tjkiahgb

[tjkiahgb]

On August 13th, 2018, at 8:20 PM, TJ Kippen performed a basketball-themed apology rap for Buffy Driscoll and completed his redemption arc. In doing so, he became a full and complete hashtag good boi and fulfilled this blog’s ridiculous destiny.

This post is scheduled to go up on August 13th, 2019, at 8:20 PM. It only feels right that I retire this blog on the one year anniversary of that moment.

Okay. It’s not that dramatic. I’m not deleting my account or logging out forever or anything. I’ll be around. I’ll check in and like some posts and hang out like the kid who graduated high school but won’t leave. He keeps coming back and acting chummy with the teachers and it’s like, doesn’t he have better stuff to do?

The point is, my queue is depleted, my drafts are empty. I don’t have a shift in fandoms planned. I don’t have anything planned. It’s time for me to turn my attention to other things and stop thinking about this show and writing about it and working on this blog.

So that’s basically the tl;dr of this whole deal. I’m going to write some rambling personal stuff so if you don’t care, which most people probably won’t, then thanks for reading and thanks for all the memories. It’s been fun.

Okay, lemme ramble. And if you’ve read this blog for a while, you’ve probably heard some of this already, but whatever, this is my goodbye post.

Way back in October of 2017, I came across a post on a website for TV news that said “Disney Channel to Feature Its First Gay Main Character in Andi Mack Season 2″. I didn’t know what Andi Mack was, and I hadn’t watched Disney Channel in well over a decade. I remembered reading about the two moms on Good Luck Charlie when it happened, but I also remembered that it was, you know, mostly nothing. A lot of controversy for what was just a quick little thing. But this headline noted that it was a Main Character. And I’m reading the article and it’s talking about how he’s going to have this journey in season two and the producers had talked to GLAAD and other groups to get it right, and I’m like, wow, this is pretty cool, this really seems like they’re putting some respect into this. (I’m also thinking about how much young, closeted me would’ve killed for something like this.)

So I set my DVR to record it not knowing what to expect. Mostly thinking it was just going to be your standard Disney Channel show: cheesy and corny and bad jokes, but I’ll catch the coming out scene and it’ll be cool to see how they handle it and that’ll probably be that.

And then I’m watching the episode and I’m like, this is... not bad? In fact, more than not bad, this is way better than it has any right to be. And then I got to the coming out scene, which was so well done, and I’m just... shocked. This is like Pixar. Like, it’s for kids, but I can watch it as an adult and pick up on themes and subtleties. This is not like the shows from my childhood. Where was this show when I was growing up?

Next thing I know I’m watching the next episode. And the next one. And I’m starting to care for these characters. I can forgive a lot of issues with plot if I care about the characters and what this show did, maybe as well as any show on television, is made you care for the characters, from top to bottom.

So now I’m watching the show regularly. At some point, I went back and binged through season one on DisneyNow. I’m in, as a casual viewer at this point at least.

And then I get to 2.11, and the swing scene happens, and I watch it wordlessly, and it ends, and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I could not believe what I just saw. I thought for sure this show was just going to have a couple of coming out scenes and that would be the end of it. Had I really just watched a scene that was hinting at a gay romance?

I wanted so badly to talk about it with someone else to see if they were seeing what I was seeing, but, as you may not be surprised to learn, none of my adult friends were watching Andi Mack. So I started looking around online. And I eventually found my way here, to this site, to the tag. And people were seeing what I was seeing. And people were excited about it, and I was like, okay, cool, I might’ve found my community.

So I started lurking around here. And I would check in after 2.12 and 2.13, and I was really starting to enjoy it. Most of the stuff I watch that I care about I’ll watch with friends or family and talk about it with them, so I never really thought being a part of a fandom would be worthwhile. Plus, I’d hear about shipping wars and other nonsense like that, and I’m like, I’m not going to make an account to argue with people over fictional characters’ relationships.

But what I was finding about this community was that it was more positive than that. There were arguments, sure. You’re going to get them in any group of people. But for the most part, people just seemed happy. They were posting theories and memes and gifs and jokes and fanfics. And they were celebrating the characters and developments. I don’t know if that’s special to the Andi Mack fandom or not, but it seemed special to me.

That’s around when I started thinking about making an account, during that hiatus between 2A and 2B. But I was like, do I want to commit to this? What’s the point of my account? What do I want to say? And at some point in the hiatus, I was checking the tag, and I saw a gifset. It was by an account, since deleted and gone, but who, at the time, was very prominent in the fandom. And the gifset was all about attacking Tyrus. It was trying to take everything nice about what had happened between TJ and Cyrus and stomp on it. Tyrus was like a little baby ship at this point. People were just starting to get into it, the numbers weren’t that big. There wasn’t even really a name for the ship back then. The Tyrus tag was mostly that professional wrestler and the CJ tag was even worse. And this account had decided they were going to use their platform to try and make this small group of people in the fandom feel bad about liking their ship. I just remember thinking, why? Why be like that? It just seemed so unnecessary. And for the briefest of moments, I thought, okay, maybe I’ll make an account to be a troll and argue this stuff. And then I was like, nah, that’s just going to make the tag worse. When you see someone trying to ruin things for other people, you can give them attention and power, or you can just do your own thing.

So what I decided to do instead was to make an account that would add to the positivity I had been seeing. To just be one of the many voices doing fun stuff to drown out the bad. I could put out dumb posts to hopefully make people laugh, or eventually start writing recaps to give people something to do after watching the episode. There wasn’t really any bigger goal than that. Kill some time while celebrating the show and making the tag a more fun place, if only incrementally.

I’d like to think I did that. That I haven’t written or made too many things that have bummed people out and that most of my posts have hopefully made things better for people who wanted to hang out on here and talk about the show.

That’s all. At the end of everything, that was all. Just try to leave a net-positive wherever you go.

So that’s why I joined tumblr. Here’s why I stayed.

I am an unemployed writer. I’m an employed something else, but I would like to be an employed writer and I am currently not. And what that really means is I’m an unread writer. It means I write stuff and I try to convince people to read it and buy it, but most of the time they don’t. Most of the time, my stuff sits around waiting and hoping to be read. And when that’s the case, you can start to feel doubt.

What I didn’t realize when I started this account was that I would also be getting positivity back. I mean, I probably should have. It was the whole reason I started this, because I liked the positivity here. I guess I just didn’t expect it to be returned to me.

But it has. It has tremendously. Just writing this silly stuff that I do and putting it out there and getting feedback on it has meant so much to me. People saying something I’ve written is funny or interesting or just saying that they enjoyed it is such a confidence boost. You feel like, okay, people like my jokes or the way I think or whatever. There’s an audience for me somewhere. People who will get me. I just need to stick with it.

That’s what you all have been for me this last year and a half. More than just making this a fun place to share our love of this show, you’ve made this a place for me to feel seen.

