tonnerre-d-alsace

[tonnerre-d-alsace]

Welcome here, old branch. To you and to your son.

*gives them two pints of beer coming out of nowhere*

François-Christophe de Kellermann

𝐷𝑢𝑐 𝑑𝑒 𝑉𝑎𝑙𝑚𝑦, 𝑀𝑎𝑟𝑒́𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑙 𝑑'𝐸𝑚𝑝𝑖𝑟𝑒, 𝐺𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑑-𝐶𝑟𝑜𝑖𝑥 𝑑𝑒 𝑙𝑎 𝐿𝑒́𝑔𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑑'𝐻𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑢𝑟, 𝐺𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑑-𝐶𝑟𝑜𝑖𝑥 𝑑𝑒 𝑙'𝑂𝑟𝑑𝑟𝑒 𝑑𝑒 𝑆𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑡-𝐿𝑜𝑢𝑖𝑠, 𝐺𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑑-𝐶𝑟𝑜𝑖𝑥 𝑑𝑒 𝑙'𝑂𝑟𝑑𝑟𝑒 𝑑𝑒 𝐹𝑖𝑑𝑒́𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑒́ 𝑑𝑒 𝐵𝑎𝑑𝑒, 𝐺𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑑-𝐶𝑟𝑜𝑖𝑥 𝑑𝑒 𝑙'𝑂𝑟𝑑𝑟𝑒 𝑑𝑒 𝐻𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑒.

𝒆𝒕 𝒔��𝒏 𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒔,

François-Étienne de Kellermann

𝐺𝑒́𝑛𝑒́𝑟𝑎𝑙 𝑑𝑒 𝐷𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛, 𝐺𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑑-𝐶𝑟𝑜𝑖𝑥 𝑑𝑒 𝑙𝑎 𝐿𝑒́𝑔𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑑'𝐻𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑢𝑟, 𝐶𝑟𝑜𝑖𝑥 𝑑𝑒 𝑆𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑡-𝐿𝑜𝑢𝑖𝑠.

⊱⁘————————«⁘»————————⁘⊰

Visitors? I was not expecting you, my friend, but do sit down, it is a pleasure. An old soldier needs company in retirement, after all. Stay for dinner if you like, too, it will soon be upon us and it has been a long time since I last had guests.

Now, do look around, but perhaps do not look at the paintings too closely, they... Cannot always be explained. I am told it is a symptom of this Afterlife we have been sent to that not all is quite as it used to be. This house, for example, is much cleaner than I ever remember it, and it seems I have been allowed more servants than I was able to afford myself in life.

I reside here with my son, François-Étienne, an accomplished soldier in his own right, though he does not spend much time inside. If it is him you seek, then do borrow a horse and go in search of him around the estate, he will be here somewhere. The gardens... Just be careful.

We welcome any correspondence, though do be sure to be more specific in the address than simply 'Kellermann', otherwise there may be some confusion. We will endeavour to respond in good time, and it would be an honour to hear from our old colleagues once again.

Of course, there is a certain level of decorum expected in letters and actions to us, so please endeavour to be civil. My son may not feel the same, he is a rather different creature, but as the head of this household I will insist upon it on his behalf.

⊱⁘————————«⁘»————————⁘⊰

Notes sur l'Organisation:

#la correspondance du duc de valmy : RP involving Marshal François-Christophe de Kellermann.

#correspondance du général kellermann : RP involving General François-Étienne de Kellermann.

#le maréchal répond : Marshal Kellermann answers asks.

#le général répond : General Kellermann answers asks.

#proclamations du père et du fils : The Kellermanns post of their own accord.

#contes de l'au-delà : Lore posts relating to this strange Afterlife the Kellermanns find themselves in.

#general kellermann reblogs : Anything that General Kellermann reblogs in-character.

#marshal kellermann reblogs : Anything that Marshal Kellermann reblogs in-character.

#ooc : Out of character posts.

⊱⁘————————«⁘»————————⁘⊰

Welcome to my comedic RP blog for the two Kellermanns! This mildly unhinged operation is run by @upbeatmeeting, who for immersion is sometimes referred to in-character as the adjutant.

I am not a historian on these two by any means, and historical accuracy may vary. I will probably get better at portraying them authentically over time as I do more research on them, but do remember that this is meant to be comedic and only semi-serious. What I mean to say is that this isn't 100% accurate and I'm not sure it ever will be. I'm just here to have a bit of fun. Also check out this list of the other members of this wacky roleplay scene.

