till-to-the-end-and-back

[till-to-the-end-and-back]

Till breathed hard once Ivan pulled away from his lips. He felt so lightheaded and dizzy, utterly bewildered by how his body just made him do all that without him having any prior knowledge. Did humans just know instinctively how to show love? Or were humans just that greedy for it? It didn't really matter in the end.

"Shit.... My head is a mess. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore..." He slowly opened his eyes, looked up at the other.

"..Ivan.... I guess this really is a vow of love till death do us part, huh?" He chuckled drily.

"Stay with me... Okay?..... Till it's all over.." For whatever time they had left alive, Till wanted to stay like this. In this light confusion mixed with passion. Till it all burns away, till they are ashes. If Ivan could love him, maybe Till should learn to not hate himself so much. Ivan might be crazy, but he was smart and Till trusted him.

"Motherfucker! What are you trying to pull!?" Till hissed with a deep blush covering his cheeks. "I know you like to mess with me, but fuck, man!" Till huffed and tried to push Ivan away from him.

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Ivan grinned at Till, only to hold onto his shirt with a resistance of his own, pushing forward even when the grey-haired boy attempted to shove him back. “Till!” He exclaimed, voice full of unadulterated glee, “I have no idea what you’re on about—“

Even as he said that, there’s a knowing glint in his eye because he, quite frankly, did know what the other boy is talking about. Though, Ivan can’t help but notice how much more flustered Till looks as opposed to his usual anger and frustration.

“What, did you like it? You’re blushing more than usual…”

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Had they not talked, had they not opened up to each other, Till would have been struggling against Ivan right now, trying desperately to push him off. With his previous fear of true love burning his chest and make him feel sick. But not now, they had opened up. And while Till may not completely understand Ivan or why Till himself couldn't help but feel this way about him, it was okay. Honestly, truly okay.

Life was short enough as it is, and for human pets it was normally even shorter. And while the closest thing to freedom was their time here in the gardens where they could mostly do what they wanted, it was all they had. While dreaming of a future was foolish for them, they could at least live in the here and now. Being signed up for Alien stage was a death sentence, despite being able to get away from their owners now and then, to be with the other humans for short moments of controlled freedom.

It was a case of picking what poison you'd die to, there was no way out from this. So if this is all they had, then maybe it was for the best to make the most of it.

"I honestly don't know how you managed to win my heart, Ivan. But I'm glad it was you.." Till said softly, smiling up at the other.

The feeling of wanting someone wasn't new to Till, but this still felt so different. He was okay with Ivan doing this to him, it made his body warm up and his cheeks ache with heat. He felt shy, gasping softly as the slight sting on his bottom lip was given to him by Ivan's fang.

He looked up at the other, their eyes met and Till knew they were thinking the same. It be yet another new thing for them, but why not? Till used his free hand to pull Ivan in again, this time opening his mouth more as they kissed. Tightning the hand that was linked with Ivan's as this new feeling sent what felt like light shocks through his body. This was a messy kiss, but not unpleasent at all. It did however, make Till's head spin from the intensity.

"Motherfucker! What are you trying to pull!?" Till hissed with a deep blush covering his cheeks. "I know you like to mess with me, but fuck, man!" Till huffed and tried to push Ivan away from him.

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Ivan grinned at Till, only to hold onto his shirt with a resistance of his own, pushing forward even when the grey-haired boy attempted to shove him back. “Till!” He exclaimed, voice full of unadulterated glee, “I have no idea what you’re on about—“

Even as he said that, there’s a knowing glint in his eye because he, quite frankly, did know what the other boy is talking about. Though, Ivan can’t help but notice how much more flustered Till looks as opposed to his usual anger and frustration.

“What, did you like it? You’re blushing more than usual…”

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"Exactly..." Till said softly, his body moving on it's own as Till laid down on the cold floor. Pulling Ivan over him, his knees against the floor on both sides of Till's waist.