I try not to tie too much of my self-esteem to the amount of interaction my posts get. (Seriously, don’t do that, it can be really unhealthy. I’m like, if a post flops, it flops. No biggie. Move on to the next one.) But every note I do get on something I’ve written lets me know I’ve done something right. The reblogs, the likes, the follows, the nice messages in my inbox, the comments on the posts. Any of it. All of it. It lets me know I’ve been read. It makes me feel like I’ve made a connection. And that means the world to me.

So thank you, to any and all of you who participated in this thing with me. Thank you for reading. Thank you for being a part of my experience on here. Thank you for being so cool that I wanted to join your group in the first place and thank you for being so great afterwards that I’m eternally happy I did.

It’s meant more to me than you could possibly know.

Keep the positivity.

- Jay

[tjkiahgb]

3.20, “We Were Here” - Is There Anything You Want To Tell Me?

I started writing this post a while ago.

I started writing it way before the episode aired. Before I even saw the bench promo.

I started writing it because the truth was, whatever ended up being the culmination of this story, however that manifested itself in the final episode, as long as it respected the characters and got them together, it didn’t matter as much as the fact that this all happened in the first place.

Don’t get me mistaken. The bench scene blew me away. I think it’s perhaps one of the most beautiful scenes the show has ever done. I still choke up thinking about it even now.

It starts with the two talking about Kira, and TJ says she’s not a nice person, but Cyrus reminds him of their past: there was a time when people believed he wasn’t a nice person either.

TJ says that sometimes there’s a nice person on the inside trying to get out. He wasn’t happy when he was a jerk, not genuinely, because he wasn’t being himself, in multiple ways. He was actually, deep down, a nice person, but he was trapped in this shell of anger he’d built for himself as a defense mechanism. And he didn’t have an escape. He needed someone else to see it, to look past his shell and see him as a person. He needed someone to give him the push to start bettering himself, to start letting that nice person out.

Cyrus says he knows that, but, really, he’s always known that. He’s always believed that about people, TJ most of all. He wouldn’t have spent so much time being there for TJ and defending him if he didn’t know that to be true.

They move on to the next thing: TJ’s name.

On the surface, this seems like a silly conversation, but there is so much more to it. This is TJ’s big secret (except for, you know, the other one). It’s something only his family knows because they know by default, but it’s something he’s never told anyone else because he’s never been close to or trusted anyone enough to tell them what TJ stands for.

But here he is, staring at Cyrus, and Cyrus is making him smile again by being Cyrus, and he decides, okay, this is the person I can tell this to. And he makes Cyrus swear, and Cyrus does, and because he trusts Cyrus so much, he decides to share.

He tells him it stands for Thelonious Jagger, and for a second it seems like he might regret it, but of course Cyrus isn’t going to judge him for his name. In fact, he loves the name, not just because it’s unique and unusual and has a story behind it, but because TJ chose to tell him it. He chose to entrust him with this knowledge.

So TJ has just shared this secret with Cyrus. A secret he’s had since pretty much three days after he was born. A secret that he’s had some shame about. And what happened? Cyrus was nothing but positive. And he’s looking at him with this warm smile on his face, and TJ realizes, this is it. I have to go for it. I have to know if he likes me like I like him.

It’s one of the scariest things in the world to put yourself out there like that. To take a leap of faith. Even more so when you’re gay. More so when you’re closeted. More so when you don’t know if the other person is gay, too.

But TJ knows that even if Cyrus isn’t gay, he’s not going to judge him. He never has and he never will. So he finds the bravery to make this little hand movement towards him. A subtle but unmistakable gesture. So small, and yet it requires mountains of courage.

And Cyrus sees it, and smiles. His doubts, his fears that he’s been deluding himself, that he’s fallen for another straight boy who’s not going to like him back, they disappear. And he looks at TJ and asks him if there’s anything he wants to tell him.

And TJ says “Yeah.” And that “Yeah” is everything. I want to tell you everything. I want to tell you how much it means to me that you always knew there was a nice person inside trying to get out. That you saw me when no one else did. That you did something as simple and as nice as inviting me to your Bar Mitzvah when you didn’t need to. When I hadn’t given you a lot of reason to. That you helped me accept my dyscalculia. That you pushed me to be a better person. That I’m constantly trying to make myself better because I just want to be the person you’ve always seen in me. I want to tell you how long I’ve liked you and how much I want to hold your hand right now. I want to tell you everything. Is there anything you want to tell me?

Yes. I want to tell you everything. I want to tell you how much it means to me that you taught me how to stand up for myself. That you pushed me out of my comfort zone when I needed it. That you showed me how to somersault. That you gave me confidence and you never judged me either. I want to tell you how much it means to me that you’ve made amends with my friends and that you keep striving to be a better person. I want to tell you how long I’ve liked you. I want to tell you everything.

But they look into each other’s eyes and they know they don’t have to say it. They don’t have to have this conversation because they’ve already had it a dozen times in their lives. He’s with me. You know where to find me. I’m there. There is nothing wrong with you. I can help you with that. You think you know someone. Blueberry macadamia. I talk about you. You’re the only person I can talk to like this. Of course I came. I have an idea for costume day. I’ll drive you there. They don’t have to say anything because they’ve already said everything. They’ve been saying it their entire relationship. They just didn’t know for sure until this moment that the other person was saying it, too.

But now they do, and the only thing left is to hold hands and let go of that breath they’ve been holding in for so long. That breath that contained all of their fears and anxieties about rejection and loss and not being understood. The kind of breath you let out after taking the biggest leap of faith of your life and landing safely on the other side.

And the camera pulls back and retreats into the house, leaving them framed by doors as if the camera is watching them from afar, like it once did from behind a tree as they sat on the swings in the park. It leaves them alone, just the two of them, in their own special world. They have each other, and that’s all they need.

It’s brilliant. It’s subtle, it’s emotional, it’s stunning. It’s an achievement in writing, directing, editing, and acting. It’s one of my favorite scenes the show has ever done.

But beyond the scene itself, this moment was the end of something truly remarkable. Something I sometimes have a hard time believing really happened.

Cyrus. The gawky Jewish kid. The awkward boy who spent season one being comedic relief and quietly pining after the cool kid. And it’s not like he was a bad character -- he was still written and performed well -- but he wasn’t a character you would say you’d never seen before.

And then he looks back. And then he comes out to Buffy.

Could you believe? Not just gay-coded. Not just one-dimensional comedic relief. A real gay character. A gay character with depth. A gay character who has way more attributes than “being gay.” On Disney Channel of all places.

TJ. The angry jock. The bad-attitude basketball team captain and certainly not a character you would say you’d never seen before.

And then you learn he’s dealing with a learning disability and an internal shame about it. And maybe he’s actually got more depth than you first gave him credit for.

And could you believe this angry jock with dyscalculia takes a liking to the awkward gay kid? Not just for a quick gag. Not for a forgettable c-plot where they’re thrust together to finish a project for Spanish class. A storyline. A storyline that starts with a muffin and blossoms with a chance encounter where they form a bond. A true bond. An unbreakable friendship birthed out of two people helping each other when they needed it the most. And maybe -- and, my God, could you believe it, maybe -- if you squinted... something more?

And could you believe that storyline would continue? That they would keep helping each other. Teaching each other things. Making each other better.

