tophat-anon

[tophat-anon]

i just turned him into a fucking little huggable plushie

[tophat-anon]

CD: hiya!

CD: welcome to my blog! i'll be answering questions here.

CD: i'm clubs deuce, but you can just call me clubs!!!

CD: i'm a member of the midnight crew. the others wouldn't do it with me because they were 'too hard-boiled' or something. well *i* like to have fun! maybe they'd do it with me in another timeline? i think there's a lot of possible timelines or something, but it's so confusing.

OOC: What's up gamers. I run @tophat-anon. As far as I'm aware, there's no Clubs Deuce badlydrawn blog. Not before this one, at least. Clubs Deuce doesn't have written dialogue in the Problem Sleuth extras, nor Homestuck, so the typing style (and personality to an extent) is just headcanon.

[tophat-anon]

Controlling the narrative sounds (and is) incredulously boring. It's like in the top one Tophat Anon dislikes list. Why 'control the narrative' when you can just make tophats all day? Sure, it's pointless, but you never know when you're going to need tophats.

What. Who posessed you or whatever? How does this group of people manage to get continually posessed so often? It's honestly kind of impressive.

- Tophat Anon

rose simply had her soul shattered and i had my chance.

as for the others, i as an author suspect that the anons, as characters who lose their power when they make themselves manifest, feel powerless.

therefore, they choose to influence the relevant characters. it grants quite the rush of power, controlling the narrative. wouldn't you agree?

[tophat-anon]

ScAnon, what if the box has something cool in it? You should open it.

There's a box. It's certainly a box of some sort.

It sits there. It beckons.

And it begs the question....

[tophat-anon]

Wow, why would he do that?

Wait, Sollux has two dicks? How exactly did you learn this?

- Tophat Anon

TG: cause he told me man!!

TG: he TOLD me!! he warned me about the twin dicks bro!!

TG: i was just- i was askin about his tongues

TG: completely fuckin normal behaviour here

TG: and then dude had to go and make it weird!

[tophat-anon]

Fuck.

Davesprite, why can't I remove my glasses? They're like glued on or something? Do you know who could've done this?

- Tophat Anon

TG: uh

TG: no i dont what the fuck

TG: you good dude?

[tophat-anon]

Do we even have anything to heat up the glue with? Like, a comically large microwave or something?

Davesprite, why can't I remove my glasses? They're like glued on or something? Do you know who could've done this?

- Tophat Anon

TG: uh

TG: no i dont what the fuck

TG: you good dude?

[tophat-anon]

You seriously need a lawyer, dude. Get like a stack of pillows or something. It's semi-convincing, if you close your eyes.

fuck dude I cant take you to Gay Court twice bc of Double Jeopardy law but. dude. that spaghetti ask is fucking damning. like id've been clammoring at that shit for evidence if youd said it before I made all of my points. one-and-done ass Gay Trial. literally at no point john was mentioned. some pro-bono Gay Legal Work here, you couldve just said it was as bad/worse than the Fuck Hat but. you had to specify John In The Fuck Hat. seriously I don't think anyone's gonna represent your Not-Gay Defense at this point because you're so self-incriminating. like youre pulling this shit but its about being gay. you might as well be a gay person ironically pretending to be straight at this point man

TG: jesus christ

TG: i brought up john specifically because pawnon was pretty fuckin clearly implying they were talking about john

TG: (thanks for that pawnon by the way)

TG: and because the fuck hat on its own was... tolerable

TG: but the mental image of john wearing the fuck hat?? the thing yall got stuck in my head for far too long??

TG: thats the only thing even as remotely as bad as... whatever it was pawnon was implying

TG: also how do you know im not a straight person ironically pretending to be a gay person whos terrible at pretending to be straight

TG: for the irony

[tophat-anon]

Do you think sprites can feel pain by default, or is it just because you're part crow and part human? Like, Calsprite for example. I'm pretty sure Cal can't feel pain due to being a puppet, anyways.

Davesprite, can you feel pain? Like, you're a sprite, which is some sort of 'game construct' or whatever.

- Tophat Anon

TG: oh yeah absolutely

TG: i mean it wouldve been fuckin nice for sburb to turn off my ability to feel pain considering they decided to shove a fucking sword through my gut when i got prototyped

TG: like i dont know that seems like a fair trade off yknow

TG: maybe thats just me

TG: apparently it isnt sburb though

[tophat-anon]

No, I have actual eyes. I can normally remove my glasses, but there's some sort of glue-like substance keeping them on my face?

Davesprite, why can't I remove my glasses? They're like glued on or something? Do you know who could've done this?

- Tophat Anon

TG: uh

TG: no i dont what the fuck

TG: you good dude?

