tokkiash

[tokkiash]

She didn’t realize they’d still have to wait before being let into the frat, always having stayed away from Greek life as an underclassman. But now that she was tagging along and hoping to get more of Kevin’s attention, Ashley figures she needs to get used to it. But it doesn’t take long before they’re inside, and the music practically punches her in the gut. It’s not a feeling she enjoys at all.

Still, she trails obediently after Kevin, sticking close as she’s sure that she doesn’t know anyone else there well enough to feel comfortable seeking them out. There’s faces she recognizes from the cheer squad and the football team, a few basketball players too. But she only has eyes for Kevin, and he only has eyes for everyone else.

It’s annoying, Kevin draws people to him like flies with honey, and it always feels like a competition to keep his attention. Girls come and go, Ashley can’t help wondering how many of them have also hooked up with Kevin. Probably more than she wants to know.

There’s a red cup of some mysterious punch in her hand, and she only drinks it because Kevin had given it to her with one of his dimpled smiles, and how could she resist that? Ashley was definitely weak, in more ways than one. For the life of her she couldn’t keep his attention for longer than two minutes, there was always someone else vying for it.

When he’s surrounded by members of the frat is when Ashley can’t ignore her bladder any longer, dejectedly wandering away to find the nearest bathroom. The other girls were long gone, so at least Ashley had lasted longer than everyone else. But she’s not that proud of herself, and her mood only dampens as it takes her two tries to find a bathroom not occupied with couples or someone spewing their guts.

After her business is taken care of she debates going home, but Ashley spots Cash then. He’s not hard to miss, so much taller and bigger than everyone else. And well, isn’t he Kevin’s best friend? It would be worth it to talk to him, maybe find out more about Kevin.

When she’s at Cash’s side she smiles, looking up at him, her voice raised to be heard over the thumping bass. “Hi Cash! It’s me, Ashley. In case you didn’t remember my name. I hope you don’t mind that I hang out with you?”

The pre-game and eating before the party was easy; it’s getting inside that Cash is now worried about. Kevin said his buddy in the frat would be able to get them in for free as long as they brought girls: Kevin found three. Yet the frat brother at the door is staring the five of them down distrustfully, surveying the girls to see if they’re hot enough to get in. The bro spits into the lawn before speaking, his attention put on Kevin, “You’re friends with Graham?”

Kevin answers instantly, “Yeah, since freshman year.”  The ‘door guy’ spits again before whispering in the ear of the other frat boy next to him and he takes off. Standard procedure, lots of people claim to know someone in the frat to get into these things and it’s not true. Except it is this time: Cash knows Graham, he was Kevin’s first roommate when they lived in the dorms until he and Cash finally got one of the student apartments before junior year started. Cash wouldn’t consider him and Graham as close as he is with Kevin but they get along. 

If Graham, for some reason, needed Cash to help him as a last resort? He’d help the guy out, especially since he knows he’s good friends with Kevin and Cash trusts his best friend’s judgement – for the most part. Kevin can be a bit reckless, but he’s not completely immature, just a ditzy psych major. 

The pledge (Cash figured that out, he’s the errand boy, and he looks exhausted, the mental torture of that college students put themselves into to pay for friends, aka Greek life, isn’t worth it in Cash’s mind) comes back and whispers in the guy staring the group of five’s ear and he nods. “Fine.” He looks at Cash, “Since you brought three girls, you can get in for five dollars.” Kevin offers to pay for Cash’s door fee, but he stops him. He’s only doing that to impress the girls, but it’s not that much money; no need to make it a big deal.

The music is loud, the bass hitting you in the chest as soon as you step inside the frat house. Whatever it is they did to fix the speakers, it worked. Cash looks at his group: taking in everyone’s outfits in case they get separated – Cash can always Snapchat Kevin when he’s ready to go. Cash doesn’t have any of the girls with them information so mental snapshots will do for now. Not like he will remember their outfits, it’s the thought that counts. Kevin and the three girls seem to disappear after that, leaving Cash to get another beer and wander around while listening to the music. There's pizza – cold now, he still snatches up a slice. 

[tokkiash]

If Cash isn’t bringing up the night before, then Ashley isn’t either. He wants to act like it didn’t happen? She can do that. At least for now, she wants to address it later. Or else it’s just going to fester and she’s going to grow resentful that he’s not even trying to talk to her about her concerns.

Ashley sips from her coffee, and then turns her attention to her plate of food, picking at some of the fruit. Her stomach growls though and no matter how she’s feeling emotionally, her body’s hunger can’t be ignored. So she picks up her sandwich, taking a bite, savoring the flavor. Her fiance can make a good sandwich, she can always admit that. “I think coffee is better anyway, the thought of drinking some more right now makes my tummy hurt. Well, not hurt enough to not eat. The sandwich is really good, thank you.”

She focuses on her food then, alternating between eating and sipping from her coffee. Ashley’s eyes stray to Cash every now and then, though she still feels that pang of an ache in her chest and she can’t look for long. Instead she mostly keeps her attention on her plate, it’s easier for now. Even when he brings up the idea of going out she only gives him a brief look, her gaze soon caught by Shibz barking. “Maybe he’ll be a good boy and let us leave.” There’s a small smile on her lips then, and she slides her eyes back over to her fiance.

“But okay, we can go after breakfast. It’s nothing like… we don’t have to get all dressed up? I don’t feel like I have the energy to do my hair and makeup today.” Ashley admits, rolling a grape between her fingertips. She’s too tired for anything other than the bare minimum, even if she has a suspicion that this is Cash trying to apologize or butter her up. Whatever the reason, she wants to find out what it is he wants to show her.

Cash doesn’t want to have the conversation over breakfast. Ashley looks exhausted, and Cash knows he probably looks no better, and truthfully, he’d rather put it off until she’s woken up a bit more, maybe a snack or two, hell— Cash might apologize after dinner… Nah, he just wants to have this conversation with his fiancée when she has a full stomach. Since he wonders if she would have thrown a glass at him if they had eaten before they got home. 

“Yeah, I considered some Bloody Mary’s but we don’t have tomato juice,” he admits before taking a sip of his coffee. Whether Ashley chooses to eat or not is out of Cash’s hands; he’s absolutely starving, so he’s not going to wait, sticking the chips inside his sandwich before taking his first big bite. His eyes close, and he leans back against his chair, nodding to himself as he chews. “Mhm… just what the doctor ordered.” 