The angry jock becomes less angry. The awkward gay kid becomes, well, not less awkward, but at least more assured in his awkward self. And the whole time they continue growing closer. And the gay kid moves past his first crush, opening the door to a new world of possibilities. And the jock gets redemption by apologizing through, and talk about unbelievable, a rap.

And could you believe, when that was all said and done, the jock would look back, too? Was it ambiguous? Yes. And yet, for all the immediate ambiguity, for all the doubt we might’ve had in the moment, the thoughts that maybe it might be something else, that we might be heading down a road of disappointment too many of us had been down before... we knew. We knew this wasn’t that. Because we had put our faith in this show before and had been rewarded. We knew this was a sign. A sign for those paying attention, an indication that what this all seemed to be was exactly what it was. The formerly angry, now redeemed jock looked back at the gay kid who had come to mean so much to him and suddenly, there were two gay characters on the show. On Disney Channel of all places.

And then, a season of trials and tribulations, ups and downs, being split apart and coming back together. Growth. Conflict. Surprises. Humor. Basketball tryouts. A gun. The swings. A jersey. A challah. A Shrek reference. A somersault costume that never was. A shirt. A trial. A stolen golf cart. A musical performance.

And a bench.

Could you believe? A year and a half plus of waiting and watching and hoping.

Could you believe it paid off? Could you believe it was worth it? Could you believe we actually got a gay couple?

A gay couple! A gay couple featuring two real characters. Not a one time guest spot. Not a gay character content being alone. Not a bland character who could blend into the wall and fly under the radar. Not a character introduced last minute just to do it. Important, gay characters. Characters with goals. With victories and setbacks. With bright spots and flaws. With backstories. With depth. Main characters. Main, gay characters.

And on the Disney Channel. Just a few years ago, you could barely expect to get anything on the Disney Channel.

And yet, here it was. Of all the places in the world to find this story. This beautiful, emotional, moving, deep, rich, and fulfilling story about two gay kids finding each other through improbable and wonderful circumstances, we found it on the Disney Channel.

Sometimes, I just can’t believe it.

[tjkiahgb]

3.20, “We Were Here” - I’ve Never Changed My Mind

I like starting the conversation with the throwback to the first party and the first meeting at the food table. It’s not just a cute bit of callback, it also shows how far Marty and Buffy have come.

To me, the dialogue feels unnatural now. Whereas the first time, they seemed like younger kids being silly, they’ve both grown so much since that first party. I think Marty feels the same way. When they get to the bit about the live frog, he wants to crawl inside of himself from embarrassment.

In a way, Buffy does, too. Not that she doesn’t love bantering with Marty, but I think she realizes there’s more value to both of them at this point in being straight with one another. You can mask your feelings with jokes. It takes a lot more strength to be vulnerable and honest with someone. It’s something Buffy has long struggled with.

Even earlier in this very episode, she still hadn’t admitted to her crush buddy Cyrus that she liked Marty in that way. Not that Cyrus couldn’t figure it out via obvious unspoken cues, but he was asking her questions about Marty and all she would give him was “I don’t know.”

So it’s quite the move that Buffy decides she’s going to go for it at the party here, and approach Marty with the intention of being straightforward about things. Unfortunately, things don’t go right. They get a little awkward, so Buffy bails on the idea and heads for the exit.

Marty doesn’t quit on her, though. Like he did at the marathon, he knows there’s something more behind her “just forget about it” attitude, so he follows her outside to pursue it. He tries to get her to just say what was clearly on her mind.

Buffy says okay, and takes a breath, and you can feel she’s fighting every instinct that’s telling her to just flee the area. And then finally, she says “I like you.” It’s so simple but so, so necessary. It’s what Marty’s been waiting for her to say for seasons. She couldn’t do it before. The girl from the party in season one, making jokes about cheese puffs? This was not in her emotional vocabulary.

But this Buffy? This Buffy who has grown and learned and matured? She can. She can put herself on the line and admit to having feelings for Marty, even if she doesn’t know those feelings will be reciprocated.

And, of course, those feelings are reciprocated. Marty admitting with a great line that he’s never stopped liking Buffy. It’s something he needed to say as well, having had denied it so much recently to protect himself, or to protect her, or both.

In many ways, Marty and Buffy were always that virtual couple. They had the appearance of a couple, and the banter and the chemistry, but they could never cross that boundary into the real world, either because Buffy wasn’t ready for it, or Marty wasn’t ready for it, or both of them were pretending they didn’t want it.

And so it’s after they’ve both finally been able to admit out loud that they like each other that Marty’s able to kiss Buffy. It’s a physical act that’s both romantic and a way to say, “Yes, this is a real thing.”

It’s them finally crossing that boundary.

[tjkiahgb]

3.20, “We Were Here” - Someday We Will Be

The conversation, of course, must begin with their past.

They make light of the terrible gifts Jonah once gave Andi, but really, they’re kind of laughing about their entire relationship. The on-again, off-again nature of it. The misfires and miscommunications. It’s funny to think of kids reminiscing of their past and going, “Man, we were such children back then” but that’s basically what these two are doing. Like Jonah and picking gifts, we just never figured it out.

But that transitions really nicely into the reveal that their bracelet is alive. As Andi once put it, the only times she and Jonah ever really understood each other, it was through that bracelet. It’s always been a representation of their relationship and it serves as that again here.

Andi thought the bracelet was lost. Gone forever. And Jonah did, too. But it turns out it wasn’t. Turns out it had always been nearby. They just couldn’t see it because it was hidden amongst the socks. When Andi offers to make the bracelet disappear once and for all, Jonah stops her. That’s not what he wants. He likes the bracelet. He always has. He hasn’t been good about showing it. Because of his immaturity, he would stop wearing it at times, or misplace it, but that didn’t mean he didn’t care for it. He just wasn’t ready for it yet. He wants to wear it now, though. So Andi puts it on him.

Does it mean he’s ready to wear it now? I don’t know. Maybe not quite yet.

And Andi looks at him and wonders the same thing. If we’d just had a better idea of who we were and what we were doing, what could’ve been.

And Jonah, flashing a surprising sense of wisdom, a wisdom that he’s occasionally stumbled upon throughout the series, reminds her that nothing’s set in stone. They didn’t figure it out then, but the future? Maybe we will.

Jonah’s last line is so fascinating. Jonah, who just episodes ago, was freaking out at the thought of having to respond to Amber’s declaration of love, declares, unprompted, that he loves Andi.

And it’s not the same kind of love, to be sure, but I think it’s, interestingly, a more mature type of love. It’s the kind of love you reserve for someone you really care about. I love you as a person. I love you as someone who means something to me. I see you for how amazing you are, and I love you for that.

Will they get back together soon? Will they ever get back together? Who knows? We all keep growing and changing. We learn more about ourselves. We mature. Who can say when someday will be.

The wide open nature is the beauty of it.

[tjkiahgb]

3.20, “We Were Here” - Born This Way

This still feels a little bit like a fever dream.

I remember when we were getting promos and pictures and such of the finale before it aired and we saw the characters singing and we were all speculating about what the song would be.

