tireure-blog

[tireure-blog]

i’ve been thinking a lot &, ultimately, i think an indefinite break is something i need from here.    if you ever want to contact me ooc, you can find some of my messenger & social media stuff here.    thank you for your messages of support, your friendships, your everything.     you have made me who i am today, & i will always be grateful    --    & i will always be on that journey to be, hopefully, a bettered person.    see you around. 💗

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by David Vote

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Black Lives Matter is held to such a ridiculously high standard. If anyone who is REMOTELY associated with BLM commits an act of violence, white people use it as an excuse to smear the name of the entire movement.

Cops can murder unarmed Black people and many white folks still jump to defend the police force.

This is racism. This is white supremacy culture.

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💜💜

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Where are you now? by Silvia Sala on Flickr.

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so i wanted to tenderly address something about me that, i guess, has been an ongoing domino effect since earlier in the year.    even last year, to be fair.    i met someone on my previous blog who i was able to open up to in a way that i haven’t done in years, to a point where i finally had the courage to come out to my family as a csa survivor a few months ago, to support i hadn’t expected.    ever since then, i’ve been turning around & looking for the figurative ball & chain i’m used to having around my ankles &, well, not seeing them.    which sounds like it would be an amazing thing, & it is, but i’d held my silence for nearly two decades on what was happening    /    had happened to me, & it’s been.    interesting.    rediscovering myself, i guess.    realising that i can do things that i assumed i couldn’t do beforehand for, i guess, reasons of why bother?    i wouldn’t be sticking around anyway.

that was actually my mentality, for many years.    for all the years i had been writing on here included.    & now i want to stick around, so i don’t mean to cause any alarm on that front, i promise.

afterwards i was exposed to, on here, an incredible amount of, um.    pedophilia apologists.    people who actually write pedophilia.    people who actively write sexual abuse, what i went through, & people who encourage that.    & i grew terrified, because i realised there were people i was following who made me feel suddenly unsafe.    again, that was months ago, i don’t follow them anymore.    but i haven’t been able to shake that feeling ever since.

it’s been an amazing thing to kind of, free myself in the span of a few months that i haven’t been able to do in over fifteen years.    i’ve figured out i really like working on my art.    not on auto-pilot, like i’ve been doing, like some kind of mechanical surviving method, but as an actual endeavour that makes the people around me happy.    i like that.    i like working on this novel i have planned,.    i’ve gotten the first draft down, i’m working on the second.    it’s turning out completely different, but i’m looking forward to the long challenge.    not timing it.    not measuring how it might look in a future where i feel trapped, over & over again.

i’ve figured out that i’m happy, i think, & that it scares me when i’m not happy.    because there is no instant cure for the things that have happened to me, not even telling my family, like i always try & tell myself there is.    so i have to be strong enough for myself in a way that i know i can be, & that’s so tiring.    i’m working on that.

i’m working on a lot of things, & what i’m trying to say is that, i don’t know where that’s going to take me.    i confess, & it’s making me kind of cry typing this out, which feels wild until i realise like, how many years i’ve devoted into escaping into writing here, & into the arms of the beautiful friends i have made here.    i confess that i still feel unsafe here, & i still find excuses to do something else, things that make me happier.    & i have never been one to force myself to do anything on this blog when i don’t have the muse for it, but the feeling this time during my absences is.    different.

it absolutely fucking terrifies me that i’m free of so much, & i really didn’t realise how much that was fucking me up until i started typing this, i’m sorry.    i’m actually crying now hahahaha.    the thing is, i’m not leaving, i think i’ll still log in, but i’ve never been a very open book to begin with.    i’ve never really told any of my friends about this side of my life, & i’m sorry if i’ve sometimes seemed strange & impenetrable.    it’s one of my greatest fears to come off that way to the people i love.    unfortunately, i think i have to focus even more inwards to really heal outwards as well.    so i’m going to be taking a little more time for myself.

this is messy, this whole process is messy.    i love you guys too much to never not be around, to never not be supporting you.    i just ask for your understanding if i become a little quieter, a little more selective.    i’ve spent my whole life feeling unsafe, & i’ve survived the feeling of dread in the bottom of my stomach too long to even blink at it on a web page now.    so i will, i think, have to be a little more selective.

please never take my battles as a reflection on your person.    if you are reading this at all, i’m embarrassed & touched.    i want you to know that in whatever capacity, you have made my life better.    you might think i’m joking, but i read the posts of every single person i follow.    you have all affected me in a beautiful, positive way.    that is a treasure i cannot name.

take care of yourselves.    i’ll try to do the same.    & i’ll definitely be around. <3

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I destroyed a holy city someone said was inside me.

