasn’t paying much attention to any of her other surroundings. And Nicholas was apparently trying to change that. “—Linden? Linden, are you listening?”

“Hey,” said Nairi as she drew to a halt in front of them, getting both of their attention at once. “Any news?”

Linden’s gaze snapped up to her immediately and her face collapsed into an expression of relief even as she shook her head. “No,” she said, climbing to her feet and stepping into Nairi, resting her forehead on Nairi’s shoulder. “Thanks for coming.”

Nairi awkwardly hugged her, patting the back of her head.

“They found a substance on him which they believe is what he took,” said Nicholas in the same, quiet tone. “They think it may be some kind of stimulant, but that’s all the information we were able to get before they took him in and neither of us are in a position to ask for his medical details.”

From the way he spoke Nairi got the distinct impression that this wasn’t his first rodeo. He was wearing what looked like pyjamas under his jacket, but he’d taken the time to change into jeans and find appropriate footwear. He had the overall look of someone who’d rolled out of bed and gotten ready on the way to the car, but he was calm and measured in spite of the situation.

Linden sniffled into Nairi’s shoulder then abruptly pulled away, arms wrapped around herself as she chewed on her lip, gaze returning back to the treatment bay doors. The lines around her eyes were back with a vengeance, and she stayed standing, her fingers tapping on the opposite elbow. “Fuck, I just—what am I even supposed to do here?” she said, tone miserable.

She was probably being rhetorical, but Nairi answered her anyway. “This,” she said, shrugging. “You called for help, and you got him medical attention, that’s pretty much exactly what you’re supposed to do.”

Nicholas reached out and rubbed Linden’s back gently, giving Nairi an appraising look. “You did the right thing. And in the future, if you do decide to stay with him, then there are other ways you can help him as well. There are a lot of resources out there for supporting partners through addictions.”

He looked rather desperately like he was hoping she wouldn’t do so, even as he said it. Nairi tried not to linger on that thought, or if it was something he might change his mind on. He already didn’t like her though, there was no point in worrying about it. “It’s hard work,” she said eventually. “Do you know if he’s thinking about stopping?”

Linden teased her tongue between her teeth and her lips, her eyes sliding towards Nicholas, though she snapped them back to Nairi’s face before he could notice. “We haven’t really talked about that,” she said, fidgeting with the wool of her cardigan, too stressed out and tense to lie very well.

“It’s a difficult conversation,” said Nicholas, his tone careful and reassuring. “I’m here if you need help figuring out how to have it, and if you know any of his friends who are aware or—”

“Linden Alix?” said a harried looking tech in scrubs, interrupting them.

“Yeah,” said Linden, turning on the spot, all her attention on him as she straightened. “Has Simon woken up? Is he okay?”

“He’d like to talk to you,” said the tech, nodding at her. “Can you come with me?”

Linden was already nodding, and she followed him across the room, through the bay doors, around a corner, and out of sight.

It took Nairi about fifteen seconds to realise that this left her alone with Nicholas, and from the looks of things, he noticed about the same time she did. He was watching her, with a certain alertness to his eyes, that same degree of ‘used to this shit’ she’d noticed about him earlier. “Found it rough to get up at this hour?” he asked her wryly.

Nairi paused, then abruptly realised that she’d been pinching the inside of her elbow every time the buzzer over the door sounded. She forced her hand away from her arm, trying to make the movement casual, and shook her head, taking the seat next to him. “I hadn’t made it to bed yet, kind of a night owl. You?”

“Dead to the world until my phone rang,” said Nicholas, nodding as she sat. “It’s been a while since my last three o’clock wake up—I got more of them when Linden was a teenager. Though thankfully not quite so many for emergency room visits.”

“Mhmm.” Nairi’s gaze kept dragging back to the doors where Linden had disappeared. “I’m not really used to waiting rooms.”

“More familiar with the other side of things?” asked Nicholas, his tone carefully neutral.

There were a thousand ways she could respond to that. She glanced back at him but couldn’t read anything in his expression. “Yeah,” she said eventually, leaning back in her seat and trying to get comfortable.

That…worked. Nicholas watched her for a moment but didn’t push the issue. “Would you like some water?” he asked, climbing to his feet.

“Yeah, please,” said Nairi, blinking up at him, and he nodded, crossing the room and giving her a moment to herself.

When he sat down again Nairi realised that even with the cramped, hard plastic chairs he was doing his best to maintain her personal space. The plastic cup was cool in her fingers, an anchor point she hadn’t quite realised she needed, and she murmured a thanks.

“How goes the teaching?” asked Nicholas, and Nairi let the cup dangle loosely in her fingers as she talked to him about the lessons she’d taught that week.

She wasn’t sure if he could tell how uncomfortable she was and was trying to ground her in the mundane small talk of daily life, or if he was simply trying to keep both of them awake. She supposed there was no reason it couldn’t be both. There was a kind of static ebb and flow to a waiting room at four in the morning, and she wasn’t entirely certain she’d have processed much without him engaging her.

The general noise of the room was grating, but Nairi did her best to put that out of her mind, paying the barest attention to the volume of the people talking and flat out ignoring the buzzer over the bay doors. Nicholas noticed when Linden’s voice spoke up first; although, given the brightness, he might actually have noticed her hair.

Either way he stood first, Nairi not far behind him as they crossed to the desk she was standing at. Simon was leaning against the counter as Linden hovered by him looking anxious. He seemed extremely lopsided as they approached, signing the forms for his own release.

Judging by the highly sceptical expressions on the nurse and administrator behind the counter even as they explained to Linden that they couldn’t make him stay in their care, Nairi wasn’t the only one to notice this.

“For Chrissakes Lindy, it’s not like I can afford this anyway,” he was saying.

Linden’s arms were crossed again, hands clenched tight, her expression mulish. “Jesus fuck, Si, what was I supposed to do? Notpanic? You were passed out—”

“That happens sometimes, honestly, I was fine,” said Simon, digging in his wallet and passing several cards through the plexiglass to the administrator on the other side. Her face was carefully neutral, though the nurse’s eyebrows flew all the way to her hairline. “We didn’t need to have all this fuss, dragging people out of bed.”

“We’re just glad to see you’re okay,” said Nicholas, standing a little closer to Linden.

Simon glanced up at them and flashed a wide, false smile, forcing good cheer through gritted teeth. “All correct and accounted for. Sorry to waste your time.”

He took his cards back with a copy of the papers from the counter and the nurse’s cheeks puffed slightly before she stepped away. Simon leaned in and kissed Linden’s cheek, clapping her on the back roughly. “Look, I’m sorry I worried you honey,” he said, stepping back. “We can figure out the money later, okay? I’m gonna go home and get some sleep.”

He walked away from them with a wave, not looking back as he made for the exit. Linden moved to go after him automatically, but Nicholas caught her shoulder with a gentle touch and she stopped, looking up at him. “It might be easier to talk to him after you’ve both rested,” he said, not quite able to hide the disapproval.

Linden slumped, rubbing at her face with both hands. “Yeah. Christ, I’m sorry guys.”

“It’s okay,” said Nairi.

“You did the right thing,” said Nicholas firmly. Then, after a moment: “Please do not take responsibility for his medical bills.”

Nairi swallowed the uncharitable snort swelling in the back of her throat and stepped forward as Linden straightened. “Do you want a ride back?”

Linden nodded, rubbing at her face again. “Yeah, please,” she said, glancing between the two of them. “I’m sorry for making you both come out.”

“It’s okay,” said Nicholas, hugging her around the shoulders. “Get some rest.”

Linden nodded. “I will. Night, Nick.”

“Goodnight,” said Nicholas to the both of them.

In the parking lot as Nairi unlocked her car she hesitated, then carefully hugged Linden herself. Linden leant into it eagerly, pressing her face into Nairi’s neck and clinging tight. “Do you want to stay at mine tonight?” asked Nairi quietly.

Linden took a few breaths before she answered, her voice small. “Yeah. Please.”

[tiliamericana]

Read From Start | Read Ahead | Home Site

Muay Thai: 1.14

“Almost,” said Linden, taking a step back and looking Nairi up and down with a critical eye.

“I really don’t want to wear a skirt,” said Nairi again, crossing her arms over her chest as she shifted her weight uncomfortably under Linden’s gaze. The tight mesh of the netted sleeves had hard glitter embedded into it in patterns, scratching her skin, and while the heel on the shoes was low and chunky it was still higher than anything else she owned.

“I’m not talking about that, fusspot,” said Linden, red lips twitching as she grabbed Nairi’s hand and tugged her towards the bathroom. “The shorts are fine, you’re sex on legs. You just need some make up, come on.”

Linden’s bathroom was cramped, barely enough space for the two of them to stand next to each other. Linden shoved her things to one side and hiked herself up to sit on the counter next to her sink, beckoning Nairi closer. Nairi stepped closer and one of Linden’s smooth legs slid up and along the outside of Nairi’s thigh, hooking around the back of her leg and tugging her closer. Nairi leaned in, bracing her knuckles on either side of Linden’s thighs as Linden picked up a brush and small quad of eyeshadow from the mess on the counter.

“Look down for me,” said Linden with her lipstick grin, her free hand lightly touching Nairi’s jaw.

Nairi let her line of sight drop down, resting on the folds in Linden’s dress where it was bunching around her hips. The brush gently swept over her eyelid, the feeling of powder left in its wake immediately making Nairi want to scrub it away again. She kept her hands on the counter until she felt Linden’s hands leave her face, and when she looked back up, Linden was smiling at her.

“Better?” she asked, the corners of her mouth quirking up to mirror Linden’s.

“Almost,” said Linden, her cheek dimpling, and she handed Nairi two tubes. “Can I trust you to put on mascara yourself?”

“Probably not,” said Nairi, taking the tubes anyway.

Linden laughed and leaned to the side so that Nairi could see the mirror. She had to get close to see what she was doing, chest-to-chest with Linden, wary of the wand so close to her eye. She was very warm, even through the layers of their clothes, and her perfume was sweet. Nairi had never really thought about perfume.

