tmbgarebest

[tmbgarebest]

Unfortunately, this is so. The Johns shouldn't be put in such a situation. Let's say, hypothetically, they were suddenly in this trap. It should be your responsibility to save them! You would be obligated to save anybody trapped in there, and the Johns are no different. If you don't feel worried for the Johns in this trap, then you are borderline psychopathic.

most of you would sob and cry and be unable to deal with this situation

[tmbgarebest]

A rare agreement I must make with TMBGAreSuck. Glad they didn't make any random jargon up about TMBG with this one, like after I talked about my (non-TMBG related) car crash from the summertime.

But yeah... Don't be stupid. Look both ways. If you need a guide... Have I got the song for you!

I got mysteriously hit by a car at a crosswalk, there weren't any when I started to cross but then out of nowhere one hit me

you are unobservant and stupid. They teach you this when you're a baby to stop, look, and listen. A car can't come out of nowhere because they are super loud

here is a helpful video

[tmbgarebest]

Ah so you think I didn't know it was April Fools? Bold choice. How about you face the facts then...

I simply thought because of some STUNTS you pulled in past events (i.e. those lyrics you found for "If I Wasn't Shy," claiming you have connections), that this wasn't anything out of the ordinary. I figured whoever provided you with those "real" lyrics must have leaked to you the "real" and "new" TMBG album.

And, I think I've made a similar argument like this before, but hmmm... You've taken the time to listen to their whole discography... That's something I call true fan behavior. Glad to see you FINALLY coming around to TMBG!

Who's the STUPID one now? Check, and mate.

I'd like to formally declare that within this argument, almost as seemingly per usual, it seems I (along with TMBG) reign superior. I've been a little slacking on my debunking and TMBG-mythbusting lately, so I'll surely be back to strike again with true facts. Just you see!

-TMBGAreBest, signing this post because I feel like it

P.S. I know a bunch of people who think they're interesting. I've got real connections! As with you, however, I can't say the same... I'll wait to find this "TMBG Dealer," I'll call it. Seems right. I need to talk to them- they seem like quite the enthusiast for all things TMBG!

stayed up all last night listening to their new album and it fucking sucks. stay tuned for my honest review

[tmbgarebest]

Your opinion was obviously skewed because you were tired. Get some real sleep (for once in your life, most likely) and then listen to it- Actually, listen to the entire TMBG discography- and you'll see! You'll like it then. Easy fix! 🙄🙄

stayed up all last night listening to their new album and it fucking sucks. stay tuned for my honest review

[tmbgarebest]

New idea for me- thank you, John! I'll make a list for my arch nemesis. One who LIES and says bands are responsible for mass destruction and crime. Not gonna name names...

transcript:

JL: John has a list of people who should be electrocuted--

JF: -- on my refrigerator! I have a list of people who should--

JR: -- (smiling) a real list?

JF: yeah, yeah. I'm trying--

JR: can you share any of them with us?

JF: uh, Cirque du Soleil! is on the list [everyone laughing] of people.. to be electrocuted, um--

JR: The Circus of the Sun(!) why, surely not(!)

JF: uh. there's a guy named Steve Allen - he's not very popular here - but Steve was, uh, he was- before Johnny Carson--

JR: the talk show host from the '50s?

JF: yeah, he's--

JR: -- who's also written about 37 books, all of them bad.

JF: y-yeah, that's his whole shtick, is he's kinda like the guy - he's the original, uh, press release.. reality.. person. he's always saying, (smugly) "I've written 6,000 songs!" and it's like, well ... you know, so? like, can you- can- does anyone know any of them?

JR: see, Steve Allen should be cursed forever, because there's a- there's what could've been a great moment of TV if it wasn't for Steve Allen, where Steve Allen plays jazz piano behind Jack Kerouac.

JF: yes!

JL: oh, yeah.

JR: which I'm sure you've seen? and you think, "this is Kerouac and I really wanna enjoy this, but it's Steve Allen!"

JF: yeah, he's kind of in the way.

JL: yeah.

JF: so, to be electrocuted, that's what I say. I'm trying to think who else--

JR: -- you mean, like, like a state electrocution, or you just want him to--

JF: (speaking over, casually) -- yeah! you know, chair.

JR: -- have some faulty wiring at home, or?

JF: (casually) no. strapped down. chair. no escape.

JR: and would you throw the switch?

JF: oh, with Steve Allen, in a heartbeat.

JR: so you're not the wusses of rock for we've been led to believe!

JF: no. no, no.

JR: you're actually quite hard men--

JL: (speaking over) --we- we'd shed--

JR: -- with an agenda!

JL: we would shed a tiny tear as we threw the switch.

JF: yes.

JL: (sombrely) "sadly, Steve had to go".

[tmbgarebest]

Oh I know it's satire because there's no way in hell you can be serious about hating them. They are also NOT fucked up individuals- I still am so confused on where you get that notion.