Gabriella R. Tallmadge, from “Psalm of the Fire Starter,” published in Guernica (via lifeinpoetry)

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To the writers that feel ignored: You breathe life into your characters in a way that nobody else can. Whether it’s a canon character, or an original character, your interpretation of them make them individual to you and your writing and so, so amazing. 

You are an amazing writer because you take the time to think about everything that you’re given in a thread, and use your imagination to make something out of nothing. You create an entire world almost everyday! That in itself is amazing, and then you write it with such passion. 

Sometimes when you reblog memes, or positivity posts and don’t get really any feedback, it can be tough, but I promise you it’s not because you’re not a great writer. Being a great writer is about dedicating yourself to your craft and doing what you love. I have every reason to believe that if you’re writing in the community, you’re doing what you love.  

Lets be real, I could sit here all day just throwing up compliments like they’re pieces of confetti, but I’m sure that’ll bore you eventually, so here’s what I was really getting at: 

You are a fantastic writer. You are kind. You are creative. You are smart. This is how I genuinely feel, even if we’ve never met, or done anything with each other. I promise you with all my heart that you are an amazing person and a brilliant writer. You bet your ass I admire you, and other people probably do too. 

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kaya scodelario for wonderland magazine

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tireure is such a kind mun. very sweet, very positive, always trying to be such a light on tumblr. i always appreciate seeing their posts.

i totally agree with this ! they’re such a sweetheart and make positive posts for everyone, including me which is wild bc i don’t deserve it at all, but 1000% agree, and they are angel. @tireure, someone loves you ! ( and i do too )

on anon, say something you love about a fellow rper.

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✰   —  —  —  BUZZFEED UNSOLVED SENTENCE STARTERS