The second tube was lipstick, a burgundy red that was several shades darker than Linden’s own, and when Nairi put it on she immediately smudged it. She leaned back away from the mirror and Linden laughed, picking up a wet wipe.

“Don’t bite me,” she teased, holding Nairi’s jaw again to wipe her mouth before she took the lipstick and applied it for her. “Now rub your lips together.”

Nairi obeyed. The lipstick was creamy rather than waxy, and smelled of vanilla, nicer than any of the cheap ones Nairi had had reason to use before. The way Linden had put it on her gave her mouth more of a shape as well; it still didn’t look right, but it looked better.

Linden’s buzzer sounded loudly, and Nairi stepped back to let her off the counter.

“Better,” said Linden as she dropped to the floor again, her mouth still curled, and her hand rose up briefly as though she were going to touch Nairi’s face again. She seemed to think better of it though, and left to go answer the door, flashing a smile over her shoulder. Nairi could still smell the perfume on her shirt.

She took a moment to squint at herself in the mirror before following Linden, shaking her head as though it could clear her mind. She looked fine. Perversely enough she looked more like herself. She tucked her hair behind her ear and headed back towards the voices coming from Linden’s kitchen. Agatha was leaning against Linden’s kitchen counter, drinking one of the fruity vodka pre-mixes from the box on the counter. She smiled as Nairi came over, and Nairi returned it as she leaned in to receive a kiss on the cheek.

Her hands were dried out from the sanitiser at her lab, reassuringly rough on Nairi’s fingers. “You look nice,” she said, gesturing at Agatha’s dress.

“Thank you,” said Agatha, kissing her cheek again before shooting a glare at Linden. “See? It’s fine, you can stop complaining.”

“Please, I just spent a whole evening trying to convince your girlfriend to wear something that looks good, I would not be taking her opinion on clothes,” said Linden, kicking her fridge shut with a wide grin.

“These look fine,” said Agatha, wrapping her arm around Nairi’s waist. “I mean, they’re pretty. I like them.”

“Thank you!” said Linden, taking a long drink. “It took me waytoo long to find something she’d even wear.”

“Well, nobody asked you to play Barbie with her,” said Agatha, rolling her eyes.

“I mean, I kind of did,” said Nairi, shrugging at her.

“And it clearly went fine,” said Linden loudly, draining her bottle. “And you could probably use some ‘Barbie’ time as well considering you apparently own one dress.”

“I don’t need another dress just for going out,” said Agatha tartly. “Speaking of—are we going to go out? Or are we just going to sit in your kitchen and drink while you complain about how badly-dressed we are?”

Linden glanced at the time on her microwave and nodded. “Alright, fine,” she said, picking up an improbably small bag from the counter. “It’s still kinda early, but God only knows when the last time I got to take a Saturday off was, so I guess I should try and get my money’s worth.”

Linden’s ‘a little early’ was more of Agatha’s ‘bedtime’. Although, to be fair, it wasn’t like Agatha hadn’t known what she was getting into when they’d organised it. Nairi’s opinion on the matter probably didn’t count for much though—both Agatha and Linden had made it clear that having her ‘day’ between the dojo closing and three o’clock in the morning was insane of her.

*

The queue to get into the club was staggered along the rickety, dark staircase and moving slowly. Despite being early by Linden’s standards, the night seemed to be well into the swing of things by everyone else’s. One of the guys in line just ahead of them kept giving the low cut of Linden’s dress appreciative looks before grinning back at his friends, but Linden either didn’t notice or didn’t care, so Nairi tried to ignore them.

“So what, Simon didn’t want to monopolise your first free Saturday night in forever?” asked Agatha idly, craning her head to peer up the line and see the progress ahead of them.

Linden snorted, rifling through her purse for the cover fee. “No, he likes having his Saturdays to himself, he just told me to have fun and say hi.”

The men with the wandering eyes just ahead of them finally got through the door and Linden stepped up, paying for all three of them at once. The guy checking IDs nodded at them with the flash of licenses, and waved them in.

Loud music, coloured lights, and the oppressive smell of alcohol and hard-working machinery hit Nairi in the face as they entered, and she had to force her hackles to sink back down. She’d never been to this club, she reminded herself, trying to press down on the sensory familiarity. She was fairly certain this club hadn’t even existed the last time she’d been going to nightclubs regularly, and she’d sure as shit never walked into one while sober before.

If Agatha’s expression was anything to go by, she was having more of an urge to turn around and leave. “…I’m going to get us some drinks,” she eventually, pitching her volume up to be heard over the music and making a beeline for the bar without waiting for a response from either of them.

Linden laughed and grabbed Nairi’s hand, grinning and tugging her towards the dancefloor. It wasn’t quite a crush of bodies yet, but it was enough to make Nairi grit her teeth as she followed her. The noise and flashing only got more intense as they joined the crowd, and her eyes skated over the darkened corners with tables on the far side.

Reassuringly though, Linden didn’t seem like she was going to leave Nairi to her own devices. She stayed right in Nairi’s personal space, grinning at her every time their eyes met. Nairi wasn’t much of a dancer, never had been, but it was easy enough to move with her, even as her eyes kept returning to the press of bodies around the bar, trying to find Agatha in the indistinguishable mass. If Linden minded being kept on the edge of the dancefloor she didn’t show it.

Unfortunately, their time on the edges only lasted until Agatha rejoined them with drinks in hand. Nairi tried to linger over her water, but Linden knocked back her whiskey very quickly, and Agatha had already made a start on hers, and in no time at all Linden was grinning at Agatha, and Agatha was tugging Nairi back into the dancers.

Somehow even more people had joined in the time it had taken them to get their drinks, and the press of the bodies was more energetic, pushing everyone along. Nairi lost track of Linden almost instantly, a flash of her hair illuminated under a pulsing light before she disappeared behind several people in between one breath and the next, but Agatha kept a tight grip on her wrist, a reassuring anchor as the crowd shifted, allowing them to slot in.

And then it was… fine. After a few minutes of the dancing, the song changing over and Agatha’s body close to hers, Nairi almost actually enjoyed it. She relaxed, letting the chemical fog and alcohol smell pass over her, and let Agatha steer their movements.

They shifted back and forth along with the movement of the people around them, music reverberating with them. It was somehow more frenetic than Nairi remembered, without the smoothed over feeling from her memories—she definitely couldn’t imagine anyone actually doing it for fun without the help of alcohol or something stronger—but it was easier than she’d thought it might be.

After a while though her feet were starting to ache in the new shoes, and there was an undefinable quality to Agatha’s face under the coloured lights that made her think she might need another drink. Nairi laced their fingers together and shifted a little, tugging Agatha in the direction of the nearest gap in the crowd. Agatha caught her eye, expression softening a little as she squeezed her hand back, stumbling into Nairi.

Nairi caught her, wrapping an arm around her waist and Agatha leaned in, smiling, to kiss her softly.

Someone hooted loudly right next to them, and Agatha recoiled, pulling back with her eyes wide, her grip on Nairi’s hand tight and hard. Nairi shifted between her and the sound, firmly tugging Agatha off the dancefloor. “You’re fine,” she said as clearly as she could, stepping in front of Agatha, putting herself as a barrier between her and the rest of the dancers.

Agatha nodded, her expression still stiff, and after a second she tugged Nairi in the direction Linden had gone.

Nairi felt herself relax a little more now that her personal space had expanded by about three inches, and with a start she realised that Agatha was better at keeping track of where they were than she was. Linden was leaning against a tall table right near them, holding a very long glass with something violently blue in it while one of the men from the queue outside was talking at her. One of his friends was with them, looking very amused by something.

“—think I might be too much for you,” she was saying as they stepped into earshot, looking up at him with a teasing smile, her dark, stained tongue slipping out to catch her straw and his eye, but she glanced up as Nairi and Agatha approached, her expression shifting to a brighter one. “Hey! Having fun?”

Nairi started to shrug, opening her mouth, but Agatha cut her off. “No,” she said shortly. “Feeling shitty. I’m going to head home.”

“Oh, what, no!” said Linden, straightening and setting her drink down. “It’s not even one! You okay?”

Between the music and the volume they were needing to speak at, Nairi wasn’t sure where the shift had come from. Agatha was shaking her head, stepping back. “Too out of it, need to sleep.”

“No, come on!” said Linden, reaching for Agatha’s hand. “It’s so early, and my first weekend off in like two years!”

Agatha scowled, shaking her off. “You can stay out, I’mgoing!”

“Aggy, please!” Linden tried again. “It’ll get more fun, I promise!”

“It’s not fun!” snapped Agatha, scowl deepening. “I’m going home!”

One of the men she’d been talking to stepped in, putting his hand on Linden’s shoulder. “It’s fine, let them,” he said, tugging Linden back. “I’ll buy you another drink, we can have fun—”

Linden brushed him off with a scowl, glaring back at him. “Fuck off, this isn’t about you!”

Agatha was already walking away, and Nairi hesitated, not wanting to leave Linden alone, but already half-turned to follow her girlfriend.

“Nairi?” said Linden, sounding hurt, and Nairi looked back at her, taking in the rounded eyes and unhappy mouth.

When she turned to look for Agatha again, she was already gone, and Nairi warred with herself briefly before turning back to Linden. The guy scowled, shaking his head as he moved away from them with his laughing friend, and Linden smiled at her, grabbing her hand.

[tiliamericana]

Muay Thai: 1.14

“Almost,” said Linden, taking a step back and looking Nairi up and down with a critical eye.

“I really don’t want to wear a skirt,” said Nairi again, crossing her arms over her chest as she shifted her weight uncomfortably under Linden’s gaze. The tight mesh of the netted sleeves had hard glitter embedded into it in patterns, scratching her skin, and while the heel on the shoes was low and chunky it was still higher than anything else she owned.

“I’m not talking about that, fusspot,” said Linden, red lips twitching as she grabbed Nairi’s hand and tugged her towards the bathroom. “The shorts are fine, you’re sex on legs. You just need some make up, come on.”

