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hey
well hey little thought dumb. its been a while. last time i checked in my great grandpa was alive. i would never see him again. he died a day later ( i think tbh march - July is a blur. a big traumatic blur). well since July i have 1. turned 19 2. moved to auburn 3. met my college besties nicole and sophie. 3. became increasingly close with sophie. we have a real soul bond. she gets me ya know. here for the hard stuff 4. my mom bought a house in Charleston 5. i changed my major to elementary education 6. celebrated our first family-less holiday.聽
1. 19. it didn鈥檛 feel that monumental. it was a birthday covered in grief. we kinda ignored in and focused on the move to auburn the next day. abby and hadley cane by my house to wish me a happy birthday and to send me off to auburn. i had to keep my distance bc i was quarantined. we ate grape doughnuts and i got a planner for school.聽
2. i moved into sasnasty. the nasty place on the village. met my crazy roommate katie. she is odd. not mean or unlivable but odd. we are working through it. moved into auburn on the 7th. it was a super hot sweaty day. i am really liking auburn so far. although we don鈥檛 get to do much because covid we are learning to make our own fun and memories. i got corona the second day of classes and had to spend 2 weeks in the quarantine dorm with nicole. felt like i was in a mental hospital. we made it tho. auburn has been fun and i鈥檓 excited to go back. miss my mom big time.聽
3. nicole and sophie - my saving graces. i love these girls with my whole heart. we are getting an apartment together next year and i鈥檓 really excited. nicole is from Philly and is hilarious. girls got a lot of drama that need to be left in the past but her time will come. she gotta learn when its time to move on. she has a really big group of friends at home that seems to feed into it. nicole is so sweet and i love that she is across the hall. our tik tok queen! miss sophie. oh where do i start. a girl that will fight for you unconditionally. always down for a good talk and willing to plan your life out for you. she鈥檚 gonna be a super bad ass pilot for the air force. i鈥檓 so excited to see her strength and determination take her to amazing places.聽
4. WE鈥橰E MOVING TO CHARLESTON !!!! how. freaking. exciting. my mim is gonna be the cutest lil Charleston lady to exist. April here we come. I CAN鈥漈 WAIT !!!!!!!!!
5. well this ones pretty simple too. i鈥檓 gonna be a teacher :) ...hopefully lol
6. and the big whammy. the first holiday with no extended family. just my mom my sister and i. thats all. we are all we got. today was alot for me. i sat in bed and took a nap. it hard to live these moments without them. grief is hard and hit in unexpected ways. i wish they were here more than anything in the world. i wish i had a community of people to celebrate their lives. i wish i had a group of friends. abby is locked in her house. i haven鈥檛 seen her since august and i鈥檓 still not allowed. kaylee yelled at me for being upset that i couldn鈥檛 see my friend. i just tested negative. like come on. i have one friend. one friend. and i would like to talk to her. its not fair. i want life to give me just one freebie. oh what i would do to go back to feb. you couldn鈥檛 imagine. i miss my grandma.聽
\\ i need 2020 to be over asap//
will do a photo dumb later
11/26/20
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my great grandpa is dying
like dying now and i want him back
everyone i love is dead
my aunt - 1 year ago
my grandma - 3 months
my great granpa -
i want them back i want normal i want easy
GOD DAMN IT WHY CANT IT BE EASY
this isn鈥檛 making me stronger
i鈥檝e never felt more alone
i miss simplicity
i want them back
please give them back
just another day
why me
please
(6/25/20)
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Be fierce, but kind.
It鈥檚 the pull from opposite directions to get the balance // @abillionlittlethoughts (via hinasyeda)
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