Cash isn’t going to tell Ashley that he spoke with Miranda and that she won’t be bothering them anymore. She doesn’t need to know they finally came to an agreement; Miranda finally waved her white flag; they’re free. While this is great news, he’s not going to risk being target practice again or land his bride-to-be in prison because she killed him. “There’s a shop I want to show you today, it’s right down the street, so they won’t even notice we’re gone –” as if he has supersonic hearing, Shibz barks from the playpen in their direction. “Okay, he’ll know, but the rest of them will be okay. It’s within walking distance.”

[tokkiash]

"I could fix him" well I could be the one person he's nice to and soft with, while he remains just as unbelievably awful as ever to everyone else <3

[tokkiash]

Her heart is pounding when Cash responds to her, but it’s as normal as can be and she’s thankful for that. She’s even more thankful at his words, going to the island so she can take her meds, and guzzle down the water. The kitchen smells delicious and she definitely feels like she doesn’t really deserve it, but she’s hungry and wants to work things out with her fiance. Even if apologizing isn’t exactly what she wants to do, at least over her words. For the glass throwing? Ashley knows she needs to say sorry for that. It was impulsive, she didn’t mean to ruin a glass or try to hurt him.

After taking a few steadying breaths she puts her empty glass in the sink, mentally preparing herself for whatever was going to happen while they ate breakfast together. She joins Cash out on the terrace, taking a few moments to greet the dogs first. They’re so excited to see her, and it boosts up her mood. At least they would never give her a hard time or make her go through difficult conversations. Not that she hates having those with her fiance, but it was definitely draining.

Once she’s had her fill of the dogs she finally sits down at their table, still feeling the lingering upset from the night before. Ashley’s eyes wander over Cash, taking in his own obvious signs of lack of sleep. She has no clue what he did after she locked him out of their room, and she’s almost afraid to know. But maybe it wasn’t that bad, he did make her breakfast after all. A thoughtful one, by the looks of it. Something to help with their hangovers.

“Thank you for the breakfast, it looks good. The bread is definitely needed to soak up this hangover…” Ashley’s voice is soft, looking down at her plate, nervous to meet Cash’s eyes. She doesn’t really want to see what reaction he might be having to her.

Futons aren’t meant to be comfortable, Cash is sure of it. For a catnap, yes. But a full seven to eight hours? No, he wouldn’t recommend it for anyone his size. Not that he even slept that long or well. He was exhausted – mentally and physically when he got home at 1am, so his body didn’t care about the repercussions, wanting – needing to lie down and rest for a bit. 

Cash’s body ached when he woke up earlier than he would have liked, feeling like shit from being hungover; he had drunk some more alcohol before he went to bed. He showered in the guest bathroom, not wanting to disturb his fiancée, the hot water helping him tremendously as he mentally prepared for what the day would bring. He still has plans to try to fix things with Ashley; he can’t let the night before drag on for too long. After Cash is dressed for the morning, he lets the dogs out on the terrace to use the bathroom and run around in their play pen while he goes to the kitchen to get started.

He’s truly his mother’s child; his first course of action to earn Ashley’s forgiveness being a meal. Cash cooks their breakfast all the time, he cooks it more than she does, probably because he’s an early riser and Ashley has always been a princess that needs her rest – and he loves that about his fiancee, Cash loves everything about Ashley, even when she’s putting his life in danger he still loves her. 

He knows her actions don’t match her heart, and it’s because of her BPD. Cash has spent an accumulation of hours sitting on the toilet reading everything in the BPD-based groups on Reddit, soaking in real-life accounts, applying them to moments he’s experienced with Ash. He’s never gonna get things right, but he can only learn for the next time. He doesn’t want to create a next time, but life is too unpredictable for him. 

Instead of the traditional breakfast, he decides to make them hangover sandwiches, going as far as to slice the potatoes to make their own chips. While they cook in the fryer, Cash puts the coffeemaker on and flips the bacon before putting it back in the oven. He can hear her slippers padding into the kitchen and doesn’t acknowledge her at first. The food is all cooked, and he’s begun assembling their plates. On the kitchen island, waiting for Ashley is a glass of water and some ibuprofen. Cash is glad she spoke first, and he turns around, both plates in hand. Hers has a little bit more fruit than his, and he has more chips, but they are more or less eating the same thing.

“Hey, just in time. Painkillers are on the island. I’m going to take the food outside.”

[tokkiash]

Ashley doesn’t know how long she sits against the door crying, time seems to pass quickly and slowly at the same time. All she knows is that she’s sore and her head hurts. Feeling numb emotionally she finally forces herself to get up, going into their bathroom to wash off her makeup and take a shower, trying not to think about Cash and what transpired but failing at it. There’s more tears in the shower and then even more once she finally manages to crawl into bed. It feels so huge and empty without her fiance, and it smells just like him too. Ashley almost can’t fall asleep because of it, but she’s so exhausted that she passes out without even realizing how close she was to it.

It’s a fitful sleep, not peaceful, especially with her emotions a tangled mess and the lack of Cash’s warm body beside her. That’s why when she wakes late the next morning she’s still exhausted, hair a mess and bags under her eyes. But Ashley doesn’t have it in her to care, just throwing her hair a ponytail and sliding her feet into her slippers. The shirt she wore to bed was one of Cash’s, no matter how angry she is at him she can’t and doesn’t want to break that habit.

When she leaves the room she can hear movement in the kitchen, bracing herself to see her fiance as she slowly inches her way inside, quietly watching how he moves around the space in their kitchen. Her heart aches, though she doesn’t have much fight left in her after the night before. Ashley is a little hungover, all her crying making her feel more dehydrated and her headache worse, but seeing Cash still makes her feel better.

Clearing her parched throat she makes her presence known, trying not to sound as awkward or as awful as she feels. “Good morning, Cash.”

Cash doesn’t have it in him to admit it was a pavlovian response. Ashley doesn’t need to know that tonight was not the first time Miranda has walked up on him and a woman after he graduated, she was unemployed with nothing but time and resentment on her hands. She’d pretend it was so funny how they were at the same place at the same time, try to strike a conversation with whoever was on his arm, power plays tossed back and forth. Everything that transpired earlier. Miranda is good at being intimidating and sometimes it would work and Cash would get dumped a month or so later. He’s not letting Miranda ruin another relationship because she can’t leave the past where it is. 