Linden’s bathroom was cramped, barely enough space for the two of them to stand next to each other. Linden shoved her things to one side and hiked herself up to sit on the counter next to her sink, beckoning Nairi closer. Nairi stepped closer and one of Linden’s smooth legs slid up and along the outside of Nairi’s thigh, hooking around the back of her leg and tugging her closer. Nairi leaned in, bracing her knuckles on either side of Linden’s thighs as Linden picked up a brush and small quad of eyeshadow from the mess on the counter.

“Look down for me,” said Linden with her lipstick grin, her free hand lightly touching Nairi’s jaw.

Nairi let her line of sight drop down, resting on the folds in Linden’s dress where it was bunching around her hips. The brush gently swept over her eyelid, the feeling of powder left in its wake immediately making Nairi want to scrub it away again. She kept her hands on the counter until she felt Linden’s hands leave her face, and when she looked back up, Linden was smiling at her.

“Better?” she asked, the corners of her mouth quirking up to mirror Linden’s.

“Almost,” said Linden, her cheek dimpling, and she handed Nairi two tubes. “Can I trust you to put on mascara yourself?”

���Probably not,” said Nairi, taking the tubes anyway.

Linden laughed and leaned to the side so that Nairi could see the mirror. She had to get close to see what she was doing, chest-to-chest with Linden, wary of the wand so close to her eye. She was very warm, even through the layers of their clothes, and her perfume was sweet. Nairi had never really thought about perfume.

The second tube was lipstick, a burgundy red that was several shades darker than Linden’s own, and when Nairi put it on she immediately smudged it. She leaned back away from the mirror and Linden laughed, picking up a wet wipe.

“Don’t bite me,” she teased, holding Nairi’s jaw again to wipe her mouth before she took the lipstick and applied it for her. “Now rub your lips together.”

Nairi obeyed. The lipstick was creamy rather than waxy, and smelled of vanilla, nicer than any of the cheap ones Nairi had had reason to use before. The way Linden had put it on her gave her mouth more of a shape as well; it still didn’t look right, but it looked better.

Linden’s buzzer sounded loudly, and Nairi stepped back to let her off the counter.

“Better,” said Linden as she dropped to the floor again, her mouth still curled, and her hand rose up briefly as though she were going to touch Nairi’s face again. She seemed to think better of it though, and left to go answer the door, flashing a smile over her shoulder. Nairi could still smell the perfume on her shirt.

She took a moment to squint at herself in the mirror before following Linden, shaking her head as though it could clear her mind. She looked fine. Perversely enough she looked more like herself. She tucked her hair behind her ear and headed back towards the voices coming from Linden’s kitchen. Agatha was leaning against Linden’s kitchen counter, drinking one of the fruity vodka pre-mixes from the box on the counter. She smiled as Nairi came over, and Nairi returned it as she leaned in to receive a kiss on the cheek.

Her hands were dried out from the sanitiser at her lab, reassuringly rough on Nairi’s fingers. “You look nice,” she said, gesturing at Agatha’s dress.

“Thank you,” said Agatha, kissing her cheek again before shooting a glare at Linden. “See? It’s fine, you can stop complaining.”

“Please, I just spent a whole evening trying to convince your girlfriend to wear something that looks good, I would not be taking her opinion on clothes,” said Linden, kicking her fridge shut with a wide grin.

“These look fine,” said Agatha, wrapping her arm around Nairi’s waist. “I mean, they’re pretty. I like them.”

“Thank you!” said Linden, taking a long drink. “It took me waytoo long to find something she’d even wear.”

“Well, nobody asked you to play Barbie with her,” said Agatha, rolling her eyes.

“I mean, I kind of did,” said Nairi, shrugging at her.

“And it clearly went fine,” said Linden loudly, draining her bottle. “And you could probably use some ‘Barbie’ time as well considering you apparently own one dress.”

“I don’t need another dress just for going out,” said Agatha tartly. “Speaking of—are we going to go out? Or are we just going to sit in your kitchen and drink while you complain about how badly-dressed we are?”

Linden glanced at the time on her microwave and nodded. “Alright, fine,” she said, picking up an improbably small bag from the counter. “It’s still kinda early, but God only knows when the last time I got to take a Saturday off was, so I guess I should try and get my money’s worth.”

Linden’s ‘a little early’ was more of Agatha’s ‘bedtime’. Although, to be fair, it wasn’t like Agatha hadn’t known what she was getting into when they’d organised it. Nairi’s opinion on the matter probably didn’t count for much though—both Agatha and Linden had made it clear that having her ‘day’ between the dojo closing and three o’clock in the morning was insane of her.

*

The queue to get into the club was staggered along the rickety, dark staircase and moving slowly. Despite being early by Linden’s standards, the night seemed to be well into the swing of things by everyone else’s. One of the guys in line just ahead of them kept giving the low cut of Linden’s dress appreciative looks before grinning back at his friends, but Linden either didn’t notice or didn’t care, so Nairi tried to ignore them.

“So what, Simon didn’t want to monopolise your first free Saturday night in forever?” asked Agatha idly, craning her head to peer up the line and see the progress ahead of them.

Linden snorted, rifling through her purse for the cover fee. “No, he likes having his Saturdays to himself, he just told me to have fun and say hi.”

The men with the wandering eyes just ahead of them finally got through the door and Linden stepped up, paying for all three of them at once. The guy checking IDs nodded at them with the flash of licenses, and waved them in.

Loud music, coloured lights, and the oppressive smell of alcohol and hard-working machinery hit Nairi in the face as they entered, and she had to force her hackles to sink back down. She’d never been to this club, she reminded herself, trying to press down on the sensory familiarity. She was fairly certain this club hadn’t even existed the last time she’d been going to nightclubs regularly, and she’d sure as shit never walked into one while sober before.

If Agatha’s expression was anything to go by, she was having more of an urge to turn around and leave. “…I’m going to get us some drinks,” she eventually, pitching her volume up to be heard over the music and making a beeline for the bar without waiting for a response from either of them.

Linden laughed and grabbed Nairi’s hand, grinning and tugging her towards the dancefloor. It wasn’t quite a crush of bodies yet, but it was enough to make Nairi grit her teeth as she followed her. The noise and flashing only got more intense as they joined the crowd, and her eyes skated over the darkened corners with tables on the far side.

Reassuringly though, Linden didn’t seem like she was going to leave Nairi to her own devices. She stayed right in Nairi’s personal space, grinning at her every time their eyes met. Nairi wasn’t much of a dancer, never had been, but it was easy enough to move with her, even as her eyes kept returning to the press of bodies around the bar, trying to find Agatha in the indistinguishable mass. If Linden minded being kept on the edge of the dancefloor she didn’t show it.

Unfortunately, their time on the edges only lasted until Agatha rejoined them with drinks in hand. Nairi tried to linger over her water, but Linden knocked back her whiskey very quickly, and Agatha had already made a start on hers, and in no time at all Linden was grinning at Agatha, and Agatha was tugging Nairi back into the dancers.

Somehow even more people had joined in the time it had taken them to get their drinks, and the press of the bodies was more energetic, pushing everyone along. Nairi lost track of Linden almost instantly, a flash of her hair illuminated under a pulsing light before she disappeared behind several people in between one breath and the next, but Agatha kept a tight grip on her wrist, a reassuring anchor as the crowd shifted, allowing them to slot in.

And then it was… fine. After a few minutes of the dancing, the song changing over and Agatha’s body close to hers, Nairi almost actually enjoyed it. She relaxed, letting the chemical fog and alcohol smell pass over her, and let Agatha steer their movements.

They shifted back and forth along with the movement of the people around them, music reverberating with them. It was somehow more frenetic than Nairi remembered, without the smoothed over feeling from her memories—she definitely couldn’t imagine anyone actually doing it for fun without the help of alcohol or something stronger—but it was easier than she’d thought it might be.

After a while though her feet were starting to ache in the new shoes, and there was an undefinable quality to Agatha’s face under the coloured lights that made her think she might need another drink. Nairi laced their fingers together and shifted a little, tugging Agatha in the direction of the nearest gap in the crowd. Agatha caught her eye, expression softening a little as she squeezed her hand back, stumbling into Nairi.

Nairi caught her, wrapping an arm around her waist and Agatha leaned in, smiling, to kiss her softly.

Someone hooted loudly right next to them, and Agatha recoiled, pulling back with her eyes wide, her grip on Nairi’s hand tight and hard. Nairi shifted between her and the sound, firmly tugging Agatha off the dancefloor. “You’re fine,” she said as clearly as she could, stepping in front of Agatha, putting herself as a barrier between her and the rest of the dancers.

Agatha nodded, her expression still stiff, and after a second she tugged Nairi in the direction Linden had gone.

Nairi felt herself relax a little more now that her personal space had expanded by about three inches, and with a start she realised that Agatha was better at keeping track of where they were than she was. Linden was leaning against a tall table right near them, holding a very long glass with something violently blue in it while one of the men from the queue outside was talking at her. One of his friends was with them, looking very amused by something.

“—think I might be too much for you,” she was saying as they stepped into earshot, looking up at him with a teasing smile, her dark, stained tongue slipping out to catch her straw and his eye, but she glanced up as Nairi and Agatha approached, her expression shifting to a brighter one. “Hey! Having fun?”

Nairi started to shrug, opening her mouth, but Agatha cut her off. “No,” she said shortly. “Feeling shitty. I’m going to head home.”

“Oh, what, no!” said Linden, straightening and setting her drink down. “It’s not even one! You okay?”

Between the music and the volume they were needing to speak at, Nairi wasn’t sure where the shift had come from. Agatha was shaking her head, stepping back. “Too out of it, need to sleep.”

“No, come on!” said Linden, reaching for Agatha’s hand. “It’s so early, and my first weekend off in like two years!”

Agatha scowled, shaking her off. “You can stay out, I’mgoing!”

“Aggy, please!” Linden tried again. “It’ll get more fun, I promise!”

“It’s not fun!” snapped Agatha, scowl deepening. “I’m going home!”

