tisetso-flowerboi7 - Tumblr blog

[tisetso-flowerboi7]

Although I'm ok with being single, I can't wait to actually meet someone who's actually interested in me. The constant crave of wanting to talk, asking about my day, my feelings, sharing laughter & being heard is so rare nowadays. Nobody communicates anymore. Real is Rare.

[tisetso-flowerboi7]

2 those of us with no homes...💔

[tisetso-flowerboi7]

the grown-ups are busy

go have ur sexual identity crisis somewhere else and take ur substance addiction w you, here's 300 bucks and new iPhone, now go!

[tisetso-flowerboi7]

hey Angel

so i saw a video of u, u look beautiful as always. look, i miss u. i kno it sounds weird and probably obsessive at this point. but i do, i am in university now, met many other girls who are prettier, smarter, and, to be honest, less promiscuous. but you're still the girl i want. I want to forget u so bad, but it's not working. Every once in a while, i fall into a pit and can't get you off my mind...2 years later

well, I'm sure you're with someone else right now, i hope he's as happy as you made me. i hope he knows what he has, and i hope you're happy 2.

i love u sweets.

[tisetso-flowerboi7]

[tisetso-flowerboi7]

my son's name is Mokone Lesole Tisetso Tsukudu.

[tisetso-flowerboi7]

i will not forget my pain and my agony, I will not forget my tears and my disappointments. that ugly December that sliced my family in 2. I will not forget how hard I fight for this bread for once I did not have it. Once I saw my beloved shrivel and starve. I will not forget the shame they endured and the tears they shed. No one may know my story but I do. I will. I will fight this war to the death and I will not die. When that 30 June comes I will stand on top of my dead enemy and I will declare victory. I will not die. I will live and I will conquer. I will redeem my family and avenge their shame. I will live

[tisetso-flowerboi7]

Lest we forget the sound of murder and despair

The agony that once filled the air

For no other pain can compare

I aim for heaven 4 hell? I've already been there

[tisetso-flowerboi7]

they say only rich people get depression, guess I'll be rolling in money soon...

[tisetso-flowerboi7]

beautiful boi, i sleep by the window, i see the sunrise first, and sigh when i open my eyes. i die in my dreams sometimes, not happy. i live when im awake though, still not happy. what do u suggest i do, i mean i could keep walking but would you wake up in the morning, shower, scrape last night's scraps from the pot and trek into the middle of nowhere just for the sake of walking? no? thought as much, so why should i? so u don't feel guilty when you see my coffin sway to and fro on a bier? so you don't feel regret when you see our text messages and realise im the one who always said i love you first and you responded to me after 3 days? so you don't feel bad when you remember the times you'd do something i don't like and i forgave you before you even apologised? if so let me ask you another question, would you walk into the middle of nowhere just because I don't like seeing you sleep? as though your heart is mine? no again? oh, you see what im getting to and are completely against suicide? no it's not suicide, it's a means to an end. there are alot of problems in this world, and equally there alot of solutions. if life becomes a problem, is death not a solution?

[tisetso-flowerboi7]

in the dark...

i move out again tomorrow, i hate moving so soon. but i have 2. im on the mouth of the well of my heart, my future heart. i really wanna discover myself this year. play braam, rosebank mall, hard unmatched work ethic, beautiful music, a healthy diet, better hygiene, more emotional patience, strength and growth. picking up the pieces of my faith, more confidence that God is cool with whatever i do so long its not u know, a sin and so on. taking baby steps into the day. damn...this is a deep moment 4 me. im scared of leaving home, so much has happened, so much has been broken, i have survivors guilt, leaving my loved ones behind, i promise myself I'll come back and make things better...my wish for this year is to be focused financially, extremely conservative, never buying anything on a whim, living on next to nothing but also spending on more quality things. wet wipes, a nice backpack, shades and smell good.

catch me if u can, im no longer who i was, let's prove it. i pick my identity tonight...this is who i am going forward...originalkaapstad pantsula or an American softboy skating around or whateva...afrocentric.

scary hours...but ive seen worse, fighting thru it. not scared of tasting wine, going to a live music bar, smelling nice, never sweating and taking good pictures of myself. an impeccable Playlist of music from whichever artist i see fit...nothing nasty.

i say this always and I'll say it again...see you on the other side...

