timeachine-blog

[timeachine-blog]

Things do change

I am currently sitting (well sleeping on my back) in my room. This is now 19 November 2024. It's almost a month since I wrote in this page about how time heals and that I was feeling very calm.

Apparently, it is true that things never stay the same. It is now November and I found myself with even more pain in my heart. I knew in my heart that this might happen, but I never know it could hurt this much.

I don't even know how to express it in words. Part of me died and I don't know if I can ever get it back. At the same time I am still in denial and could not believe that this is happening and that you would really did that to me.

We really had a beautiful thing going on, I never knew I could love someone that much. You really taught me a lot of things and really did everything for me. This is really hard to believe.

[timeachine-blog]

About Time

Well, I never thought that I would be in Tumblr again in 2024.

This is now October 24, 2024. I don't really know when was the last time I opened this account. I think I even forgot that I have this account. I'm still trying to figure out how to make this account private to avoid anyone else reading my random thoughts lol. I can't quite understand why but writing your thoughts in public somehow is very therapeutic, even though I don't want anybody else to read it.

And today I want to share mine.

God knows how this year has been the most difficult year of my life. Maybe not only this year but ever since I was on my own in Jakarta, life has been throwing me with so many challenges and hardships. But I think the peak is this year. Well to be exact it's last December 2023. The first time I experienced immense heartbreak. I never knew that your heart could be broken and shattered to pieces like that. I always thought I am a strong person, and I will be able to stand on my own despite anything, because I have been a very independent person for many years of my life.

Apparently, you never really understand it until you experience it yourself. Now I understand. I understand why people can be extremely crazy after hear break. Because I was. Maybe the reason why the heartbreak lingers a little too long is because of my own decision, which I won't be discussing here. But still, I never knew that I could be this crazy, erratic person when it comes to love. I always thought I will always be like that for a long time until I decided to do the right thing.

But for some reason, in a moment which I didn't even realize, the craziness fades. I was not the same crazy person anymore. Albeit in some days, I can still feel the pain in my chest, but it has significantly disappeared compared to a few months ago.

Maybe it's the magic of time. Maybe everybody was right all along-- time heals.

I understand that there's still so many things that I still need to work on. These past few weeks after my 26th birthday, I realized that I could have handled things better. But to be fair, I never really imagined myself to be in that position, ever (so naive). And somehow, I could've done much worse. But I didn't and I am proud of myself for that.

I also know that this feeling may not be forever. Things may change. My feelings too. I can't guarantee that I will be this calm forever. But while I am, I want to immortalize it by writing it down, with the hope that whenever I become crazy again, I could see this and trust that, again, everything will be okay.

[timeachine-blog]

I usually dont care about other people's messages for me. But when it comes to your message, I cant help but to always reply.

21.14

[timeachine-blog]

2nd

3/366

Hi again!

Where do I begin?

Today I didnt really do anything particular. Just watching How I Met Your Mother season 2! But I kinda miss TBBT, I really felt connected and happy while watching that. But Its okay. Oh! I did the ‘lemon’ thing today, it felt pretty good but a little bit itchy.

Now Im searching for an inline skate. Is it weird that I suddenly want to have an inline skate? 

Never mind. What I really want to write here is my ‘InshaAllah’ morning routine. Lets just begin!

5am - wake up 5-5.15 - take a shower 5.15-5.25 - change & pray 5.25-5.45 - apply skin care routine & do make up (that 2 hada labos, sunscreen) 5.45-6 - eat protein & drink green tea

breakfast schedule:  monday: breads & eggs tuesday: pancakes & eggs wednesday: eggs & rice thursday: cereal friday: rice & anything

saturday: chicken porridge 6 - take off!

That’s all! Wish me luck!

[timeachine-blog]

2016

Hello again all human beings all over the internet. First Im going to say happy new year for all of you!! I wish this year will be a year to remember (in a happy way) As you can see, this is my very first post. I dont really know what is wrong with me. I mean, making another tumblr account at 2 am? Well I dont really expect people to read this, but if youre really reading this right now, well, keep reading. Just an alert that my posts are going to be so selfish. I mean, Im going to post daily (well not literally every day, but I’ll try to write about every day) about my days, my experiences, my tasks, my new friends, my old friends, my ex friends?, my happiness, my sadness, my heartbreaks, etcetera etcetera. So that’s it about the beginning of my tumblr. Oh, and I intend to keep my name, age, school, and some things private. But If youre really want to know, feel free to send me messages! See you!