Also that's a dollhouse. I guess the "attacking" isn't in the room with us because I don't see any attacking there. Just some of their usual stuff, which is pure ART.

is this blog satire or smth

no, I would never joke about something as serious as TMBG. They're fucked up individuals

look, they're giants and attacking this little home

[tmbgarebest]

Here's a crazy idea...

What if that kid is smart because he learned the alphabet and how to count the RIGHT way with good music? Here Come the ABCs, Here Come the 123's... Maybe have a little fun with No! and Why?, learn some science stuff with Here Comes Science?

I think the contrary to what that ask has said. I think that you think about hating TMBG so much to the point that you hurt your brain beyond a point of no return and now you're dumb as rocks.

Maybe that's why you're doing weird stuff like stealing baby formula- not only are you trying to fix the damage you did to yourself but also because you're insane and don't know better. I bet you literally wear a tinfoil hat to prevent yourself from getting some BS you made up 5 minutes ago like "TMBG megafan disease." Have you recently escaped the ward or something??

I love your speech style and phrasing. I feel like your hatred of tmbg has enhanced your brain health, activating the part of your brain responsible for wonderful speech patterns

thank you. Not only does hating TMBG cause good brain health, whenever I go to a family gathering I steal the baby brain powder and put it in my soda which also has a part in increasing my IQ

this baby doesn't even know what TMBG is and therefore his brain is glowing with pure intelligence

[tmbgarebest]

Car crash victim here. Got into one back in the summer. I don't think the Johns would have done that!! Rolling off the highway is not a common coincidence, and if TMBG caused it, I think they would be in some crazy legal trouble by now. If they actually hit me, I hate to say this, but I don't think I would like TMBG anymore. 😰 To add, they'd be thousands of dollars in debt. How do they deal with car repairs?! I didn't get that hurt, but I blame the dumb kid who caused the hit-and-run. I will not be burning my merchandise that I spent good money on! My blue canary night light, my records, posters, shirts... I can guarantee I am FINE. Who gets influenced by these "noises" you mention? What a load of MALARKEY!

dear tmbgaresuck,

i think they might be giants caused my friend to get into a car crash. ever since we saw them live in december, he's been babbling about dumb historical figures that nobody cares about and has started playing the clarinet again (BADLY.) and now, it finally happened. i've been noticing that they might be giants has an awful lot of songs about car crashes, and lo and behold, he actually got in one! but the thing that caused me to make this connection is a sinister one; he was actually WEARING a tmbg shirt when it happened. there's gotta be something malicious about this. i've been a fan up until now, but i fear i might have to start believing your allegations. are they might be giants secretly orchestrating car crashes to indulge in their sick fantasies? or is there something more diabolical at stake?

yours truly, fres

there is a lot of speculation about what exactly car crashes mean to TMBG. Is it because people get hurt? Is it a sensory thing? Is it because it's such a controversial topic (such as the drunk driving vs no drunk driving debacle)?

it's my theory that They have secret high pitched noises built into merchandise in order to give subliminal commands to people who wear it. It doesn't affect non-TMBG fans because normal people aren't stupid enough to listen to subconscious cues. Fortunately, you are a rare specimen of TMBG fan that is not influenced by these noises so you are safe for now.

anyways, what I believe happened is one night the Johns were bored in their boring little tour bus, listening to Marty Beller's stupid little stories, and said "Hey, let's select a random fan" and immediately dove into their impressive dashboard of every merchandise-owning TMBG fan and selected Fan #000097642 who happened to be your friend. Your friend was driving and the Johns altered the frequency to say "take a swig off of a beer and ram into that vehicle" and he obliged because he's stupid.

so let this be your lesson. Burn all of their merchandise right now. They can't do much with shirts (but notice how even with limited technology they still cause car crashes!) but they can do so much with plug in Blue Canaries (why not battery operated?) and vinyls.

[tmbgarebest]

Another response today because I'm ANGRY! 😡

You're not epic and I don't know... I think you, in fact, do eat pee. And, hating TMBG is a very valid mental disorder to which I think you're the only person who suffers from it. The DSM-5 and the ICD-11 have yet to officially classify it as a disorder because you have to WAIT! They obviously need to update it. Also, you're the only person to have it, so what significance does it have? 🙄

i got suspended from school again (yes, it was TMBG related) but they can't expel me due to my IEP (no, it does not stand for "I eat pee". It stands for "I'm epic people") that says that if I can't be expelled if I'm acting funny due to my condition (Hating TMBG is apparently a mental disorder in this twisted society)

it says nothing in the DSM-5 or the ICD-11 about hating TMBG. So it's not a valid mental disorder and anyone who says otherwise doesn't know anything because they're a moron

[tmbgarebest]

