tiredoftheroutine

[tiredoftheroutine]

[tiredoftheroutine]

what is uquiz if not some kid coming up to you in the playground saying "choose a color :p"

[tiredoftheroutine]

I'm aroace and like, I'm also a very opinionated person. Being aspec really really opens up your eyes regarding amatonormativity in society and sometimes it makes it harder to to normally engaged with a lot of stuff? For example, fandom. I can still engage in many works, but there's just so much of them that are either steeped in amatonormativity or just lowkey feel aphobic.

Actually sometimes I actually feel more uncomfortable about media that focus on queer people because of how they're sometimes steeped in amatonormativity that it feels aphobic at times. I read a fanfic where it's about queer exploration of these characters... but noticeably no aromantic characters (even though the main character canonically expresses romantic interest in anyone). Said main character that doesn't express romantic interest is portrayed as alloace. Which is fine and valid! I just feel uncomfortable with that decision combined with all the other combined parts of it because it gets to a point where I, as an aro, felt uncomfortable. There were logics here and there where yes, I understand where it comes from, it also feels so amatonormative? For example, admiration being immediately linked to and framed as attraction, basically it's a crush. When... I can admire someone but not be attracted to them? Someone in the comments was like "In canon I really think that *character* is aromantic and it's really just admiration" but then the author replied like "then write your own fanfic". Which is valid yes, because different headcanons. At the same time it felt so aggressive towards someone who was just expressing their thoughts. They weren't invalidating your headcanon. They were just expressing how this character feels aromantic for them. You could've just said "I respect that hc but in this fic, *character* is alloace"

Another thing was how the fanfic framed this sports group of guys as immediately "homoerotic" when like, a sports group can be friendly?? They have tight bonds and it's not necessarily attraction to each other?? While it depicted the allo queer identities fairly well based on the comments, as someone aromantic, I felt so excluded because all the relationships that I would have in real life (a varsity group, admiring a person, etc) are immediately explained to be "you're gay". The way it frames it makes me feel like I'm in the wrong and I'm the one in denial and repressed with my sexuality and it's uncomfortable. The fic isn't bad, it's actually well-written. I just have personal problems with it, I guess.

Also, I know that different writers, different experiences. Which yes, that's valid! I won't ask for aro focus in a gay story. I won't force an author to write about an identity they feel that they're too unknowledgable about. But my discomfort comes from people saying their story as a queer exploration when their work invalidates a part of the queer community.

It reminds me of the people who go and say "I'm an ally of aspec people! Support them!" but then immediately ship characters that have canonically stated they're not interested in romance. Valid interpretation yes, but god does it feel aphobic at times. I still remember seeing online regarding when a creator announced one of their characters was asexual and some people were immediately talking about shipping possibilities and a lot of people go "don't worry, some ace people can fall in love romantically!". Which is correct, but as an aro, that hurts??? It's also is kinda undermining of asexual people because... sometimes people treat alloaces as if their romances are "romance-lite" and it's aaaargh. Also the fact that my worth is considered "less" just because my identity can't be exploited for romance is??? excuse me??? I think the remark that broke me was "At least they're not aromantic." which is...yeah, i don't even know.

I really feel like aphobia must be called out more. I hate it when I call out stuff like that (especially arophobia) and people go and tell me their opinion is valid because it's their hc or because interpretations and whatever. But if the same stuff happened to a gay character, everyone would flip out and call someone homophobic. But if someone made an aromantic character alloromantic? Oh no, that's fine because headcanon. If the character is asexual? Oh don't worry they can still romance.

I guess I'm just... Stop deciding the "value" of our identities based on what we can give you? Especially as someone aroace, I just feel super uncomfortable how everyone treats my identity as if it's the most unappealing identity ever that they turn ace characters that are also aro-coded to alloaces as if "ace is still fine, but aro is where we draw the line".

I'm just... I hate it. And I especially hate that these same people go around and say they support the aspec community and how they like and reblog all these aspec positivity that comes onto their dash when it's like ace week or whatever. Just please... Examine yourself.

[tiredoftheroutine]

the weirdest take i ever saw on here was when someone said hardison would not have the patience for automotive mechanics as a hobby as if in canon he has not tricked out cars and actively gushed about mechanical engineering

[tiredoftheroutine]

Most of the time when I see a post by an aro person that goes along the lines of "grieving the romance/love life I will never have," I nod my head fervently because SAME, been there and done that. But others will argue saying stuff like "aros can still date and love" and you're correct, Barbara; there's a big spectrum and a whole range of experiences from romance favorable aros & grayromantics, and some aros DO date and experience romantic feelings. Though, I really want alloromantics to know that even if an arospec person experiences romantic attraction or has a relationship, it will in no way entirely resemble an allo relationship. Aros that date and experience attraction go through their own struggles, limits and boundaries that make the relationship inherently different to an allo one. Arospecs aren't automatically allo when they experience attraction. Aromanticism is a spectrum! And aros CAN grieve the life and romance they thought they would eventually have bc of conditioned ideas: amatonormativity.

[tiredoftheroutine]

This is for the grey-aces, greyros, demis, angled and oriented aroaces, and people think they might be one of the former, who struggle to talk about the times that they do experience attraction (of any kind) for fear that it will cause people to question their identities.