Till felt his cheeks burn before smiling a honest smile up at the other. There was a hint of sadness in it, but it was real. "We might as well go out with no regrets.... Right?" His voice was soft, but steady. No shaking, no doubts.

He pulled Ivan down, their lips meeting softly at first. Then the kiss became deeper. Till finally accepted the poison, letting it fester in his body. Through his heart, brain and lungs. He felt a feverish heat wash over his body as his breath was stolen by the other, making him gasps softly against the other's lips. His eyes closing softly, surrendering fully to the feeling and to the other.

'Mom, did I make the right decision? Can I really keep this dangerous love?'

"Motherfucker! What are you trying to pull!?" Till hissed with a deep blush covering his cheeks. "I know you like to mess with me, but fuck, man!" Till huffed and tried to push Ivan away from him.

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Ivan grinned at Till, only to hold onto his shirt with a resistance of his own, pushing forward even when the grey-haired boy attempted to shove him back. “Till!” He exclaimed, voice full of unadulterated glee, “I have no idea what you’re on about—“

Even as he said that, there’s a knowing glint in his eye because he, quite frankly, did know what the other boy is talking about. Though, Ivan can’t help but notice how much more flustered Till looks as opposed to his usual anger and frustration.

“What, did you like it? You’re blushing more than usual…”

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"I'm sorry, Ivan..." Till honestly felt ashamed. "I'm a coward.... I really am. And I hate myself for it. I hate that I can't bring myself to dedicate myself fully to something. I always choose the easiest option, the one that would hurt less. I focused on my love for Mizi so I could ignore the real thing I felt ..... for you. I honestly still don't get it. I'm so confused." He admitted, biting his lower lip a bit.

"Maybe I'm jealous of you. You got what it takes to survive this cruel world of ours, and still you can stay passionate about something. You can dedicate yourself fully without any fear or hasitation. You can do what I can't. I fucking wish I could stop caring and just go with the flow.... But I can't!" The words tasted bitter in his mouth, like vinegar and salt.

"I'll most likely still be on guard, even after this. But i'm so tired of running away from myself and you. So what if this love is poison? We can drink it together, if you are willing to love me still."

"Motherfucker! What are you trying to pull!?" Till hissed with a deep blush covering his cheeks. "I know you like to mess with me, but fuck, man!" Till huffed and tried to push Ivan away from him.

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Ivan grinned at Till, only to hold onto his shirt with a resistance of his own, pushing forward even when the grey-haired boy attempted to shove him back. “Till!” He exclaimed, voice full of unadulterated glee, “I have no idea what you’re on about—“

Even as he said that, there’s a knowing glint in his eye because he, quite frankly, did know what the other boy is talking about. Though, Ivan can’t help but notice how much more flustered Till looks as opposed to his usual anger and frustration.

“What, did you like it? You’re blushing more than usual…”

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this stopped my tears. thank you BrightIsland9888 on the alnst reddit

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Till's gaze soften and he leads Ivan's hands into his, linking their fingers together. "Look, Ivan. I should come clean.... That day we tried to escape-" He had to stop for a moment, his lips was moving faster than his brain for once. "-.... I did want to run away with you. I really did... But I cared about Mizi and felt bad about leaving her and Sua here. I couldn't bring myself to leave them."

He had to sort his feeling and thoughts for a moment. "I like Mizi..... But it's a shallow kind of love. I don't honestly know her, and I know she only loves Sua. I'm not ignoring that, that's why I never pushed. But the love I have for Mizi is nothing like the love she has for Sua. Mizi was just easy to like, to admire. .... It was a safe kind of love, one I could handle."

He looks up at Ivan, slightly tightening his grip on the other's hands. "But this is different, this isn't surface level. I know Mizi will always just be a friend, and I'm fine with that. Friendship is love too. But this.... Us... It runs deep. That's why I was so aggressive. If I lost Mizi, it would crush me. But if I lost you, it'd kill me." There it was, the truth. Till still didn't fully understand why he loved Ivan like this. But he learned long ago that the heart was a unreasonable wicked thing.