I saw them in concert. I was FINE! I can guarantee there is no way this happened. How would they even get their hands on a Therac-25? Just walked into an abandoned hospital or something and stole it? Bought it off a black market (who would even sell that)? Even if they did (which they didn't), it's hella impressive that they:

1. Stole that huge thing, or had the funds to buy it

2. Dismantled that whole thing and rebuilt it to go against what it was made for

I'm going to a tmbg concert soon just to see how bad they are in person

well that's stupid. That's a big risk and you are giving them money (encouraging them). I heard they took apart an old Therac-25 and rebuilt it to maximize audience deadly radiation exposure so that many people can suffer and die. And you will be in the venue and will be affected, no matter how much you hate them

it's just kind of stupid

[tmbgarebest]

Ever heard of PUBLICITY? They did this to earn money! The Johns aren't cannibalistic! They would never eat a child.

they kill children

[tmbgarebest]

Hi 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊👋👋

Hello, wondrous TMBG fan, Toby!

[tmbgarebest]

To clarify - no, they don't.

they kill children

[tmbgarebest]

CLEARLY someone doesn't know vocal talent when they hear it. Someone's just jealous and in denial! And to add, can't almost anyone change their voices at will? For example, are you saying that all voice actors have clones? Classic TMBGaresuck, ignorant as always. Cut your Vsauce crap, because your theorizing has just been easily debunked! 🙄

I've seen a lot of your theories about the Johns like them having superpowers and whatnot, but what do you believe is the most obvious? Like what strange thing about them is just right in people's faces all the time but nobody notices?

hmmm...the MOST obvious thing? Probably their singing voices. A lot of their times their voices change wildly from song to song which raised the question: is this really them? *cue Vsauce music*

i personally think it is them 90% of the time (their dial a songs were not them, it was their clones as I've discussed before) but their shocking singing capabilities is weirder than them not singing. Take Flansburgh for example, he can sing a really creepy falsetto. "Where your eyes don't go" has him singing at the very end and it's eerie and you know he's making guys crash their ships into big rocks with them. And not only can he do creepy falsetto, he can also do upsetting German, as heard in Clowntown

as for Linnell, he can do voices where you say things weirdly, such as in Self Called Nowhere (am sittin an tha caarb of an ampty parken lat) and I hope i get old before I die (literally described as weird eldery accent) and in their scariest song hideaway folk family he's all like "This is Leslie...Down....with th daily home astralagee ra port"

so moral of the story: they can change thier voices at will and this is a powerful thing to have. Who knows, when someone calls you it could be They.

[tmbgarebest]

This chain gave me an idea. I would like to declare a trio of people who LOVE TMBG, and there's nothing you can do to stop that!!

I also have a feeling that you DO want blonde hair and a voluptuous build... Hmm... 🤨

Here's a sign-off because I SAID SO.

Have the day you deserve,

-TMBGAreBest

okay. hello this is the speaking in tongues anon here. i said "well at least i have the katamari damacy ost left, shurely there's nothing wrong.." until i realized Chocco likes that stuff. Oh no. Do you perhaps have any good and untainted music reccomendations

hello speaking in tongues anon. Here's some solid music reccs from me to you:

Imagine Dragons (LAST RESORT)

These guys are okay if you have nothing else to listen to. They have a zero percent chance of getting infected by TMBG so they could be the last band I ever listen to. I relate to their song "Enemy" where he's like "Oh the misery, everyone wants to be my enemyyyy" but sometimes I like to pretend he's saying "anemone" because that's my favorite animal.

2. Offspring

This band is super good but kind of edgy. TMBG will never infect them because you gotta keep 'em seperated.

3. Pink Floyd

Super cool band. They are kind of terrible people but felt remorse about it and wrote "The Wall" because they are kind at heart.

4. Destroy Boys

This band is kind of girly but that's fine. I think they're nice. I once listened to them and blood started coming out of my ear so noise warning

5. Rolling Stones

They kind of suck but it's catchy. It's like pop music for your poppop (which isn't bad)

Artists and Bands to avoid due to TMBG affiliation and/or influence

Weird Al

David Byrne/Talking Heads

Will Wood (and the Tapeworms)

Lemon Demon/Neil Cisirega

Barenaked Ladies

Andrew Jackson Jihad (AJJ)

Gorillaz

The Mountain Goats

[tmbgarebest]

what’s your most favoritest album? 👉👈🐴😁🦑

That's a great question. But alas, since TMBG is literally the BEST BAND in the WHOLE world, I can't decide! 😅

If I were to pick one, it would probably be Lincoln. I like all the songs on that album. If anything else, it would be Factory Showroom, The Pink Album, or Apollo 18.

Live, laugh, TMBG!

[tmbgarebest]

Listening to some musical soundtracks.

After a while, I realized- someone shouldn't let TMBGAreSuck watch Into The Woods. Specifically don't let him listen to the Act II Prologue.

Jack's ideology matches his concerningly well... 😰