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Prayers and this. I read this over and over again. It makes me sad but at the same time it reassures me. You have no idea how much I'm missing you. It's been too long and I'm going crazy. Believe it or not, all I've been trying to do the past couple weeks was to keep you off my mind. But you seem to live there. You seem to belong in my mind. There's no escaping. Not only there but my heart too. It aches when I think about you. It's a constant feeling and I wake up everyday feeling like my heart's been taken out of my chest. I always miss waking up to your text messages. To your calls. I miss hearing your voice. I miss everything. It hurts to love you. I hope you're not talking to any girls. But if you are, please let me know. I don't want us to end up like we're strangers. Your family is my family, I don't ever wanna lose any of you most especially YOU. It hurts so much Joshua, you're all I think about. I still love you, I still miss you everyday. For you to say that you don't care anymore and you don't trust me just ripped me apart. But what can I do but pray unto him. If you had HS already, I hope you had a blessed one. And if you didn't, I hope you will have a blessed one. Please listen to "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur I love you always, Maui "Gonna run while we're young and keep the faith"

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1. Holy Supper 2017 2. Owen's Birthday 3. HS selfie 4. HS w/ mommy

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Putting God First

I wanted to write AFTER holy supper because I didn’t want to be distracted. Holy Supper was so spiritual and I am truly blessed that I got to perform. He never fails, NEVER. He definitely was with us today and it’s such a blessing. We had the district minister! Anyways, I got your IG message. And it really shot me through my heart. By you saying that, your love for me isn’t as strong I guess. A week of not talking, a week of putting God first, you’re already doubting. It just shows how weak you are. I get that it’s tough for you. But you don’t realize that I’m putting God first and I care for you so much that I don’t want to hinder you from becoming a minister. I’m so hurt that you said you really don’t care anymore. It’s kind of like a slap on the face for me. I spent all these time all these efforts for you and you just end up not caring? It’s been a struggle, you have no idea. Not being able to text you and tell you all about the good and bad news. There’s not a freaking second that I don’t think about you. I don’t know your intention of sending me those hurtful messages. It just seems like you want to hurt me when I’m clearly putting God first. I continue to pray for you and for us. I’m putting my trust in Him. You should too. Not partially, but fully. We can’t keep praying but we’re not even obeying, He won’t answer because we’re sinning. We can’t doubt, we have to trust. Don’t ever think I don't care. Because I care and love you more than you’ll ever know. When you say it’s not the same? Ouch. Because I feel more for you, you have no idea. It’s so painful, it really is. I wake up every morning, feeling hurt. It’s so hard to start my day without a text from you. It’s been a freaking struggle, Joshua. But He keeps me going because I trust in Him. Please trust in Him too and always pray. I love you

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June 20th

I just found out my pinning ceremony! It's kinda like my graduation but it's more important than the actual graduation. I would love for you to be there, I really hope you can make it. Hope all is well with you. I'll write more later. I truly miss you so much

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By Your Side - The 1975

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12 March 2017 9:25 PM Sunday. Service. Cws. HS practice run through. HS choir practice. HS FINAL practice with Gilroy. Thursday choir practice. Long day. But filled with blessings. Can't thank Him enough for such a blessed day. We had a District Offering for Salinas/Antioch Chapel renovation. Exhausting day too, but I don't mind it. Hope you had a blessed Sunday as well I miss you always, Maui

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Miss You

Going to be a long day. And I hurt everyday because I really miss you. You have no idea

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10 March 2017 Friday 11:55 AM

And so it begins. I decided to write to you so you’re up-to-date of what I’m doing and I guess this will be a way to reassure you? I don’t know. Plus, I think it’ll help me in the meantime coping with all these emotions. I heard writing is a really big help! You can go on this link once in a while. If you’re ever curious of what I’m doing. You’ll probably be busy focusing, I understand. But, if ever you feel the need to text me, DON’T. It will only distract you and again, I don’t want to be a hindrance. I promise, we will be okay. God will always be with us. Don’t forget devotional prayer okay? 10:20 PM. 

Anyways, I didn’t get much sleep last night. I stayed up till about 4 am studying my butt off. I had allergies too so that really didn’t help. I’m not sure how I did, I actually just finished taking it. Of course, I prayed. 

BTW, I’ll post a picture later of my shoes. It’s pre-owned, but still in good condition. You’re going to hate me because it’s the shoes you wanted haha you already know which one. I really want to get the cements still though. That’s next on my list.

So plan for tonight: 

After school, I have to drive back to Salinas to get a physical or else I can’t go to my clinicals on Monday. Oh I wanted to tell you, it’s going to be dead week for me and I have to find a locale so I can attend devotional prayer but I don’t know any locales that are having their HS on the 19th. You know I’m going to be in Fremont for clinicals 8-5:30 and I’m going to a CLINIC! I’m so nervous. I don’t have experience with clinics. But I’m only there for 3 days. BUT STILL! We’re going to be on our own with NO instructors. But at the same time I am excited!

So after my clinicals, I think I’m going to play volleyball if I make it on time. 

But this weekend, we might have breakfast with Ate Ayen and Jadyn. Then, we’re going to Monterey because your mom and dad are coaching in Salinas and they want to meet after. Then I’m probably going to go home to get ready for dead week. 

Sunday though, it’s going to be so busy! I got service then CWS then rehearsals then final practice then Thursday service practice. It’s going to be a busy day. I don’t mind it though as long as it’s for Him. 

Oh and the CWS activity: Video Games got approved so we’re going to have it on the 26th I’m so excited! I want to show you my ideas. I want the kids to have fun. Hopefully they will. I’m excited to plan it

I hope you’re doing just fine. Yeah its tough being away and everything is hard, but remember you can do anything as long as God is with you. That’s what differentiates us from the people in this world. Keep praying, it’ll get you through day by day. 

Should be it for now. Hope all is well with you! I really miss you