tits-and-curls - Tumblr blog

[tits-and-curls]

I accidentally posted this on the wrong blog but I didn’t feel like retyping

[tits-and-curls]

I wonder

If people can remember the time their heart was first broken?

I don’t mean it in a cheesy way, I mean if they remember when they just couldn’t be 100% happy anymore because they lost the bliss of being a child.

I wonder because I don’t remember. I must have been very young when my heart first shattered. I just feel so empty and sad all the time, no matter what I do. I distract myself with animals and video games, but I feel as though I have no purpose.

I keep dweling in the past, and I know it’s not healthy, but I can’t help it. I feel like I have nothing now, even though my life is better than it has been in a long time. Maybe I should get some medication for my depression.

I feel like I’m mourning. I’m mourning lost friends, being in college, my parents, etc. I’ve been trying to live in the moment but it’s so hard for me.

[tits-and-curls]

I can decide if it’s better to just apologize and fix things or just to break it off

[tits-and-curls]

Realizations.

Pros of T

Funny

listens to me

I feel like I can tell him anything

clever

sexual

nice eyes

we oddly have a lot in common

poems

makes me feel needed

I always love talking to him

first love

wanted him to get to know me

Cons of T

inconsistant communication

LIAR

cheated

paranoid

aggressive

doesn’t know how to fucking spell or use grammar

will stop talking to me whenever his current gf comes back in his life

shitty father

felon

tries to act cool

drug addict

takes forever to respond back

lives far away

hypocritical

flirty with others

jealous

drug dealer

drove me crazy

we fought a lot

caused a lot of problems between my parents and i

hurt me

Pros of P

Was there for me in the past

I liked kissing him

tall

good hugger/cuddler

has that “damaged boy” charm

used to be hot… (see cons)

has a secret crush on my that boosted my self esteem

tried at one point to save our friendship

first serious crush

Cons of P

Ditched me for a crazy ass finance and didn’t even take my side when she was acting like a cunt

gave up on our friendship

Gave up on all our friendships

has a crazy cunt fiance

emotionally abused maria

liar

used to tell me weird shit in middle school about how he could see the future and ghosts and shit

daddy issues

never happy

always has some kind of problem

messy

socially awkward

mean to others

only liked me when i was with someone else or didn’t like him

is fat and ugly now

cheater

hurt me

ignored me… I think

Pros of M

intelligent

feminist

educated on social justice issues

doesn’t pretend to be nice… for the most part

tall, good hugger

amazing at sex

was there for me at times like no one else has ever been

i wanted him to get to know me

always called me beautiful and popular and made me feel special

we had a nice connection

cool cat

isn’t afraid to take charge in a situation, assertive

funny

poems, good writer

made me feel needed

i was always really excited to talk to him

liked animals

Cons of M

VERY insecure

pretended to be different things around different people

pretended to be more sexually active than he was

threw up on me

tons of emotional truama

projected emotional trauma onto others

gaslighting

shits on everything

doesn’t shower sometimes and smells gross

was interested in me at first but then started acting like i bored him

cares about actives more than people

obsessed with shit

possessive

ruined harry potter

puts people down because he isn’t satisfied with himself

sociopathic

embarrassing

probably wanted to use me when he thought i was a huge party girl and most likely wanted access to drugs

ignored me and treated me like shit when he was mad at me

unfriended me multiple times

tried to make me jealous

lied about not wanting sex and then had sex

made me feel like i had to meet his expectations and put me on a pedistol

hurt me

fight with me a lot

had to always be right

depressing

wasn’t there for me at later times

liked to fight with me a lot while i was sad

made me have a lot of bad days

would accidentally blow me off

gets caught up with dumb shit

was a douche bag about traveling

pretended to care about under privileged populations but was low-key privilege as fuck

low-key jealous as fuck

wasn’t good enough for me

manipulative as hell

abusive

never took my concerns seriously

ditched me sometimes

does stupid forgetful shit like forgetting to put gas in his car and locking himself out

ugly

i hated his friends

he probably didn’t like my friends either

did that thing where he would wipe his ass with baby wipes and let them sit in his garbage can in the bathroom so his bathroom smelled like shit

has A LOT of cons

know it all

condescending

Pros of S

I for some reason find her cute

big tits

has that shy-cute vibe

likes to be choked

cute legs

lovely hair

good listener

likes cuddles

low maintenance to be around

cute laugh

was an excellent friend before we became roommates

easily accessable

made me feel special

cooks food

always there for her friends…well used to be

good kisser

steven universe and video games

easy to talk to about concerning heavy subjects

horny freak when she’s drunk

Cons of S

always has to have a problem with someone

clingy

sucks at sex

has gross smokers breath… but i kinda liked it sometimes i guess

controlling and needs to be in charge

ditched me for sam multiple times and often when i needed her

unconfritational

subtweeter

talked about people behind their backs

told me she didn’t want me in her life any more

made me feel like a back up friend multiple times

can’t handle anger without exploding on you

made problems between me and tyler

hard to talk to sometimes… she made me nervous and anxious and i was always afraid of upsetting her

made me miserable in my own living space

inconsiderate

shitty co-parent

complains all the fucking time

insecure

has trouble developing friendships and not turning them into romantic friendships.

