toallthewildfires - Tumblr blog

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Anne Carson, The Beauty of the Husband

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“Sometimes you have to forget what you feel, and remember what you deserve.”

— Unknown

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Intimacy is not just physical. To crave a persons presence and energy rather than just their body is the purest form of intimacy.

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“We often want it so badly that we ruin it before it begins. Overthinking. Fantasizing. Imagining. Expecting. Worrying. Doubting. Just let it naturally evolve”

— Unknown

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i’m a very observant person, so if you think i didn’t notice, i did. i just decided to keep quiet.

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Oh so much

“Do you ever miss yourself? The person you were before you had your first heartbreak or before you got betrayed by a person you trusted?”

— Unknown

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“How a person reacts to your sadness says a lot about how long they’re going to be in your life.”

— S. Z.

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Unconditional love isn't a free pass to hurt me.

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M.S. (via coffee-crinkled-pages)

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— Lana Del Rey; Cinnamon Girl

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I need to say something and I need y'all to be calm

if it isn't actively bad or harmful, no representation should be called "too simple" or "too surface level"

I have a whole argument for this about the barbie movie but today I wanna talk about a show called "the babysitters club" on Netflix

(obligatory disclaimer that I watched only two episodes of this show so if it's super problematic I'm sorry) (yes. I know it's based on a book, this is about the show)

this is a silly 8+ show that my 9 year old sister is watching and it manages to tackle so many complex topics in such an easy way. basic premise is these 13 year old girls have a babysitting agency.

in one episode, a girl babysits this transfem kid. the approach is super simple, with the kid saying stuff like "oh no, those are my old boy clothes, these are my girl clothes". they have to go to the doctor and everyone is calling the kid by her dead name and using he/him and this 13 year old snaps at like a group of doctors and they all listen to her. it's pure fantasy and any person versed in trans theory would point out a bunch of mistakes.

but after watching this episode, my little sister started switching to my name instead of my dead name and intercalating he/him pronouns when talking about me.

one of the 13 years old is a diabetic and sometimes her whole personality is taken over by that. but she has this episode where she pushes herself to her limit and passes out and talks about being in a coma for a while because of not recognizing the limits of her disability.

and this allowed my 9 year old sister to understand me better when I say "I really want to play with you but right now my body physically can't do that" (I'm disabled). she has even asked me why I'm pushing myself, why I'm not using my crutches when I complain about pain.

my mom is 50 years old and watching this show with my sister. she said the episode about the diabetic girl helped her understand me and my disability better. she grew up disabled as well, but she was taught to shut up and power through.

yes, silly simple representation can annoy you if you've read thousands of pages about queer liberation or disability radical thought, but sometimes things are not for you.

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just because they left, that doesn’t necessarily make you easy to leave. it just means they had their reasons, and that does not represent your worth or your lovability.

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This abandonment can be a lot to hold sometimes. We deserve better.

Alt text:

[watercolor illustration of a woman looking out a window] It is more important to them to continue to be maskless than to ever see me again. It is more important to them to be "back to normal" than to keep me safe, than to keep themselves safe.

Their love was always paper thin. I was always disposable to them. Whether I knew it or not.

[watercolor illustration of a woman in a n95 mask] But I know that every member of my community deserves safety and connection. So I know I deserve it too.

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You will be ok.

I know it can be overwhelming when bad things happen repeatedly or consecutively, but we persevere despite. The human race has an amazing ability to persevere, and you are no exception. The hard times do not last forever, even when it feels like they do.

I believe in you, I am proud of you, and if it ever feels like no one cares, know that even strangers value your life. You do, in fact, matter.

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i go on tumblr, talk to myself then leave

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i was talkin with some europeans about their healthcare and i realized like, even if i had the means to immigrate, i most likely would not be allowed to in most countries as a single person because I am disabled. This is another major aspect of ableism I don't see talked about often, the way immigration systems across the globe are designed to keep disabled people (who would be 'burdens' on the welfare system) out.