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toomuchcheese14-blog · 7 years

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sunday thoughts. (09.03.17)

Luwi and I had a big fight last night. Well, I am actually the one to blame, as always. It was the first time I saw him cry out loud in front me. Perhaps, because of all the frustrations I gave him that day. :( But of course, no options to give up on this relationship so we just pour out all the strongest feelings in our hearts and made our apologies to each other in the end. Before we know it, TA-DA! We’re back again to our regular programming - as crazy, clingy, and cute lovers you normally see on TV. :) HAHAHAH

And tonight, I am somewhat amazed at the thought how much i really, really, really love this person. It’s a good feeling, you know. :)

Up until now, I still cannot believe that I was able to cross paths with such a wonderful man. He is truly beyond amazing. How did I get so lucky?

To my dearest baby,

Thank you so much for accepting me at my worst and loving me all the more at my best. I am really sorry for what happened last night - curse the immature and clingy girlfriend. :(

Since last night, I think I love you even more now. I will forever be inspired of how great your love is. I also realized that maybe God gives us all the frustrations, all the struggles, all the conflict in our schedules to help us realize that our relationship is something to really fight for - we needed all that.

He wants us to be much stronger to face the problems that we have yet to encounter - to help us know how much we needed each other so we will not fall apart and give up easily in the so-called push of life.

I always tell this to you and I’ll say it one more time. You know how independent and happy I was before. I was this content and optimistic girl who is just merely waiting for her true love to come to her life - and then you came without any warning.

You made me appreciate how wonderful it is to live in this beautiful world when you have someone to share your happiness with. I can’t say that I couldn’t live my life without you because I know for a fact that I could but you know, I really can’t imagine now how my life would turn out if I don’t get to spend the rest of my life with you. I know I will not die because of it but it would really feel like dying because you’re my home now, Luwi. I always find comfort in the warmth of your hugs and the sincerity of your gentle kisses. :( I love you so much.

I hope you won’t get annoyed of my clingyness. I promise to never give up.

You’re only the reason now why I somehow feel excited to face the bad days - not that I know it would make me stronger but because I know, I’ll face those days with you. We’ll get through this.

But for now, let’s just enjoy the moments we’re apart, yes? But how HAHA jk.

HUHUHUU i miss you :( marry meeee hahaha

Love,

Nat

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toomuchcheese14-blog · 7 years

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Who would have thought?

Who would have thought that we would end up together? Like fudge, who would really have thought... Not me, not you, not even the people around. :)

Whenever I try to reminisce the old times, I still often find myself smiling giddily as I will always be incredibly amazed at the thought that finally, after long years of waiting, I have already found the man I know I will forever love.

Let me tell you a story about a man and a woman...

Two years ago, there’s this innocent (cute) girl who paved her way to her dream company. Biting off more than what she can chew, she accepted the job offer. Little did she know, she will not just land on a job that would hone her skills more. But also, in this extremely busy office setting and fast-paced work environment - there in the farthest corner, she will also find love.

On her first day of work, her colleague introduced her to a lot of people whom she will be dealing with everyday. Overwhelmed with having too much on her plate, she even tried to put more pressure on herself by trying to remember those unfamiliar faces - and among those are the peeps from the Production Department.

Everyone was there. The boss, the second boss (?), the traffic managers, coordinators, and the group of young artists. Except for one.

“The guy is always late”, as to what she was told. Luckily, she remembered everyone that she greeted them with a genuine smile and a blissful hello every time she gets the chance - in hallways, restrooms, and even outside the office building. She tried so much to be friends with everyone.

Again, except for one.

One hasty day, her VIP client requested to have their ad material printed out for approval as soon as possible. So, she hurriedly went to Production Department and sought for help to have this request addressed. To kill off the time while waiting, she just chose to take a fancy to all the artists while they are keeping themselves busy doing their own craft.

Adjacent to where she’s seated, there’s this not-so-familiar guy who walked in front of her. On her mind, she was like “wait, who’s that? is he the artist who’s always late?”.

And then, he passed by in front of her again holding a proof on one hand. That’s when she realized, “Oh okay, he’s that artist who always comes in late”.

So, for the second time, she got the chance to have a very quick glance at him from head to toe but the only thing that caught her attention is his pair of shoes that has lots of print outs of superheroes or whatever. I am not even sure what those are.

Up to now, I am still wondering why I found those shoes very cool that day. I mean, I don’t even give a hang about superhero movies. I really do not know why I felt that way.

I wouldn’t know, either. I guess? Perhaps, it’s not actually the shoes I find cool, but you?

Again, I wouldn’t know.

AND YES, I WAS THIS GIRL AND YOU WERE THAT GUY.

From that day on, I know there’s something in you that I am always attracted to. I always deny it to myself but I know there’s so much more than greeting seldom hellos, sharing half smiles, and the “me-always-asking-for-a-favor” set up that continued for like years, to count. I even found myself stalking your Facebook account for no particular reason. *creep*

However, since I was in a relationship that time, I chose not to give in to these immature feelings. I convinced myself that you were just an emotional trigger since I was having a stormy relationship with my ex back then and I felt I was just in need of an inspiration at that time. I thought it would all go away after a short time, but it didn’t. It really did not.