Seeing Ashley so devastated by his actions hurts Cash deeply, and amplifies his anger towards Miranda. He wishes he could go back 13 years ago and not schedule that office hour slot. None of this would be happening. 

The fact that he’s still thinking about her after Ashley called him out on it makes him want to punch the wall, but he thinks it will only piss his fiancée off more, and sighs. Cash knows what he has to do. Resting his forehead on the bedroom door, he can’t stand there for too long. Ashley’s crying has always scared him. He wants to comfort her, but he doesn’t think she wants to see him right now. He will have to fix this in the morning. He has something to take care of right now. After cleaning up, he will change his clothes and create a plan. This ends tonight.

[tokkiash]

The furious way that Cash looks at her just makes her flare up even more, and when he's at his full height she thinks that she should be scared but she isn't, her fiance is a big man but he wouldn't hurt her. Not even when she's throwing glasses at him and when she's angry out of her mind. Especially when he's just adding fuel to her flames.

His words cause her to let out a small shriek of frustration, taking a few paces back so she wouldn't be near the shards of glass in her bare feet, reaching up to grab at her hair. Ashley's emotions are out of control right now, too big for her body that she has to physically manifest them in some way. "Even now you're still talking about her! I'm standing here in front of you and you're thinking about how she would feel and react instead of me!" Her voice is loud in the space, bursting out of her in a shout.

The frustration and hurt is so overwhelming, she can feel hot tears come to her eyes, though Ashley forces them back. Now is not the time. She needs Cash to really hear her before she gives in to her tears.

"You don't even know what you did, did you? The second you heard her stupid voice you dropped my hand like you were embarrassed to be with me, like you didn't want her to see that you had someone with you. You let that woman talk to me like I was less than but it's okay because she talks to everyone that way."

She can't hold back her tears at this point, a small sob escapes and she hides her face in her hands, trying to give herself a moment to get her tears under control. "It felt like I barely mattered to you at all. At least, not in front of her."

Ashley sniffles, so tired and overwhelmed and upset that she doesn't bother to wait to hear what Cash has to say. She just turns on her heel and runs off to their bedroom, slamming the door behind her and locking it, not wanting him to join her. Ashley can finally let her cries out when she's alone, slumping down to the ground and hiding her face in her knees, her sobbing audible and evident, too exhausted to get up and move away from the door.

Cash continues to sit in the dark car for a few minutes, enjoying the silence without all the tension from before, needing the moment to decompress, he’s been drinking a lot, and so has his fiancée. Cash doesn’t feel like he was defending Miranda, he was trying to reassure Ashley that she was okay, he didn’t like how Miranda spoke to her, should he have voiced that? Well, yes. Cash can’t go back in time and fix it. 

He sighs heavily as the elevator goes up, her perfume still lingers, reminding Cash what’s waiting for him in a few seconds, and he mentally prepares to grovel. Tomorrow, he can find something Hello Kitty themed to give to Ashley as an apology gift to earn a blow job, maybe she will let him play with her tits while she washes the dishes. Yeah, Cash thinks with a nod as the doors open. He’s got the perfect plan to get things back to normal, smirking to himself as he steps out with a slight bounce in his step. There is nothing the power of Hello Kitty can’t handle.

Maybe Cash is wrong. Something that happens three or four times a year; he’s rarely wrong. A lot of the time he’s early and the rest of the world hasn’t caught up yet. It’s one of the perils of being as intelligent as Cash he surmised years ago. Because he hasn’t had the door closed a full 30 seconds when he sees a wine glass flying towards his head and he almost thinks he’s seeing things until he ducks at the last second out of instinct and hears it shatter on the front door, pieces of glass dropping to the floor loudly. Hello Kitty is not going to fix this. 

Cash’s face is dark with fury once he’s up to his full height again, looking down at the woman. “Are you out of your goddamn mind? What the fuck, Ashley? You’re starting to piss me off, so you better watch yourself. I can’t even –” he turns around to look down at all the tiny pieces on the floor and sighs, “I’m not cleaning this up, by the way. This is your mess to deal with.” 

He thinks his fiancée is very much within her rights to be upset with him. Cash can’t do with Ashley breaking perfectly good wine glasses because she can’t regulate her emotions. Not wanting his back turned to her for too long, he faces her again, looking down at her again; she’s so much shorter without her heels on. “I could have gotten seriously hurt, or was that the goal? You’re ready to finish the job off now, over Miranda fuckin’ Castillo. Please don’t give her that satisfaction. She would actually send you a Thank You card. Maybe an edible arrangement and some flowers.”

[tokkiash]

She just grows more annoyed at how defensive Cash is being right now, how he's trying to pass the blame off of himself. It's not right, it's like he wasn't even realizing at all what he did or how he came off. Even right now it's like he's defending Miranda, which makes Ashley even more angry and upset.

"Because I'm drunk? Are you kidding me? I don't even know why you're defending her right now." As soon as they're parked she yanks off her seatbelt, grabbing her purse and then climbing out of the car, just barely restraining herself from slamming the door behind her. Her heels clack on the concrete as she goes over to their elevator, jabbing her finger into the button impatiently, annoyance and anger practically rolling off her in waves.

Ashley doesn't wait for Cash to join her, stepping into the elevator alone, fuming. Even now he isn't truly thinking about her. She never considered that something like this would happen, moving was supposed to be fun and the next big adventure and step in their relationship. But no, of course it went downhill fast.

The elevator takes no time at all and she's letting herself into their home, removing her heels and dropping her keys and purse carelessly on the stand by the door, too frazzled to do more than that. Right now she's grateful that their dogs are with Ryuhwan, she doesn't want them around when she's so angry at Cash.

Her half finished glass of wine is still laying out on the coffee table from their pregaming, and she snatches it up, downing the rest of it without a care that it's warm now. Ashley's heart is pounding, and the wine glass shakes in her trembling hand as she tries to calm herself but she can't, she can't think of anything except how Cash has been dismissing her feelings and diminishing her anger since they left the gallery. Her therapist would tell her that this shouldn't bother her so much, that her future husband had his own things to work through especially with seeing such a big trigger in such a surprising way. But right now she doesn't care, she only cares that she feels less than right now. Not as important as she thought she was to him.

