tomypast-blog

[tomypast-blog]

Dear Ryan

Dear Ryan,

At 22, I shouldn't be as focused on the past as I am now. I should be concerned with what the future holds for me, because the world is truly my oyster. Yet here I am, reminiscing.

I find myself thinking a lot about "the good old days" every now and again. I think it hit me hardest recently when I really questioned the quality of some of my friendships, because I realized that, even to this day, I've never really had a friend as good as you were to me.

Whether you know it or not, you gave me a sense of identity. We could be total nerds together, building legos, creating mods for Warcraft, playing MTG, or writing stories. You taught me how to have an imagination, which is why it kills me so much that we fell out of touch.

I suppose that's inevitable when friends go off to different schools. We tried to keep up through high school, but it became quickly apparent to both of us, I think, that we had found niches, and friends, for ourselves at our own schools, and that our paths were diverging. That realization really sucked.

We never really strayed far from each other geographically, even in college, but I never managed to reconnect. I think there was a point where I thought that I was uncomfortable with the person that I thought you had become, and I let that consume my opinion of you. What a tragedy.

The worst part, though, is that I wish we were at least on speaking terms, because I want you to know how proud of you I am. I'm not prone to Facebook stalking, but I saw that you broke into the video game industry, and I know how much that means to you. That's been your dream for as far back as I can remember, and I'm amazed that you've done it, but not the least bit surprised. You were destined for it.

If I've learned one thing in my short time on this earth, it's that life is only as good as the people in it. I've known a lot of good people, and they've made my life pretty good, but they hardly compare. You'll always be the friend who truly made me who I am today, and though you may never read this, at least it's out there. I hope that we reconnect, and that I have the chance to say this stuff to you face-to-face.

Until then, though, just know that you're still my best friend, despite the years that have past since Guluheend and Zuelatani formed the greatest partnership the world has ever seen.

To the possibilities that the future holds,

The Alutian

[tomypast-blog]

Dear High School "Popular Kids"

Dear High School Popular Kids,

I used to want to just say "Fuck You!" I used to want to punch each and every one of you, despite the fact that I didn't have an ounce of muscle on me. I used to want to tell you every day that I'd be on top some day.

But that would only make things worse, so I kept my mouth shut.

My how things change.

I'm still tall. I still lack basic coordination, but you'd be damn sure I can't be pushed around any more.

I'm set to graduate soon from one of the best universities in the world, a school that I love and that has changed me so much, with two degrees.

I have friends and a girlfriend who I love and who support me no matter what. And I mean the real me, not the quiet me who hid my bookishness to protect myself from you people.

Things didn't seem to go so well for you though.

Some of you staid in college, but most of you dropped out.

Most of you realized that you weren't good enough to keep playing sports.

Most of you realized that you couldn't bully your way into friends and good grades.

Most of you are 22, out of school, living at home, smoking pot, and applying for minimum-wage jobs.

Who would've thought that there would actually be truth to that who "peaking in high school" thing.

Like I said, my how times change. The greatest change of all? I'm not angry. So here's what I'd like to say:

Thank you.

Thank you for proving to me that athletic prowess doesn't buy you a place in life like it does in High School.

Thank you for proving to me that nothing beats hard work.

Thank you for proving to me that the most important thing in the world is to be secure with who you are and to not give a damn about what other people say.

But most importantly, thank you for proving to me that nerds really do win in the long run. Ya I read books and played video games in my spare time back then. Ya I was bean-pole thin with the athleticism of a baby giraffe. Ya I sucked at sports. You know what? I wouldn't change a damn thing.

Thanks for providing me with an insatiable drive to better myself every day. It'll be a nice thing to tell my kids some day when they ask me how I got to where I am.

Here's to you,

The Alutian 

[tomypast-blog]

An Explanation is in Order

Morning Tumblrs,

A few days ago I came up with the brilliant idea of writing letters to people from my past and sharing them with the world. They may be people that I still talk to or people that I haven't seen in over a decade, and all the names are real (though I'm leaving out last names for the sake of at least a little mystery).

The reason why I'm putting this out in the open and not writing it down and hiding it under my bed or in a safe or at the bottom of the ocean, is that I hope it encourages you all to do something similar. It's surprisingly cathartic, and it just might encourage you to reconnect with someone, or finally gather up the courage to say something that you've always wanted to say.

Anyways, I hope that this stuff helps you or entertains you.

Here's to making some magic together,

The Alutian