walked into a burger place to pick up my order and the girl behind the counter looked at my shirt funny so I look down and the shirt is a picture of a girl excited about eating a hamburger and fries. i'm such a fucking cartoon character right now. this is the shirt
So at work there is a soda delivery guy who comes in almost everyday to restock and though we’ve barely said a word to each other, we definitely Know Of each other. Well this morning I finally got a shift where I could sleep in but my dad was like Hey the cable guy is coming at 7 to replace the cable boxes and I was like alright whatever I’ll just sleep in but forgot there was a cable box in my room. So it’s 7 in the morning I vaguely hear my dad let the cable guy into my room to just swap the box and I wake up to see??? Soda Delivery Guy???? in my room???? Turns out his second job is working cable but wow here Soda Man is standing in my doorway and I’m wrapped up in a pink bunny blanket surrounded by stuffed animals like
My roommate and his girlfriend got in the shower together and they’re… Talking about politics?
I was expecting to hear “OH GOD, HARDER,” not “George Washington was entirely correct in his prediction of what distinct parties would do to politics as a whole.”
How would you die in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory?
this is a great question because it narrowed my soul! i would choke on regular chewing gum on the steps outside before even entering the factory. willy would make no attempt to perform the heimlich maneuver and would leave my corpse on the concrete