Can you still remember that night when we decided to drink away all the office stress with Mady? I was so happy that night, not just because of the presence of alcohol (Hehe!) but because, I got to spend the night with you.

I tried to resist it but it intensifies so much more. The more I ignore it, all the more it gets stronger. I wanted to get these unwanted emotions under my control but it was unsuccessful. Of all people who came into my life, what is really with you?

Fast forward to February 2016, I chose to cut my crazy ex out of my life. She was just too impossible to handle anymore.

And there you were.

That same month, I finally tried to acknowledge what I was having for you. I can still remember how happy I was during those times I get to talk to you - those mini heart attacks I get whenever I get a Facebook like from you on my photos, the unexplained kilig I feel whenever your name pops up on my screen, those uncaged butterflies flying around my ribcage whenever you bug me for my monthly ad material just because of the mere fact that I can get to talk to you...

And before i know it, I was falling for you.

Like a magnetic pull, I was unable to stop it.

I don’t even know why you meant that much to me that even my birthday that year was not at all amazing because I didn’t get a greeting from you.

We were starting to get there, far from close but at least somehow, I felt we were getting there but one day, in the middle of the happy moments, you suddenly stopped everything - in an instant, without any warning.

I was hoping for a deeper friendship. I know we could have been something more but you cut it all out. YOU WERE GONE FOR REAL.

I was so down in the dumps that I assumed we had this mutual connection or maybe, I just hoped too much. I was so disappointed at myself just because of the thought that I’ve let myself fall for someone who does not feel the same way for me. All I had were hundreds and thousands of regrets because I’ve relentlessly put my feelings out there so I lost the (your) game. If only the ground could just swallow me up!

Did you know I prayed hard for you last Visita Iglesia? I was in a real predicament that I had to ask God for a sign if I should still continue this little admiration I was having for you. If you chose to text me that night, it’s an absolute yes from Him. If not, I will accept for I know he has better plans for me.

Unfortunately, you didn’t. I did not hear from you, not even a single word.

However, before the night ends, I was in total shock when I got my first Instagram like from you. Was it God telling me, not just yet?

Fast forward to June, I realized that our friendship cannot be restored again. I got tired of waiting for something I know that is not there anymore. I have come to accept that you were the person who made me feel butterflies all over again, but you were also the same person that have these killed. It was too heartbreaking for me.

But somewhere between the sad nights, I chose to give up on you and decided to move on with my happy life. :)

And then the saga continues...

There came Meralco, piles of ad materials for YES! and FHM, and other work-related stuff. If you just knew how much I was hurting each time you choose to be rude to me but good thing, I still got a grip on myself. Your behavior never fails to reduce me to tears.

Why am I even bearing the brunt of your anger when in fact, if you could just open your heart a little bit more, you will know that I will always forever be at your side.

You may be as hard as nails but I know I am stronger than you. All thanks to you because you made it all easier for me to accept that you are totally a douche who’s not worth of my precious attention. Just hearing your name makes my flesh crawl!!!

Partying all night, drinking away all the stress, hanging out with my friends, half devoting my life to my work, and opening up my life to other people - that was my life after you. As days pass, I found myself getting better and better each day. Yes, I can proudly say that I have finally moved on from the senseless infatuation I had from you. I was all fine.

But then, you came again.

I think it was God who made a way for us to be close again. For the first time in my life, it was you who always makes the first move. I was like, boy, were you caught up in an accident in a motorway that you had this sudden change of heart?

I really didn’t mind it at first. The douche will be playing with my feelings again so I better be careful. My heart could not harbor the same pain anymore. Guarding my heart with all my might, I totally ignored you but you were this persistent.

YOU WERE REALLY CAUGHT UP IN A CAR CRASH, WEREN’T YOU?

Just when I thought I was completely over you, the butterflies came back into life. Again, you were still the same person who brought it back to existence but this time, my feelings come with reservations. I carefully avoided you so as not to reopen the old wounds. Mahirap mag-move on sa “parang meron”, ‘te!

But for the second time around, like a magnetic pull, I was unable to stop it.

We became close again. As ever.

This would have been the perfect friendship. It was the exact thing I wanted for us months ago. But I have always known God for His perfect timing, and I think it’s absolutely great.

So that night when you asked me out on a date, I said yes. I just left all my worries to God and chose to laugh at the confusion. I know this was His plan - maybe He thought I was not yet ready for something so serious before, and you were not at all too.

I know God’s “not just yet” before is already happening now. Now I know why I only got an Instagram like way back instead of a text message. I finally figured out the answers to my questions.

Who would have thought that we would end up together? Not you, not me, not even the people around but it was God. :)

I didn’t know it was you all along.

I love you baby!

PS: Ugh ang rusty ko na :|

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