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I don't have friends anymore. It feels fucking great. I only have my fiancé and half the time he doesn't even want to hang out with me

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[tokerkitty420]

From a girl who is depressed, has anxiety, and trust issues.

I didn't choose to end up like this. I didn't choose to have my trust broken every single time I finally let myself trust someone. I wake up every morning and pray to that higher power that you never leave me. I pray that this time it sticks because this time I'm finally all in. This time i fell harder than ever before. This time I actually feel loved by the person I'm with. But there's always that little voice in the back of your head. Some days it's louder than others. Some days you can't even think straight because there's something screaming at you that you aren't worth it, that you aren't loved. That he's going to treat you the way every one before him has. Friends, family, ex's. Some days it's so fucking loud I want to scream and cry and slam my head on the wall just to get. Them. To. Stop. But then I'm fine some days. Some days I think everything's going to be the way I want it to that this is going to work forever that I'm never going to have to be without you. And that's what I truly want. then I get scared when you don't reply. That maybe that girl at work grabbed your attention and you're finding yourself talking to her and connecting finding u like a lot of the same things. I get scared that maybe you're gonna find a girl that makes you laugh more, smile harder, someone who's prettier than me because that's not hard. I'm scared that one day you're gonna go to a party without me and you're going to get a little too drunk and let that girl with the blonde hair and pretty eyes, the big butt, big tits but small waist sit on your lap and, well, you know what would happen from there. I'm so fucking scared to trust you, because I feel like I know you but then every time I've thought I knew someone they've proved me wrong. So it's hard. So goddamn hard. But I love you more than I've ever loved anything, so I'm trying baby. I'm really really fucking trying to get the voices to stop. To trust you with every fiber in my body. To let the past go and look ahead into what I know is our future. But when I get like this. Please don't call me crazy, please try to understand what a struggle and mess and horrible place my mind is. You bring out the beauty in it. But I hope you don't kill the flowers you've planted. Regardless of what this does to me, I love you in every way possible.

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A Day In October by Alexandra Wesche

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I don’t expect you to accept or even acknowledge any form of apology from me– but I’m going to try it anyway. I’m sorry for the way I treated you throughout our entire relationship. I’m sorry for the emotional and mental abuse I put you through because of my own insecurities. I’m sorry for not trusting you when you had put all your trust in me. You picked up and moved to another city with me, left behind your friends and family after only a few months of us being together. I’m sorry for accusing you of being unfaithful several times, but at the end of the day, I was the one who wronged you. I’m sorry for manipulating and taking advantage of your loyalty and care for me that I didn’t deserve. I’m sorry for that time when you were so sick, sobbing in pain on the bathroom floor and begging me to be there for you– instead I ignored your pleas and turned on the tv. I’m sorry for keeping you stagnant instead of supporting your future goals and dreams the way you supported and pushed me in my career. I’m sorry I took you for granted until you decided you had enough and left me. I’m sorry that throughout the three years you stayed, I took everything good about you and ruined it. No apology will ever fix the damage I’ve done to you, but it’s the very least I could do.

aftertheam (via wnq-writers)

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Japanese Friendship Garden 🌸

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Just so fucking depressed. So fucked up in the head. I just wanna feel like myself again

[tokerkitty420]

on the realist note, the reason i never want to be alone for too long, is because the voices in my head start talking about how worthless i am. how i'll never be good enough for anyone. they tell me he doesn't love me, that i'm just here to entertain him while he finds better. and it fucking kills me, and i always end up believing them.

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Twenty-one (source)

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