One of the men she’d been talking to stepped in, putting his hand on Linden’s shoulder. “It’s fine, let them,” he said, tugging Linden back. “I’ll buy you another drink, we can have fun—”

Linden brushed him off with a scowl, glaring back at him. “Fuck off, this isn’t about you!”

Agatha was already walking away, and Nairi hesitated, not wanting to leave Linden alone, but already half-turned to follow her girlfriend.

“Nairi?” said Linden, sounding hurt, and Nairi looked back at her, taking in the rounded eyes and unhappy mouth.

When she turned to look for Agatha again, she was already gone, and Nairi warred with herself briefly before turning back to Linden. The guy scowled, shaking his head as he moved away from them with his laughing friend, and Linden smiled at her, grabbing her hand.

[tiliamericana]

Read From Start | Read Ahead | Home Site

Muay Thai: 1.13

“I can’t believe you’ve done this,” said Agatha acidly as Nairi held the door to the pizza place open for her.

“I’m sorry,” said Nairi, no longer feeling particularly apologetic after a week of saying nothing but. “We’ll only be here for what, an hour? And then we can go.”

She didn’t love that she was already on edge. It was hardly the first time in her life that she was deliberately sitting down to spend a couple of hours with an unpleasant man, but it was still frustrating. She liked spending time with Agatha and Linden who were only occasionally frustrating, but they tended to get tense and catty with each other, and Nairi’s teeth were aching at the thought of dealing with that on top of Simon.

Well. They were usually catty, but when not talking about relationships they could be relied on to be friendly-catty rather than terse-catty.

Linden was sitting alone at one of the tall tables near the centre of the restaurant, and she waved at them as they approached, her smile wide. “Hey guys!” she said as Nairi sat down across from her, and if her smile was fake then she at least sounded pleased—or, well, relieved, at any rate.

“No boyfriend yet?” asked Agatha archly, sitting next to Nairi with a disapproving curve to her lips as their eyes met.

“He’s running late,” said Linden, clasping her hands together in front of her and making her bracelets jingle. “Promised he’d treat me to a nice big pie and dessert to make it up to me, though!”

“Nice of him,” said Nairi, snagging a complimentary breadstick, more out of habit than hunger.

“Very,” said Agatha, inspecting a menu without looking up.

Linden’s expression faltered. “Yeah,” she said anyway.

Nairi knocked their ankles together under the table in an attempt to reassure, and Linden flashed her a grateful look, the tension across her shoulders loosening a little. “Things are going well then?” she asked, pouring herself a glass of water and pushing the jug towards Agatha, who ignored her.

“As well as they can be,” said Linden, nodding a little too much, her bracelets jingling again. “I mean, things get bumpy occasionally, but we really haven’t known each other for long in like, the grand scheme of things. We already know we like each other, so we’re just feeling everything else out as we go.”

“Oh goodie,” muttered Agatha, pushing her glasses up her nose again before setting the menu down and joining the conversation. “Nick likes this one, then?”

Linden snorted. “Simon’s not that exceptional,” she said dismissively. “Nick thinks he’s too flaky.”

Agatha glanced at her watch conspicuously. “I wonderwhy.”

Linden gave her a sharp curve of a smile, darkly amused. “Look, that might be a dealbreaker for Nick, but he’s not the one dating him. I can handle a little flakiness, and besides, he’s working on it.”

“Is he working on anything else?”

“Yes,” said Linden, looking Agatha right in the eye. “Nick told me—I promise he won’t call you that ever again, I even slapped him around a little to make it stick.”

“Right,” said Agatha, unimpressed in the face of Linden’s humour. “Because if he does then I’m just going to leave. Why does he even talk like that in the first place?”

Linden wrinkled her nose. “It’s his masters, I swear, he spends his entire time with his nose up the ass of these old school poets, and then he like, forgets that language has changed in the last eighty years? It’s really annoying, he literally called me the ‘whore of Babylon’ the other day and then got offended when I told him to fuck off because I ‘didn’t get the compliment’.”

Nairi snorted.

“Oh! Such a catch! I suddenly understand why you’re so determined to make this relationship work,” drawled Agatha.

“It’s a better basis for a relationship than some I could name,” said Linden snidely, narrowing her eyes across the table.

Damn, Agatha’s last boyfriend must have been a real piece of work. “There’s always going to be worse relationships out there,” said Nairi diplomatically. “And I mean, people are even meeting and dating on the internet these days, everything starts somewhere.”

“Exactly,” said Linden, relaxing a little with a grin. “That’s a bad basis, we all know the internet’s for porn and arguing with strangers.”

“And LOLcats, don’t forget those,” said Agatha, nodding at her.

“How could I?” said Linden, her grin widening.

Nairi was saved from having to ask what the fuck a ‘LOLcat’ was by Simon’s arrival. “Hello ladies,” he said breezily, draping his coat over the back of the free chair with a waft of eau-de-cigarette over the table. He leaned in and kissed Linden’s cheek from behind before sitting. “Hello babe, sorry I’m late, transport was a bit of an issue.”

“You’re fine,” said Linden, smiling indulgently at him as he sat. “Just gave us time to work up an appetite.”

Thankfully, the process of deciding on pizzas and drinks, and then the conveying all of that information to the waitress meant that Nairi didn’t have to speak directly to Simon. It also meant that he didn’t try to speak with Agatha, who was coolly ignoring him from across the table with a total lack of eye contact that veered dangerously close to the border between ‘civility’ and ‘rudeness’.

Once the food actually arrived however, she was out of luck.

Pretty much every pizza on the menu that wasn’t explicitly vegetarian had some kind of bacon or ham or pork-based sausage in its toppings, so there wasn’t any quibbling or half-and-halfing on the one Nairi was sharing with Agatha. Simon, however, had ordered without asking Linden, which she’d ignored, much the same way she’d ignored Agatha’s quiet snort at him doing so. Nairi was about ninety percent certain Linden didn’t even like green peppers.

“So,” said Simon brightly, gesturing across the table with his wine glass. “How have you two been this week? Anything exciting?”

Agatha took an enormous bite of pizza and chewed loudly, glancing at Nairi. Nairi sighed internally and lowered her own slice to answer him. “Not terribly exciting. Work, mostly.”

“That’s right,” he said, chewing obnoxiously and giving Nairi a chance to start eating. Next to him, Linden was carefully tugging peppers off the surface of her pizza. “Lindy said you did some kind of fighting thing, right? MMA? Kickboxing? Sweaty punch ups in sports bras?”

“…I teach judo,” said Nairi eventually. “Early days at my dojo, I don’t have a lot of students yet, I’m afraid. Uh, Agatha’s working on a paper at the moment though, that’s a bit more interesting.”

“Really? What’s it about?” asked Simon, turning both his attention and his chewing maw towards Agatha.

“Diatomic elements,” said Agatha shortly. “It’s just about nucleics, I’m not reinventing the wheel or anything.”

Simon stared at her blankly. “Oh, of course. Uh, I’m afraid I’m not familiar, is your field—?”

“Chemistry,” supplied Agatha, turning her attention back to her dinner. “My PhD was on inorganic, but I’m still in the process of post-doc applications so I’m mostly twiddling my thumbs and writing contributions in the meanwhile.”

“Right,” said Simon, his face showing a total lack of comprehension. “Academia’s a lot like that, terribly stiff in the paperwork and appropriateness departments. The right body of work and all that—I know exactly how it feels, I was going to do my thesis on the erotic underpinnings of Virginia Woolf’s work and the reflection of her relationship with her husband, but my advisor was really very pushy about playing it safe and sticking to Eliot’s body of work in the immediate post-war era.”

“Oh yes, much safer,” said Agatha with no inflection in her tone.

Simon laughed loudly, leaning back in his chair and taking another long drink of his wine. “You know, Lindy said you had a sense of humour, and I must confess I didn’t quite believe her at first! Mistakes all around.”

He punctuated this with a conspiratorial wink across the table at her, though Nairi didn’t quite understand what was so funny about it. At a glance, neither did Agatha or Linden. Linden actually looked… embarrassed? It was only for a second, the expression gone almost as soon as Nairi noticed it, Linden covering the bottom half of her face with her glass as she took a sip.

“So how long have you two lovebirds been dating anyway?” Simon continued, not even glancing at Linden next to him with her small pile of peppers or his ignored slice of pizza on the plate in front of him.

“A few months,” said Nairi, her own dinner looking more unappetising by the second. “Since September, I think?”

“That’s about right,” said Agatha, the lines around the corners of her eyes easing as she glanced at Nairi. “Five or six months now.”

“Charming,” said Simon, polishing off his wine, smile bright and enthusiastic as he gestured. “You know I’ve always greatly enjoyed the figure of the lesbian, in real life as well as literature. Excising the men from the bed and the home—it’s always so representative of the purest form of womanhood, really illuminates the truth of femininity. And the politics of it! The ultimate commitment to the feminist ideal, the usurpation of the patriarchy from its most foundational stronghold in the home at the head of the family. Really brilliant stuff!”

Agatha’s eyebrows were somewhere around her hairline.

Linden laughed awkwardly, nudging Simon as she leaned in a little over her plate. “Well, I mean, it’s always gonna be a bit different from books, hun. People are people, real life is always more, uh—”

“Oh yes, yes, of course,” said Simon dismissively, nodding at her. “And writers have a tendency to exaggerate and eroticise that type of relationship as well.”

“And what exactly do you mean by that kind of relationship?” asked Agatha, tone sharp.

Nairi tensed as Simon opened his mouth and started bloviating again. Linden swallowed whatever she was going to say, giving up and quietly eating instead, leaning on one elbow.

Simon’s phone buzzed loudly, and he took a second to check it while Agatha sucked down on the straw in her water glass through her furious, pinched expression.

“Oh, I’m so sorry ladies,” he said, standing up as he punched a few buttons on his phone. “I have to run. I have thoroughlyenjoyed this discussion though, especially with you Miss Davids, we’ll have to do this again sometime—”

“Doctor,” corrected Agatha.

“Oh, that’s right, very good, attagirl!” said Simon breezily as he tugged his coat on, and a muscle in Agatha’s jaw visibly twitched.