"This love still hurts me, but it hurts so good. Just like you, I don't want it to end. Beacuse it's a reminder that I'm still human, still alive and still whole. I don't really mind you being aggressive.... and childish. But chill on the violence. If you still wanna fight, let it be a sparring match, not an argument. I know we all deal with our cruel reality in our own ways, some more extreme than others. But I'd rather avoid the stress... at least here.... with you."

"Motherfucker! What are you trying to pull!?" Till hissed with a deep blush covering his cheeks. "I know you like to mess with me, but fuck, man!" Till huffed and tried to push Ivan away from him.

@till-to-the-end-and-back

Ivan grinned at Till, only to hold onto his shirt with a resistance of his own, pushing forward even when the grey-haired boy attempted to shove him back. “Till!” He exclaimed, voice full of unadulterated glee, “I have no idea what you’re on about—“

Even as he said that, there’s a knowing glint in his eye because he, quite frankly, did know what the other boy is talking about. Though, Ivan can’t help but notice how much more flustered Till looks as opposed to his usual anger and frustration.

“What, did you like it? You’re blushing more than usual…”

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Till listend carefully, his gaze soften and the tears stop. It all began to make a sort of sense to him. If you were born alone and made to survive, only to be seen as nothing more than a purse pet, what would the point of emotions be? Even if you were taken good care of, without expression or experience, you'll never grow. It would all be the same to you, a bland routine where you don't even care enough to end your own life to be free from it all. You just are..... But that's it.

Ivan's gaze didn't bother Till anymore, despite how intense it was. It did make him feel something, but nothing that was worth reacting to. "I was born in a breeding camp..." He began, he figured he'd be fair and share his origins too. "I was lucky enough to be handed to my true mother when I was a baby. I was lucky that she ended up loving me, despite everything." He took a gentle deep breath. "My mom... Io, had already had her DNA used to create a child. But she never saw that child, I was the first offspring of her's she was allowed to hold. And for 6 years, she raised me in her care. The place was awful, the floors cold and we were often forced to sleep there. The food was the cheap stuff only meant to satisfy hunger, but tasted awful." He looks down, the memories coming back like a bowl being slowly filled with water. "But I had her. I was loved. She encouraged my joy for music and art, loved my singing. But then........ The breeders heard me sing, and ripped me from her.......... I was shipped off to be sold, but having known love I couldn't accept this fate. I fought back, I bite, I growled. The lose of that warmth, of her, made me bitter. Once I learned about our cruel reality, I vowed to never be obedient. I knew it was stupid, and I could get killed for it. I had no end goal, I just refused to go silently along. Even if I got hurt I didn't care.... I refuse to be their pretty little pet."

As he says that, he looks back up at Ivan with determination in his eyes. His spark was back, still strong and rebellious.

"You say our fights made you feel. But what about this? The talk... The kiss? Does that spark anything else in you?"

"Motherfucker! What are you trying to pull!?" Till hissed with a deep blush covering his cheeks. "I know you like to mess with me, but fuck, man!" Till huffed and tried to push Ivan away from him.

@till-to-the-end-and-back

Ivan grinned at Till, only to hold onto his shirt with a resistance of his own, pushing forward even when the grey-haired boy attempted to shove him back. “Till!” He exclaimed, voice full of unadulterated glee, “I have no idea what you’re on about—“

Even as he said that, there’s a knowing glint in his eye because he, quite frankly, did know what the other boy is talking about. Though, Ivan can’t help but notice how much more flustered Till looks as opposed to his usual anger and frustration.

“What, did you like it? You’re blushing more than usual…”

[till-to-the-end-and-back]

"You make it sound so easy..... How can you be so dedicated to someone like me?" He is running out of energy, his head falling to rest on the other's shoulder. Ivan would find him in any universe? He sounded so sure when he said that, like he was stating facts. Till hoped his alternate selves could be more brave than he was and just give in sooner. The aching was almost worse than the pain.