There's noise at the door then, and Ashley walks over to wait for him to step through the door. Seeing Cash walking in has her seeing red, not as much as that fateful night, but it's still similar enough that it should scare her but it doesn't, not right now. Without a single thought behind her actions she raises her hand, hurling the glass at him, wanting, no needing, his attention and for him to take her and her hurt and anger seriously.

“You were not a third wheel, Ash. I was caught off guard, alright?” He was fucking panicking, but it feels like he can’t even admit that now. She’s got this attitude, so all the hopes of getting lucky are out the window now. One more reason to hate this night. “I didn’t know she would be there. I didn’t know they were up to childish antics. Your anger is misdirected right now. I’m not the enemy here; I acted like anyone in shock would.” Cash rambles defensively. He’s so tired from the alcohol, but they’re only a few minutes from their building. He drives into the underground garage once they’ve reached home and parks. Cash cuts the car off, the cabin of the car in near complete darkness. He sighs after taking his seatbelt off. “You only feel like this because you’re drunk. And as for Miranda? You held your own, she talks to everyone like they’re ants, it’s annoying.”

[tokkiash]

Ashley doesn't break the silence, just watches him as he drives, noting the way that he grips at the steering wheel. He's clearly agitated, but she's hurt too, and it's easy to focus only on herself at the moment. Even if she probably shouldn't, she can't help it.

When Cash does answer her she frowns, crossing her arms over her chest and then glancing away, looking out of the window while listening to him speak, needing to force herself not to respond impulsively. A few steadying breaths are taken, and she lets them sit in silence for a bit, annoyed at the way that he's scoffing and talking to her. "I know that you didn't expect this to happen. And yes, it was a serious question. Even if it was unexpected you didn't have to act the way that you did." She knows that her voice is probably more accusatory than it should be, not that it can be helped.

Her vision cuts back over to her fiance again, watching him with slightly furrowed brows, lips turning down into a small frown. "I don't understand why you even entertained the conversation to begin with. Who cares if it was rude to walk away, that's what you should have done as soon as you realized who it was. Instead of leaving me standing there next to you being gawked at and judged, and like a third wheel. Looking stupid next to you while you played Miranda's game. Not to mention how she was speaking to me too."

Cash has schooled his expressions over the past decade or so, glancing over at Ashley with a blank face, the light turns green again so he can’t look at her for too long. Because he can’t believe she actually asked him that. They got ambushed tonight by a bunch of teenagers pushing 60 and she wants to make this his fault? Cash is the victim here. Wow.

Something that took him quite some time to come to terms with, he gets 100 messages a day sent to his business email account. It seems ever since the book blew up again for a second wave, the closer the TV show gets. ‘u were groomed, bro.’ Yeah, no shit. He unpacked it in therapy because it hadn’t felt like grooming; they argued a lot, things weren’t ‘fun and sexy.’ Something Larry had requested one evening over dinner, back when he treated Cash like he was his son, to get him what he wanted out of him when he first woke up from his coma. Cash knew all about grooming. They argued a lot, too. Cash and Ashley used to argue a lot as well at one point. He shouldn’t be comparing the people in his life like this.

He sighs while wringing the steering wheel, grip tight, he taps to the music playing faintly in the car, he doesn’t have anything to say in response yet, trying to rack his mind for the right words. He’s offended, though, that she’s somehow making this his fault. Cash looks over at her again, “I hope that wasn’t a serious question? Come on —“ he scoffs, “what did you expect me to do, sweetheart? Throw my drink in her face? Newslash: this isn’t Real Housewives of the Upper West Side – well…” Cash thinks about where the art studio was located and corrects himself, “Real Housewives of Harlem. Be so for real right now. As soon as I recognized it was a set-up, I got us the fuck outta there. I thought I did my part. But I guess not.” What was supposed to be a fun night turned sour.

[tokkiash]

While Ashley is grateful that Cash ends the interaction for them, she's still really annoyed. It's a relief when he leads her outside, the fresh air not quite helping to clear her head, but enough to let her breathe out some of the tension she had felt. Not all of it, but enough to let Ashley get her thoughts in order.

She should've known that this would happen eventually, going back to Cash's old stomping grounds was a recipe for disaster. It was where his work was, and so it was where she was going to be also, staying behind in Seoul was never going to be an option. But this? It's too much. She hates feeling out of place, feeling like she's been pushed into a slot that doesn't fit her, and that's what New York has felt like so far. Not that she hates being here, it's been fun having Cash guide her around and to feel like she's living in a movie. But times like this makes her wish that they were anywhere else.

While he guides her back to her car she replays what happened inside over and over, her anger simmering and stewing inside of her the more that she contemplates it. Ashley's methods for control over her emotions that she was taught in therapy are dwindling, it's hard to remember what she's supposed to do at a time like this. The hospital would never imagine I'd be stuck meeting the woman my fiance basically wrote his book and TV show about.

Ashley is settled in her seat in the car, purse on the ground by her feet as she buckles up, glancing over at Cash, trying to hold back what she wants to say but she knows it's absolutely useless. "I know you didn't think she'd be there but... what was all that? I might as well have been at home the way you were acting with her."

tokkiash​

The more that Cash and Miranda talk, the more annoyed that Ashley becomes. She isn’t stupid, she has read Cash’s book and seen the script for his TV show, she knows who this woman is. Ashley does her absolute best to not let her annoyance show on her face, however. Not wanting to give the other woman any kind of satisfaction of seeing her upset or anything other than polite and friendly. 

It’s difficult though, to not let it be evident how she feels. Both of them probably think the tension isn’t obvious but it is, and Ashley is feeling more out of place the longer that they all stand together like this. Awkwardness is not something that she’s used to feeling, and she hates it, wants nothing more than for this to be over already and for the two of them to be alone once more.

When the pair of them sip champagne at the same time Ashley has to hold back a sigh and an eye roll, more than over it already. When Miranda comments on her dress she lets her eyes flick over the older woman’s attire, taking in the sight of her. It’s not like she isn’t pretty, because she is, but Ashley…. well, she knows that she’s prettier. And dresses better, but that really isn’t here nor there.