“Oh, Si, really?” said Linden, frowning at him anxiously as he kissed her cheek. “But we were gonna go get ice cream af—”

“Really?” said Simon, with a piss-poor attempt at a surprised look. “I didn’t think so, babe, I had plans. There’s no need to end the night just because I’m leaving though! You should all have some fun, I’ll see you later, and I promise I’ll catch the next cheque!”

He was already walking away as he spoke, hand raised in farewell even as Linden opened her mouth in dismay. “Wait, Si, I can’t—and he’s out. Great.” She slumped in her seat as the door swung shut across the room and gave them a glum sort of smile. “Sorry guys, I kind of thought that would go better.”

“Really?” said Agatha under her breath, covering it with the movement of setting her glass down.

Nairi ignored it. “I mean, it’s not exactly your fault—” Agatha snorted “—do you want me to grab you a pizza you actually like?”

Linden gestured at Simon’s largely untouched pizza with an eyeroll. “No, I’ll live. Already gonna have to pay for this one.”

“I’ve got it,” said Nairi, tugging her wallet out. “May as well just pay for everything while I’m up. Do you want something a bit cheesier?”

Linden looked at her for a moment, expression unreadable, and then something in her relaxed and her mouth twitched into a wry smile. “Yeah. Thanks.”

Agatha turned her head as Nairi left the table, saying something she couldn’t quite hear. Her tone sounded dry rather than snappish, so Nairi didn’t think too hard about it. She got them another round of drinks while she was sorting out the extra pizza as well—it would probably go a ways to easing Agatha’s temper and cheering Linden up.

From the looks of things when she returned to the table though, they’d managed to have an argument in the few minutes she’d been gone.

“Better food and new drinks on the way,” she said, sliding into her seat and pretending she couldn’t see the angry twist in Linden’s lips, or the clenched tension in Agatha’s hands.

“Awesome,” said Linden, flashing her a sunny, fake smile as Agatha scoffed. “You know, I was just saying to Aggy that since this turned out to be such a bust that maybe we should try having a girl’s night instead, you know? Just us, maybe with Flo too.”

“Oh yeah,” said Nairi mildly, gently pressing the back of her hand against Agatha’s on the tabletop. “What did you have in mind?”

[tiliamericana]

Muay Thai: 1.13

“I can’t believe you’ve done this,” said Agatha acidly as Nairi held the door to the pizza place open for her.

“I’m sorry,” said Nairi, no longer feeling particularly apologetic after a week of saying nothing but. “We’ll only be here for what, an hour? And then we can go.”

She didn’t love that she was already on edge. It was hardly the first time in her life that she was deliberately sitting down to spend a couple of hours with an unpleasant man, but it was still frustrating. She liked spending time with Agatha and Linden who were only occasionally frustrating, but they tended to get tense and catty with each other, and Nairi’s teeth were aching at the thought of dealing with that on top of Simon.

Well. They were usually catty, but when not talking about relationships they could be relied on to be friendly-catty rather than terse-catty.

Linden was sitting alone at one of the tall tables near the centre of the restaurant, and she waved at them as they approached, her smile wide. “Hey guys!” she said as Nairi sat down across from her, and if her smile was fake then she at least sounded pleased—or, well, relieved, at any rate.

“No boyfriend yet?” asked Agatha archly, sitting next to Nairi with a disapproving curve to her lips as their eyes met.

“He’s running late,” said Linden, clasping her hands together in front of her and making her bracelets jingle. “Promised he’d treat me to a nice big pie and dessert to make it up to me, though!”

“Nice of him,” said Nairi, snagging a complimentary breadstick, more out of habit than hunger.

“Very,” said Agatha, inspecting a menu without looking up.

Linden’s expression faltered. “Yeah,” she said anyway.

Nairi knocked their ankles together under the table in an attempt to reassure, and Linden flashed her a grateful look, the tension across her shoulders loosening a little. “Things are going well then?” she asked, pouring herself a glass of water and pushing the jug towards Agatha, who ignored her.

“As well as they can be,” said Linden, nodding a little too much, her bracelets jingling again. “I mean, things get bumpy occasionally, but we really haven’t known each other for long in like, the grand scheme of things. We already know we like each other, so we’re just feeling everything else out as we go.”

“Oh goodie,” muttered Agatha, pushing her glasses up her nose again before setting the menu down and joining the conversation. “Nick likes this one, then?”

Linden snorted. “Simon’s not that exceptional,” she said dismissively. “Nick thinks he’s too flaky.”

Agatha glanced at her watch conspicuously. “I wonderwhy.”

Linden gave her a sharp curve of a smile, darkly amused. “Look, that might be a dealbreaker for Nick, but he’s not the one dating him. I can handle a little flakiness, and besides, he’s working on it.”

“Is he working on anything else?”

“Yes,” said Linden, looking Agatha right in the eye. “Nick told me—I promise he won’t call you that ever again, I even slapped him around a little to make it stick.”

“Right,” said Agatha, unimpressed in the face of Linden’s humour. “Because if he does then I’m just going to leave. Why does he even talk like that in the first place?”

Linden wrinkled her nose. “It’s his masters, I swear, he spends his entire time with his nose up the ass of these old school poets, and then he like, forgets that language has changed in the last eighty years? It’s really annoying, he literally called me the ‘whore of Babylon’ the other day and then got offended when I told him to fuck off because I ‘didn’t get the compliment’.”

Nairi snorted.

“Oh! Such a catch! I suddenly understand why you’re so determined to make this relationship work,” drawled Agatha.

“It’s a better basis for a relationship than some I could name,” said Linden snidely, narrowing her eyes across the table.

Damn, Agatha’s last boyfriend must have been a real piece of work. “There’s always going to be worse relationships out there,” said Nairi diplomatically. “And I mean, people are even meeting and dating on the internet these days, everything starts somewhere.”

“Exactly,” said Linden, relaxing a little with a grin. “That’s a bad basis, we all know the internet’s for porn and arguing with strangers.”

“And LOLcats, don’t forget those,” said Agatha, nodding at her.

“How could I?” said Linden, her grin widening.

Nairi was saved from having to ask what the fuck a ‘LOLcat’ was by Simon’s arrival. “Hello ladies,” he said breezily, draping his coat over the back of the free chair with a waft of eau-de-cigarette over the table. He leaned in and kissed Linden’s cheek from behind before sitting. “Hello babe, sorry I’m late, transport was a bit of an issue.”

“You’re fine,” said Linden, smiling indulgently at him as he sat. “Just gave us time to work up an appetite.”

Thankfully, the process of deciding on pizzas and drinks, and then the conveying all of that information to the waitress meant that Nairi didn’t have to speak directly to Simon. It also meant that he didn’t try to speak with Agatha, who was coolly ignoring him from across the table with a total lack of eye contact that veered dangerously close to the border between ‘civility’ and ‘rudeness’.

Once the food actually arrived however, she was out of luck.

Pretty much every pizza on the menu that wasn’t explicitly vegetarian had some kind of bacon or ham or pork-based sausage in its toppings, so there wasn’t any quibbling or half-and-halfing on the one Nairi was sharing with Agatha. Simon, however, had ordered without asking Linden, which she’d ignored, much the same way she’d ignored Agatha’s quiet snort at him doing so. Nairi was about ninety percent certain Linden didn’t even like green peppers.

“So,” said Simon brightly, gesturing across the table with his wine glass. “How have you two been this week? Anything exciting?”

Agatha took an enormous bite of pizza and chewed loudly, glancing at Nairi. Nairi sighed internally and lowered her own slice to answer him. “Not terribly exciting. Work, mostly.”

“That’s right,” he said, chewing obnoxiously and giving Nairi a chance to start eating. Next to him, Linden was carefully tugging peppers off the surface of her pizza. “Lindy said you did some kind of fighting thing, right? MMA? Kickboxing? Sweaty punch ups in sports bras?”

“…I teach judo,” said Nairi eventually. “Early days at my dojo, I don’t have a lot of students yet, I’m afraid. Uh, Agatha’s working on a paper at the moment though, that’s a bit more interesting.”

“Really? What’s it about?” asked Simon, turning both his attention and his chewing maw towards Agatha.

“Diatomic elements,” said Agatha shortly. “It’s just about nucleics, I’m not reinventing the wheel or anything.”

Simon stared at her blankly. “Oh, of course. Uh, I’m afraid I’m not familiar, is your field—?”

“Chemistry,” supplied Agatha, turning her attention back to her dinner. “My PhD was on inorganic, but I’m still in the process of post-doc applications so I’m mostly twiddling my thumbs and writing contributions in the meanwhile.”

“Right,” said Simon, his face showing a total lack of comprehension. “Academia’s a lot like that, terribly stiff in the paperwork and appropriateness departments. The right body of work and all that—I know exactly how it feels, I was going to do my thesis on the erotic underpinnings of Virginia Woolf’s work and the reflection of her relationship with her husband, but my advisor was really very pushy about playing it safe and sticking to Eliot’s body of work in the immediate post-war era.”

“Oh yes, much safer,” said Agatha with no inflection in her tone.

Simon laughed loudly, leaning back in his chair and taking another long drink of his wine. “You know, Lindy said you had a sense of humour, and I must confess I didn’t quite believe her at first! Mistakes all around.”

He punctuated this with a conspiratorial wink across the table at her, though Nairi didn’t quite understand what was so funny about it. At a glance, neither did Agatha or Linden. Linden actually looked… embarrassed? It was only for a second, the expression gone almost as soon as Nairi noticed it, Linden covering the bottom half of her face with her glass as she took a sip.

“So how long have you two lovebirds been dating anyway?” Simon continued, not even glancing at Linden next to him with her small pile of peppers or his ignored slice of pizza on the plate in front of him.

“A few months,” said Nairi, her own dinner looking more unappetising by the second. “Since September, I think?”

“That’s about right,” said Agatha, the lines around the corners of her eyes easing as she glanced at Nairi. “Five or six months now.”