"Parasite, huh? ....... In some way that word fits, but not fully.... A parasite never loves their host. I'd say you are more like a Scar, Ivan. Something that once hurt, but hurts no more. Still there, so delicately carved into my skin....." Till's hands runs up the other's spine, feeling the other's strong back before gently holding onto Ivan's shoulders.

"I don't mind scars. Not one bit..."

"And of course I wanna know more about you. You are an enigma to me, Ivan. It feels so unfair that you know me so well, but I know so little about you. We are both broken, so there is nothing you can show me that would make me turn away."

He lifts his head slowly and meets Ivan's gaze. Those eyes that looked like they could look into your very soul, yet they felt so familiar to Till. Like a distant memory from his childhood.

"Motherfucker! What are you trying to pull!?" Till hissed with a deep blush covering his cheeks. "I know you like to mess with me, but fuck, man!" Till huffed and tried to push Ivan away from him.

@till-to-the-end-and-back

Ivan grinned at Till, only to hold onto his shirt with a resistance of his own, pushing forward even when the grey-haired boy attempted to shove him back. “Till!” He exclaimed, voice full of unadulterated glee, “I have no idea what you’re on about—“

Even as he said that, there’s a knowing glint in his eye because he, quite frankly, did know what the other boy is talking about. Though, Ivan can’t help but notice how much more flustered Till looks as opposed to his usual anger and frustration.

“What, did you like it? You’re blushing more than usual…”

[till-to-the-end-and-back]

"Of course I'm crying.." Till said with a slight bitterness. "It still hurts, I'm still scared. But I know that this fear is useless. Rather I accept or reject this feeling it won't change anything about our reality. We are still pets, we are still being pushed onto Alien stage...... And most likely we'll die. But rejecting this won't stop that nor erase the pain that follows." He lets out a silent sigh, closing his eyes as Ivan kisses his tears away.

"This is bitter-sweet. Yes, I can at least be honest for once in my matured life. Say what I have been burying deep inside me, let myself feel warmth once more. But at the same time..... It makes me wish so bitterly that things were different." He bit his own lower lip, his eyes narrowing in bitterness.

"I just wish, that if there is a world out there where we live as us and were born free. I hope I meet you like this. A slightly rough beginning that slowly blooms into something better. I wish that 'me' makes similar mistakes as I, but that in his case they won't be as dramatic or extreme. I want him to meet 'you', and this time be honest much earlier. To not live with this bitterness and fear........ If we were free, I would have admitted my feelings sooner. Maybe we could have been truly happy then.... Live a life-time doing things that made us happy."

"But I'm so envious of that 'me'. Because I want that so badly for us. It's so unfair that this me has to be on guard even against love. I knew the moment I accepted this.... I would start wishing so painfully that things were different." He gasps back a sob.

"I know you, Ivan. But I don't 'know' you. I don't known what food you like, what you do when you return to your owner, your dreams, your wishes. So tell me-!......"

He looks up at Ivan, his eyes glittering with tears as a look of both guilt and sadness flashes over Till's face. "-... How do I still.... like you? I shouldn't! You are a bully and so fucking confusing, I don't get you! Yet, I love your voice, I love your touch, I love how fucking annoying you can be! I love that strange sense of chivalry you let show now and then. You are a fucking mess, but still somehow I love that too!" He didn't realize he was slowly raising his voice until he felt a tingling at the back of his throat. He had done it now, he had vomited all his deepest secrets out and now he fell worn out.

"Motherfucker! What are you trying to pull!?" Till hissed with a deep blush covering his cheeks. "I know you like to mess with me, but fuck, man!" Till huffed and tried to push Ivan away from him.