You are 100% welcome in this community. You do not stop being aspec during the times when you experience attraction, even if you are an aro experiencing romantic attraction or an ace experiencing sexual attraction. You remain aspec for as long as you identify that way.

This is especially for those of you whose attraction is hetero(sexual/romantic/alterous/etc). You are not in any way less worthy of a place in this community than somebody who is attracted to people of the same/all genders. You are just as allowed to talk about your own attraction as they are theirs. You do not deserve to be made to feel bad about it.

Ace-spec aces, aro-spec aros, demi aces and aros, and people who experience tertiary attraction are amazing (💜💚💜💚) and should not be made to feel uncomfortable about experiencing/discussing attraction.

[tiredoftheroutine]

I’m so mad that Ella only got the big reveal literally three episodes from the series finale. Sure, she kind of had it figured out for a few episodes now, but the fact alone that she had to figure it out. That no one ever told her the truth.

Everybody knows. Every single main character knows what’s going on. They even put Dan in the know before Ella. And it makes me mad, because she was the perfect choice to know; she already believed in it all anyway. And for a short, short time, they had really teased the Lucifer-Ella friendship and it meant a lot to me, but still no one actually tells her and she was never allowed to deepen the bonds to the other characters through that shared truth.

Ella Lopez is the best damn thing about this show and she deserved better. :/

[tiredoftheroutine]

Can we please start giving some love to aroallo

And while I’m at it if you don’t agree with what I’m saying please block me I don’t want any exclusionist following me

[tiredoftheroutine]

It's kinda crazy how I didn't realize how much sex negativity and alloarophobia there was in the aspec community... until I found myself on the very receiving end of it.

As someone who ID'ed as ace, I kind of "get it" but constantly seeing the "sex is gross and disgusting" comments (particularly on reddit) as someone who's already trying to undo and get rid of so much internalized sex negativity (that my very own religion has played a part in, might I add), it doesn't help.

Or the other day when I came across a post on Pinterest, in which (alloro)aces were talking about the merits of being ace. Cool, some ace positivity, right? Let's go aspecs, right~?

I kid you not, most of them were talking about how they could still "love their partner" and "atleast we won't cheat on you!", "we'll atleast love you for who you are!"

I'm sorry, but what the fuck.

Being alloaro won't all of a sudden make me an asshole, and being an O' so Holy alloace won't exempt you from possibly being a piece of shit. Alloaros don't cheat; shitty people in general just cheat, end of story.

(Meme made by me. Feel free to save, use, etc.)

-Y.

[tiredoftheroutine]

sort of makes me uncomfortable when people are like “some aro people still want relationships and are cool with romance!”

because. yes, that’s true, but this isn’t making me feel like you’re being inclusive. it’s making me feel like you want to dismiss the parts of the aro community that you don’t feel comfortable with.

[tiredoftheroutine]

There’s something I find really frustrating about the way people bring up how “love doesn’t always mean romantic love, there are other kinds of love!!” specifically when aro people post complaining about the over-valuing of love conceptually

[tiredoftheroutine]

I gotta express as kindly as I can that "is confused/doesn't understand/can't tell the difference between romantic and platonic attraction" shouldn't be pushed as separate aromantic orientations deserving of their own name; it's just things that happens to everyone because feelings are confusing, especially if you're young. And there definitely doesn't need to be a whole othering ableist category for a person who can't tell the difference because they're autistic or have a PD. Like, holy shit, how did no one "yikes" that entry in your little wiki?

I promise not every individual difference you have means you need to even further differentiate yourself from others, because everybody struggles and learns themselves as they experience more things in life. Even people secure in their identity for years doubt themselves over something new. Someone took the time to give these labels bloated names and *flags* instead of doing what every aromantic and asexual has always done: reflect and realize with time.

The only other "subset" I saw was like "doesn't experience romantic attraction but wishes they did." No shit? Because of the importance you've been socialized to place on those relationships or because you're lonely or envious? That's not different!

It's like people keep turning my aro/ace orientation into a growing ~spectrum~ while ignoring the set definitions because social media encourages every person still discovering themselves to have a marginalized identity RIGHT NOW or you can't get into the clubhouse and will fall into the "uncool" cis straight category.

Do you not like the labels aromantic or asexual? Too boring now, too mocked, too broken? You can leave and make your very specific orientation stand on its own. Also, I certainly won't hold an umbrella over you if you don't at least experience the very basic things my orientation requires.

[tiredoftheroutine]

me, an aromantic, reading a ya novel:

[image description: a boy with a tired look on his face saying “is this a kissing book?”]

[tiredoftheroutine]

Google was suggesting me stuff about romance a few months ago, so I clicked the little three dots, and it gave me this option...

I was laughing so hard 😂😂

[Image Description: a “no”/“not” symbol (a circle with a line through it) next to text reading: “Not Interested in Romance”. End ID]

[tiredoftheroutine]

[Image Description: The "dont make me tap the sign" meme with two panels. The first panel has an annoyed bus driver with the subtitle "Dont make me tap the sign."

The second panel shows the bus driver tapping the sign, which reads "Soulmates being platonic does not fix the issue with them."

End ID]

[tiredoftheroutine]

Void/loveless aros when people tell them "love is what makes us human":