Wouldn’t it be cool if they sang the theme song? Or “Lemon Boy”?

I kept thinking, what are they going to do here? No offense to the cheap songs they buy from the production music places -- some of them are great -- but I was like, are they actually going to use a real song for the first time in the show’s history? Or are they just going to sing a production music song and everyone pretends like it’s a song they all know? Or sing a public domain song? Or an original song?

What I was absolutely not ready for was “slow piano intro to ‘Born This Way’.“

I just want to talk my way through how crazy and amazing this whole thing is.

Let’s try it like this.

Let’s say I came from the future to visit you, the reader, in the past, when early season two was airing, and I said, “So, for the big finale in season three, they’re going to do a huge musical number at a house party.”

You might go, “Cool. What song are they going to sing?”

And I would say, “Born This Way.”

And you would say, “The Lady Gaga song? One of the biggest, gayest pop anthems of the last 10 years?”

And I would say, “Yeah. That’s the one. They’re somehow going to pay for the rights to sing one of the biggest, gayest pop anthems of the last 10 years. Now, one character is going to start the song off, playing it on the piano. Can you guess which character that will be?”

And you, early season two Andi Mack viewer, how many guesses would it take you before you picked this guy:

Dozens? Everyone in the GHC? Jonah? Everyone in the Mack family? Marty? Gus? Iris? Brittany? Dr. Metcalf? Aunt Mei? You probably would’ve invented characters before you settled on mean basketball captain TJ playing the piano intro to “Born This Way” in the finale!

So I tell you it’s mean basketball captain TJ playing “Born This Way” on the piano and after some convincing that I’m actually from the future, you believe me.

“Okay,” you say. “So it’s some kind of rehearsed performance?”

“No, I don’t think so,” I say. “The party is kind of short notice anyway. I think TJ just gets on stage with his piano and starts playing this super gay song about accepting yourself by heart to make a statement. Like, I think it means something to him and I honestly don’t know if there is more to the plan than just, ‘I want to play this song for the whole party.’“

“So does he just play the song on the piano?”

“Oh no,” I say, “People join in. They have microphones, from God knows where. First person to start singing is Cyrus.”

“Cyrus?”

“I don’t want to give too much away, but he’s the only choice for who would first join in the song with TJ.”

“Huh.”

“And let me tell you, TJ is so over the moon to see Cyrus join him in the song.”

“Huh.”

“Okay, so they start off the song, and guess who joins next.”

And we go through the thing again where you guess most of the cast before we finally get to:

Mean girl Amber!

And you’re like, “What?”

And I’m like, “Yeah! It’s a very long and winding story but she is friends with everyone now, especially Andi, so of course she would be at the party. And then TJ tries to call Jonah or Bowie on stage to play guitar on the song.”

“Oh, does Jonah play guitar?” you ask.

“Yeah, he masters it in like a day and a half, but don’t worry about that,” I say. “Because neither one gets on stage with a guitar. Bex does.”

“Oh, does Bex play guitar?” you ask.

And I go, “I don’t know! We’ve never been given any indication she does. But she gets on stage and starts shredding! And then Andi and Jonah get on stage and start singing together.”

“Oh, so they’re together?”

“Ehhh, hold off on that. And then Buffy gets on stage and starts singing and looking at Marty on the sidelines, and Marty is off on the sidelines, singing and looking back at her.”

“Oh, so those two are still together? They must get together at some point in season two, right?”

“Ehhh, hold off on that. Just know that it’s like, a great stroke of luck in scheduling that Marty’s around in the first place.”

“Huh.”

“Then Cyrus joins TJ on stage behind the piano and they’re rocking out together. They’re like on top of each other, singing a duet.”

“You’re really painting them as having grown very close.”

“Don’t get ahead of me!”

“Sorry.”

“So, the party is bouncing and everyone’s singing and it’s just so joyous. Everyone’s having the time of their life and you just can feel it. It puts a smile on your face.”

“Sounds wild.”

“It is. It’s such a great song choice for the show and it’s so unexpected and unbelievable, you’re just thankful that somehow, someway they were able to make this whole thing work. You never would’ve guessed coming in it was going to go this way, and now you look back, you go, ‘Of course it had to go this way. It couldn’t have been any other way. It’s perfect.’”

“That’s really cool,” you say. “Hey, can I get some lottery numbers before you go?”

And I say, “I didn’t memorize lottery numbers.” And then I disappear back into the future.

[tjkiahgb]

3.20, “We Were Here” - Nothing Like You

I was doing okay through the first couple parts of the finale. The opening with Celia, and the stuff about party planning and SAVA, and I was thinking, okay, maybe I can make it through this.

And then this scene happened and it broke me and I don’t think I ever recovered.

This is the first of four scenes in the finale with the major couples on this show, and each one of them is just phenomenal in how perfectly they capture the essence of these relationships and display so beautifully their pasts, presents, and futures.

This scene starts with Bex descending the stairs to the party in her dress, clearly reminiscent of the first party, when Andi did the same.

When the first party took place, Bex was recently returned. She was still living at home, she’d just taken a job at the Fringe, and she was only beginning to adjust to being Andi’s mom while still behaving a bit too much like her fun older sister.

And Andi was meeker then -- she had lived a pretty sheltered life under Celia’s protective watch -- so you can feel that she’s nervous as she comes down the stairs and sort of symbolically enters this new world: a wild party where she’s trying to put herself out there more. Andi asks how she looks and Bex makes the “You look okay... You look amazing!” joke to give her the encouragement she needs.

This time around, the roles are reversed.

Where Andi was wearing a flashy yellow dress, Bex is wearing a wedding dress, which, if not symbolic of settling down per se, is, at the very least, one of the classic symbols of entering a new stage in one’s life.

And she truly is. She’s grown so much since the first party. She has her own home now, she owns a small business, she’s fully embraced being Andi’s mom and she’s now also a wife.

But you can still sense she’s nervous, as Andi was, and not just about how she looks in the dress. She’s entering a new world, too. This one, though, one of maturity.

And this time, Andi makes the “you look decent” joke, which is a cute throwback, but to me the better line is her telling Bex, “If you only knew how beautiful you look.”

I think that sort of nicely calls back a line in the pilot, when Andi is putting herself down after playing frisbee with Jonah for the first time and Bex tells her she can’t see herself. Or, basically, if only you knew how amazing you are. What Bex is telling her at the time is that she needs to know how great she really is, and if Jonah doesn’t see that, someday Andi will meet someone who does see her for how amazing she is.

Like, as Andi points out in this scene, how Bowie sees her.

Andi goes to let Bowie in and he walks in through the same door to Celia’s he used to first walk into their lives once upon a time.

But he, too, has grown. He has a steady job, a place to live. He’s no longer the unreliable, wandering musician. He’s a husband now, and a beloved father, like his father before him, whose tux he now wears.

And Bex and Bowie meet and just look at each other with such a sense of love and amazement and gratitude that this has all worked out as it did.

And through all this, I was still keeping it together. It’s so well done, but I’m like, I’m okay, I’m okay.