As above, correspondence (and with that, magic anons) is most welcome. However, do endeavour not to be a cunt, because you will find yourself blocked and yeeted into The Void. I reserve the right not to answer and I will not be answering anything egregiously NSFW or otherwise inappropriate, though a little suggestive is okay.

Have fun :)

Oh, and maybe one day people's names will stop getting autocorrected. Until then, please ignore spelling errors. Also, my French sucks. I know.

[tonnerre-d-alsace]

Catherine def pegs you

What I do in bed with my wife def isn't your goddamn business.

[tonnerre-d-alsace]

What in the hell is happening here, what's all the fuss about? I hope you're not bothering me for...

*He catches sight of the pizza, which he first sniffs with suspicion. The delicious fragrance of that divine fermented beverage called beer delicately tickles his nostrils.*

Wait a damn minute. Is that...?

*He looks like he's about to cry as he faces @chicksncash. But cry with joy. His face is a perfect imitation of the pleading emoji.*

Is that beer pizza ? F... for me ?

PIZZA DELIBEERY

DID SOMEONE ASK FOR BEER FLAVOURED PIZZA

Pardon? ..Magnus, did you order this?

.. No, Your Majesty, that sounds disgusting.

[ ahem. ] right. well.

We won't be needing your.. 'pizza'.. Perhaps have it sent to @your-staff-wizard ?

.. Why are we burdening the Marshal with such a food item?

To burden is the point, Magnus.

[tonnerre-d-alsace]

*Even in death, there was no rest. Even in death, the suffering of those most in need never ceased. Even in death, you could find yourself with nothing, vulnerable and abandoned by everyone. Including this child who curtsied like a princess and who had done nothing to deserve such fate. Lefebvre thought back to his own children, his fourteen little angels who had died when they were just babies or in their infancy and took a part of his and Catherine's hearts when they left. Were they too alone and lost in the eternity of their afterlife, deprived of the protection and affection of their parents? The thought made him feel horribly dizzy. Something shone in his eyes, something deep and distant.*

My wife and I haven't been able to find our children since we arrived here... We got used to preparing lots of food, in case they end up finding us. You can share dinner with us tonight.

*The fact that she claimed to have crossed paths with several of his comrades-in-arms and that none of them had rushed to offer this young girl a roof over her head sent him into a rage. But he didn't want to worry Emilia by looking gloomy. He forced himself to smile weakly and concentrated on her question.*

It's a Marshal's baton. The Emperor gave it to me. All of us have one.

*This thing wasn't much use, its function was mainly decorative. An accessory to show his privilege and rank. If anything, he could use it to hit some of his soldiers' heads from in time to time.*

Take me to your tree house. We'll get your things before we go to my place.

*To himself : God damn it, my wife raised my daughters, I have no idea what little girls like...*

So uh... want a beer ?

-@tonnerre-d-alsace

Hm? Bonjour!

*Emilka smiled and curtsied gracefully*

Oh, Yes, please! Beer is a forbidden drink for children, so I'll try it all the more! But first I need to know who you are?

*she tilted her head like a puppy*

[tonnerre-d-alsace]

*Why do I always have to say the wrong thing at the wrong time? He thought, watching helplessly as Emilia's face darkened. Despite his gruff, awkward manners, he didn't like seeing children turning sad because of him. At that moment, if he had to conquer the Earth to make her smile again, he would probably do it.*

I'm sorry, Petite. It wasn't my intention to insult their memory. I'm just worried about you.

*He reached into his frock coat pocket and pulled out a small chocolate. It was all squashed up and had melted a bit, but even if it wasn't very nice looking, it was still good.*

Here, I think this is more to your taste. You can have the beer another day.

*Being a big man, he crouched down to be at Emilia's level. His old back ached a little, and he grimaced slightly.*

Alright, I'm glad to hear everyone's being nice to you and all... but do you have a place to sleep? Do you know what you'll eat tonight, and tomorrow morning, and the day after?

*And, oh well... he should have said straight away that he was a Marshal if he'd known that was the magic word. But he thought that would frighten her. The army was often a synonym for fear for children, they saw it as the infernal machine that devoured their fathers and brothers.*

Well, I'm one of those people. I am Marshal Lefebvre.