“Charming,” said Simon, polishing off his wine, smile bright and enthusiastic as he gestured. “You know I’ve always greatly enjoyed the figure of the lesbian, in real life as well as literature. Excising the men from the bed and the home—it’s always so representative of the purest form of womanhood, really illuminates the truth of femininity. And the politics of it! The ultimate commitment to the feminist ideal, the usurpation of the patriarchy from its most foundational stronghold in the home at the head of the family. Really brilliant stuff!”

Agatha’s eyebrows were somewhere around her hairline.

Linden laughed awkwardly, nudging Simon as she leaned in a little over her plate. “Well, I mean, it’s always gonna be a bit different from books, hun. People are people, real life is always more, uh—”

“Oh yes, yes, of course,” said Simon dismissively, nodding at her. “And writers have a tendency to exaggerate and eroticise that type of relationship as well.”

“And what exactly do you mean by that kind of relationship?” asked Agatha, tone sharp.

Nairi tensed as Simon opened his mouth and started bloviating again. Linden swallowed whatever she was going to say, giving up and quietly eating instead, leaning on one elbow.

Simon’s phone buzzed loudly, and he took a second to check it while Agatha sucked down on the straw in her water glass through her furious, pinched expression.

“Oh, I’m so sorry ladies,” he said, standing up as he punched a few buttons on his phone. “I have to run. I have thoroughlyenjoyed this discussion though, especially with you Miss Davids, we’ll have to do this again sometime—”

“Doctor,” corrected Agatha.

“Oh, that’s right, very good, attagirl!” said Simon breezily as he tugged his coat on, and a muscle in Agatha’s jaw visibly twitched.

“Oh, Si, really?” said Linden, frowning at him anxiously as he kissed her cheek. “But we were gonna go get ice cream af—”

“Really?” said Simon, with a piss-poor attempt at a surprised look. “I didn’t think so, babe, I had plans. There’s no need to end the night just because I’m leaving though! You should all have some fun, I’ll see you later, and I promise I’ll catch the next cheque!”

He was already walking away as he spoke, hand raised in farewell even as Linden opened her mouth in dismay. “Wait, Si, I can’t—and he’s out. Great.” She slumped in her seat as the door swung shut across the room and gave them a glum sort of smile. “Sorry guys, I kind of thought that would go better.”

“Really?” said Agatha under her breath, covering it with the movement of setting her glass down.

Nairi ignored it. “I mean, it’s not exactly your fault—” Agatha snorted “—do you want me to grab you a pizza you actually like?”

Linden gestured at Simon’s largely untouched pizza with an eyeroll. “No, I’ll live. Already gonna have to pay for this one.”

“I’ve got it,” said Nairi, tugging her wallet out. “May as well just pay for everything while I’m up. Do you want something a bit cheesier?”

Linden looked at her for a moment, expression unreadable, and then something in her relaxed and her mouth twitched into a wry smile. “Yeah. Thanks.”

Agatha turned her head as Nairi left the table, saying something she couldn’t quite hear. Her tone sounded dry rather than snappish, so Nairi didn’t think too hard about it. She got them another round of drinks while she was sorting out the extra pizza as well—it would probably go a ways to easing Agatha’s temper and cheering Linden up.

From the looks of things when she returned to the table though, they’d managed to have an argument in the few minutes she’d been gone.

“Better food and new drinks on the way,” she said, sliding into her seat and pretending she couldn’t see the angry twist in Linden’s lips, or the clenched tension in Agatha’s hands.

“Awesome,” said Linden, flashing her a sunny, fake smile as Agatha scoffed. “You know, I was just saying to Aggy that since this turned out to be such a bust that maybe we should try having a girl’s night instead, you know? Just us, maybe with Flo too.”

“Oh yeah,” said Nairi mildly, gently pressing the back of her hand against Agatha’s on the tabletop. “What did you have in mind?”

[tiliamericana]

Muay Thai: 1.12

It didn’t look right. Nairi frowned and tugged on the hem of the jacket to try and change how it hung on her. Maybe she did need to start extending her wardrobe—the borrowed jacket was tight across her shoulders, and the cuffs didn’t quite reach the end of her shirt sleeves. “Are you sure this doesn’t look weird?”

“It’s fine, stop fussing,” said Agatha, reaching out and tugging at the shirt showing below the jacket cuff. “If you’re actually worried then tuck your sleeves up so they don’t show—”

Nairi batted her hand away without thinking, shaking her head. “No, it’s fine.”

“They’re just tattoos,” said Agatha, exasperated. “No one’s going to care.”

“I care,” said Nairi with a frown, and she tugged the sleeve down again.

“Perhaps you should have thought of that before getting them in such a conspicuous spot,” said Agatha with a touch of acid. She turned, ignoring Nairi’s stone faced look, and collected her phone and wallet. “Let’s go, then. I’m already getting texts from Linden.”

She kept her hand not gripping Linden’s present tucked in her pocket as they walked to Joe’s side-by-side, trying to unclench it from the fist it’d balled into without her permission. They didn’t talk much, shoulders hunched up against the January chill. It got colder here than Nairi was used to.

By comparison, the inside of Joe’s was an oven. The heat lamps were going, casting a warm light over the bar and its noisy occupants. Joe himself was up the far end, helping Mason and Flo with a very tall cupcake, lighter in hand. Linden appeared to have taken over the two booths at the back of the room, and she waved when she saw them, visibly brightening.

“You’re here!” she called with a distinctly tipsy exuberance, and she darted across to meet them, ignoring a reprimanding shout from Joe as she passed him. She caught both of them in the same hug, pushing her head between them and wrapping her arms around their far shoulders.

Nairi stiffened, but forced herself to relax, awkwardly patting Linden’s upper arm. “We are, yeah. Happy birthday.”

“Happy birthday, Lindy,” said Agatha, hooking her chin over Linden’s shoulder and hugging her back tightly.

“Thank you,” said Linden warmly, rocking back on her heels and beaming at them. She grabbed at their hands, tugging the two of them towards the back of the bar. “Come on, come join us!”

Nicholas was crammed into the corner of the booth, seemingly trapped there by a man Nairi didn’t recognise. He looked distinctly uncomfortable, nodding along with what the other man was saying, which apparently didn’t require much in the way of response. Or breaks.

He was speaking in a drawling tone, the words flowing, almost slurring into each other. “…I mean, Orwell wasn’t everything—Eliot himself actually rejected Animal Farm initially, did you know that?”

“Right,” said Nicholas slowly, looking extremely polite as he took a small sip from his half-pint of beer. His eyes flicked up and found Nairi’s, brow creasing with relief. “Nairi, Agatha, thank goodness—I mean, I’m glad you could join us. Have you met Simon?”

Simon turned to look at them, his head bobbling on his neck like some kind of novelty dashboard accessory as he did so. He gestured wildly, narrowly missing his glass. “Oh yes! Lindy talks about you two all the time—the jewess and the martial artist?”

Somehow Nicholas managed to look even more weary at his words, even as Agatha froze next to Nairi. “Like I said,” he said stiffly, his tone dropping even deeper. “We don’t really define people like that.”

“Oh yes, yes, I know,” said Simon airily, waving his fingers around. “It’s more interesting to find definitions of people that aren’t their names, one of my little quirks, you’ll have to forgive me.”

Agatha was so stiff next to her Nairi could almost hear her bones creaking. Nicholas shifted to escape the booth past Simon, his knees knocking up against the table. “Excuse me, I need to use the facilities.”

“We can get away with sitting in the other booth, right?” said Agatha under her breath as Nicholas jostled past them and fled to the bathroom.

“Mh-hm,” said Nairi, nodding with the knuckles of one hand pressed to her mouth. She’d met a lot of people who made her want to punch them, but it usually took more than one sentence.

“Guys!” said Linden blithely from just behind Nairi’s shoulder, seemingly having missed the whole interaction. “Cake time—Avery recommended the best little patisserie; you have to see this!”

Agatha turned immediately, and Nairi followed them the few steps to the bar as Linden jumped up to perch on one of the bar stools. She tried to deliberately lose track of Simon in the shuffle of the others budging up. Flo grinned and waved at them, Nairi awkwardly smiling back in response. Mason made a small ‘aha!’ noise as the lighter sputtered to life in his hand, and Linden squeaked as he lit the candle on the cupcake in front of her.

The cupcake was delicately frosted in little flowers, and it had a cheerful pink candle and two sprinklers sticking out of it, Linden grinning widely in the orange-yellow light. Mason leaned over her shoulder to light the sparklers, ever so casually brushing his arm along hers before leaning in to hand the lighter back to Joe. “And now we sing!” he decreed, grinning back at Linden.

Oh. Oh no.

The boisterous chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’ started up and Nairi mumbled her way through it with the others. Nicholas had reappeared, standing on the opposite side of the group to Simon with a small digital camera, taking a careful picture. Everyone yelled and cheered as Linden blew out the candle on the cupcake in front of her, and she laughed, clapping her hand together once and hugging Flo and Mason.

She let go of Mason much faster than she did Flo. Once she was clear Joe stepped up and deposited a ridiculous looking cocktail in a large glass in front of her. “For the birthday girl!” he said, grinning across the bar at her. “On the house—just this one, and just for you!” He emphasised this with an arched eyebrow and a point at her.

“Aw, Joe!” Linden laughed, leaning across and kissing his bemused cheek. “Thank you!”

“You’re very welcome, I wanted an excuse to try this recipe again—a buddy and I made it up back at my first bar job. It’s a cake cocktail! We played around with a couple of liqueur mixes and I wanted to try giving it more oomph with a smoother vodka so it didn’t lose those sweeter flavours.”

Linden took a sip and smiled at him. “Perfect! Exactly how I like it.”

Joe gave her a little flourish with a joking bow before he picked up the lighter from where Mason had left it. “I try! Now I gotta go take care of my other customers and put this away before we have any incidents. Have fun, kids!”

He winked and paced up the length of the bar towards the front, calling out a greeting to a couple of people who’d just walked in. Nairi watched him go, then Flo slapped the counter next to Linden, dragging her attention back. “Presents now!”