And then Andi gets them to do their first dance, and she plays that song, “Never Seen Nothing Like You”. It’s such a sweet, soft song, and the lyrics are so perfect, it’s like it was written just for them.

And I’m remembering the first time the song was played, in Bowie’s video, where he said how important Andi was to him and basically stated his desire to be a part of the family.

And the second time the song was played, following the birthday party the whole family threw for Bowie, and after Andi calls Bowie “dad” for the first time, and basically says without saying “you are a part of this family.”

And now, here it is again, in the finale. And they are the family.

The same song. The same people. The same house. Three different, important points in all their lives and in their journeys.

Bex and Bowie are together now, and Andi is with them, and they are finally the family unit that once seemed so improbable given where they started.

It just so beautifully, wonderfully comes full circle.

And that is what broke me.

[tjkiahgb]

3.19, “A Moving Day” - We Did It

So, let me just say this first. This storyline, about the wedding being called off and then put back on, didn’t really work for me.

It’s unfortunate because I think it could have been good but it never came together in a satisfying way. It’s off, then we have a little stuff with Bex seeing the snow globe and her talk with Bowie, then it goes unmentioned for a few episodes and then: surprise, a wedding on the mountain.

Let me also be clear, I do not blame the producers for this one bit. There is one person at fault for messing up this storyline by forcing reshoots. I think the producers did as best they could with a terrible situation.

And the ceremony is still very sweet and it looks great. I just didn’t get the emotional payoff from the whole thing, though, and I say that as someone who was getting emotional all the time during this backstretch of episodes.

What I did think was excellent though, was their little exchange after their first kiss, because that wasn’t about this wedding storyline, it was about the culmination of three seasons of their relationship.

You know it must feel so great for Bowie to finally be able to say they did it. This marriage is something he’s wanted for so long now and he’s almost definitely questioned if it would ever happen. But now, here he is, with his wife and his family. Together. It’s all he’s ever really wanted.

And Bex thanking Bowie for sticking it out? That’s not just this last minute cancellation of their wedding. That’s everything. That’s thank you for sticking it out through my teenage years, and through meeting my family, and through learning about Andi so late in her life, and through dealing with the on-again-off-again nature of our relationship since you returned to Shadyside, and through this last minute cancellation of our wedding. It’s for being reliable when people weren’t sure you ever could be. It’s for being understanding. It’s for being patient.

There’d been so much drama and uncertainty, but he stuck with her, and it paid off for both of them.

And it paid off for the whole family.

The group hug with Andi and Celia afterwards is so beautiful. It feels like they finally found it. After three seasons (though, really, after 14 or so years of their lives) of shifting responsibilities and relationships, of learning how to navigate their new family dynamics, of growing into their new roles, they finally found their places. They reformed their family unit. Here, at the top of a mountain, they finally did it.

They became the Macks.

[tjkiahgb]

3.18, “Something to Talk A-Boot″ - I’ll Drive You There

This is such a brilliant little scene that captures so much of the fantastic dynamic that makes TJ and Cyrus special.

I mean, before we even get to the dialogue, I love that TJ immediately goes and steals another golf cart just because he wants to do something fun with Cyrus. Because he knows, after that whole trial business, it’s going to make Cyrus smile to see him doing this.

The “I live on the edge, I live in the middle” exchange is not only this fun and flirty bit of dialogue, it really speaks to their characters. TJ’s the cool, confident jock who isn’t afraid to break some rules. Cyrus is meeker and more likely to stay within the lines. The key is they respect that about each other and they accept each other for who they are.

That’s why the “Cool, I’ll drive you there” line is so perfect. It’s TJ going, I know that about you and I like that about you and I wouldn’t try to change it. I want to go there with you, but, you know, we’ll do it my way: in a stolen golf cart. Do you want to ride with me?

And of course Cyrus does. He doesn’t argue that they just walk or do something else, because he doesn’t want to change TJ either. He knows now, after everything, TJ wouldn’t put him in a situation that was truly damaging. That getting caught wouldn’t lead to something they couldn’t weather together. The risk is worth the reward. Cyrus wants to get out of his comfort zone. He wants to live on the edge with TJ for at least a little bit.

In many ways, this is a bit of a reflection of the original swing scene. TJ swings high, Cyrus doesn’t. TJ doesn’t make fun of him for this. Instead, he pushes him just enough to see that getting out of his comfort zone can be exhilarating. It’s why they’ve always worked. Because they’ve never judged each other for their differences, but rather used their differences to help each other grow and to help each other succeed.

But where they were just learning that about each other at the swings, they know that about each other now. They understand fully that dynamic. They get each other on a fundamental level. And they are rewarded for that.

Everyone else in the world sort of fades into the background again, like the people in the park did when they were on the swings, and it leaves just the two of them, together, in their golf cart, taking it on a wild ride around the school, experiencing just pure, carefree joy. The kind they both had been missing for a little while. The kind they had been missing by not having each other in their lives for a little while.

I legitimately like the generic production music rock song that plays while they’re in the golf cart. It makes for a great soundtrack as the two live it up. It’s fun and lighthearted, but it also has that little bit of punk-style grit to it. It’s a little bit of the middle, and a little bit of the edge.

This scene was what we, the audience, needed following two episodes of angst. We needed to see them happy and in a good place so they could canon in the finale.

But, in an interesting way, this scene was also sort of what the characters needed at this point. They needed to be reminded of how good their relationship was, of how well they worked together, of how much happiness they brought each other. They needed to look at the other one and go, Oh yeah, I remember who he is and what he means to me.

And this scene accomplished all of that in just the most extraordinary way.

[tjkiahgb]

i agree a lot w your take on 315. another thing re tj i'd like to add: up until that point, one of tj's traits is his stubbornness, so tj suddenly caving left right and center is jarring. 'ooc is serious business' can be a good trope; when a character is ooc, it indicates something's up. like in 313, tj caving was a shock, so there must be a bloody good reason he did it, right? but in 315, we see kira bend him to her will like it's nothing as if her ability to control him isn't unusual.

Hate to be one of those people who just posts an anon message and only adds “anon, you’re right” but…

I said this in the comments of the post but, at least as far as TJ goes, it feels like they didn’t give the storyline the care it needed that particular episode. Like they spent so much time on the Mint Chip plot that they were getting to the end of the episode and the writer was like, “Oh no, I’m running out of time in the episode, I’ve got like less than a minute here to get him on the swings so Cyrus can see him. Okay, even though there’s like a dozen reasonable ways for TJ to not get on swings, especially because Kira has no idea of their significance so it’s not like it would raise any suspicions, this and that happens and boom, he’s on the swings and Cyrus is there seeing him be on the swings. Great! Plot’s moving. Now I gotta get these kids thrown in jail!” It just comes off kinda sloppy.

Or, basically: anon, you’re right.

Hey, let me also just add while I’m here that I’m really happy with how these moments posts have been going. I didn’t know what the response was going to be, but it’s been pretty cool to see a lot of you guys reliving some of this stuff with me. I especially like reading all your tags and responses, and discussing some of the episodes again with you all. It’s been a nice way to decompress after the finale.