[tisetso-flowerboi7]

i wonder if you know how i feel. nah i know you don't know. i always felt that we were kids, impressionable 10 year olds barely knowing our times tables. i always assumed we didn't know what we were doing, so therefore nothing counted. no bad word you said to me, no good word you said, no hug, no letter you wrote me with little hearts drawn on the corners, no song i sang or wrote about you, no tear i shed for you, no insecurity i made you feel counted. we were 9, 10. what business did we have being in a romantic relationship with each other...for a year?!!!! there we were, the talks during break, nothing hectic or obscene, the SMSes between us,inappropriate yet innocent, the jokes, your pretty smile, my mild humour (i was never really sure what you liked about me, i tried not to question it and saw my esteem boost, yk, you're my "baby girl") as you have it, we move on and forget each other, like 5 year olds who've just pecked each other on the cheek, didn't matter yeah? i thought so too until recently. you see ive never been one for physical affection, always been fairly soft, you of all people would know this...

always lived in a fairytale and you were my fairytale come true. i walked in and out of relationships throughout my teens, growing and meeting new people, but there's always been a disconnect. everyone seems to mature except me. 10 years after our juvenile love affair i find myself wanting letters from a significant other, wanting to talk for hours on end about inappropriate but innocent things, wanting to just sit in their company and see their pretty smile while my mild humor drives the conversation, not being sure what they see in me and therefore seeing a boost in my self esteem 'Cause hey, they're my baby girl. the world was full of color when i was in "love" with you. things were safe, alot more promising in 2014/5. Disney XD was still popular and I thought i was leo from lab rats and you were KC from KC Undercover. Bruno Mars' treasure would play and I'd think of you, despicable me had that character Margo who always made me think of you, that scene in despicable me 2 at the mall when she looked at her crush and "just a cloud away" always summed up how I felt about u, that's exactly how u used 2 look at me. you made me feel like I was likeable, don't get me wrong, that era of my life is where i was my most cocky about my looks, i was fire and i knew it, i didn't need validation but man did yours hit the spot! and when we talked? it was never deep or hectic as teens would speak about depression and their daddy issues, but we got along and flowed so well, it was perfect somehow, at age 10.

it hits me now, as i struggle to keep up with the pace of modern relationships. teenage dating is so complicated for me, it's abrasive to, involving sex and expensive things with the me and the other person never really connecting properly.

i realise what hastens my progress is that i still want a fairytale, our fairytale. it was safe, colorful and i understood it, sure there were horrible moments that have scarred me to date but 4 the most part...it made sense. we never kissed, hugged occasionally and we giggled alot, we liked each other, would stare at each other and i mainly just experienced u. i desire that but realise it was my first experience of a relationship and it did define my perception of dating largely, as my perception of it now is an advanced form of what we had, but I'm not 10 anymore. Disney XD was discontinued years ago, im 19, about 2 start my second year, looking for a job and fairytales don't exist.

i don't know if you'll ever find this, this is super cringe and i rarely write like this but if you do see this i want you to know that you'll forever be special to me, you're my sweetie pie, my "first love" and will never really leave my heart, that's why i don't forget January 15 every year.

anyways i made a Playlist of all the songs i used to sing about you, the songs that defined my understanding of love as a 9 and 10 year old with a girlfriend he barely gets along with. the title seems random but there was this day when i was 9 when i took a walk in July and the atmosphere was strange, the sun was shining but it was chilly, the streets in my neighborhood were empty (uncommon ko kasi), the clouds were bright and i just happened 2 think of you, so i called it "world mayibongwe day". it was probably the 9th of July idk. anyway, i hope you know there's no girl ive met that i respect more than you, i weirdly miss you and i hope you become successful as a musician (i always found the fact that you sing and play piano sexy😏)

i also know i messed up things between the 2 of us the last time (fun fact the day we last spoke i was at court to collect my parent's divorce papers, a petty excuse for my behavior that day but i was clouded im sorry) so yea Mayi, from Ora. this 3 page essay probably doesn't mean anything 2 u but thus revelation about myself has brought me so much peace, a gas refill on this journey of peace im on... peace and love ❤️

