tongue-nd-pen

[tongue-nd-pen]

I feel like I am in between “what do you want to be” and “when you grow up” and both of them are crushing me to bits.

[tongue-nd-pen]

I am chronically obsessed with having an aesthetic

[tongue-nd-pen]

Another day to read my writing and be like “girl you wrote this?” admirably.

[tongue-nd-pen]

I comfort myself with “one day I’ll be a person”, because this cannot be the life and mind of a full normal person.

[tongue-nd-pen]

“Write the story you want to read”

I’m trying, I swear.

[tongue-nd-pen]

I know it’s a privilege to feel my feelings intensely and all but like can I take a break? my heart is so heavy Lord

[tongue-nd-pen]

On some days (today) I get so angry, I could cry.

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I am entering my lover girl era and I’m so excited for the possibilities that comes with it (the poemsssss)

[tongue-nd-pen]

I am such a tired tired human

[tongue-nd-pen]

After all, to be an artist is to have a lifelong relationship with your deepest feelings, whether pleasing or excruciating.

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The fact that a wave of sentences and poetic hyperboles could hit me at 3 pm on my worst days or choose to desert me on my 19th birthday, seems to me like torture rather than bliss.

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I cannot guarantee that a daughter of mine will not despise her breathing.

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In what world is a mother-daughter relationship perfectly healthy??

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Will I become the mother needing saving? Will she be able to stand this world that I silently despise and hope to crawl out of? Will it be unfair, like I imagine, to bring her here as a gamble? I do not like these questions. I don't have an answer to any of them.

[tongue-nd-pen]

I wish to have a daughter, to do right by her and braid her hair. I wish to show her how to spell her name and embody its essence. I wish to have a daughter and raise her with truths of wholesome, mercy-filled religion and cosy, love-filled womanhood. I wish to have a daughter who will be, won't cower, won't shrink and won't burst. She will embrace and display to her heart's content. It is my wish that she lives, not just survives. Unfortunately, these are only wishes.

[tongue-nd-pen]

I wish to have a daughter, but I do not want a daughter. I can't bring myself to wanting a daughter.

[tongue-nd-pen]

Another day to read my writing and be like “girl you wrote this?” admirably.