‘  strap in ‘cause this one is rough.  ’ ‘  it’s– it’s yucky.  ’ ‘  i’m aware of some details of this and it’s– it’s yucky.  ’ ‘  i’m not a gambling man, but i don’t really like those odds.  ’ ‘  we could conceivably run into this guy taking a dump in the woods or something.  ’ ‘  are you fucking out of your mind?  ’ ‘  i’m starting to think you want to die.  ’ ‘  you turned a corner on that one pretty quick.  ’ ‘  oh my god, it’s fucking horrifying.  ’ ‘  there’s an elk, though. there’s a deer over there.  ’ ‘  here’s the remains and rubble of one of the greatest unsolved mysteries of all time and you’re looking at the fucking deer in the forrest.  ’ ‘  maybe they were in there telling ghost stories.  ’ ‘  that’s not what pillow talk is, i don’t think.  ’ ‘  pillow talk could either mean something you do after sex or it could mean what’s like sleepover talk.  ’ ‘  do you tell ghost stories after sex?  ’ ‘  all very effective for– for murder.  ’ ‘  they stabbed him so hard that the knife bent.  ’ ‘  you would think that there’d be at least one witness.  ’ ‘  you see someone running through the forrest covered in blood, you’re probably not gonna bat an eye.  ’ ‘  that’s not how the forrest works.  ’ ‘  excuse me, sir. why are you covered in blood?  ’ ‘  i’m glad to know that you would be the worst crime scene witness of all time.  ’ ‘  oh, you were phrasing it in a dramatic way.  ’ ‘  what is it about killers– that they want to be caught so badly… or like they want to get as close to being caught without being caught?  ’ ‘  i can’t put my mind into the mind of a criminal.  ’ ‘  i can put my mind into the mind of a criminal.  ’ ‘  some of them must be friends, others would like to plunge knives into each other.  ’ ‘  i can imagine one friend of yours murdering you.  ’ ‘  i’m pretty sure there was a coverup by the police department.  ’ ‘  70′s and 80′s police were always just like, ‘oh, you murdered someone? you got forty bucks?’  ’ ‘  great! what else do you want?! i murdered people for you! and now… what?  ’ ‘  oh, so i’m the psycho cause i murdered for you!?  ’ ‘  what, the police were just writing fan fiction?  ’ ‘  this is just baffling to me.  ’ ‘  i guess that’s their job, but can you imagine how much goddamn paperwork is involved in that? so much!  ’ ‘  i’m pretty sure we’re being watched, so i kind of wanna leave, to be honest.  ’ ‘  i’ve had enough of this place and i haven’t even been here that long. i hate this place.  ’ ‘  this boogeyman is very thorough.  ’ ‘  i guess we’re lucky he got lazy.  ’ ‘  the greatest safety precautions of our time are written in blood.  ’ ‘  i think they’re tired of this ongoing saga that never ends.  ’ ‘  you know, i actually disagree with that last sentiment.  ’ ‘  this is like straight-up end of days shit going on.  ’ ‘  this could’ve been the beginning of the zombie apocalypse, in my mind.  ’ ‘  i’ve daydreamed about having an amazing bunker that has satellite tv.   ’ ‘  ‘bad advil’ sounds like a shitty indie band.  ’ ‘  the wild west was the 80′s.  ’ ‘  in the 80′s you could walk in a store, pocket a soda, punch a guy in the face, and then be like ‘see ya later. fuck you!’ cops wouldn’t get to your door for weeks.  ’ ‘  he had books that were just titled ‘how to crime’? if he had a book called ‘how to crime’ then there’s your guy.  ’ ‘  oh, yeah… nah, i’m good. eh, bit of a reach.  ’ ‘  some old lady in florida bought the unabomber’s typewriter?  ’ ‘  maybe this guy was really in the dog house and was just desperate for any kind of turn of affection from her so he thought, ‘i know that i’ll do! i’ll write the fbi!’  ’ ‘  no, i didn’t– what, is there anything to suggest that i would chase my mom with an axe?  ’ ‘  i think you wear a mask sometimes.  ’ ‘  maybe you should keep digging and see what happens.  ’ ‘  these are two messed up weirdos who have found each other and it’s almost a shockingly beautiful love story.  ’ ‘  i don’t get it. i just wanna talk about my work and everyone just keeps seeming to bring up all my past of all the shitty stuff i’ve done.  ’ ‘  ugh, this guy’s gross.  ’ ‘  it must’ve been fun to be a criminal in the 80′s.  ’ ‘  everything before the 80′s – just lawless.  ’ ‘  get your sunglasses ready because this one is packed full of bright stars.  ’ ‘  i’m good to go. i’m always ready, baby!  ’ ‘  it came true so she was actually warranted in all these fears.  ’ ‘  this would be like if you were eaten by a shark.  ’ ‘  i thought for a second we were talking about things that are actually scary.  ’ ‘  i’m gonna let this slide because i know you’re just trying to get a rise out of me.  ’ ‘  does that man have a magical penis or something?  ’ ‘  you think the only reason someone would go back to someone is because they have a magical penis?  ’ ‘  i feel like divorce is probably a lot of work.  ’ ‘  do you not know how love works?  ’ ‘  maybe i don’t know how love works.  ’ ‘  i have a hard time imagining someone going gaga over christopher walken.  ’ ‘  i bet when you get in a room with christopher walken, he commands the space.  ’ ‘  i brought some cocktail weenies.  ’ ‘  one of my greatest fears is that someone will trick me into doing heroin.  ’ ‘  that’s the dumbest fear i’ve ever heard in my life.  ’ ‘  how many situations can you be in that would put you up to that potential danger?  ’ ‘  how many parties are you going to where heroin’s involved? it seems like a lot.  ’ ‘  it’s the fear that someone would come up to me on the street and put heroin in me and then i’m hooked forever.  ’ ‘  here’s what must’ve happened… these forty things, in succession.  ’ ‘  what are you trying to do, fuck my wife?  ’ ‘  why would he make this up?  ’ ‘  he– he was just trying to fuck someones wife.  ’ ‘  i can’t imagine murdering someone even when drunk.  ’ ‘  when you drink you can imagine murdering someone?!  ’ ‘  i ate a pumpkin once when i was drunk… i just took a bite out of a pumpkin.  ’ ‘  that’s a rational fear!  ’ ‘  that is not a rational fear!  ’ ‘  these are the musings of a paranoid man.  ’

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