[tjkiahgb]

the only real complaint i've seen about the portrayal of dyscalculia in s2 from people w learning disabilities (2 to be exact) is that is that tj's negative reaction isn't realistic as both said being told you have a learning disability is Good bc it means you're not stupid and can learn. but imo given buffy and cyrus tell tj exactly that and he ultimately learns that too, his reaction seems more just His Character (avoiding his problems) as opposed to a general learning disability thing.

Yeah, I get that. It is positive news to diagnose a learning disability because it means you can start working towards new ways to deal with it, but also, yeah, the person you’re telling has to be receptive to the news. I can’t imagine there’s a blanket response across all cases for how people handle that. It probably varies depending on a lot of different factors, the biggest of which being the person being told.

Maybe if TJ was eager to solve this, and was being tested somewhere, and a doctor came in and told him and explained it to him it would be one thing. But Buffy – and this isn’t her fault because she’s not a professional, she’s just a kid trying to help – runs up to him in the park and basically says “Good news, I think you have a learning disability.”

That’s just not what he wants to hear at that moment. It hasn’t crossed his mind that he has a learning disability, he just thought he was bad at math, and so he is not ready for this. He has an image that he’s spent a long time creating as a defense mechanism: cold, tough, scary basketball captain, and all he’s hearing now, in this moment, isn’t the good news portion of what Buffy said. It’s the buzzword, as Cyrus puts it: disability.

That word flips a switch in his head and his mind starts racing through the things he tells Buffy about in 2.12: people are going to know his problems, people are going to look at him differently, people are going to feel sorry for him. He’s starting to see his brain the way he describes it to Cyrus in 2.17: broken, malfunctioning.

So, yeah, you’re right, anon, it’s absolutely about where he is as a character at that point. He needs time to process the information, and he needs encouragement to look past his preconceived notions about the buzzword and all the negative connotations that come with it, which is where Cyrus becomes so vital.

Look, real world: if he’s struggling to even start the multiplication tables, it’s hard to imagine that none of his teachers before this wouldn’t have realized something was wrong. Real world: he’s probably tested earlier and professionals in the field help him instead a couple of kids he knows.

Again, we take some liberties to tell a more interesting story. It’s more dramatic if he struggles with acceptance, it’s more dramatic if Cyrus helps him. It’s less dramatic if there’s an entire b-plot one episode where TJ is running through tests and waiting for results in a clinic. It’s the difference between a fictional tv show meant for entertainment and a medical documentary, and it’s good to keep in mind which one we’re watching.

[tjkiahgb]

3.18, “Something to Talk A-Boot″ - The Life and Crimes of TJ Kippen, Aged 14

It’s great that this whole story starts off with TJ and Buffy again. This is their last big interaction in the series and it’s a wonderful way to show how far they’d come. I don’t know how intentional it is, but it’s a really nice touch that their conversation on the field has TJ sympathizing with Buffy because she can’t play basketball. Their relationship in this series starts with him trying to prevent her from playing basketball and ends with him doing something kind for her -- to his own detriment -- because he knows she can’t play.

I like Buffy mentioning how far TJ had come at The Spoon as well and Cyrus taking a small victory lap. It’s a nice reminder that Cyrus spent a long time defending TJ and it paid off.

It’s also a little bit of foreshadowing because he, very literally, ends up having to defend TJ again, when he learns TJ’s in danger of being severely punished for doing something good. One of the constants of their relationship throughout the show is when Cyrus feels TJ is being misunderstood, he won’t hesitate to stand up for him. He knows who TJ is as a person and he’ll fight to prove it to others.

The court scene is, admittedly, very silly. It’s Cyrus turned up to 110%. But it also comes off as sweet because he, in his own Cyrus way, is giving his all to help TJ.

I enjoy their retelling of what happened. It’s that sort of trope where a team of two who work so well together try to fast talk their way through a situation, bouncing the story back and forth.

I like TJ’s reaction to Cyrus cross-examining himself. It’s mostly reads like, “Oh God, I’m definitely getting suspended and kicked off the team” but it also has a little bit of, “I can’t believe this is the kid I’ve fallen for.” When Gus asks if there’s any chance this could be sped up, TJ is just like, “Nope, this is Cyrus. You just gotta let it be.”

The plot wraps up in a pretty silly way as well. Anytime a story ends with the heroes failing and slipping out of trouble because the antagonists go, “Ah, there was never actually any danger to begin with!” you kind of tend to roll your eyes. But it started from a sort of wacky premise, so you can forgive it for ending that way.

The joke about TJ asking Cyrus to visit him on the inside got a lot of play because that is like the thing you say to your spouse when you’re going away to prison. It’s kind of a surprisingly gay joke for him to make.

But I think beyond that, why I also really enjoy that exchange, is because it shows again how TJ and Cyrus get each other. The first thing TJ does after being freed from the fear of suspension and being kicked off the team is launch into a bit with Cyrus. And Cyrus jumps right in with the clever line about the hall pass hidden in a cake.

Both of them have a pretty great sense of humor. TJ tends to be more sarcastic, but he isn’t afraid to be goofy, especially not with Cyrus. Cyrus tends to be goofier, but can be cutting with his sarcasm when he wants to. The key is that they know how to match each other and play off each other so well.

If you can find someone like that, who shares your sense of humor, who will follow you on things and play with you in bits, who can make you smile and make you laugh, then you’ve found someone who’s on your same wavelength. And, honestly, I think that’s one of the most important things you can have in a relationship. Someone who gets you.

So, was this whole storyline pretty silly? Yes, absolutely.

But that doesn’t mean I still didn’t thoroughly enjoy every bit of it.

[tjkiahgb]

3.16, “One Girl’s Trash” - The Dress

Bex and Bowie had some really great, really sweet scenes this episode so, of course, by the rules of drama, something sad had to happen. And so it did.

The whole wedding plot wasn’t the most interesting, especially in the early going of season three when it was a lot of wedding planning details -- cakes, dresses, centerpieces. It allowed for some conflict between Bex and Celia and Andi but nothing too deep. (It got slightly better when the wedding got called off and the characters had to start dealing with some of the emotional fallout of all that but still struggled to really get a ton of momentum because of the necessary reshoots and reshuffling.)

Bowie, for most of season three, had been in the background of the storyline, occasionally throwing his two cents in, but mostly serving as support. In fact, he served as support so much, you sort of forgot how much he really wanted to marry Bex.

So it leads to this crushing moment where he sees her and the wedding dress, and the emotional wall he’d built to shield his true feelings about the matter crumbles. He’s barely able to hold back tears as he talks about how much he really did want this. The line about Andi eventually wearing the dress is both a sweet, sad line and a nice way to show how much he’d been thinking about this whole thing. How he’d been envisioning their future together.

The scene makes you realize what a tough situation he was put in. He wants to marry Bex, but that’s a two way street. She’s got to want it, too. He wants her to be happy, but he has to sacrifice much of his own happiness for that.

It’s a very emotional scene and Trent and Lilan do an excellent job with it.