“Thank you, he did. I’m always thankful for Cash when he lets me pick out whatever I want. I have to admit that I’m more than a little spoiled,” she giggles, and if she puts an emphasis on his name to make the other woman’s slip up more obvious, that’s no one’s business but her own. Ashley doesn’t want the elder to forget that she’s part of Cash’s past, not his present.

Something about this night is starting to feel like a trap. Cash enjoys art and likes supporting his friends and spending time with Ashley. He isn’t stupid, though. Enrique and Miranda were friends first – what Minkyu and Miranda had was an open secret no one said anything until there was tangible proof – despite finding some shared interest with Min, Enrique used to always admonish the older woman playfully, calling her a cougar, asking why Min was her date to his openings and not her husband, who usually would third wheel under the guise of ‘mentorship’ when he would actually decide to come with. Cash had only communicated with Enrique a few times since he had moved back to New York and assumed an invite to his opening was an invite to restart their friendship without Miranda. 

Maybe he was wrong. 

Adults can be way more petty than teenagers, especially the older ones like Miranda and Enrique, bored with their privileged lives, Cash wouldn’t have been surprised if the two decided that he would invite Cash and see how the night played out, alcohol is flowing – creatives are the most dysfunctional types, Cash would know. Miranda fixes her face to  speak again after Ashley and Cash decides that it’s this interaction has gone on too long for his liking and there is this nag at the base of his neck like an alert – they’re waiting for him to blow-up. Minkyu always had a temper, even at Hotchkiss; they thought putting him in football, let him run and tackle to get the steam out so he wouldn’t throttle his classmates when randomly triggered would be enough, it wasn’t, yet, it became this unspoken thing to not piss Minkyu off. 

Before they became friends, Tripp tried to see what he could get away with, Minkyu was tall but he was still the new foreign student no one knew about . Minkyu watched a lot of TV shows and movies before coming to America though, and knew it was some type of initiation phase, his fists moved faster than Tripp’s words though, a long friendship grew from the altercation though. What does Miranda expect Cash to do? He feels mildly frustrated, embarrassed that with his habit of trying to predict (control) how things will play out, he hadn’t considered Miranda showing up. Anger isn’t something he feels though so he doesn’t think she won. He glances at his watch to set things in motion, “it was insane running into you but we have an early morning, just came to support Enrique, bye.”  They don’t wait for her to respond, leaving the older woman where she stood, Cash wants to stop by the bar again, he doesn’t though in case Miranda strolls over for a martini and they walk outside and it finally feels like he can breathe again. 

[tokkiash]

Ashley is grateful that Cash gets Emma's attention with his phone, it makes talking to and keeping Kevin's attention way easier. Though when their food and drinks arrive it does lead to more a group discussion than just the two of them in their own world, but she could handle that. Even if she didn't like the other two girls with them she could play nice, making jokes with everyone and laughing together was easy enough to do.

Luckily they don't stay too long, Kevin getting the message that the party was in full swing, which meant it was time for them to go. She got stuck in the back with the other girls again on the way to the party, but it was fine. Cash had good music playing that kept the mood up, and Ashley was hoping that she'd be able to stick by Kevin's side when they arrived. And she did manage it, thankfully. Standing next to Kevin after Cash had found somewhere for them to park, excitement and nerves buzzing in her body. She'd never been to a frat party before, didn't know what to expect at all. But if she could follow Kevin around all night, she knew that she'd be okay.

Thirsty Sal’s is a locally owned restaurant that turns into a bar for the university students at night. Cash has had a few dates there himself, since the food is pretty decent and they have some arcade games and a pool table tucked in a corner. It’s popular for its cheap drink deals on nights like these, hence it being so packed right now. Cash is stuck against the wall, Emma – the redhead who was sitting against his car – keeps bumping her elbow into Cash. Kevin should be lucky he loves him like a brother, or Cash wouldn’t be subjecting himself to this right now.

It’s like watching National Geographic. Kevin, the lone lion, and the three girls, the eager lionesses of the pride. Real entertaining stuff in Cash’s eyes. Kevin and Ashley are gross, but it’s sorta cute, it would be nice to have less foot traffic in the apartment if he stuck with one woman like a normal guy instead of this endless rotation. Cash isn’t jealous; he’s sick of his food and drinks being offered without any sort of heads-up from the other guy.

Cash never plays wingman, but there’s only so much he can take of the girls’ daggers across the table, and decides to show the redhead a meme to break the ice. Earning an obnoxious laugh, and instead of elbowing Cash, Emma switches to slapping him on the shoulder, which was worse. Cash's amusement and confusion hidden in his glass as he takes a sip of his soda once they arrive.

[tokkiash]

Ashley is flushed at the way that Kevin looks at her when they join everyone else, pleased that she was able to get his attention. It's short lived though, especially when Emma is twirling her hair and offering up the solution to their problems. Her expression sours a bit but before anyone can notice it's already gone, and she's laughing along at the way the boys banter together.

She gets stuck in the backseat with the other girls as Cash drives them to the popular restaurant, joking and laughing along with everyone else. When they arrive Emma was (unfortunately) right about her roommate saving them a table, which is nice that they don't have to wait but it's annoying that it has Kevin impressed by her. Ashley isn't really sure what she can do to get the attention back on her, but she's determined.

Managing to beat the other two girls to sit beside Kevin, she makes a show of seeming more drunk than she is, leaning on him and giggling while they look over the menu together. Her face is flushed still, from the alcohol and the proximity to Kevin, pleased with herself that she can practically feel the dirty looks that she's getting from Kendall and Emma.

Patting his pockets to make sure he has everything he needs, Cash looks down at Ashley when she speaks, his eyes narrowing as he listens to her. Most of the girls around here are lightweights unless they have their father’s alcoholic genes, clearly Ashley is the former from the Asian Flush and her pupils are dilated, like she’s wearing contacts or something. Cash is genuinely surprised by Ashley’s apology, the unreadable stare into her eyes camouflaging it. Out of the potential embarrassment it would cause them both, he didn’t bother to bring up how they had already known each other. Half the embarrassment, some of his ego. “It happens, at least you didn’t call me Corey or something like that. We should probably catch up with them.”

Stepping out into the night, a bleary eyed Cash can see the outline of Kevin and the other girls standing in the parking lot in front of Cash’s car and he blinks into focus as he and Ashley walk over to join them. The two girls – Kendall, and… Cash can’t remember the redhead’s name but they’re resting against his car and he clears his throat as he swings his car keys around his finger and they stand up straight, giggling nervously and he sighs. 