*In fact, he always carried his Marshal's baton with him. To prove his point, he handed it to Emilia. The request that followed took him by surprise. He blinked once, twice, before answering cautiously. You could be my dad, it wasn't a question to be taken lightly. And his only surviving son had turned out so badly... How long would it take for him to disappoint this adorable child and shatter her illusions?*

Petite, the way you put all your trust in people you've just met worries me a lot.

*But he didn't feel like leaving her there, even if she assured him that she was safe and well looked after. He felt he had some kind of responsibility towards her now.*

But I can stay with you for a little while. What would you like to do?

*To himself : God damn it, my wife raised my daughters, I have no idea what little girls like...*

So uh... want a beer ?

-@tonnerre-d-alsace

Hm? Bonjour!

*Emilka smiled and curtsied gracefully*

Oh, Yes, please! Beer is a forbidden drink for children, so I'll try it all the more! But first I need to know who you are?

*she tilted her head like a puppy*

[tonnerre-d-alsace]

Well hello there, malewife!

- @general-alex-dumas

Hello there, sexiest man in the Empire (according to the popular vote)

[tonnerre-d-alsace]

Do not... ugh, alright *he accepts the hug, acting like he was grumbling about it but hoding him tight*

The afterlife is sweeter than I deserve, as I have Catherine by my side and I find back my old friends one after the other.

But I'm not sure what we're supposed to do now… With no Revolution to defend, no Empire to protect, I feel useless here.

Salutations.

The great and marvelous Marshal Murat here; but you all know that already.

I have decided to from my own good graces have you all be in the company of my brilliance and beauty.

If you wish to question me; send an ask my way and i might answer if it's worthy of my valued time. -

Ran by @xxnightfrostxx historical accuracy has been abandoned on the site of the road so if you're here for that, wrong place bud.

Tags: #Thekinganswers-Answered letters

#Teatime-Responses/roleplays

#Corkboard-Important stuff/events

#Fine Art-Art responses

#King's Collection-Other misc things i've reblogged

[tonnerre-d-alsace]

I hope so ! I'm not good with words, I can't tell you with beautiful and smart words how happy I am to find you back. Your presence is sometimes unbearable, but the afterlife without you would have been the cruellest of fates.

Really? So he was finally able to take advantage of the eternity of the afterlife to marry his former fiancée, Mademoiselle… I think her name was Reiset?

I ain't paying 20 Francs to send you a stupid letter, it was expensive enough to put my grave next to yours.

Take my friendship and my appreciation as payment.

See you soon,

-@tonnerre-d-alsace

Lefevbre, you old goat - that's just for those not in the baton club. Ha ha ha!

Good ta see ya, ya old git... did you hear the latest? Kleber's getting hitched finally!

[tonnerre-d-alsace]

*Clears his throat* Sorry, I forgot my manners. Bonjour, petite.

*Her response makes him look at her dumbfounded* What do you mean it's forbidden, who is the monster who decided this?

Yeah, sorry. You can call me Joseph. And... *Gets back in grumpy dad mode* You should not be left there alone, who is the irresponsible assho- I mean imbecile who left you unsupervised?

*To himself : God damn it, my wife raised my daughters, I have no idea what little girls like...*

So uh... want a beer ?

-@tonnerre-d-alsace

Hm? Bonjour!

*Emilka smiled and curtsied gracefully*

Oh, Yes, please! Beer is a forbidden drink for children, so I'll try it all the more! But first I need to know who you are?

*she tilted her head like a puppy*

[tonnerre-d-alsace]

Modest as always, I see. Good to see you again.

Salutations.

The great and marvelous Marshal Murat here; but you all know that already.

I have decided to from my own good graces have you all be in the company of my brilliance and beauty.

If you wish to question me; send an ask my way and i might answer if it's worthy of my valued time. -

Ran by @xxnightfrostxx historical accuracy has been abandoned on the site of the road so if you're here for that, wrong place bud.

Tags: #Thekinganswers-Answered letters

#Teatime-Responses/roleplays

#Corkboard-Important stuff/events

#Fine Art-Art responses

#King's Collection-Other misc things i've reblogged

[tonnerre-d-alsace]

Mon vieil ami. It is good to see you here, and I do hope you are enjoying your... retirement, well.