“Hope you don’t mind repeats,” said Mason, setting a holographic patterned giftbag on the counter next to her. “Flo and I pooled resources and just went ham down at Sampson Arts.”

“Hell yes,” said Linden, peering into the bag and poking through the contents with a grin up at him. “God, you two are gonna keep me in good sketchbooks and erasers forever, aren’t you?”

“I swear we’ll think of something better when our brains are less fried,” said Flo, hugging her around the shoulders and smushing their cheeks together. “Happy birthday!”

“Yes, happy birthday,” said Nicholas, setting a crisply wrapped box down next to the bag.

“Happy birthday,” said Agatha with a twitch of a smile, handing her an envelope. “I promise there’s a giftcard in there.”

“And I promise I’m not actually that materialistic,” said Linden, grinning back at her. “Thank you, guys, seriously.”

“I think you’re allowed to be, on your birthday,” said Nairi, handing her gift bag over. “So, feel free to get mad if my gift giving isn’t up to scratch.”

Linden looked in the top of the bag and squeaked, bobbling her head happily as she looked back up. “Well cheese is the way to a girl’s heart, so you’re safe for now,” she cracked, beaming between her and Agatha and hopping off the chair to hug Nairi and kiss her cheek. “Thank you.”

Nairi hugged her back properly this time, unsure if she was supposed to return the cheek kiss. Agatha was shifting slightly in the corner of her eye, expression uncomfortable, so she erred on the side of not.

When she separated from Linden she realised that Simon had disappeared. She glanced around, trying to figure out where he’d gone—she wasn’t certain she cared, but it was weird that he’d just vanished when everyone was focused on Linden.

There was no sign of him, and Nairi shook her head slightly, turning back to Agatha and Linden. He was probably just in the bathroom.

“…and how was your dad?” Agatha was asking.

Linden made a face. “Oh, you know, parents on big holidays. He was annoyed cause I didn’t come up for his big Christmas Eve party that he does with all his colleagues. I always feel so weird when I go to them ‘cause it’s like, half people I don’t know at all and have nothing in common with, and half people who knew me before, uh, everything,” she waved a hand in the air dismissively, “so they all don’t like me much to start with.”

Agatha snorted. “Assholes.”

“Yeah, pretty much,” said Linden with a rueful smile, taking a swig from her birthday cocktail. “It was nice to see him though—especially for a big ass meal I didn’t have to cook. I’m really just glad he’s given up trying to get me home for Thanksgiving as well, you know?”

“Hey, Lindy,” drawled Simon, interrupting them to drape himself over Linden’s shoulder.

Linden’s smile widened and she raised her hand, patting the side of his head. “Hey, honey. Behaving yourself?”

Simon laughed, kissing her cheek. “Never. Listen, I have to head home, I’m crashing something fierce, and I don’t want to be a drag on the party.”

Agatha muttered something under breath that sounded suspiciously thankful, and Nairi suppressed the urge to smile.

Linden ignored them, giving Simon a woeful look. “Aw, okay. I’ll see you on Saturday morning, yeah?”

“Yeah, of course,” said Simon, and he leaned in and kissed her in a way that was either a little too enthusiastic for a public setting, or that indicated Nairi was too unused to PDA. “Or just text me later, I usually get a second wind around two.”

Linden laughed, pecking his lips once more and indicating her drink. “Yeah I think by two I might be crashing myself. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye,” said Simon, kissing her cheek again and loping for the exit. He was still wobbling a little, and Nairi briefly wondered if she’d ever been that obvious.

“Very charming,” said Agatha mildly. “Nairi, can you grab us some drinks? I need to use the little girl’s room.”

“Sure,” said Nairi, smiling at her.

Linden giggled tipsily, leaning back in her chair as Agatha crossed the room. “You two are going well then?”

“Yeah, I think so,” said Nairi, digging in her back pocket for her wallet and looking up the bar to catch Joe’s eye. He gave her a thumbs up to indicate he’d seen her, and she glanced back at Linden. “You and Simon are too?”

Linden shrugged, gesturing with her drink. “I mean, he’s kind of a jackass—” no, really, “—but I think so! Nick definitelydoesn’t like him, though.”

Nairi snorted. “Yeah, I don’t think Agatha does either, just somehow.”

Linden laughed. “Oh, god. Sticks in the mud, both of them. It’s just ‘cause he doesn’t really know any of us except me yet, you know? He doesn’t fit in with our, uh, group dynamic.”

“Didn’t you meet him through Flo and Mason?” asked Nairi, frowning slightly.

Linden shook her head, taking another sip from her cocktail as she spun lazily on the stool to lean on the bar. “They have mutual friends, we met at a party. Oh! But like—you and Aggy are basically my closest friends, and I’ve never been a fan of third wheeling, we should totally do a double date!”

“Uh, right,” said Nairi slowly.

“Yeah!” said Linden, brightening as she warmed to her idea. “It’ll be great! Way more casual, no one being awkward ‘cause of couple shit, and not so many people at once!”

“I guess so,” said Nairi, and Linden beamed at her.

“Hey Nairi,” said Joe cheerfully, interrupting them. He was grinning widely, already setting a glass on the counter without waiting for her order, and he started talking almost immediately, pulling a silver and gold can out from the fridge behind the counter. “So, Linden mentioned you were coming back in and last time you helped me discover a hole in beverage selection, and then I remembered this stuff—my ex used to drink it all the time when he wanted soda before bed, you know?”

Nairi did not know, but she smiled and nodded at him anyway.

“Caffeine free coke,” he said proudly, spinning the can to show her the label before pouring it into the glass. “And remind me to get your opinions on kombucha later! Anything for the girlfriend or the birthday girl?”

“Ooh, yes please,” said Linden, draining her cocktail glass and holding it up. “Another one of these?”

Nairi nodded, pointing at it. “And the girlfriend, yes.”

Joe was nodding, already holding a bottle of the red Agatha usually ordered and a wineglass. “Easy as,” he said, taking Nairi’s cash and pushing the drinks across to her. “I’ll be back with the birthday special. See if you can convince Aggy to try some of the small label beer, for me!” he added with a wink.

“Deal, thanks,” said Nairi, nodding at him as she took the drinks.

Agatha came back over to them and smiled, kissing Nairi’s cheek as she took her wine. “Thanks, honey. Did I miss anything?”

“Double date!” said Linden brightly. “When are you guys free in the next couple of weeks?”

“What?” said Agatha, eyebrows rising high above her glasses.

“Double date, with me and Si, so we can hang,” said Linden, hopping up off her chair. “Nairi thought it was a good idea. I gotta pee, back in a sec.”

And then she was off and gone before Nairi could say that she hadn’t really been instrumental in thinking anything was a good idea.

When she turned her head, trying to figure out what to say, she was already being glared at. “Really?” said Agatha acerbically.

“What?” said Nairi, uncomfortably.

Agatha rolled her eyes and drank deeply from her glass.

[tiliamericana]

Read From Start | Read Ahead | Home Site

Muay Thai: 1.12

It didn’t look right. Nairi frowned and tugged on the hem of the jacket to try and change how it hung on her. Maybe she did need to start extending her wardrobe—the borrowed jacket was tight across her shoulders, and the cuffs didn’t quite reach the end of her shirt sleeves. “Are you sure this doesn’t look weird?”

“It’s fine, stop fussing,” said Agatha, reaching out and tugging at the shirt showing below the jacket cuff. “If you’re actually worried then tuck your sleeves up so they don’t show—”

Nairi batted her hand away without thinking, shaking her head. “No, it’s fine.”

“They’re just tattoos,” said Agatha, exasperated. “No one’s going to care.”

“I care,” said Nairi with a frown, and she tugged the sleeve down again.

“Perhaps you should have thought of that before getting them in such a conspicuous spot,” said Agatha with a touch of acid. She turned, ignoring Nairi’s stone faced look, and collected her phone and wallet. “Let’s go, then. I’m already getting texts from Linden.”

She kept her hand not gripping Linden’s present tucked in her pocket as they walked to Joe’s side-by-side, trying to unclench it from the fist it’d balled into without her permission. They didn’t talk much, shoulders hunched up against the January chill. It got colder here than Nairi was used to.

By comparison, the inside of Joe’s was an oven. The heat lamps were going, casting a warm light over the bar and its noisy occupants. Joe himself was up the far end, helping Mason and Flo with a very tall cupcake, lighter in hand. Linden appeared to have taken over the two booths at the back of the room, and she waved when she saw them, visibly brightening.

“You’re here!” she called with a distinctly tipsy exuberance, and she darted across to meet them, ignoring a reprimanding shout from Joe as she passed him. She caught both of them in the same hug, pushing her head between them and wrapping her arms around their far shoulders.

Nairi stiffened, but forced herself to relax, awkwardly patting Linden’s upper arm. “We are, yeah. Happy birthday.”

“Happy birthday, Lindy,” said Agatha, hooking her chin over Linden’s shoulder and hugging her back tightly.

“Thank you,” said Linden warmly, rocking back on her heels and beaming at them. She grabbed at their hands, tugging the two of them towards the back of the bar. “Come on, come join us!”

Nicholas was crammed into the corner of the booth, seemingly trapped there by a man Nairi didn’t recognise. He looked distinctly uncomfortable, nodding along with what the other man was saying, which apparently didn’t require much in the way of response. Or breaks.

He was speaking in a drawling tone, the words flowing, almost slurring into each other. “…I mean, Orwell wasn’t everything—Eliot himself actually rejected Animal Farm initially, did you know that?”

“Right,” said Nicholas slowly, looking extremely polite as he took a small sip from his half-pint of beer. His eyes flicked up and found Nairi’s, brow creasing with relief. “Nairi, Agatha, thank goodness—I mean, I’m glad you could join us. Have you met Simon?”

Simon turned to look at them, his head bobbling on his neck like some kind of novelty dashboard accessory as he did so. He gestured wildly, narrowly missing his glass. “Oh yes! Lindy talks about you two all the time—the jewess and the martial artist?”