[tjkiahgb]

3.16, “One Girl’s Trash” - Asian

The show dug into issues of race once a season, but this was my favorite version of how they explored it.

I did actually think the storyline about Buffy’s hair in “It's Not About You” was fascinating. There’s a whole cultural discussion to be had about natural hair and it’s surprising in a cool way to see it come up in a kids’ show. Hopefully, it allowed a window into the topic for some kids who’ve never had to consider that sort of thing. The plot itself is subtle and somewhat sad, especially when Buffy wishes she could talk to her mom about the situation, but, unfortunately, it’s also kinda wrapped up in a not wholly satisfying way. The kid who complained about Buffy’s hair is someone we’ve never met and never will and he’s a liar, so don’t worry about it. The heroes didn’t really have to do anything, they just had to wait for everyone to remember the liar was a liar.

“I Wanna Hold Your Wristband“ had a good message about privilege, which spans a wide range of things, but definitely includes race as a big one amongst them. I personally found the whole thing a little too on the nose, though. That’s not to say it was bad, it was probably great for the intended audience. It’s just that I’m not the intended audience, so moments like the reveal at the end about what the experiment was about fell a little flat for me.

But this episode’s storyline, about stereotypes, comes together just right.

First, doing it about stereotypes is clever because it’s so universal. Most people watching, from kids to adults, have experienced stereotyping in some way. Perhaps about your race, or your ethnicity, or your gender, or your sexual orientation. Even if you don’t relate to the exact stereotypes being thrust upon Andi here, you can empathize because you may have been, at some point, on the receiving end of similar behavior and felt equally as dehumanized.

And if someone watching hasn’t been on the receiving end, then perhaps this storyline might make them stop and think: have they ever engaged in stereotyping, intentionally or accidentally? Have they ever hurt someone by doing so? It’s hard to not feel for Andi after seeing how the instance in the classroom affected her and so, hopefully, people watching would see that and think, “I wouldn’t want to make anyone feel that way.” Hopefully.

I love that Andi uses the word “Asian.” It’s powerful to put it into words instead of just hint at it. It’s part of her identity. It’s been used against her. It makes the issue clear and real, for both the characters and the audience.

And I think wrapping this whole story up by incorporating Andi’s artistic skills is an excellent way to resolve things. The project is very clever. The use of layers to represent depth. The need to view things from a different angle to get the whole picture. It was a fantastic way to tie up what was a great episode.

[tjkiahgb]

3.15, “Unloading Zone” - The Shirt

I remember coming into season three, I didn’t expect a lot of gay drama. I figured they’d try to keep the Tyrus storyline on the down-low. Some will-they, won’t-they, but not a ton of angst or anything.

And then the promo came out for season three with Reed and there was panic. And we were all like, is this gay angst?!

And then it was gun angst, so it was like, okay, okay, gotta pull back. Probably shouldn’t expect gay angst.

Well, we got gay angst. It just happened nine episodes later.

I will say about this episode, I think it’s the weakest writing TJ gets in the series. Early season two TJ was one dimensional, sure, but that was at least consistent with his character to that point. The only other scene that sort of compares is the one with Buffy at the end of “A Walker to Remember,” though I think the problem there is the scene itself is very confusing. It takes more episodes to sort of figure out what happened -- which is not what you want from a scene -- but at least when you piece together what actually went down, you see TJ doesn’t come off as poorly in the grander scheme of things as he does in the scene as it stands by itself.

This episode, though, he comes off, frankly, like a dummy. That he’s trying to set up a playdate with Cyrus and Kira and can’t figure out that Cyrus is wildly uncomfortable around her and she is incredibly cold towards him paints TJ with a lack of emotional intelligence that he’s never shown before. You think about how he picked up immediately on the awkwardness of when Jonah brought Natalie to The Spoon that one time and he whisked Cyrus out of there. Like, he knows what social cues are.

And the piggyback ride and Kira getting him on the swings were way too easy. This “bet you can’t do it” thing is something that five year olds stop falling for. If you want to get him on the swings for this big dramatic moment, fine, but you have come with stronger motivation than TJ thinking “Ooh, I’m gonna show her!” or you’re doing a disservice to his character.

Sort of all of TJ’s behavior this episode has to be chalked up to him being scared. Internalized homophobia. Kira has exploited his crush on Cyrus to make him nervous and susceptible to her whims. Again, fine. I mean, that’s where the story was heading so I'll buy into that. But the writing in the episode itself doesn’t offer that in a particularly clear way. TJ seems neither here nor there about his situation. He’s upset he can’t be around Cyrus, but he’s also not particularly upset about the rest of it. He’s like, well, I guess I’ve just gotta keep hanging out with this girl now so no one suspects anything. She’s not that bad I suppose.

The only other way to really read all of this is that he’s in obvious denial about everything. He wants to pretend there are no issues between Cyrus and Kira. He wants to pretend Kira’s not manipulating him. It makes some sense to read things that way -- that he’s in such a panic that he’s trying to will everything into being fine -- but it’s also strange because he’s known Kira for like a week and they only really know each other because she was so awful she got immediately kicked off Buffy’s basketball team, and then she pressured him into not doing the costume he wanted to do. Given that, I don’t know why he’d be sitting there thinking, “No, not Kira, she wouldn’t do that. I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt. I wouldn’t want to lose my several day old friendship with her.”

The way this storyline plays out, I think oblivious is the read we’re supposed to get on it. Like, he doesn’t get that she was being intentional and pointed in her homophobia when she hints the costume seems weird and gay in 3.13, and he doesn’t get that she’s being controlling in this episode. Given the way the finale goes, you sort of get the sense he’s not aware of any of this at all until Kira tries employing a subtle homophobia for a second time, and that’s when it all clicks that she’s not a nice person. I have a tough time with that. He may be oblivious to certain things, like how much Cyrus likes him, but there’s that level of oblivious and then there’s not getting that when you say you don’t want to do something and the other person goes, “Well then I guess you’re a chicken,” that they are manipulating you. I think he’s more aware than that. It sort of requires a level of above and beyond oblivious and feels inconsistent with what we’ve seen of the character.

Tackling an internalized homophobia storyline on the Disney Channel was ambitious given there are certainly restrictions about what can be shown and said. I do believe, even given those content restrictions, there was a way to make this storyline work. If 3.13 was the beginning of it, and it’s wrapped up by the finale, then 3.15 sort of has to be the pivotal turning point in the plot. Unfortunately, it just didn’t execute well enough.

So why did I make this post? Because while I didn’t care for how TJ was handled, I really enjoyed what Cyrus got to do.

I liked how much they let Cyrus openly pine this episode. They threw in a lookback at the end just to confirm he’s crushing on TJ, but his actions this episode were pretty blatant before that. He’s watching him with someone else, he’s jealous, he’s trying to give him a gift for no reason, he’s talking about how nice his eyes are.

I love that he’s got that nervous crush energy in the scene with Buffy and the shirt. And I love how supportive Buffy is with him. The shirt is a very coded but clever way to discuss the anxiety that comes with being gay and having a crush and not knowing if that information will be received positively, much less reciprocated.

