tireddirectionless - Tumblr blog

[tireddirectionless]

i just need a space to clear my mind. i need to let out all the confusing things Im feeling. Imagine being 22, just finished undergrad and trying to figure out how to get into grad school. in the middle of a pandemic. living with your parents. with no friends. yeah. its pretty lonely. sometimes i just want to scream, other times i just want to vanish. but i push on. sometimes i think about how good ive gotten at hiding how i feel it scares me. sometimes i wonder if i even feel at all. i feel like a floater with no direction. i feel like many of my friendships are superficial. im never the first friend that comes to anyones mind, yet i think of everyone around me. my therapist says thats one of my cognitive distortions, but sometimes i wonder if she just doesnt understand whats going on. maybe shes right. maybe people do care more than i think they do. it just sucks knowing that my closest circle consists of solely my parents and my boyfriend. not that i dont love my parents and boyfriend. he lives 2+ hours away and i cant hang out with him all the time. i want someone to experience my 20s with. someone to go to bars with, share crazy stories with, go on adventures with. someone besides my boyfriend that is.