“Good, nice of you two to join us,” Kevin teases and finally looks up from his phone, looking at everyone his eyes lastly linger on how low Ashley’s top is and he clears his throat, “Graham said the DJ at the party is having technical difficulties so there’s no point is heading over yet, but he’ll make sure we get in before the cap. The girls suggested we head to Thirsty Sal’s and get something to eat while we wait, it’s probably packed in there but –” 

“My roommate is working tonight, she’ll save us a table,” the redhead brags, looking quite pleased with herself as she twirls her finger around her hair, looking at Kevin, waiting for his validation. 

“Everybody knows somebody but me, huh?” Cash says, instead of Kevin, and he laughs, starting to lightly punch Cash in the arm. “You know me. And you're driving, so let's goooo.”

[tokkiash]

Ashley doesn't know what Kevin's endgame is either, the other two girls making it feel crowded in the small kitchen, and it's annoying feeling like they're all competing for his attention. There's nothing else she can do though besides play along, hoping that she's different enough to stand out. She's not quite sure it works, but Kevin is making a point to talk to her directly too, so she takes it as a win.

When they decide to leave she's feeling a little tipsy already, still not used to drinking and not liking it all that much, her face always getting flushed. It was a pregame though, she knew she had to do it. When Kevin introduces Cash she holds back a gasp, recognition dawning on her face. She feels bad that she hadn't realized it was the same boy she introduced herself to, too mortified at getting caught to remember his face.

After they all head out together she hangs back, knowing it would give the other girls a leg up over her but she feels bad and she can't leave this hanging. "Hey, Cash. Sorry that I didn't recognize you before Kevin introduced us again. The circumstances last time were.... well. You know." Ashley lets out an embarrassed giggle, tucking a stray curl behind her ear. Her gaze goes up, and up, to be able to see his face. Cash really is tall, she isn't quite used to it. She and Kevin were a lot closer in height, which made talking easier, that's for sure. But this was new, and she found she didn't dislike it. Standing next to him made her feel small in a good way.

Cash stands at the door in shock for a moment after she’s walked inside, it all happened so fast, but he swears Ashley looked at him like she’s never seen him before. Cash doesn’t know how to take it; he hadn’t thought about the girl, but he didn’t erase her entire existence from his mind either. Cash stupidly had assumed since Ashley went out of her way to introduce herself first the last time, she’d at least have the decency to remember his face, but embarrassment can cause early onset dementia; he gets it. This happens often with women who flicker around Kevin; they either forget he’s there or worse: it’s ‘hey, Chris.’ Or ‘hi, Connor.’ 

Cash does not resemble a Connor in any shape or form. 

He can’t dwell on it and closes the door, locking it before he goes to join the others in the kitchen, snatching another Budweiser before stepping out to the couch. Cash doesn’t play wingman; if there’s anything that the two of them have learned over the past two and a half years, is that Kevin’s chances of scoring are way higher when Cash isn’t around. Cash also has nothing to say, so why stand there like a lump when he can sit down and scroll on his phone while he waits? Cash understands the skewed ratio, but what is his endgame here? The idea of Kevin trying to have a foursome with the three young women in the kitchen makes Cash laugh to himself before pulling the tab back, cracking the can open. He hopes there’s some weed at the party tonight; there usually is.

Cash isn’t keeping track of the time; no one shows up to a frat party first. Cash couldn’t care less what they get up to in the kitchen as long as nothing is broken. His solitude is interrupted when the music is turned off and the three girls follow behind Kevin like fangirls into the living room. Cash locks his phone, pocketing it since it’s clearly time to go when Kevin clears his throat, motioning towards him with a flourish that makes Cash roll his eyes. 

“Girls, this is Cash, my best friend of six years and roommate.” 

“More like court-appointed guardian at this point, but yea.”

[tokkiash]

She blinks at the tall male who opens the door, not recognizing him so he's basically a stranger to her, even though they've met without her remembering it. The embarrassment of getting caught after a night with her crush seemingly blocking it out. "Oh, hi. Kevin invited me over." A smile spreads across her face, though it's dropping as soon it appears, the sound of girlish giggles reaching her ears.

Ashley should've known that it wouldn't be only her that was invited. There were always other girls around, no matter what she did. It was so annoying, and frustrating. She didn't know what to do about it for now, except maybe grin and bear it.

Once she steps inside she makes her way to the kitchen, putting a smile on her face as she greets Kevin, recognizing the girls from around campus not really knowing anything about them. At least she looked better than them, at least in her own opinion. "Hi Kevin, thanks for inviting me! I brought some stuff for the pregame." Ashley pulled the shooters out of her purse, laying them out on the counter. Luckliy she had brought enough for everyone, though everyone would only be getting one.

Ashley hadn't been a thought in Cash's mind after that first encounter. A few other girls had fluttered in and out of their apartment since then, but he hadn't gotten the chance to see if any of them were wearing Kevin's t-shirt. Cash didn't actually care. He's finally starting to get into the thick of his major, so no time to worry about where or who Kevin sticks his dick in; just don't give them Cash's food or drinks, and no one will have to replace anything.

The week before midterms is hell, so a party to cap it off sounds perfect. ATO always throws a rager, and while partying isn't Cash's first choice when it comes to decompressing, he didn't want to stay at the apartment while Kevin was out having fun without him. The FOMO would eat Cash alive. Cash is immune to Kevin's charm after knowing him for nearly ten years at this point, but he can't deny that the guy knows how to make a night memorable. He was Kevin's best friend before Kevin became the big man on campus; Cash has seniority over every person who comes into their lives and wants to spend time with him as well.

Cash wasn't sure how many people Kevin invited over to pre-game; he was still showering and getting dressed when he heard music and the voices. He steps out into the kitchen once he's deemed himself presentable to be around people. Two girls are already doing shots with Kevin, and Cash kinda wishes he were ready before they arrived. They eye him appraisingly, and Cash grabs a beer to distract himself from their stares after introductions.