awkward

rude sometimes

Things to work on after this relationships:

be more assertive about my boundaries

talk about things that might be upsetting to me without coming off as angry

just stop hiding my hurt and pain behind anger

don’t be so passive aggressive

don’t make people jealous because I’m insecure

LET PEOPLE GO

don’t fixate on just the positives when there are a lot of negatives

Don’t ignore who a person is because you want them to be something else

leave a relationship alone if its hurting you this much

don’t make mountains out of molehills

actually go and talk to a person

don’t let things fester

be more considerate of others feelings

trust more

don’t just shut people out… talk to them even though its hard

don’t pretend to be something you’re not

don’t try and make yourself more like a person… see above point

dont be so needy. accept that people have other commitments and friends

you don’t always have to be number one all the time

don’t expect them to be okay with your relationship with tyler just because you’re poly

don’t send novel texts

don’t say things just to hurt someone even though they might be true

be kinder

don’t be so self-centered and egotistic

if you’re going to shut someone out, keep them shut out. don’t keep trying to have them back in your life just because you don’t know how to let go

be kinder.. to yourself

you can’t fix everyone. its not your job and you can’t do it.

stop having fantasies about these people that are unhealthy and perpetuating your longing for them

you don’t have to hate someone you once loved

its okay to be sad over these people and its okay to miss them

you’re not pathetic

if someone is constantly making you more depressed, maybe its time to reconsider that relationship

there are other ways to feel love without feeling like you need to feel pain

[tits-and-curls]

Sasha’s 4am adventures.

I didn’t get enough sleep last night. I’ve been waking up around 4 am for no reason every night and it’s annoying. I’m supposed to be getting up around 6, so I’m missing out on two hours of sleep. 😒

It was kinda cool because Sasha was running around the room this morning. She’s a fearful cat, so it’s rare I see her come out of her little haven I made in my closet for her. I was happy she’s comfortable moving out of the closet while Tinker, my dog, was watching her. Maybe she’s not afraid because we were all asleep, but gosh was she cute.

[tits-and-curls]

My job is either unbearably boring or insanely irritating.

I want to go home.

[tits-and-curls]

Left in 2017?

How surreal that it is 2018. I’m not sure why, but I never really pictured my life after 2017. I don’t have any idea what this year holds, and I have no expectations for this year either.

It’s odd, isn’t it? Humans celebrate the new year like it’s a whole new life. Like we’re different people in 2018 than we were in 2017. But to the earth it’s just another rotation on her axis.

I suppose I am different now than I was a year ago. I was looking at old pictures from last year yesterday, and I was reminiscing on how quickly a life changes in 365 days. I miss a few people and my parents. I’m having a hard time letting them go. Which is ironic because most of them I pushed out of my life.

Oh well. I guess they’re #leftin2017

-G

[tits-and-curls]

Cooking shows.

While at work, I watch a lot of these. They’re my only solace of being awake when my patients asleep, besides animal shows.

So many people in my family are excellent cooks. Grammy was phenomenal. Best cook ever. Dad, Robbie, Patina... so many blessed with this ability.

I have a hard time getting motivated to try new things by myself. I have no problem being peer pressured, but I’m not a thrill seeker honestly. No one taught me how to cook. I watched though. I felt like it was one of those skills that set you apart as a good adult. I had no idea how my brother was able to get into it so effortlessly. I asked my dad many times if I could help him and he either said no or made me cut veggies- which sucked. I did help Robbie a few times, but he was such a control freak he didn’t let me do much. I guess he takes after his mom.

So when I finally got out on my own and I was no longer supported by my college meal plan, I got straight to cooking. And I really enjoy it. I still have a lot to learn though.

Anyway...

I don’t know why cooking shows are so... fake. They’re so talented at cooking, why do they have to pretend to be happy and stage so many family and friend meals?

Does anyone else notice this?

-G

[tits-and-curls]

Hello.

I was inspired by someone to make a blog so that I can just post all my random thoughts. It wasn’t even someone who I find very inspirational, I just admired the way she put herself out there. I found it by creeping on her twitter while I was bored at work.

However, I don’t plan on posting this on twitter. I’d like to keep this private for me and for whoever else would look.

I chose to keep the old username I used in my old blog name. “Tits and curls”. I changed it because I constantly got followed by porn blogs. I did like it though. It sounds provocative, but if you knew me in person it would make sense.

I don’t have an intended audience here. I’d really like to have no audience. It’s hard keeping the judgement from my own head at bay, yet alone the judgement of others. I want a space to share all my thoughts. I think it would help if they took a trip outside of my head and onto this blog.

Idk how often I’ll post here. Maybe once a month? Once a year? Who knows. I’m not going to set a goal. I’m terrible with goals. If I make myself do something, I hate it and never do it. I’m just going to post here when I need to.