[tisetso-flowerboi7]

i know you might see this when you're older, but remember that things are clearer then than they are now. never forget the vagueness of the future that you feel now, the liminal and bleak atmosphere of life on this January of 2024. im asking you 2 forgive me in advance, im probably gonna make a couple of dumb mistakes, nothing serious but cringeworthy for sure, stuff you might hate me 4 but just because you have the answers, don't be too hard on me. remember that it is my mistakes ,my falls and fails that will teach you what to do and not do. i know i may scare you, but im searching just like you are, and i hope you find what you're looking for. i do love you...good luck, don't forget me, ill see you on the other side

[tisetso-flowerboi7]

i wanna sing Daniel Ceasars "violet" on an acoustic guitar

in a park, in kempton park

[tisetso-flowerboi7]

fire morning skate sesh, covered like 3 blocks in 20 minutes, sheesh. p.s took my laces off my sk8 hi's and slapped 'em on my SBs

[tisetso-flowerboi7]

losing self control

i remember i used 2 call u medu$a, snakes on ur head and whatnot... i remember i was 15, understanding what frank ocean was saying, i was self destruction and i knew it.

a sad boi had met a broken girl, of course id lose my self control. i play the guitar nowadays and sit in empty rooms, looking at the sun singing about you...not always though, only when i remember u. i remember u alot lately. maybe im not busy enough, or maybe i have emotional trauma, after all, nearly 20 and i have no idea what frank ocean talks about in his songs, a gifted fellow but he's undoubtedly sad, i hope i never seemed that sad 2 u, when we got along u made me very happy... i cry a bit when i remember the happy days. anyway, i still think of u when i play nights but not the second part tho, everyone likes it. it's OK i guess but the part that hooks me is the section where frank harmonises and says "all my night". if it weren't 4 that piece of media i guarantee u i would not have loved u like i did. i always think of u when i hear it, i know u don't think of me tho, especially since that day i lashed out at u, i don't regret it but i just wish i hadn't raised my voice that much, im sorry and whatnot.

i wasn't sure if i was straight or not before i met u, i mean like i knew im not gay but id never been confronted by sexuality before, after the things we did and said, it was clear im heterosexual but u introduced the concept of sexuality 2 me, not sexual orientation and that changed me in a sense. its a passing phase 4 other jits but it stuck w me, especially cause most of the things we talked about we were 2 young 2 know about but i never forget u as my 1st, my 1st 2 ever look at me sexually and appreciate me sexually, so wrong yet so right. i remember when u alluded 2 us sleeping together 4 tha 1st time, it would have been my first time. i couldn't sleep that week, i questioned everything, why exactly is fornication a sin, why did i say all the things that encouraged a sexual encounter w me, why was the thought of being wanted in that capacity so fulfilling, id pray w tears in my eyes feeling like a hypocrite 2 God and a failure of a male, scared of his first nut w a girl he'd always had a thing 4 and was close friends w. how could i then not relate 2 frank ocean, how could i not look at u and see u as a bride untouched by myself, how could i then not remember my heart crumbling when i learned another man had taken ur honour, how could i then not remember the pain i felt when you'd say his name multiple times near me, how could i not remember how u told me i water u u water me and together we grow, how could i then not remember u?

i miss u someday

but remember u always

cool

[tisetso-flowerboi7]

2 my future self

im freaking out future me, i don't wanna do this, im scared, but a part of me feels its time, but i don't want 2, tomorrow decides whether or not ill ever be tha same again...pray 4 me