The roommates are the textbook definition of 'opposites ': Kevin is shorter than Cash but makes up for it with his boisterous personality, making friends and admirers everywhere he goes. Cash isn't exactly shy, but he's going to keep to himself if the option allows, an expert in blending in despite how much physical space he can take up. Kevin spends his free time in the gym or with a girl, but Cash is a couch potato and binge eats when he's bored or stressed, and it shows. After a sip, Cash glances over when the girls laugh too loudly at something Kevin said, catches one of them looking at his belly, and he and the girl look away at the same time. Cash feels stupid. He tugs his shirt to cover it better and walks out to the couch to sit and wait to leave.

He's become Kevin's unofficial babysitter (officially in Kevin's mother's eyes), so he doesn't need too much attention on him, just a clear visual when they go out so Kevin doesn't go missing or get hurt. Chugging the rest of the beer so he doesn't have to force himself to finish it when it's warm, Cash burps as there is a knock and rises slowly. "I got it." He calls out as he goes over and opens the door.

Oh... He looks down, not expecting to see Ashley again, and looks at her outfit. Cash thinks she looks really hot, but that's not his job to tell her, and chuckles. Kevin rarely sees the same girl more than once, so Ashley must have left an impression on him.

[tokkiash]

"It's nice to meet you, Cash." She's grateful that they don't have to exchange small talk for long, and she's a little embarrassed as she takes a sip from her water. "I will, luckily my building is really close. But I have to go now, I'll see you around campus maybe. Bye." Ashley flees then, going back to Kevin's room to gather the rest of her things so she can go back to her own dorm.

Two weeks pass since then, and it's been a rough time. Classes are hard but getting Kevin's attention again is harder. There's always other girls around him, and it's been a struggle to hold his attention for more than the amount of time they spend in class together. But luckily there's a party at one of the frats and Kevin invites her back to his dorm to pregame, and she eagerly accepts.

She takes extra care with her appearance before going over, curling her hair and doing more extravagant makeup than she normally would have, throwing on a low cut top with a mini skirt and her favorite chunky boots. Ashley has a few shooters in her purse when she finally arrives, knocking on the door excitedly, so pleased that Kevin wanted to do all this with her instead of any of the other girls vying for his attention.

He invited her over but can't walk her to the door? Typical Kevin. Cash and his roommate have been best friends since what feels like forever. So, he's not new to his antics, yet, they still catch Cash by surprise occasionally. He's probably sleeping like a baby right now after what Cash bet was a good night — the wall separating their bedrooms is thin, there have been nights when his headphones can't charge fast enough and he had nowhere to hide. Whatever it is Kevin is doing to these women gets them hooked and loony every single time, coming back for more.

Cash expected her to run out of the apartment wordlessly but she's introducing herself — she's — Ashley is drinking his goddamn water. The water that Kevin swore he hadn't been helping himself to, he even tried to gaslight Cash ( "you've been on a water kick, remember you said your manager hinted at an upcoming drug test?") who feels vindicated at the sight of undeniable proof in front of him, that he stores away in his brain for later. He begins to take his breakfast sandwiches out one by one in a row on the kitchen counter, he wasn't trying to make small talk but if she's going to stand there like she can't drink and walk at the same time then fine.

"Cash. Don't worry about it." Not like she will be around for long. Kevin has the attention span of a goldfish with the greed they speak about in the bible. A full-time extrovert he's never short on options and absolutely terrified of love after watching the deterioration of his parents' marriage when he was younger; Cash isn't exactly allowed to tell these women this and has witnessed some really nice girls. Sometimes it makes him feel bad, seeing them run out of the apartment in tears, hearing the fights. But for the most part, Cash stays out of Kevin's business, not like he can really influence the guy anyway. He glances down at his watch, it's barely eight am. "Be careful."

[tokkiash]

Ashley has been after Kevin all semester since they met in their shared English class at the beginning of the year. She didn't think it was going to be too difficult, but he was annoyingly popular and it ended up actually taking some effort from her end. But it worked eventually, and when Kevin had finally invited her over while his roommate was out, she eagerly accepted.

It was fun, she'd had a great night, and it was even better because he hadn't sent her packing right away, letting her stay. But, she knew it'd be better if she got her "walk of shame" over with early in the morning, wearing Kevin's shirt that he'd offered her as she got up to get some water. The fridge was a typical "boy fridge" and she'd had to rummage around to find a bottle, which is why she hadn't noticed at first that she wasn't alone. She can't help but jump a little when she hears someone clear their throat, turning around quickly and clutching her bottle tightly, surprise on her face when she spots the male standing awkwardly in the kitchen. Must be the roommate, she thinks. "Oh, good morning! Sorry, I didn't hear you come in. Um... I'm Ashley. Kevin had me over. But I'm on my way out." Ashley is quick to shut the fridge, feeling a little embarrassed to be caught like this, twisting at the cap of her water, taking a few sips, resisting the urge to flee as she was still polite enough to let the male introduce himself.

@tokkiash

Cash isn't big on sleepovers, he prefers his own bed because he sleeps the best in it naturally. That being said, Cash does have exceptions — he can be persuaded when it's a very pretty girl. Same pretty girl that's been dodging Cash all semester because she's been 'busy' but suddenly she's not and her roommate is gone for the weekend. Cash isn't big on sleepovers, but obviously he ignored his own rules and came up with some loopholes. He doesn't do full weekends.

It's only been Saturday morning for a few hours when Cash makes his way back to his apartment, armed with breakfast from a fast food place around the block from campus. Cash's mind is blank as he walks into his kitchen so he's not expecting to see a small woman standing in front of his refrigerator, taking in her messy hair and the Hotchkiss Mathletes t-shirt he quickly deduces Kevin had a nice Friday night as well. This isn't the first time Cash has seen a young woman from their university campus in that specific shirt and it won't be the last — Kevin has a lot of admirers. It's the same song and dance every time, a guy like Kevin can't be tied down, eventually they give up. And he always gets his shirt back.

He doesn't want to make this any more awkward than it needs to be so he clears his throat as he sets his bag down. "Uh... good morning?"

[tokkiash]

anterocash​:

Cash fights the urge to roll his eyes; he doesn’t need Ashley’s help here but appreciates the feedback. Cash doesn’t want to go into his thirties, still breaking hearts, acting like a terrible partner, not that he was awful to Miranda — perhaps he was too eager to please her without regard for what his actions would cause. Nineteen and enamored, he did not so very nice things back then, for her not to her. Cash tried to block their relationship out pre-coma, with brain healing some of his memories he will never get back; he knows things from retellings from former classmates and reading his journals. His relationship with Miranda remains evident in his head to this day, which gives him migraines.