[tophat-anon]

Uh, I might be okay? Having glasses glued to your face doesn't exactly seem healthy, but I'm not a health expert, so I don't know.

Davesprite, why can't I remove my glasses? They're like glued on or something? Do you know who could've done this?

- Tophat Anon

TG: uh

TG: no i dont what the fuck

TG: you good dude?

[tophat-anon]

Davesprite, aren't you also the 'real Dave'? If Dave-Not-Sprite is gay, wouldn't that mean...?

TG: wait is the real dave dating karkat TG: what the fuck

[tophat-anon]

I'm probably very likable! :D!!

look dude if you really arent gay you can just prove it. easy

here

https://www.wikihow.com/Relationships/Am-I-Gay-Quiz

TG: ... TG: yeah yknow what if thisll make you all finally shut up about it TG: prepare for some rock goddamn solid evidence

[tophat-anon]

Didn't you say it was just the word 'straight' repeating? This is nowhere near as entertaining...

look dude if you really arent gay you can just prove it. easy

here

https://www.wikihow.com/Relationships/Am-I-Gay-Quiz

TG: ... TG: yeah yknow what if thisll make you all finally shut up about it TG: prepare for some rock goddamn solid evidence

[tophat-anon]

Any drink counts as food if it's frozen enough.

So, what's your favourite food? Is it birdseed, or just some normal human food?

- Tophat Anon

TG: implying birdseed isnt normal human food TG: anyway i guess apple juice TG: and before you try to go 'thats not a food dumbass thats a liquid' TG: first off fuck you and second off soup exists TG: i rest my case

[tophat-anon]

That sounds like it'd be an entertaining result, actually. Like, imagine taking a quiz and the result is just one word over and over.

look dude if you really arent gay you can just prove it. easy

here

https://www.wikihow.com/Relationships/Am-I-Gay-Quiz

TG: ... TG: yeah yknow what if thisll make you all finally shut up about it TG: prepare for some rock goddamn solid evidence

[tophat-anon]

Hell yeah.

Davesprite, I bet there are enough unique anons in this askbox to make a unique Sburb session. As a result, I've decided to jokingly try classpecting the most prominent anons in order of appearance based on stuff that's happened on this blog because why the fuck not.

(This is gonna go horribly, but I tried.)

Flamingo Anon

Maid of Heart

Reason: As far as I know, they were the first identifiable anon to show up on this blog. And they did that mostly for their own benefit, such as to spread the passion that they have for birds and ornithology. Personality-wise though, I'd say Heir of Heart is more accurate.

ScAnon (a.k.a., me)

Sylph of Time

Reason: First of all, I seem to care a lot about things like the past through the questions I ask and keeping things moving by sometimes acting as the voice of reason when shit goes down. Second of all, I have my own ideas of the past and future that I enjoy discussing (as seen by some of the asks I've sent). There's also a tendency among Sylphs to meddle with stuff, which I think I have. I feel like those are good enough reasons for me to be a Sylph of Time, even if they're shallow.

Pawnon

Witch of Void

Reason: This is confirmed on their own blog, so there's no reason to argue about it. And as far as I've seen from them, it checks out.

Tophat Anon

Page of Mind

Reason: This one was hard to take a crack at. For one thing, their typing style is based off of mine, especially with how names and pronouns get coloured. As far as I know, it's typical for Pages to try to mimic the people they admire, especially in the hopes that it can convince others to help them and listen to them to compensate for and be given the Aspect that they lack. (I'm not sure if that's the reason why they chose to type similarly to me, but that's my guess.) In the case of the Tophat Anon, they seem to lack Mind and may try to act as if they have a lot of it (also typical Page behaviour), especially by trying to act as a voice of reason (only for that to sometimes backfire, such as the case of the 'No homo' shirt) and by asking questions about the circumstances (which is not a bad thing. It can be helpful for anyone who stumbles across this place while Davesprite's got his ass in the middle of something, like being accused of being gay).

Explosion Anon

Bard of Space

Reason: One could say that all the explosions they cause literally destroy space (and that's not counting the other shit they've done). However, it is through what they do that they create the conditions to get things to happen, such as the Grimdarc and all the explosion shenanigans. (That's as far as I know. Please feel free to correct me on this.) They are figuratively helping leave Time in their wake for everyone else to deal with in the form of events and suffering through said events. Also, they seem to have a penchant for chaos, which seems to be typical for Bards personality-wise.

So there we go. What do you think of all this stuff I thought of out of boredom?

- ScAnon

TG: ...

TG: goddamn

TG: i dont even know what to say this shit is just straight up impressive

TG: i know like fuck all about classes and aspects and shit but this all seems vaguely right?

TG: nice work man