The episode is a bit of a downer -- definitely still in the part of the arc where things get worse before they get better -- but it was at least cool to see the show’s gay ship getting some very visible attention.

[tjkiahgb]

You said that dyscalculia was nicely represented in show, but it wasn't. It was mostly wrong like yeah like symptom of dyscalculia is mistaking numbers, but it isn't totally not to be able to see difference between 12 and 21.

I said that about the longer, more in-depth storyline from season two, which was as much about dyscalculia as it was about learning disabilities in general and why people who have them shouldn’t feel inferior because of them.

I’ve also said on here that you cannot be expected to get even most of the information on a topic through television, that it’s up to people to research things further, but that television can be a great way to just introduce new ideas to people, which is what TJ’s dyscalculia storyline did.

Look, the science they used in Jurassic Park is mostly or almost entirely wrong. Does it matter? No, not really. You fudge things in storytelling all the time. The writer of the book and the producers of the film did so they could tell a good story. One, more importantly, that had a lot of interesting themes and ideas about science that we can still debate to this day. So if you sit there and watch the movie and go, “Well, they couldn’t really clone dinosaurs that way,” or “Dinosaurs don’t really look like that, they look more like giant chickens,” then you’re missing the forest for the trees.

Could Jonah really learn the guitar as well as he did after like an hour long lesson with Bowie? Not really. Could Buffy solve all of her basketball team’s problems just by telling them to open their eyes? Not really. Could Andi assemble the “Trashing Stereotypes” art project by herself in the middle of the school in the time we’re supposed to believe it took? Not really.

You have to allow for poetic license. The storyline in 3.08 was about Jonah and TJ being able to open up and discuss with each other things about themselves that they had previously been unable to openly discuss because of shame. That was the larger point of that story. That and don’t hold grudges.

And also, some people have a fear of flamingos. It’s a very real thing. Look it up.

[tjkiahgb]

3.14, “Hammer Time” - White Fang

I was glad they were able to bring Garren back and throw Marty back into the mix as they brought the show to a close, but Marty’s first couple of appearances in season three hadn’t really done much for me. One was just the short phone call. The other was 3.13, which was fine, but didn’t really have that sort of spark that early Muffy had. Maybe it was intentionally a little stiff as a way to show the characters had to find that rhythm with each other again as well. Either way, both appearances were just sort of... there.

Their spark came back in a big way in this episode, however.

It wasn’t just the banter, which they did a good job with this episode. It was a reminder of why these characters work so well together. Because they understand each other. Because they’re both competitors, but they also know when not to be. And because, as Buffy once pointed out, Marty’s really the only person who gets that.

When Buffy is rude to him in the park after he helps her to the bench, she’s successful in getting him to leave her. If it was anybody else, any other runner who helped her, and she talked that way to them, they’d probably go “have it your way” and run off and not really think much more about it.

But you know Marty ran off thinking about nothing else. He probably spent the next half-mile running through scenarios in his head: what was wrong with her? Why was she acting so mean? That’s not who she is. And then a little light bulb went off.

And that light bulb lit up a poster of the 1991 Ethan Hawke film White Fang. Admittedly, it’s some reference, but it’s also kind of sweet in how strangely particular it is. Is it a movie Buffy loved as a kid? Does she get something out of it now? I don’t know. But it meant enough to her that she made Marty watch it because he meant enough to her that she wanted to share it with him. And it became a reference that only they would understand.

So Marty returns and calls Buffy on her behavior -- as he’d done in the past, because he’s never been afraid to -- and he reminds her through his actions that when it comes to them, competition isn’t the most important thing, their relationship is. That finishing with a strong time in the marathon doesn’t mean as much to him as finishing the marathon with her.

And so it becomes this perfect visual moment when they cross the finish line at the same time, Buffy riding on Marty’s back. No winners, no losers. Another of their interactions that seemed like it was going to be a race and never was.

[tjkiahgb]

3.13, “Mount Rushmore or Less” - Our Thing

After the dust settled on this episode and we all sort of realized what had happened and were sitting in angsty misery, I remember thinking about how this all reminded me of that scene in Infinity War, when everything’s going to hell and Dr. Strange looks at Iron Man and tells him “We’re in the endgame now.”

Like, yeah, this hurts, this is bad, and it’ll probably get worse before it gets better, but... it’ll get better. We’re committed to this path now. We’re going to see it through.

You knew things had to go bad when the episode had Cyrus and TJ doing so well. Their scenes are the park are so delightful. TJ’s crushing on Cyrus so hard and so visibly that even Kira’s picking up on it (which obviously isn’t a good thing, but, you know... we’re in the endgame now).

I especially like that little moment after TJ pitches the idea of the somersault costume to Cyrus and then smiles and goes “I thought it was funny.” He does it in that self-conscious way where you say something to someone you like but fear getting rejected so you leave the door open for them to gently let you down. “I mean, you know, whatever, it’s just an idea. It’s dumb. Don’t worry about it.” Like, TJ thought up the idea for the costume and then was like, “I want to do that with Cyrus but is he going to get it? Is he going to think it’s even funny? Did that moment mean as much to him as it did to me?”

And, of course, somersault did mean as much to Cyrus as it did to TJ.

I do believe that sweet exchange when Cyrus is asking Buffy if she gets that somersault is their thing is him telling her, without saying it, that he’s got a crush on TJ. And I think she does get it. She understands this isn’t just a friendship, which is why she helps him and gives him the sort of moral go-ahead to leave Mount Rushmore.

In the scene with TJ and Kira, I like how really clear they make it that this costume is special to TJ and something he really wants to do with Cyrus.

Kira comes at him a bunch of different ways in that scene to try and get him to do a costume with her. First, with the soft sell: it’s a great idea, basketball related, super simple. Go the basketball route, low-effort, no stress, etc. TJ rejects it, telling her he has a costume, somersault, an inside joke with Cyrus. So, basketball not being a selling point, Kira pivots to making fun of the idea of doing a costume based on an inside joke and telling him that her idea is really cool. Like, you know people might not get that, or think it’s stupid, etc., but my idea would be cooler. But TJ just laughs that off and tells her he’s set. So, avoiding looking silly or uncool isn’t a selling point either. Kira then pivots to the nuclear option. You’re really going to do a couples costume with a boy instead of a girl? Hmmm. That one gets through to TJ.

Whether it be because he’s not ready to be out, or he hasn’t come to full terms with his homosexuality, or he just didn’t realize how obvious he was being in his crush on Cyrus (or some combination of all three), Kira’s words rattle him deeply.

Which leads to that brutal scene at Costume Day.

TJ looks like he’s being held hostage. He’s trying to get away from Kira to explain himself to Cyrus but she catches up. He’s trying to hide his costume but she forces him to show it off. He wants to stay and talk to Cyrus but she literally drags him away.

Cyrus is heartbroken, meanwhile. I think he’s probably reassessing his entire relationship with TJ in these moments, trying to figure out if he’s misread it all again or what.

It’s a tough scene to watch, but reassuring, in a sense. The storyline is in motion. We’re heading to an endgame now.

There’s no turning back.