Should have moved neighborhoods.

Cash is a creature of habit. He thrives with routine; gone are the ‘whatever’ days. If he doesn’t have a schedule, he won’t achieve anything. He thought he could get his old life back with new additions that would only make it better if he moved to the old block. They go to the same grocery store he used years ago, doggy days tucked in the corner of Central Park West; he used to sit and drink cheap red wine and write, reading John Fante out loud to Eva or whatever susceptible woman he could convince he was worth the time spent. He takes the same routes, and Cash has never been happier. Running into Miranda hadn’t crossed his mind that much. Cash convinced himself that she moved to a different city or a new neighborhood; she didn’t have any reason to stay on the Upper West Side: no longer a faculty member at Columbia, her ex-husband divorced her and sold their home (the one he fought a Minkyu in the throes of cocaine rage outside of.) Why was she still around? Wonders the man who moved back because he didn’t want to find a new grocery store.

“I ran into Enrique at a different exhibit, and he invited me to this one tonight,” Miranda explains. He hates how it still feels like she can read his mind. Cash contemplates punching the artist in the face – another of their mutual friends that knew about their entanglement. What exactly was he trying to achieve? As much as it damaged Minkyu’s ego – after rehab and the smoke clearing from his relationship with Miranda coming to light – all the friends Minkyu met through his connection to Miranda picked her side – weirdos, but whatever, they knew her longer, and he could accept that, not without grumbling about it – a mass exodus of social media followers and suddenly everyone has him blocked – grumbling was justified. “Yeah, he emailed me about it a couple weeks ago and decided to make it a date night.” 

Maybe it’s the endless champagne. Miranda and Cash take sips simultaneously, and she makes a slight noise; what others would use for closure only fuels her anger more.  “That’s a pretty dress. Min buy it for you? I mean Cash –” another gulp.

The more that Cash and Miranda talk, the more annoyed that Ashley becomes. She isn’t stupid, she has read Cash’s book and seen the script for his TV show, she knows who this woman is. Ashley does her absolute best to not let her annoyance show on her face, however. Not wanting to give the other woman any kind of satisfaction of seeing her upset or anything other than polite and friendly. 

It’s difficult though, to not let it be evident how she feels. Both of them probably think the tension isn’t obvious but it is, and Ashley is feeling more out of place the longer that they all stand together like this. Awkwardness is not something that she’s used to feeling, and she hates it, wants nothing more than for this to be over already and for the two of them to be alone once more.

When the pair of them sip champagne at the same time Ashley has to hold back a sigh and an eye roll, more than over it already. When Miranda comments on her dress she lets her eyes flick over the older woman’s attire, taking in the sight of her. It’s not like she isn’t pretty, because she is, but Ashley…. well, she knows that she’s prettier. And dresses better, but that really isn’t here nor there.

“Thank you, he did. I’m always thankful for Cash when he lets me pick out whatever I want. I have to admit that I’m more than a little spoiled,” she giggles, and if she puts an emphasis on his name to make the other woman’s slip up more obvious, that’s no one’s business but her own. Ashley doesn’t want the elder to forget that she’s part of Cash’s past, not his present.

[tokkiash]

anterocash​:

This scenario has played out in Miranda’s head a million times. Every time it’s a different girl, Miranda tries to find something ugly about her to make herself feel better. Not just Minkyu either, but her ex-husband as well. It’s a habit that developed after the only time she ever saw the two men in conference rooms with their attorneys present. Everyone seems to have moved on from the situation except for her. Miranda isn’t stupid, and four million dollars is chump change for the writer, but since he refused to apologize, she had to settle with some sort of justice, even if more than she would have liked went towards legal fees. Minkyu could have counter-sued, but he didn’t. He wanted nothing to do with the situation or with Miranda. Still, he should have thought about her place in his life after he decided to publish a book about the biggest mistake of her life.

“I don’t see why not; who is this?” She looks at Ashley like she’s appraising her for sale. Taking in her outfit and how her hair and make-up are done, eyes finally land on the jewelry on her fingers, and Miranda holds back a scoff, sipping her drink. Where does Minkyu get off thinking he can be happy? He didn’t even know about the plans Miranda and Eva had begun to brainstorm until the younger woman backed out at the last second. They were supposed to make Minkyu — Cash’s life a living hell.

Cash doesn’t like the way Miranda is looking at Ashley. Not one bit. “Miranda, this is my wife, Ashley.” They might not be legally married, but Miranda doesn’t need to know this. Cash doesn’t want her to think she’s won; he signed a check, and anyone can give away money. Winning one battle doesn’t mean she won the war. Cash isn’t proud of how he acted back then and doesn’t regret anything; he can acknowledge things should have gone differently. Cash and Miranda have always fed off of each other’s energy, though, if she wants to continue to act petty? So can he.  “Ashley, this is Miranda… she used to teach Twentieth Century British History at Columbia when I was a student there.” The relationship between them being why she’s no longer employed by the university, goes unspoken. Miranda takes the bait, “pleasure to meet you, Ashley. I gotta say you have your hands full with this one.”

To say that Ashley doesn’t like how this woman is looking at her would be an understatement. People have been looking at her all night, but none like this. It’s calculating and judgmental in the worst way, it makes her bristle but only inwardly, at this point she refuses to give the older woman any satisfaction of anything besides pleasant reactions. Unless a line is crossed, but only time will tell that will happen.

Instead she acts appropriately nice and polite, even though she wants to be anything but. Being called Cash’s wife has her straightening up a little more, a pleased and loving smile on her face as she turns her face up towards him briefly, gaze settling on the woman opposite them once more. Ashley lets Cash introduce them, though Miranda’s response to it annoys her. 

“It’s very nice to meet you too, Miranda. Though I do have to say I disagree with you, Cash is nothing but a wonderful and loving man to me,” she says, and maybe her smile is a little smug, she doesn’t care. Ashley just tightens her hold on Cash subtly, instead.

Ashley is not as stupid as she seems though, she knows what’s going on here. This woman probably thinks she’s being so subtle but she isn’t, and as much as she wants to drag Cash far away from her and this situation, she stays put. Even if she doesn’t like it, she’ll let him handle how this plays out, and as such she easily slips back into silence once again, knowing it was for the best right now if she did.