Somehow Nicholas managed to look even more weary at his words, even as Agatha froze next to Nairi. “Like I said,” he said stiffly, his tone dropping even deeper. “We don’t really define people like that.”

“Oh yes, yes, I know,” said Simon airily, waving his fingers around. “It’s more interesting to find definitions of people that aren’t their names, one of my little quirks, you’ll have to forgive me.”

Agatha was so stiff next to her Nairi could almost hear her bones creaking. Nicholas shifted to escape the booth past Simon, his knees knocking up against the table. “Excuse me, I need to use the facilities.”

“We can get away with sitting in the other booth, right?” said Agatha under her breath as Nicholas jostled past them and fled to the bathroom.

“Mh-hm,” said Nairi, nodding with the knuckles of one hand pressed to her mouth. She’d met a lot of people who made her want to punch them, but it usually took more than one sentence.

“Guys!” said Linden blithely from just behind Nairi’s shoulder, seemingly having missed the whole interaction. “Cake time—Avery recommended the best little patisserie; you have to see this!”

Agatha turned immediately, and Nairi followed them the few steps to the bar as Linden jumped up to perch on one of the bar stools. She tried to deliberately lose track of Simon in the shuffle of the others budging up. Flo grinned and waved at them, Nairi awkwardly smiling back in response. Mason made a small ‘aha!’ noise as the lighter sputtered to life in his hand, and Linden squeaked as he lit the candle on the cupcake in front of her.

The cupcake was delicately frosted in little flowers, and it had a cheerful pink candle and two sprinklers sticking out of it, Linden grinning widely in the orange-yellow light. Mason leaned over her shoulder to light the sparklers, ever so casually brushing his arm along hers before leaning in to hand the lighter back to Joe. “And now we sing!” he decreed, grinning back at Linden.

Oh. Oh no.

The boisterous chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’ started up and Nairi mumbled her way through it with the others. Nicholas had reappeared, standing on the opposite side of the group to Simon with a small digital camera, taking a careful picture. Everyone yelled and cheered as Linden blew out the candle on the cupcake in front of her, and she laughed, clapping her hand together once and hugging Flo and Mason.

She let go of Mason much faster than she did Flo. Once she was clear Joe stepped up and deposited a ridiculous looking cocktail in a large glass in front of her. “For the birthday girl!” he said, grinning across the bar at her. “On the house—just this one, and just for you!” He emphasised this with an arched eyebrow and a point at her.

“Aw, Joe!” Linden laughed, leaning across and kissing his bemused cheek. “Thank you!”

“You’re very welcome, I wanted an excuse to try this recipe again—a buddy and I made it up back at my first bar job. It’s a cake cocktail! We played around with a couple of liqueur mixes and I wanted to try giving it more oomph with a smoother vodka so it didn’t lose those sweeter flavours.”

Linden took a sip and smiled at him. “Perfect! Exactly how I like it.”

Joe gave her a little flourish with a joking bow before he picked up the lighter from where Mason had left it. “I try! Now I gotta go take care of my other customers and put this away before we have any incidents. Have fun, kids!”

He winked and paced up the length of the bar towards the front, calling out a greeting to a couple of people who’d just walked in. Nairi watched him go, then Flo slapped the counter next to Linden, dragging her attention back. “Presents now!”

“Hope you don’t mind repeats,” said Mason, setting a holographic patterned giftbag on the counter next to her. “Flo and I pooled resources and just went ham down at Sampson Arts.”

“Hell yes,” said Linden, peering into the bag and poking through the contents with a grin up at him. “God, you two are gonna keep me in good sketchbooks and erasers forever, aren’t you?”

“I swear we’ll think of something better when our brains are less fried,” said Flo, hugging her around the shoulders and smushing their cheeks together. “Happy birthday!”

“Yes, happy birthday,” said Nicholas, setting a crisply wrapped box down next to the bag.

“Happy birthday,” said Agatha with a twitch of a smile, handing her an envelope. “I promise there’s a giftcard in there.”

“And I promise I’m not actually that materialistic,” said Linden, grinning back at her. “Thank you, guys, seriously.”

“I think you’re allowed to be, on your birthday,” said Nairi, handing her gift bag over. “So, feel free to get mad if my gift giving isn’t up to scratch.”

Linden looked in the top of the bag and squeaked, bobbling her head happily as she looked back up. “Well cheese is the way to a girl’s heart, so you’re safe for now,” she cracked, beaming between her and Agatha and hopping off the chair to hug Nairi and kiss her cheek. “Thank you.”

Nairi hugged her back properly this time, unsure if she was supposed to return the cheek kiss. Agatha was shifting slightly in the corner of her eye, expression uncomfortable, so she erred on the side of not.

When she separated from Linden she realised that Simon had disappeared. She glanced around, trying to figure out where he’d gone—she wasn’t certain she cared, but it was weird that he’d just vanished when everyone was focused on Linden.

There was no sign of him, and Nairi shook her head slightly, turning back to Agatha and Linden. He was probably just in the bathroom.

“…and how was your dad?” Agatha was asking.

Linden made a face. “Oh, you know, parents on big holidays. He was annoyed cause I didn’t come up for his big Christmas Eve party that he does with all his colleagues. I always feel so weird when I go to them ‘cause it’s like, half people I don’t know at all and have nothing in common with, and half people who knew me before, uh, everything,” she waved a hand in the air dismissively, “so they all don’t like me much to start with.”

Agatha snorted. “Assholes.”

“Yeah, pretty much,” said Linden with a rueful smile, taking a swig from her birthday cocktail. “It was nice to see him though—especially for a big ass meal I didn’t have to cook. I’m really just glad he’s given up trying to get me home for Thanksgiving as well, you know?”

“Hey, Lindy,” drawled Simon, interrupting them to drape himself over Linden’s shoulder.

Linden’s smile widened and she raised her hand, patting the side of his head. “Hey, honey. Behaving yourself?”

Simon laughed, kissing her cheek. “Never. Listen, I have to head home, I’m crashing something fierce, and I don’t want to be a drag on the party.”

Agatha muttered something under breath that sounded suspiciously thankful, and Nairi suppressed the urge to smile.

Linden ignored them, giving Simon a woeful look. “Aw, okay. I’ll see you on Saturday morning, yeah?”

“Yeah, of course,” said Simon, and he leaned in and kissed her in a way that was either a little too enthusiastic for a public setting, or that indicated Nairi was too unused to PDA. “Or just text me later, I usually get a second wind around two.”

Linden laughed, pecking his lips once more and indicating her drink. “Yeah I think by two I might be crashing myself. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye,” said Simon, kissing her cheek again and loping for the exit. He was still wobbling a little, and Nairi briefly wondered if she’d ever been that obvious.

“Very charming,” said Agatha mildly. “Nairi, can you grab us some drinks? I need to use the little girl’s room.”

“Sure,” said Nairi, smiling at her.

Linden giggled tipsily, leaning back in her chair as Agatha crossed the room. “You two are going well then?”

“Yeah, I think so,” said Nairi, digging in her back pocket for her wallet and looking up the bar to catch Joe’s eye. He gave her a thumbs up to indicate he’d seen her, and she glanced back at Linden. “You and Simon are too?”

Linden shrugged, gesturing with her drink. “I mean, he’s kind of a jackass—” no, really, “—but I think so! Nick definitelydoesn’t like him, though.”

Nairi snorted. “Yeah, I don’t think Agatha does either, just somehow.”

Linden laughed. “Oh, god. Sticks in the mud, both of them. It’s just ‘cause he doesn’t really know any of us except me yet, you know? He doesn’t fit in with our, uh, group dynamic.”

“Didn’t you meet him through Flo and Mason?” asked Nairi, frowning slightly.

Linden shook her head, taking another sip from her cocktail as she spun lazily on the stool to lean on the bar. “They have mutual friends, we met at a party. Oh! But like—you and Aggy are basically my closest friends, and I’ve never been a fan of third wheeling, we should totally do a double date!”

“Uh, right,” said Nairi slowly.

“Yeah!” said Linden, brightening as she warmed to her idea. “It’ll be great! Way more casual, no one being awkward ‘cause of couple shit, and not so many people at once!”

“I guess so,” said Nairi, and Linden beamed at her.

“Hey Nairi,” said Joe cheerfully, interrupting them. He was grinning widely, already setting a glass on the counter without waiting for her order, and he started talking almost immediately, pulling a silver and gold can out from the fridge behind the counter. “So, Linden mentioned you were coming back in and last time you helped me discover a hole in beverage selection, and then I remembered this stuff—my ex used to drink it all the time when he wanted soda before bed, you know?”

Nairi did not know, but she smiled and nodded at him anyway.

“Caffeine free coke,” he said proudly, spinning the can to show her the label before pouring it into the glass. “And remind me to get your opinions on kombucha later! Anything for the girlfriend or the birthday girl?”

“Ooh, yes please,” said Linden, draining her cocktail glass and holding it up. “Another one of these?”

Nairi nodded, pointing at it. “And the girlfriend, yes.”

Joe was nodding, already holding a bottle of the red Agatha usually ordered and a wineglass. “Easy as,” he said, taking Nairi’s cash and pushing the drinks across to her. “I’ll be back with the birthday special. See if you can convince Aggy to try some of the small label beer, for me!” he added with a wink.

“Deal, thanks,” said Nairi, nodding at him as she took the drinks.

Agatha came back over to them and smiled, kissing Nairi’s cheek as she took her wine. “Thanks, honey. Did I miss anything?”

“Double date!” said Linden brightly. “When are you guys free in the next couple of weeks?”

“What?” said Agatha, eyebrows rising high above her glasses.

“Double date, with me and Si, so we can hang,” said Linden, hopping up off her chair. “Nairi thought it was a good idea. I gotta pee, back in a sec.”

And then she was off and gone before Nairi could say that she hadn’t really been instrumental in thinking anything was a good idea.

When she turned her head, trying to figure out what to say, she was already being glared at. “Really?” said Agatha acerbically.

“What?” said Nairi, uncomfortably.

Agatha rolled her eyes and drank deeply from her glass.