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people who are just finding out about internet tracking and data mining in the year 2025 and that your special robot friend does not respect your privacy lol

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MILDRED?????

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“Are we more than friends? Are we?” She asked with her lips around my nipple and her teeth blessedly hard against my soft skin. I can’t think. I would call this our private religion, if I must label it.

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The void has chosen

(via)

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"no added msg" to be honest it could use some msg

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“I don’t know. Whenever we try to do stuff, me and Zoey, half the time she starts crying and freaking out, and she says it’s not my fault and she says she likes me, but…” Saintjohn Hadouken sighed through pinched lips, hard enough to make his cheeks puff, and shook his head, “...feels like I’m hurting her.”

Johnny Newsroom looked off into the distance and took a pensive pull of his vape. “She said she likes you?”

“Yeah. I just don’t know what’s going on.”

Johnny turned his head to look him in the eye. “Have you ever dated a trans gal before?”

Saintjohn shook his head. “I’m fuckin figuring out some shit about myself, bro.”

“It’s… she’s… let’s put it this way. Imagine if your dick looked like a scary clown.”

Saintjohn flinched. “I don’t wanna do that. I don’t wanna use my brain powers for evil.”

Johnny continued. “Imagine if every time you took off your pants, a fucked-up evil clown was staring back at you. Imagine trying to get close to someone while you’re like that. Imagine trying to have a sex life. Imagine just trying to love when you’ve got an evil clown under your pants.”

Saintjohn’s frown seemed to stretch beyond the limits of his face. “Can I stop imagining it now?”

Johnny took another pull from his vape. “I don’t think Zoey gets to stop. Everyone’s got a different relationship to their own body, I don’t know Zoey personally, but...” he trailed off, letting Saintjohn fill in the blanks for himself.

Saintjohn leaned against the side of the motorhome and sighed again. “So what am I supposed to do?”

“Do you love her?” Johnny asked.

A pause.

“She makes me happy. When she laughs at my dumbass jokes, I feel like I just cured cancer.”

Saintjohn smiled as soon as he started talking about her. Johnny knew that smile, he felt its residual warmth, the second-hand joy. He wanted the two of them to be happy. He wanted one good thing to happen in the middle of this disaster. The Midwest Autonomous Zone could burn to the ground all over again. As long as he helped two people fall in love, he would have no regrets.

“And, y’know, I wanna get all up in there,” Saintjohn said.

“Okay. Well. To answer your question. Be patient. Let her do things at her pace. Let her figure herself out. Give her space when she needs it, even if you never want to be away from her. If you mess up - and you probably will, we’re only human - swallow your pride, apologize, and try not to do it again. Trust that it will all work out.”

“That sounds really hard.”

Johnny gave him a wry smile. “That’s love.”

[later]

“I’m sorry,” Zoey sniffed, pulling away from Saintjohn, “I just can’t right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever…”

She buried her head in her hands. Her body shuddered with heavy breaths as she began to cry. Saintjohn looked at her. He considered putting a hand on her shoulder, then lowered his arm and simply sat next to her.

“It’s okay,” Saintjohn said, “I understand. You gotta deal with the evil clown.”

Zoey lifted her head. She was too surprised and confused to keep crying. “What?”

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tumblr the app u can't just swallow my posts about Santa commiting adultery on Mrs Claus this is censorship

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Love is a kind of obession

I tell my beloved that she has my heart.

The words feel coarse and chalky on my lips.

I want to tell you how I will buy you pretty things.

How I would build furniture and paint walls,

Learn new skills of craftmanship

To build a nest we could call uniquely ours.

I save every pinterest post about sewing

Thinking how it would look on your body.

I wonder if im just happy to have someone

To play dress-up with. A human doll.

But then I think about the long history of art,

Of lovers drawing their naked muse

In appreciation and awe.

I’m a far more jealous lover, my dear.

I don’t wish to share the parts of you

That you cover in the daytime, but let me kiss.

They are mine, keep them safe for me.

But for an artist as poor as me,

Who has no skill with pencil or oil paint,

I can only help others admire you

By dressing you in the fruits of my admiration.

With every stitch I sew,

Know that it is in the spirit of the greats

Who recorded the silhouettes of ghosts

On paper instead of fabric.

At least my art will warm you, my dear.

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obsessed with this stupid shirt i found at goodwill the other day

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Me: I should avoid insults that refer to weight or to sexual proclivity as it is insensitive and reductive, and I honestly do not believe that there is anything wrong with being fat or being sexual

Also me when I see a squirrel at my anti-squirrel birdfeeder because it ignored my squirrel feeder: You fat hoe

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this is one of my favorite reddit posts of all time

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Bad art is better than no art

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There is a single chocolate covered almond in my house somewhere. I put it down to get Diesel's cat food. I don't know where I put it.

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women & bitches love my cavern

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Some wild shit goes on in ppls lives

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That’s it, the Professor is truly the King of Sass