@till-to-the-end-and-back

Ivan grinned at Till, only to hold onto his shirt with a resistance of his own, pushing forward even when the grey-haired boy attempted to shove him back. “Till!” He exclaimed, voice full of unadulterated glee, “I have no idea what you’re on about—“

Even as he said that, there’s a knowing glint in his eye because he, quite frankly, did know what the other boy is talking about. Though, Ivan can’t help but notice how much more flustered Till looks as opposed to his usual anger and frustration.

“What, did you like it? You’re blushing more than usual…”

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What if Sua survived Round 1?

Her dress btw <3

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Come forth my ivti people

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Made out of love

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Till gasps softly before the kiss got deeper. It was becoming a steady flow now, tasting like blood and stale sugar.

It stung so sweetly, both on his lips and in his chest. Only yesturday, the thought of doing this had revolted Till. Not because it was Ivan, but because of how vulnerable it would make Till. He already lived a life constantly at the mercy of an awful master that treated him less than an animel or a lesser alien like Till's guitar. Till normally hated getting touched, but this didn't make his skin crawl.

It was bitter-sweet, a strange pain that hurts so good. Till felt like he was going crazy, and maybe that was a mercy in itself.

Tears was still flowing gently from his eyes. But not out of pain, but bitter defeat to his own aching and desperate heart.

It felt so weird feeling Ivan's form against his. Their chest touching, feeling each other's fast heart beats. This was self-destruction, but one that only brought sweet agony instead of the awful tearing of one's soul. It was sweet surrender and a bitter truth.

Till grabbed onto the other's arms, not to rip them off him, but to ground himself as the two poisoned each other with their twisted love. There was nothing healthy about this obsession. Yet, it was all they had and all they knew.

"Motherfucker! What are you trying to pull!?" Till hissed with a deep blush covering his cheeks. "I know you like to mess with me, but fuck, man!" Till huffed and tried to push Ivan away from him.

@till-to-the-end-and-back

Ivan grinned at Till, only to hold onto his shirt with a resistance of his own, pushing forward even when the grey-haired boy attempted to shove him back. “Till!” He exclaimed, voice full of unadulterated glee, “I have no idea what you’re on about—“

Even as he said that, there’s a knowing glint in his eye because he, quite frankly, did know what the other boy is talking about. Though, Ivan can’t help but notice how much more flustered Till looks as opposed to his usual anger and frustration.

“What, did you like it? You’re blushing more than usual…”

[till-to-the-end-and-back]

Birds of a feather

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"Liar..... You already know how to do it.." It came of softly, still strained by a deep, aching pain. Still, his mind was calm for once. Not a lot of chaos or sounds threatning to tear his brain apart. It was almost scary how easily he now accepted this, something he had fought against for so long in the fear of getting hurt once more. Worse yet, it was so strange how calm he suddenly felt, knowing full well this was not going to be like those romantic scenes the caretakers of the garden had read out to them when they were still naive brats. This wasn't a fairytale, this was their dystopian reality.

But in the end, they would all become ashes at some point. Tomorrow, next month, next year or within the next decade. It didn't matter.

Till didn't have to do much. Just lightly pulls on the collar of Ivan's shirt to bring him down.

Their lips met, softly. Barely pressed against each other. Enough for some of Ivan's blood to gently paint Till's slightly trembling lips.

First sip of poison, so far it didn't hurt too much.

"Motherfucker! What are you trying to pull!?" Till hissed with a deep blush covering his cheeks. "I know you like to mess with me, but fuck, man!" Till huffed and tried to push Ivan away from him.

@till-to-the-end-and-back

Ivan grinned at Till, only to hold onto his shirt with a resistance of his own, pushing forward even when the grey-haired boy attempted to shove him back. “Till!” He exclaimed, voice full of unadulterated glee, “I have no idea what you’re on about—“

Even as he said that, there’s a knowing glint in his eye because he, quite frankly, did know what the other boy is talking about. Though, Ivan can’t help but notice how much more flustered Till looks as opposed to his usual anger and frustration.

“What, did you like it? You’re blushing more than usual…”