I recall the time I have worked under you and with you with great fondness. I especially remember the... extensive language education in how to swear in multiple dialects of French and German.

When I am no longer preoccupied with business, we should meet for drinks. Though I must cast doubt on your claims about Alsatian wine.

Do send my regards to your wife, who you have said that you love multiple times in a single missive.

-- the Duke of Dalmatia, @murillo-enthusiast

Très cher Jean,

However brief it may be, I'm very pleased with your letter. Thank you for reaching out.

I'm reassured that the years spent under my command are not a traumatic memory for you. I wasn't always the most patient or the best at maintaining my composure.

I don't know what "business" you're busy with at the moment and I don't know if I want to know. As usual, my wise advices will be useless but be careful, don't do anything stupid.

It would be my greatest wish to see you again and share an UNIQUELY EXCELLENT Alsatian wine. Is Mortier in this strange world with us and have you seen him again?

Kisses from Catherine and I.

Joseph.

[tonnerre-d-alsace]

[tonnerre-d-alsace]

your an alsatian

ARE YOU A DOGGIE

I am Marshal Lefebvre and you're the dumbest jean-foutre I've ever seen in my life

[tonnerre-d-alsace]

Among all the couples that there have been, I think and I say it loud and clear, Lefebvre and his wife the famous Madame Sans Gêne was one of the best relationships

They are so cute together !✨️❤️

[tonnerre-d-alsace]

AU NOM DU CIEL ÉTERNEL, THAT WAS THE DUCHESS OF TALLEYRAND ???

I NEVER STOOD A CHANCE !!!

Dorothea von Biron:

a. „A great beauty and gracious hostess, possibly the most beautiful of four extraordinarily attractive and scandalous sisters, said to posses an extraordinary charm. But what makes her The Sexyman is the feat of managing to captivate the old wily devil Talleyrand and becoming the greatest and last love of his life… while, technically, being his niece by marriage.”

François Joseph Lefebvre:

“Total DILF material, and the fiery passion in his eyes was matched only by his fiery personality! This contest may be based on looks (and Lefebvre is a strong candidate on this metric alone); but it's hard not to fall in love with his spicy takes and saucy language. He told Napoleon, "Let us throw the lawyers into the river” after agreeing to help overthrow the Directory (quoted in David G. Chandler, ed., Napoleon's Marshals), and from his English Wikipedia article: When a friend expressed envy of his estate, Lefebvre said, "Come down in the courtyard, and I'll have ten shots at you with a musket at 30 paces. If I miss, the whole estate is yours." After the friend declined this offer, Lefebvre added, "I had a thousand bullets shot at me from much closer range before I got all this." In response to a clueless young man demanding his identity at a social event, he answered, ''Je viens de la lune, où je n'ai jamais vu un Jean-Foutre de ton espèce: Je m'appelle le Général Lefebvre!” [“I come from the moon, where I’ve never seen such a #*$& as you. My name is General Lefevre!”] Quoted in The Secret History of the Cabinet of Bonaparte by Lewis Goldsmith, 1810, which is also hilarious because the author clearly hates Lefebvre, but makes him sound like a cool badass. He earns additional sexy points by sticking by his ex-washerwoman wife, who had a mouth of her own. (tbh Catherine Lefebvre, “Madame Sans-Gêne,” deserves her own Napoleonic Sexyman [gender neutral] nomination).”

[tonnerre-d-alsace]

Did you know that you were the last marshal standing during tumblrs napoleonic sexyman tournament. Unfortunately you didn’t get too far, as you were beat by a woman. Quite a beautiful one.

But that does mean you’re the Hottest of all the first empire marshals 😁

I didn't know anything about this tournament until now ! I'm flattered but surprised by the results. I would have thought that Murat would be far ahead of me as he takes great care of his appearance.

I heard General Dumas was the winner and I'm glad this event was an opportunity to put him forward after the unfair way he was treated. He is a courageous man, a charismatic leader, he fought for a noble cause and his son has written novels that deserve their worldwide success.

[tonnerre-d-alsace]

Haha, im not Napoleon, thank god.

Just a chick who would love to get in your pants. Among other things. Like arson. 🥰

-🍯🐝

Alright Mademoiselle, it seems to me that you need the affection of a willing man as soon as possible. If it is old age that puts you in such a state, I can refer you to my widowed friends who are currently in the wedding market.